All That Jazz

by Hope Alexis Milam

  "Wow, you as a romantic. This is new." Mandy laughed. "I doubt you’ll need to do more than walk in and say hi, but it never hurts to be prepared."

  "True. Besides, I’ve written a few songs she hasn’t heard yet. I think I’m going to skip lunch. I’ll pick something up on the way down there." She was anxious to leave.

  "Make sure you do eat, ok?" Mandy hugged her. "Good luck."

  "Thanks." Laurel grinned. "C’mon Muggster, let’s go claim our fortunes."

  The bags were tossed in the bed, and the guitar and Muggster were put on the seat. Laurel climbed in after belting the puppy to the seat through her harness. The old truck was slow to start. It was the one thing Laurel had left out of her plan. She did not have an alternate vehicle. BJ still carried around the only set of keys to his car.

  "Come on, buddy. Get me down there and you can rust on the lawn after that ok?" She pushed down the gas pedal twice before trying to crank it again. "Please." After the third time, it rumbled to life. "Thank you. Shit we need gas."

  Laurel pulled into the first convenient gas station she saw on her way south. It was new and well lit. She brushed her bangs back and noticed they were still not dry. Shrugging off the minor annoyance, she filled the tank. Walking inside, she pulled a bottle of water from the cooler and headed for the cashier. She did stop when the sight of gas station snack food suddenly appealed to her and took a hastily made selection up as well.

  "Pack of lights too please." Laurel pointed out the brand of cigarettes she wanted.

  "ID?"

  "Yeah." Holding back a sigh, the young bassist pulled her wallet from her back pocket and showed her driver’s license to the cashier.

  "Aren’t you with that band? The one on the radio?"

  "Nope, must have me confused with someone else." Laurel reclaimed her ID and pulled a roll of bills from her pocket. "How much?"

  "Seventeen forty-two." The cashier continued to look at her oddly.

  "Here." Laurel tossed him a bill. "Donate the change." She hated being stared at.

  Once again, the old truck refused to start the first time. She almost cheered when it finally started. She would not be required to turn off the engine again until she pulled into Nicole’s driveway. However, she knew it would take her twice as long to get there than normal. Laurel did not trust the truck at high speeds. She sighed, lit a cigarette and turned on a tape. It was going to be a long ride.

  ***

  "Mozart? What are you barking at?" Melba interrupted Nicole’s story about trying to find the bassist to open the back door. "C’mere boy. What the? Nicole."

  "What is it?" Nicole asked. She did not want to move from the table. Melba’s lunches were getting larger. The photographer knew it was out of grief, but she felt as if she had gained a hundred pounds since the will had been read to the family.

  "Oh my god." Stan laughed. "You are not going to believe this."

  "For Pete’s sake, what are you two laughing at?" She finally took the hint and walked over to the window. "Oh my god."

  "Do I need to call the cops?" The housekeeper asked.

  "No, Melba. It’s ok. I’ll handle this." Stifling a smile, Nicole walked out onto the back porch. "Mo, come here boy." The big dog obeyed, allowing Laurel to finally stand on her feet. Apparently he had tripped her and was holding her down while he licked her face.

  "Thank you." The bassist stood. "That’s not quite the reintroduction I was looking for."

  "And what were you looking for, skulking around in my back yard?"

  "I wasn’t skulking." Laurel bent down and picked up her guitar. Mozart took it as a hint to reaffirm his feelings for her. "Mo. It’s nice to see you too. Really, but can I please stand this time?" She asked as she scratched his ears. "He’s getting fat."

  "Melba’s been feeding him from the table." Nicole struggled to keep her voice even. She stuffed her shaking hands into her pockets. "So, what brings you here? Aren’t you supposed to be in Georgia or somewhere?"

  "West Virginia." Laurel corrected. "The rest of the band is staying at a hotel there during a well deserved vacation."

  "So you came back to visit?" Nicole prompted.

  "In a way. So, how have you been?"

  "Busy lately."

  "I heard. I was sorry to hear about your grandmother." Laurel stuffed her hands in her pockets.

  "Yes, it was a tough time. She’s not in pain anymore though." Nicole sat down on the steps. "How have you been?"

  "Tired mostly. It’s not easy being on tour."

  "I can imagine. So why are you really here?"

  "Well, I have questions and you have answers. A good photojournalist once told me it’s best to go to the source." The bassist looked around. "Is there someplace a little more comfortable we can talk without people staring at us?"

  "What?" Nicole looked back at the door in time to see Stan and Melba disappear from the window. "Yeah, follow me." She led the way around the house to another door. This one opened directly into the study. It was a late addition to the house. Adia did not like cigar smoke, so Nicole’s grandfather cut a door into the wood to keep the smoke from permeating the rest of the house.

  "This is nice." Laurel commented as she looked around. "I like it."

  "Me too. It’s one of my favorite rooms in the house." She sat down behind the wooden desk.

  "I can see why." The bassist leaned her guitar against the wall. She remained standing. Nicole thought it was better than pacing, but it still made her nervous.

  "You wanted answers?" She prompted when the silence grew oppressive.

  "My first question is why did you dump me? And I don’t want to hear any bullshit about it either."

  "I told you why."

  "That answer is unacceptable. You’ll have to do better than that." Laurel walked slowly towards her. "Now, why did you dump me?"

  "I didn’t want you to regret not giving yourself a chance to be part of something. I thought you wouldn’t go if I didn’t make you, so I made you." Nicole was glad that part of the conversation was over. She just hoped that the bassist did not press the issue further. She should have known better.

  "Is that all? Because had you discussed the matter with me or believed me, you would have known I have never wanted to pursue a career in music. Matter of fact, I believe I told you that shortly after I met you." The photographer could tell Laurel was getting upset. "So, what else could there be?"

  "Alright." Nicole sighed. She knew she was trapped. Only the truth could bridge the rift between them, and she was not prepared for the truth. Still, she owed it to the bassist to try. "I was scared. I didn’t want you to regret not giving it a chance because of me. I was scared you would get bored of me and leave. I was scared you’d turn out like the others and leave. I was scared you would go off to law school in Wyoming or Ottawa or somewhere. I was scared that if you left I’d never get over it. So I pushed you away to save myself and give you a chance to be a big shot rock star." She leaned back against the wall. "Basically I was scared that if you stayed you would realize you were young and not ready for a commitment and it would break my heart."

  "So you decided to break mine before I could do the same?" Laurel closed the physical distance between them. She knelt in front of the chair. "All this could have been solved if you had only talked to me about it."

  "I know that now don’t I?" Nicole snapped. She could feel the tears flow and wondered at it. She had thought her body would not be able to produce anymore after all the ones she had shed since May. She stood up and walked to the window. "You left anyway."

  "Only because you made me." The photographer wondered at the tone. A year ago and Laurel would really have gotten upset. She had a flash of insight then. Laurel had matured on the road. Maybe the separation had been beneficial for both of them. Sheryl had been right. For once, Nicole could not wait to hear her old friend gloat.

  "I’m sorry, but I couldn’t see any other way. You’ve grown though while you were away. You’ve lost weight too."
The bassist had always been thin, but now looked a little too thin for Nicole’s comfort.

  "So have you. Way too much weight, but you’ll gain it back soon." Laurel smiled gently. "Now another question. Are you happy?"

  "Honestly?"

  "Yep. Honestly."

  "No, not really." It was true. Being the titular head of the Hebert clan, a freelance photographer, and an expectant mother was not easy.

  "Neither am I. I haven’t really been happy since that last night we had together. I would like to be that happy again."

  "It’s been too long, and things have changed, Laurel. We can’t go back to the way we were." She had to say it. She did not believe it, but she had to say it.

  "I know that. But we can incorporate all of it and maybe start over. That is if you still want to."

  "I don’t know if that’s a good idea." Part of her wanted to jump blindly at the chance, while the rest of her was screaming for caution.

  "Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me." Laurel was suddenly behind her. She let herself be turned from the window. Nicole could feel the bassist’s breath on her face. Laurel was effectively pinning her to the wall. "You can’t tell me that can you? If you still love me as I still love you, then there won’t be anything to worry about. We can handle it. We’ve triumphed over obstacles before. Why shouldn’t we this time?"

  "I…" Nicole’s body responded to the soft, seductive tones. Still, the bassist did not close the remaining distance between them. Laurel leaned in, bringing her mouth mere inches from the photographer’s. Nicole stared at the bassist’s lips before returning to look the woman in the eyes. The physical tension caused by their attraction and the bassist’s proximity was making her heart beat faster than normal. She swallowed hard and tried again. Nicole almost jumped when she felt a soft touch beneath her naval.

  "Have you felt it move yet?"

  "A little flutter, but how did you know?" Laurel’s question had redirected the photographer’s thoughts from desire to fear.

  "It seems our friends make excellent spies."

  "Do you hate me?" She could barely push the words from her mind through her mouth.

  "Not in the least." Laurel pulled back further. "I was told what happened the other night. I can’t hate you. I’ll never be able to hate you."

  "Good, because your hatred is the last thing I want."

  "What do you want?" Laurel leaned in close again.

  "I want things to be as they were, but better this time maybe. We weren’t honest with one another. There’s so much I never told you. I was scared that if I did, you’d see me like all the others do. Like I see myself."

  "I’m not like the others. I had the same fears you know. But you aren’t like the others either. I did a lot of thinking on the road. I learned a lot. I stayed away from most of the temptations shoved in my face. I only got drunk a few times, picked one chick up for a few hours after that article came out, and avoided the drug scene."

  "Was it that bad?" Nicole felt responsible for it all. Her mind registered the comment about the one night stand but overlooked it. She could not get mad for something she had done herself. However, she was surprised Laurel limited it to just one.

  "Not all of it was horrible." Laurel admitted. "I wouldn’t have gone to New York had you not pushed me, but going on tour was my choice. I put myself in that position. I didn’t have to sign the contract. You didn’t force me to do anything. There was a reason this happened between us."

  "I know. I’ve had it explained to me more ways than I can remember. We needed the time apart to grow into ourselves."

  "Yeah we did. Mandy always tells me there’s no pain without some gain. Can we maybe try to work things out? We can start slowly. I’m going to graduate school down the road. I thought maybe I could find a place around here and we can maybe start over." Laurel stepped back. "Shit, I forgot Muggster. Can I bring her inside?"

  "Muggster?"

  "Yeah. She’s my dog. I left her in the truck bed. I’ll be right back ok?"

  "Ok." Nicole laughed. Laurel may have matured some on the road, but she still had a childish exuberance at times. "She came home." She whispered to herself. Only twice before had she felt the same type of flutter around her heart that she felt now. It had been the night they met and then again that night Laurel first kissed her. On both of those occasions, something in her soul felt complete. She felt it a third time now. It was almost like being drunk, only without the hangover. It was a feeling she never wanted to live without. The choice was hers, and she was willing to make a decision. She would accept Laurel’s offer. There was no other decision to make.

  Chapter Thirty Seven

  "Alright, Muggster, be on your best behavior." Laurel warned the little dog. "If this goes right, you’ll have to learn to share the bed better than you do." For a small dog, Muggster took up a lot of room.

  Laurel did not bother with a leash. The puppy followed her into the house and down the hallway. The bassist found the way back to the study easier than she found her way outside. Nicole was still standing by the window with a goofy smile on her face.

  "Hey."

  "Hi. So that’s Muggster?" Nicole knelt and greeted the puppy. "She’s adorable. What is she?"

  "As far as I can tell, she’s 100% mutt. I think she’s part pug or bulldog, but I can’t tell for sure." She watched as Nicole scratched the puppy’s ears. Muggster was in ecstasy. She was almost jealous.

  "So, you’re going to grad school or law school?"

  "Grad school. I realized the only reason I wanted to be a lawyer was because my parents always wanted me to be one. I would rather get my masters, maybe my doctorate and teach college history." She finally sat down.

  "I thought you didn’t want to teach." Nicole commented. There was still an aura of nervousness around them.

  "I never did really. I mean I don’t want to teach little kids, but I’ve always fantasized about teaching at a college." Laurel admitted. "So what are your plans? Mandy says you’ve been working freelance down here."

  "I’ll continue doing that for a while. Grandmother’s will left me in charge, and that’s almost a full time job by itself." The photographer laughed.

  "Yeah, I can see where it would be. Well, you’ve always wanted to move back to New Orleans."

  "Yes I have. So, um, when are you going to finish the tour?"

  "I’m done. I quit the band. You remember Sam? She’s taking my place. I got into a fight with Jenna, and I wanted to leave anyway."

  "What did you get into a fight with Jenna over?"

  "That phone call you made to the house after we broke up. You were calling to make up weren’t you?" Her eyes followed Muggster. The puppy crawled underneath the desk and went to sleep.

  "Yes I was." Nicole admitted.

  "I thought as much. Jenna never told me you were on the phone. Then she rushed off and gave your boss a whole lot of incorrect information so he could write that infamous article. I gather that’s why you quit the paper?"

  "It was. He asked me to do it since he knew we were friends. I couldn’t do that to either of us. You didn’t deserve it, and it went against every ethic I have." Nicole did not raise her head. "I’m sorry they did it anyway."

  "That’s not your fault. It’s Jenna’s. Actually, Jenna gets a lot of blame for all this. It was her words that drove you to dump me wasn’t it?" Laurel walked over to the window.

  "In a way. She made it clear I was the reason you turned it down."

  "Hey. Look at me." She lifted the photographer’s chin. "I’m the reason I turned it down. I didn’t want to put myself back into that type of situation. I didn’t know if I could handle the temptations. I can. I learned that about myself. I’m a lot stronger than I think I am. And I think you learned the same lesson didn’t you?"

  "Yeah. It hasn’t been easy."

  "The harder the lesson, the better remembered. A professor once told me that." Laurel chuckled softly. "Regardless, we’re here now, right?"
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  "Yes we are." Nicole smiled. "I won’t let you go again."

  "Good, cause I don’t plan on leaving." Laurel pulled her into an embrace. "I love you with all that I am, and all that I wish to be."

  "You have an amazing way with words, you know. I love you too." Their lips were drawn together. "I thought you wanted to take it slow."

  "Do you?" Laurel’s voice was deeper than normal. That one kiss reaffirmed her life.

  "No."

  "Me either." She laughed. "Now, say hello to me properly then introduce me to the rest of the family."

  "As you wish." Nicole leaned down and claimed her lover’s lips. "Slow is bad."

  "Very bad." Laurel agreed. "We don’t like slow."

  "Did you bring anything besides you, the guitar and the dog?"

  "Yes I did. I have a few bags out in the truck."

  "I’ll make Stan bring them in." Nicole grinned. "I think I’ll make you stay here tonight."

  "Oh really? You’re going to make me?" Laurel stood to her full height. Nicole still stood two inches taller. "I guess I’ll let ya."

  "By the way, what did you bring the guitar for?" The photographer asked as she opened the door.

  "I was going to serenade you until Mozart ruined those plans." She made sure Muggster was still asleep. The puppy would find her when she woke up.

  "Can you do it later?" Nicole sounded pleased.

  "Sure. Do you have anything to eat around here? Suddenly I’m starving." She patted her stomach.

  "I was thinking we should fatten you up anyway. Melba should be in the kitchen. Come on, I’ll introduce you. She’ll take one look at you and vow to feed you until you’re as big as the house." Nicole promised.

  "Good thing I took up jogging." Laurel laughed. "First, come here for a minute." She pulled Nicole into a doorway for another kiss.

  "What was that for?"

  "Because I could. I missed you."

  "I missed you too. Welcome home."

  "You’ll never be rid of me now, you know." Laurel promised.

  "That’s just the way I wanted it." Nicole pulled her to her feet. "I wouldn’t have you any other way. Well, maybe without the purple hair."