A Rancher's Heart

by Vivian Arend

  Something of her misery must’ve shown on her face because his eyes widened and he raised both hands in protest.

  “Oh hell, no. I learned my lesson about that one. You are a mighty fine woman, but you are out of my league. And besides, I have no desire to have my skin stripped off me and woven into leather straps.”

  She was saved but still confused as ever. “What are you talking about?”

  Dustin cleared his throat as the girls came rushing back into the room, and the conversation was over, at least for that moment.

  He scooped up the girls in his arms and gave them both a big hug. “Since your daddy’s not around, want me to tuck you in tonight?”

  Sasha and Emma agreed excitedly.

  “Crawl in. I’ll be there in a minute.”

  They raced off, waving to Tamara.

  “That’s sweet of you,” Tamara said.

  Dustin smiled sheepishly “I don’t mind. They’re more little sisters to me than nieces, in a way, since Caleb brought us all up.” He looked her over, a curious expression on his face. “You like him, don’t you?”

  Tamara blinked in surprise. “Who?”

  “My brother.”

  Oh boy. Nope—not discussing this. “Of course. Caleb’s a fine man and a good father.”

  Dustin tilted his head and gave her a dirty look. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

  She couldn’t help it. She snickered before raising a brow and giving him a pointed look. “Don’t you have some little girls waiting to be tucked in by the Dust-man?”

  He paused, his expression far more like Caleb’s than usual, before giving up and turning toward the hallway.

  A second before he stepped from the room, though, and his parting shot sent her teetering once again. “I wouldn’t mind if you liked him.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Silence filled the corners of the room like a windless snowfall. With both girls asleep and Caleb not back yet, Tamara sat all cozy in the living room, intending to fall into her book for a relaxing evening.

  Not an empty silence, though. It was the sounds of peace and home. The fire crackled. A furnace fan kicked on somewhere in the background, adding a low thrumming noise to the room. The scent of chocolate from the girls’ last cup of cocoa lingered on the air along with wood smoke.

  It should’ve been perfect, but it wasn’t.

  She glanced at Caleb’s empty chair far too often, the seeds of discontent growing. It felt strange to be in the room without him, and knowing he was off dealing with the Talisman family didn’t make it any better.

  She prided herself on being a fair judge of character, but she still couldn’t see why Luke was with that woman. He was sharp-witted and entertaining, and headed straight for disaster.

  It was time to tell herself to stop being meddlesome. Luke was a grown-ass man. He could make his own mistakes. Just like she could make hers.

  Although she was trying hard to avoid the biggest mistake ever—

  A shiver ran up her spine as a terrible cry rose from down the hallway, and she was out of her chair and rushing to Emma’s room. There’d been fear and terror in the sound, and she wasn’t sure what she’d find when she entered the room.

  What she got was an armful of little girl as Emma launched herself like a projectile missile, tangling herself around Tamara’s neck.

  Tamara sat on the bed and patted her back, soothing best she could. Emma clung like a burr, weeping as if her heart was breaking.

  Tamara wasn’t sure what to do. She checked for a fever, but other than being hot from crying, the little girl was fine.

  But the tears—

  Sasha’s fake crying had been easy to ignore because it’d been dramatic and attention seeking. This was as if Emma couldn’t stop herself, but there was nothing she wanted more than to hide away.

  “Sweetie. It’s okay. I’ve got you, and you can cry all you want.”

  That turned the faucet on higher than a moment before. Quiet, violent tears rocked Emma’s body.

  “Oh baby, I don’t know what’s wrong, but I’m here. I’m here.” She caught Emma tighter, one hand cupped around the back of Emma’s head to tuck her little face against Tamara’s neck.

  It took a long time before the crying faded to slow, gasping breaths.

  They were tangled close, yet Tamara barely heard Emma’s whisper. “Bad dream.”

  Such a sweet voice to be so filled with misery.

  “It’s over,” Tamara assured her. “Bad dreams can’t hurt you.”

  “Hurts inside,” Emma insisted.

  Well, there was that. “You’re right. Sometimes bad dreams make us think of things that hurt us, or remind us of sad things.” Tamara pressed her lips to Emma’s cheek and adjusted her to sit more comfortably. “You want to talk about it?”

  It was a long shot. The fact Emma had said as much she had was a miracle.

  Sure enough Emma shook her head, but her lips quivered and her face scrunched up again.

  What was the etiquette for dealing with bad dreams? All Tamara had to go on was how she would’ve dealt with it at the hospital. Working in the children’s ward had always been equal parts heartbreak and reward. Their fears were often caused by not knowing what was about to happen. Or from the pain of treatment—real and vivid horrors no child should ever have to face. Soothing and comforting them, even for a little while, had been worth every minute of Tamara’s effort.

  Tamara tucked her fingers under Emma’s chin and lifted until their eyes met. “Was it a scary dream or a bad memory?”

  “She’s not my mommy anymore,” Emma gasped before the tears began all over.

  Oh my God. Tamara held on tight, rocking gently until the little girl calmed down enough to suck in another rattling gasp. “It’s okay,” Tamara repeated over and over, even though it really wasn’t.

  Whatever reasons Wendy had for leaving, Tamara didn’t like her. Not one bit.

  It seemed to take forever because the whispered words came between heavy bouts of crying, but in the end Tamara learned at some point Emma had been shouted at by the woman. Told that she didn’t want to be a mommy, and to stop calling her that, and that Emma needed to shut up.

  The fact this verbal assault had taken place in the chicken coop explained another mystery, but the final result remained that Emma firmly believed Wendy went away because of her.

  “She told me to stop.” Emma refused to lift her eyes to Tamara’s. “I was noisy, and she went away.”

  A strange sense of utter control caught Tamara, even as icy hot flames roiled in her gut. There was no way to do this without being blunt, but she was going to make sure Emma understood the truth.

  Tamara spoke gently. “Mommies don’t leave when their babies are noisy. Do you remember hearing how noisy Auntie Dare’s baby was when you visited them? Do you think Auntie Dare or Uncle Jesse would ever leave Joey?

  “She left.”

  “Not because of you. Relationships fall apart for many reasons. One reason is when a person is sick and not thinking right. They leave because they’re broken inside. And you didn’t break anyone.”

  Emma had her fingers tangled in Tamara shirt, her face streaked with tears. Exhaustion was finally taking its toll as she laid her head on Tamara’s chest.

  “I mean it, Emma. Wendy was broken, and that wasn’t your fault, or Sasha’s, or Daddy’s. I’m sorry you have that sad part in your life, but it’s not because of anything you did.”

  Emma let go with one hand and stroked Tamara’s shirt smooth, as if it were of vital importance to get all the wrinkles out.

  She caught the little girl’s fingers in hers and lifted her hand, kissing Emma’s knuckles gently. “You can let that bad dream go. It’s not real. What’s real is you have a daddy who loves you very much, and the best sister in the world, and uncles and aunties and Kelli and Ashton and me who all love spending time with you. And as far as we’re all concerned, you can be as noisy as you’d like, although I doubt yo
u can be as noisy as Eeny and Meany when they get to complaining about their dinner being late.”

  The smallest of snorts escaped Emma, but nothing else until her eyelids fluttered and a yawn broke free.

  “You ready to go back to bed?” Tamara leaned back as if to lay her on the mattress. Emma caught hold of her again with an ironclad grip.

  Or, maybe not.

  The only solution of course was to take Emma to bed with her. But which bed? Emma’s was far too small, and this probably wasn’t a good night to attempt to bring her into Wendy’s old room.

  Tamara headed to the couch to curl up there when Emma tugged on her shirt. “Daddy’s.”

  So that was where they went.

  It was strangely intimate to carry Emma down the hallway and into Caleb’s bedroom. The place was still neat as a pin, but Tamara didn’t spend any time looking around. Just pulled back the covers and lowered Emma to the pillow.

  The little girl must’ve used up all her words because she didn’t say anything, just clung to Tamara’s shirt.

  “I’ll stay with you,” Tamara promised. “Let me take off my jeans.”

  She crawled into bed and Emma curled up against her like a kitten in a nest. Her breathing slowing, the occasional lingering hiccup shaking her body as she burrowed in tight.

  Tamara’s earlier restlessness had been burned away by sadness and anger and now, with the precious child in her arms, she ignored all the thoughts trying to overwhelm her. She focused instead on that pulse of warmth beating in her heart, steadily growing.

  Caleb put his truck into park then glanced over at his brother who had been strangely quiet the entire drive home. Add that to Caleb’s usual lack of conversation, it had made for a very long silent trip.

  Did he say something?

  Ahh, to hell with it. “You know what you’re doing with this woman?”

  Luke glanced up, blinking out of his stupor. “I’m sorry Penny made a mistake and the sales had already gone through.”

  “She made more than one mistake, but I’m not talking about tonight and our wild goose chase. I’m talking about you being engaged to her. Why are you with her? You’re not in love.”

  Luke looked away from him, staring out the front window over the lake.

  “I think you have some hard realities to consider.” Caleb spoke carefully. “She doesn’t seem to be in love with you, either. You get along, and maybe you’re friends, but it doesn’t seem as if you can’t bear to be apart from each other. That you can’t wait to be together at the end of the day.”

  “And that’s what it looks like when you’re in love?” Luke demanded. “Because if that’s the case what are you planning to do about Tamara?”

  What the hell?

  Luke let out a rude snort. “Yeah, don’t give me that innocent look. You spent all evening looking at your watch as if you couldn’t wait to be back here. You’ve become a complete homebody, and you should see your face any time you’re around her.”

  “I appreciate what she does. It’s been a relief having her—”

  “I would’ve accused you of wanting to get into her pants, but it’s more than that. And I’m not saying this is a bad thing, but you know, before you start messing around with my life you should fix your own first. Because maybe you have some hard decisions to make.”

  The urge to tell his brother to shut up and mind his own business probably wouldn’t go over well considering Caleb had just been a nosy body himself.

  The two of them got out of the truck, doors slamming with well-timed synchronization.

  He glanced over at the same moment Luke looked up, both of them scowling, both of them stomping their feet.

  Both of them suddenly grinning because it was too funny not to notice.

  “Ass,” Luke said nonchalantly.

  “Goat.” It was the most offensive insult he could think of.

  His brother’s lips twitched before he broke into laughter. “We’re both not thinking very straight these days.”

  “Maybe that’s something we need to change,” Caleb suggested.

  “Maybe.” Luke stepped in closer and laid a hand on Caleb shoulder. “We didn’t want any of those horses anyway. We should lay low on the spending until the finances settle in the spring. In a way, Penny mixing up the sale dates worked to our advantage.”

  “That silver lining is going to come out your ass if you keep pushing so hard,” Caleb warned.

  “And I will think about it. My relationship with Penny, although I don’t think it’s as bad as you suggest. We’ve both been a little distracted, is all.”

  Luke waited as if it was Caleb’s turn to make some grand confession.

  Hell, no. Not happening. Instead, Caleb punched Luke on the shoulder. “Good.”

  He turned and walked back to the house, Luke’s laughter drifting after him.

  It was far too late to expect Tamara to still be up, but he was surprised to find she hadn’t tidied the kitchen like usual, her cup and her e-reader abandoned in the living room. Fireplace still glowing with coals, the damper left open.

  He moved quietly down the hallway, peeking in on Sasha. When he opened the door and found Emma’s bed empty, he stood there for a moment, shocked. She’d gone to sleep in it, the sheets tangled and messy, but she wasn’t there now.

  And when he carefully cracked open the door to Tamara’s room and found it empty as well, he was even more surprised. The first flicker of fear slipped in.

  He shot to the window to double-check, but Tamara’s truck was in the parking space, and he didn’t think she’d have left Sasha unsupervised if they needed to rush away.

  Discovering his missing persons in his room sent that tension in his heart a foot lower. Pulsing in his gut as if something were wrestling there as he stared at two sleeping faces.

  Tamara’s hair lay across his pillow, Emma’s blonde curls peeking from under the covers where she was curled under Tamara’s chin.

  It was wrong, perhaps, to have such a visceral reaction when he didn’t know what had brought them there in the first place. He didn’t think Tamara would simply pop into his bed without a good reason.

  His bed. God, Tamara was in his bed. What he wouldn’t give to have her there for real. He wanted what was best for his girls, and he knew they had to wait, but…

  He just wanted.

  He stepped in closer, intending to silently grab a change of clothing and escape, but Tamara woke, big brown eyes shining as the light from the hall fell across her face. She met his gaze, and his heart leapt into his throat because he was pretty sure what he saw there was want as well

  Caleb stepped close enough he could brush his knuckles over her cheek, tenderly. Slowly.

  Forbidden, and yet he couldn’t have stopped himself if he tried.

  Tamara struggled to move upright, Emma a lead weight pinning her down. He sat on the edge of the bed and curled an arm around her shoulders and help her to sit.

  “Let me take her,” he offered softly.

  She turned and Caleb reached for Emma, his hands brushing Tamara’s body. A small noise escaped her lips, and his system went tight as if he’d been poked with a cattle prod.

  Somehow he managed to get to his feet. He stood there for a moment, arms full of his little girl as he stared at the woman in his bed. The sheets covered her, but every curve was there if he wanted to look. Soft shoulders, her hair tumbled down. Warm from sleep, vulnerable—

  Sexy enough to make a saint want to dally for a spell.

  Their eyes met again and he wasn’t imagining the heat in them. The need—the same urgent desire roiling in his gut.

  She licked her lips, and they parted, as if she were going to say something when Emma wiggled.

  “Daddy?”

  All attention went to his little girl. “Right here, button. I got you.”

  “I was scared and sad.”

  “You’re safe now.

  “Tamara cuddled me.”

  “I saw that. You want
to stay in my room with me?”

  She shook her head. “Professor G needs me.”

  Ahh. The stuffed monkey. “He’s in your room. You want to go cuddle with him?”

  A sleepy nod.

  She was nine-tenths of the way asleep again when he laid her on her bed. As soon as he tucked the stuffed animal under her arm, she breathed out long and hard and her eyes remained closed.

  He sat with her for a minute, listening to her settle. Thinking about the small moments of conversation she’d slipped in.

  The fact she’d accepted Tamara’s comfort blew his mind.

  When he rose from the bed and stepped down the hall he wasn’t sure what he’d find, but he knew what he was hoping for.

  Alas, it seemed angels only appeared in his bed once a night. The sheets were tugged back into place, and Tamara was gone.

  He was ready to go after her—took two steps toward her room in fact before he realized he couldn’t. This didn’t change anything.

  But he wanted to. He wanted to go join her so badly his entire body ached with it.

  And when he crawled under the sheets and found they were still warm, the scent of her lingering, it pushed the madness over the line.

  There was no ignoring the truth anymore. He wanted Tamara. She was a good woman, and a smart one. Strong and sexy and stubborn, and everything about her drew him in like a moth to a flame—

  He would be man enough to admit it, at least to himself. He was scared shitless he was about to be burned all over.

  Luke was right. This was something more than sexual craving. It was closer to what he’d felt at the beginning with Wendy, that hopeful tangle with longing for a great future.

  But when did the potential for more become a dream? Relationships were a complete potshot in terms of lasting, and he didn’t know if he were strong enough to fail again.

  He couldn’t ignore this situation, though, Caleb realized. At some point in the coming days he and Tamara needed to redefine their relationship. He’d have to be brave enough to decide which fork in the road to take.

  But not tonight. Not this minute. Maybe not until the holidays were over…

  As if setting a date released the pressure, he could suddenly breathe again. It was right to wait—there was too much going on, and changing anything before the holidays was out of the question.