All Fore Revenge

by Piper Denna

  I didn’t answer, but busied myself with lighting more candles and putting on water for tea.

  “Don’t worry. I won’t come near ya tonight,” she told me, when she made it to the kitchen.

  I believed her, but why should that night be different?

  “Isn’t your Uncle Ronnie a little old to be drinking so heavily?” I sat down so she would, too.

  It worked—she followed my subliminal lead. “He wasn’t drinkin’. Only me.”

  “Honey, does Robert know where you are?”

  She looked sick for a minute, so I fetched a basin in case she tossed her cookies.

  “Can’t go home tonight. Better stay here with you, keep you comp’ny. Call him please, an’ tell him I’m sick here. Kay?”

  So I called Shurre’s husband, like I had her other two when she’d been out and into trouble. I wouldn’t lie for her, but they seldom needed me to. The surprise of her coming home drunk wore off after awhile.

  I ended the call and put my phone down on the table. “So why’s this night different, Shurre? Why can’t you go home?”

  “Just be a pal, huh? Can I crash here or not?”

  I nodded and poured water in two mugs with tea bags.

  “I love Robert. Really.”

  “That’s convenient, since you’re married to him. But honey, you also loved Rich and Trent. What happened?”

  “Aw, you know. Me and my travelin’ twat. Guys aren’t cool with portable pussy.”

  “Shurre, don’t be so crude. Why do you think you fool around so much? I know you intend to be faithful when you say your wedding vows.”

  I should have known better than to try and reason with a drunk. She put her forehead on the table and cried like I’d never seen her cry before. When I tucked the quilt around her on the couch a half hour later, she was still crying.

  *

  “Come on, Sunshine! Time to face the day.” I shook Shurre awake, taking pity and not opening the blinds on her poor, hungover eyes.

  She gave a garbled moan for an answer. My robe was open to her waist, revealing her chest.

  “Goddamn, Shurre! What happened to you?” In the daylight, I could see bruises, many of them resembling finger marks, on the sides of her breasts.

  “Huh?” she mumbled, then following my gaze, looked down at her breasts. “Oh, shit.” She looked terrified.

  “Honey,” I said, sitting on the edge of the couch, “were you raped?”

  She closed her eyes, swallowed hard, and replied, “Haven’t ya ever heard? You can’t rape the willing.” Her mouth was set defiantly, exactly as I’d seen it set a thousand times when she didn’t like the curfew time her mom set, or when her dad was harassing her about her grades.

  “Shurre, come on! What the hell is going on? What kind of monster did you screw last night? Do you remember who did this to you?”

  “Is this the five o’clock news or what? Fuck. It was pretty fuckin’ unforgettable, all right.” She closed her eyes and smirked, like she was remembering a great time. She had to be sick in the head. Or had she moved into S & M?

  “Well, what are you gonna tell Robert?”

  Her eyes filled and I forecasted a repeat tearstorm.

  “We can’t all be as pristine as you, Ali,” she spat. “Good fuckin’ thing, too. The world would be one endless, sexless, uptight tea party if we were.”

  “Thanks for that. I need to go pick up my sons now. I trust you can find your way out.” I left angry with her ingratitude, disgusted with her for screwing up yet another marriage with another good guy, and worried she had a real problem. Not just an impulsive nature, not some sex addiction, but maybe multiple personalities or something.

  All Fore Revenge

  Chapter 12

  Bill had a three-hour layover before his flight to Phoenix, so the boys and I took him to lunch with us. He sat next to me, and I found myself shimmying out from under his arm around my shoulders, and subtly pushing his hand off my knee. The boys chattered about their vacation and how awesome Dad played in the tournament, and I listened, pleased to hear they’d had such a good time together.

  While the boys were in the restroom, Bill took my hand in his and asked, “Al, why aren’t you wearing your rings?”

  “Those rings were a symbol of trust between us. I guess I could have them cut, and wear them that way, huh?” I felt very impatient with adultery, with people who couldn’t hold themselves to their vows.

  He looked chagrined, then asked, “What are you upset about today?”

  “Shurre. She showed up last night, wasted out of her mind. She’d been with some guy who left bruises all over her.”

  “She’ll never change. Once a slut, always a…”

  “Shut up, Bill,” I growled. “You, of all people! Are you saying you’ll never change either, then?”

  Shurre’s impulsive lifestyle had been a source of contention between Bill and me before, but he’d always been riding his high horse when he judged. As far as I was concerned, he was no better than she was. He’d calculated and lied about his whereabouts, planning and sneaking around, whereas she gave in to sudden urges. How was he any better?

  “No. I…”

  “Just shut up. I’m finished talking to you.”

  We were silent when the boys returned, and I turned my face so Bill could only kiss my cheek when we said goodbye at the airport.

  *

  I tried to talk the boys into staying with me at the farm, but they wanted to stay at Kerri’s again, to hang with their cousins and walk to the pool every day. Kerri was fine with it, waving off my concerns about her having extra kids to worry about. “My kids leave me alone when yours are around. Lets me enjoy my time off teaching more. I’m actually getting stuff done.”

  “Ker, I’m worried about Shurre. She’s a mess.”

  “And the problem is…?” she laughed. “Shurre’s always been a mess.”

  “I know, but I think she’s in trouble or something. Maybe she needs mental help.”

  “Well, good luck with that. I saw her earlier, leaving the Ford dealership in a new Eddie Bauer Explorer.”

  “She’s out test-driving cars? I thought she’d have to work today.”

  “She was alone in the car, grinning ear to ear. Didn’t look like a mess to me. I think she bought it.”

  “What? She’s gotta be, like, bipolar, or manic or something.”

  “What’s new, Ali? If you lived here all the time, you’d know she’s always a nut. I know she’s your friend, but she doesn’t have just one screw loose. It’s maybe just one screw that’s in right, keeping the rest of them from shaking out while her skull bangs on the headboard.”

  *

  It was good my boys weren’t with me when Shurre showed up that night, wasted again.

  “Dammit Shurre! You could call me and I’d come pick you up. You can’t drive around like this. Stupid, do you want to die?”

  Her eyes rolled and she grinned. “You’re the only one would give a shit if I did.”

  “Hello? You’re a mother. You have a responsibility to be alive for your kids. What a bunch of horse shit. And Robert? You think he would have married you if he didn’t care whether you live or die?”

  “Yeah. My kids. Gotta be around to watch out for ‘em.”

  “Does Robert know you’re here?”

  “I told ‘im you were depressed an’ needed me to stay with you.”

  Great, now I was a scapegoat so she could hide out until her bruises faded.

  “If you’re gonna use me as an excuse, the least you can do is get shitfaced here and not have me worrying that you’re gonna wrap that new car around a telephone pole.”

  “Hey, guess what? I gotta new car!” No, really? “Wanta see?”

  I followed her weaving lead out to the vehicle and let her show it off.

  “It’s nice, Shurre. Real nice.”

  I wanted to ask how she could afford it, but she’d be irritated. She hefted a suitcase out of the back seat and
didn’t quite accommodate for the weight shift, ending up flat on her back with the thing on top of her, giggling hysterically.

  “Okay, hon. Let me take this in for you. UP we go! Okay, got your legs now?” I helped her inside, where she sprawled across my couch. My phone was ringing.

  “Hey, Cam.”

  “Hey Cam,” Shurre mocked in the background.

  “Ali? Is that your friend?” he asked.

  “Yeah. Shurre. She’s drunk out of her mind.”

  “You two partying?”

  “No. She was, somewhere else, and now she’s graced me with her presence. How was your day?” I went out the back door to escape listening to her mimic me.

  “Alright. Your boys make it back?”

  “Yeah. They’re at my sister’s again. Life’s too dull up here for them.”

  “Emily drew you a picture. I’m gonna scan it and e-mail it to you. There’s, um, another reason I called. Remember the photos in the Free Press?”

  “Mm-hmm.” Who could forget?

  “Well, the AP picked them up, and…”

  “AP? As in Associated Press?”

  “Yeah, and…”

  “Shit. Where did you see the pictures?”

  “The Sun. I’ve looked online and they’re in almost every paper I could think of.”

  “Aleee?” Shurre called. “Where’s that big bowl?”

  “Shit. Hold on, Cam.” I raced through the kitchen and handed her the bowl just in time.

  “Yuck. Is she yacking?” Cam asked.

  “Oh God. Yes, she is.” I went back out to the hammock to get away from it. “Cam, she’s so messed up and all anybody says is that she’s always been that way.”

  “I have a hard time feeling bad for her when I saw the way she treats you.”

  “She’s a good friend. Just something is going on. I know it, but I have to figure out what it is before she self-destructs.”

  “Maybe she’s depressed because you’ve found someone new and it isn’t her.”

  “Cam. She’s no lesbian and she’s not in love with me.”

  “If you say so. Lucky her—she’s got you to come hold her head the rest of the night while she’s puking.”

  “Great. Bill says she’s a slut, Kerri thinks she’s insane, and you think she’s a dyke. I’m the only one who thinks she’s fixable.”

  Cam laughed then. “Okay. How are you gonna fix her?”

  “Well, first I have to find out what’s wrong, don’t I?”

  “Wanta tell me her symptoms, Dr. Feelgood?” When I’d finished telling him all I could think of, he said, “I’m pretty sure I don’t have all the pieces, since you won’t tell me about the thing with you and her.”

  “Cam. It wasn’t a thing. It was… okay, it was a thing. Just a thing. One time thing.”

  “Maybe sometime you can fill me in on the details, you know, play by play, blow by blow…” he teased

  “Shut up, pervert,” I laughed. “Maybe sometime I’ll show you the skin flick we starred in.” That shut him up. “God, I’m kidding. I better go. She’s crying now.”

  “Okay. I’ll e-mail you later.”

  *

  With Shurre passed out and safely tucked in the spare room, I checked my e-mail. The message from Cam had Emily’s picture attached. It was a drawing of her on an orange horse (Butter, I presumed). Cam and I were holding hands while we watched her ride. There were hearts in the air all around us, and a few around Emily’s head as well. I smiled, wiping away a stray tear, and read Cam’s message next.

  Dear Ali,

  I’m sure it’s playing dirty pool to show you Em’s picture, but I’m willing to stoop to the lowest level. She’s crazy about you. Erin wants to meet you now, because Emily talks nonstop about how great you are. I wish we were spending time together, getting to know each other. Maybe you should leave helping your friend to the professionals. I still don’t like the way she intimidated you that day. It’s obvious that she hurt you in the past and I can’t understand how you forgave it and want to help her. I’m worried about you. Please think about coming back to Phoenix? Even if you don’t leave Bill. Just so I know you’re okay.

  I love you.

  Cam

  P.S. There will be more flowers coming tomorrow.

  I sat back and thought before I replied.

  Dear Cam,

  Tell Emily I love her, and thanks for the great picture. And thanks for dumping even more guilt on me for having a little girl involved in my web of deceit, butthead! Two kids involved weren’t enough, I guess.

  I know you’re worried for me, but Shurre has been my friend for twenty-eight years. I can’t turn my back, knowing she needs me and has no one else. The “thing” with her… when I understand it fully myself, I’ll explain it to you. There’s something really wrong, and maybe that’s connected. I’m not afraid of her. She’s another woman. What could she possibly do to me, and why would she? I’m the only one who’s here for her.

  Thanks in advance for the flowers.

  Love,

  Ali

  He replied immediately.

  Ali,

  Seeing as how you care for her so much, it’s obvious she can do a lot to hurt you. Start looking out for yourself, maybe. Quit worrying about everyone else in the world. Think of you. While I’m on the subject, I just got an IM from Randi. I’m meeting her tomorrow for a date. She knows about you now, so I guess it’s not a date so much as scheduled sex. It could be you, if you were here. Think about it.

  Cam

  Another message followed right behind. I was still seething when I read it.

  Ali,

  I’m sorry. Jesus, it’s easy to dash off something rotten and not be able to take it back. I know, you and I had the scheduled sex thing already and I wanted more. Now I have to wait till you get through all those issues, including your divorce.

  Contritely yours,

  Cam

  I didn’t reply. Let him simmer in his own hot water and wonder how pissed I was. I went to bed thinking of Cam with Lumberjack Randi, red-lining my pissed-ometer.

  It was New Year’s Eve of our senior year and Shurre was sleeping over. We’d been to the movies earlier with Johnny and his friend, but she’d disappointed the other boy by coming home with me. She’d only been back from Denver for a day, having been there since Christmas. We’d watched the Dick Clark New Year’s special with the volume turned down low. Mom was asleep, since she was opening in the supermarket bakery the next day.

  In my bedroom with the lights off and only a single mulberry-scented candle burning, we talked in hushed voices about our New Year’s resolutions. “Mine is to score a full-ride scholarship. As long as I keep up my 4.1 GPA, I should be fine,” I announced.

  “College. What a nerd. You’re smart enough, though. If anybody can do it, it’s you, A.” She sat on a barstool I’d pilfered from somebody’s trash at the curb and painted hot pink. “My resolution is to get you laid.”

  “Shurre! God, that’s none of your business.”

  “I can’t be hanging with the world’s oldest virgin. Get with it, Ali.” I watched as she dug in her purse and then touched whatever she’d retrieved to the flame in the candle.

  “What the hell is that?” I knew, as the end glowed and I watched her suck in and hold her breath. “Is that pot? Oh my God. Put that out!”

  Shurre grinned while she quietly opened my bedroom window a crack. At last she expelled the smoke against the screen.

  “Come on, A. Let’s party.”

  “Shit! You know it’s against my mom’s religion to smoke. She’s gonna smell that and…”

  “Frankie says relax, dude,” she giggled. “It’s all blowin’ out the window, Babes. The heater’s blowin’ it all out. Relax,” she repeated, and grinned stupidly at me.

  “If you get caught with drugs here, my mom will never let me hang out with you again. She’ll kill me. Shit.” I was so freaked out, I got up and locked my bedroom door, as an extra precaution.
<
br />   She took another hit, held it in, offered it to me.

  I shook my head adamantly. “Where’d you get that, anyway?”

  “The shit?” She pointed at the joint. “I can score shit anytime. But I got this in Denver.”

  “Your uncle lets you run around with that kinda crowd in Denver?”

  “My uncle,” she laughed, “gave me this shit, Dumbass.”

  While I was still processing the concept of an adult providing drugs to a kid, she mashed out the end of the joint and, after testing it to make sure it was cool, tucked it back inside her purse.

  “Yes, we will get your uptight little snatch some action this year. Yes we will,” she vowed with a giggle.

  “Quiet down!” I whispered, terrified. “You’re gonna wake my mom. Don’t you even care if I get in trouble?”

  “Sorry,” she said, suddenly serious. “I don’t want you in trouble. Just promise me you’ll get laid, and I’ll quiet down.” She peeled off her skin-tight 501’s and crawled into bed next to me in only a cropped sweater and leopard-print string bikini panties.

  “God, I don’t wanta get pregnant, or VD. And I don’t love Johnny. I want it to be with somebody I love,” I half-whined.

  “Love, love. What bullshit. The dick goes in, the dick goes out. It’s all the same whether you even know the guy’s name. Love!” My waterbed rocked when she yanked the comforter more violently than necessary. “It was somebody I loved, my first time, and it still hurt. It’s been a lot better with other guys than with him, I’ll tell ya.” She started giggling then, for no reason.

  “Shh! God, I am so busted.”

  She quieted down then, and I wondered if she’d go to sleep. How long did people stay high after they smoked pot, anyway?

  “Weed makes me so ho-ho-horny,” she whispered confidentially. I thought to myself that breathing made her horny. The water lapped as she rolled to her back. She stilled for a minute, then I heard her sigh. Good, she must be going to sleep.

  When the water started rocking rhythmically, and I could feel her arm moving (it was only a super-single bed we were crowded into), I could not believe what she was doing. Then I heard her sighing more.