Eventually, things calmed down and we were able to end the night on a more peaceful note. Bane settled in on his cushion, and I lay with him for an hour or so before I finally headed upstairs for the night. Tási was already in bed when I got to our room, and I changed quickly to join her before she fell asleep.
“You’re going to try and visit with Ella tomorrow, aren’t you?” She asked as I slipped under the covers.
“I told you I was,” I replied. “And you’re more than welcome to come with me.”
“I can’t,” Tási complained. “I already promised to help Venna in the infirmary, and I’ve put her off twice already.”
“But I can make sure you’re still thinking of me when you’re with her,” Tási said as she climbed on top of me and stared into my eyes.
She leaned in and kissed me more passionately than ever before. I let her past my defenses without a fight and felt her deep desire. For the first time, that desire was tinged with a hint of doubt.
Feeling her misgivings sent a sharp spike of guilt though me. I had never intended to cause her any pain, yet she had accepted the fact that doubt and pain would very likely be a part of our relationship forever. I had no intention of pursuing anything like what she feared with Ella, but I also knew, as Tási did, that things like that were ultimately outside my ability to control. The course of my life was not mine to dictate, and we both knew that circumstances would very likely cause me to do things that I might otherwise not choose to do.
I knew that I would cause her pain. If not the next day with Ella, then it would be some other day with someone else, and I knew that there was nothing I could do to prevent that from happening. All I could control was what I did at that exact moment. So, I did what I knew was right—what feeling Tási’s doubt and pain made me want to do more than anything, and I loved her with every fiber of my being. I sent her every last shred of my heart, tied to the most powerful tendrils and threads that I could muster, and flooded her with my devotion. I may not have been able to promise her that she’d always have me to herself, but I made sure that she knew that she would always have me.
“Will Tási be down soon?” Venna asked the next morning as I sat down for breakfast.
It was only the two of us, so I didn’t hesitate to answer honestly.
“Not likely,” I replied with a smirk.
“Did you give her a rough morning?” Venna surprised me with her bold response.
“No,” I said as I took a sip of tea. “She’s still recovering from last night.”
Venna flushed bright red and I held her gaze.
“You asked,” I admonished her.
“My mistake,” Venna flushed again before she turned around quickly to crack a few eggs.
The rest of us had all finished eating and I was headed out the door when Tási practically stumbled down the stairs. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and wished her luck as I left for the day and noticed Venna blush yet again before I went out the door. I couldn’t help but smile as I felt that I had at least a measure of revenge for Venna’s teasing, and the thought brightened up my entire morning as I headed for the Garrison.
My first priority when I reached the Garrison’s walls was to find Evans and see how things were going for him. I had piled a lot on his plate, and while I was sure that he could handle it, I needed to be certain that he had everything he needed to do so. I was about to search for him in the headquarters building when I heard his distinctive voice ringing out from the training fields. It was a sound I remembered fondly, so I set off towards the echoes of his commands to seek him out.
“A little early morning exercise before you get stuck behind your desk?” I quipped as I strode up beside the First Marshal.
“I don’t even have a desk yet,” he replied flatly. “That’s actually my first order of business.”
“Dellon,” I said as I pointed to his workshop, “has been fabricating all of the wooden weapons and components for us. If you haven’t conscripted him already, you may want to make him Grand Carpenter of the Realm or something.”
“I’ll consider the title,” Evans responded. “But I assume that’s not why you’re here.”
“No, it isn’t. I’m here to see how your efforts are going.”
“All in all, not bad,” he replied. “For a simple militia, your people were doing a decent job. Aside from cleaning up a few things, I’d say we should have everything in order fairly quickly.”
“Tell me what you think of her,” I asked him as I spotted Ella sparring across the training grounds.
“She lacks your raw ability,” he responded. “But she’s got every ounce of your fire. She’ll be quite good if I can keep her focused.”
“What’s wrong with her focus?”
“She’s angry and impatient. She thinks she’s ready to take on the whole world by herself,” Evans explained candidly. “It’ll get her killed, and probably a few more as well.”
“I wasn’t much different,” I reminded him.
“Yes, you were,” Evans objected firmly. “You really were ready. She only thinks she is.”
“Ella’s important to me,” I confessed to him. “She’s only here because of me, so I’ll try and talk to her. Please do what you can to help her.”
“I will see that she is trained,” he replied flatly. “But I may not be able to control her rash behavior.”
I gave him a nod, acknowledging what he told me before I made my way around the grounds to where Ella was sparring. Despite the heavy bruises she bore, she was still challenging anyone who was willing to face her, daring them to stand against her.
“Come on!” Ella taunted. “Do I have to face two of you at a time to get you to fight me?”
“You’ve had enough, girl,” one of the soldiers tried to dissuade her. “You lost the last three rounds. It’s time to call it a day.”
“Bullshit!” She shouted back at him. “I can take on any one of you!”
“You need to know when to quit,” I tried to tell her.
“Fuck you!” She said in a rage. “Who said that? Get in here and fight me, bitch!”
A hush fell over the soldiers who were gathered around since they knew it was me who had spoken, but I said nothing, and only took a practice sword from the hand of one of them as I stepped inside the sparring ring.
“The bitch is here—let’s fight,” I replied icily as I glared across the circle at Ella.
“I’m sorry, Dreya,” she quickly apologized when she saw me. “I mean Dreya Sintári. I… I didn’t realize it was you.”
“Too late,” I said as I circled towards her slowly. “The die has been cast, and now you must play the game.”
Ella’s eyes widen in surprise as I close in and unloaded a Flurry on her. To her credit, she managed to block two of the three strikes, but the third slammed into her stomach hard. She let out a pained grunt as the air rushed out of her lungs and she fell to one knee.
I took a step back and let her recover as I spoke again.
“Since you don’t seem to know when enough is enough, this match will only end when I say it’s over. Now get up.”
“Please. I’m sorry,” she gasped as she tried to regain her breath.
“Not yet you’re not.”
Once she finally rose to her feet, I scored hit after merciless hit on Ella until she could no longer stand up again. When I was certain that she had nothing left at all, I kicked her weapon away and slung her over my shoulder. Venna’s infirmary wasn’t far away, and I carried Ella’s nearly unconscious body inside and dropped her into one of the beds.
“Who did this to her?!” Venna cried as she ran over to attend to Ella’s injuries. “I told the First Marshal not to allow this sort of thing.”
“I’m surprised you let that happen to her,” Tási commented when she saw who I had brought in.
“I didn’t just let it happen to her,” I replied flatly. “I’m the one who did it to her.”
The two of them looked at me in shock as I walked away
to let them heal her.
“I will need to speak to her when she’s ready,” I informed them coldly. “I’ll be waiting outside.”
Venna was a very proficient healer, so it was only a short while before Tási came outside and stood beside me.
“Ella’s awake,” she almost whispered.
“Stay here,” I replied. “I need to speak with her alone.”
I didn’t say anything else or offer any further explanation as I walked away from her into the infirmary. I had made my heart known to Tási the night before, and there was nothing more to be gained from mere words at that moment.
“I’m not letting you near her until you explain what you did,” Venna stopped me at the door.
Her demeanor was not that of Venna my friend, or even Venna my lover. The woman standing before me was Venna the healer, and she was not going to let me near one of her charges if she thought that I was going to cause any further harm.
“I’m healing her, Venna,” I explained so that she would understand. “She’s had a bad break, and I’ve had to reset the bone so that it can join together properly.”
“Promise me you won’t hurt her anymore,” Venna pled.
“I hope that’s not necessary, I truly do,” I told her honestly. “But ultimately, that will be for Ella to decide, not me. Now, please leave us alone for a while so I can to talk to her.”
Venna nodded her head reluctantly before joining Tási outside the infirmary. Once I took a deep breath, I sat beside Ella’s bed for what I knew would be a difficult conversation.
“I’m sorry,” Ella apologized with tears in her eyes almost before I sat down. “Please don’t make me leave.”
“I’m not angry with you, Ella,” I told her as I took her hand. “I’m just very disappointed.”
“I didn’t realize it was you,” she begged. “I promise I won’t ever talk to you like that again.”
“I don’t care about your words, Ella,” I explained. “It’s what was in your heart when you said them that truly bothers me.”
“Anger, rage, and hatred, Ella.” I continued as I stared at her intently. “Your words were practically dripping with them. And what’s worse is that they not only guided your actions, but I can tell that they’ve taken hold of your heart as well.”
She looked confused and was about to object before I cut her off.
“If you stay here for any length of time, you will hear some of the stories about what I’ve done,” I confessed to her. “My own actions have not always been driven by the best motivations, but I have learned to control my anger—to harness my rage and unleash it only when the time is right, and more importantly, only when the target is right.”
“Your lack of restraint is going to get you killed,” I went on as I squeezed her hand gently. “Today you only faced me, and I wished you no real harm. Some other day, your lack of discipline will pit you against someone who will not be so charitable. If you’re lucky, you will be the only one who dies that day, but your anger may also lead others to their deaths as well. I don’t want to see that happen to you, Ella.”
“I can’t help it,” she admitted. “It all comes back to me sometimes. The anger and feelings of helplessness get the better of me and I need to take it out on something... Or someone.”
And there it was, just as I knew it would be. Ella hadn’t come here by accident, just as our meetings had never been by chance. She needed me then, just as I had needed her back in Tula. I felt a sharp pain as the guilt ran through me, and I knew that the path I was about to journey on might be only the first of my betrayals of Tási’s love for me, but I had no choice—Ella needed my help, and not only did I owe it to her, but I simply couldn’t ignore her pain once I knew it was there and that I had the power to heal it.
“Ella,” I began hesitantly. “I may be able help you gain some control over your emotions, but it may be a very… intimate process. I can try and make it as easy as possible for you, but my influence can sometimes be a bit overwhelming.”
“I don’t understand,” she began before her eyes lit up. “Wait, is that what I felt from you back in Tula? I thought I’d only imagined it.”
“Probably, Ella. Honestly, I don’t know. I had very little control or awareness of it back then.”
“Will you let me try?” I asked her.
Ella nodded her head slowly, and I attempted to prepare her for what she was about to experience.
“I’m not going to try to do too much,” I told her. “Especially not the first time. But eventually, if you’re comfortable with what happens and when I think you’re ready, I’ll delve into you and try to heal you from the inside.”
I had only done that once before, when I’d ventured into Tási and merged her fractured core. I’m not sure how I knew that I needed to do the same for Ella, but just like so many times before, as I spoke the words, I recognized the absolute truth in them. My Sintári nature clearly guided both my thoughts and actions at times, and I had learned long before to stop questioning it.
Ella nodded silently again, and I gathered my thoughts for a moment before I began. I wasn’t sure exactly how I should proceed, since none of my prior experiences were of this nature. I had sent my companions my feelings for them, shared my love with Venna and Tási, and even used my power to kill on occasion, but I had never tried to heal with it. Not like this.
With Tási, I hadn’t been concerned whether or not my love and affection for her leaked into the tendrils of emotion I used when I delved into her core. But Ella was completely different, and I wanted to venture into her in only my purest form, without any uncomfortable emotions or desires. So, I cleared my mind as much as possible, and trickled the thinnest thread into her from my fingertips.
My eyes were closed as I concentrated on following the tiny thread, but I heard Ella gasp as my essence traveled inside her. I kept my own mind as blank as possible and focused only on Ella’s response as I let the thin tendril wander just a little. Ella’s emotions were clear to me; she had no barriers to my presence, and the confused jumble of her thoughts caused me to pause my efforts.
I felt her sense of elation and amazement—she was completely enthralled by my ability to slip inside her as I had. There was also a sense of awe as she recognized my power, and even a bit of apprehension over that power, but my presence was not as clean as I had intended, and I felt the unmistakable urges of desire alongside all the other emotions inside her. Despite my best efforts, it was obvious to me that my passion could never be fully purged from my ability. At least, not when that desire was in my heart.
I sensed Ella’s growing discomfort with the sensation, so I slowly withdrew the tiny strand from her. Once it was clear, and I no longer needed to focus on my presence inside her, I opened my eyes and looked Ella in the face. Her conflicted emotions were abundantly clear the second I saw her. Ella’s scrunched brows and look of confusion told me everything I needed to know.
“I’m sorry,” I offered her. “I tried my best, but I couldn’t keep you from experiencing those feelings.”
“I don’t know what to say,” she whispered in confusion. “It was absolutely incredible, but I never felt… desires like that before.”
“I can’t keep them out—not completely, Ella,” I replied regretfully. “But I can keep them as subtle as possible, and in time, if you’re comfortable with doing this, their influence on you should diminish.”
“There’re real, aren’t they? You actually have those feelings for me, don’t you?”
This was definitely not a conversation that I wanted to have, but I took a deep breath and answered her honestly anyway.
“Yes, Ella, they’re real,” I confessed to her. “But I’m trying my best not to act on them. I don’t want to do anything to hurt Tási, but I also can’t ignore your pain. You need to know that if we do this, my own feelings for you may lead us both somewhere neither of us intend to go, but it’s the only way that I can help you. Unfortunately, my powers come with a heavy
price—one that you and Tási may both have to pay.”
“Yet if I refuse your help, I’ll probably just get myself killed,” Ella replied flatly.
“There is that,” I offered with a weak smile.
“Can we take it slow?” Ella replied after a short pause. “I need some time to get used to what you’re doing to me.”
“There’s no hurry,” I reassured her. “But you’re not going outside the Garrison until I think you have some control over your impulses. Consider yourself on medical restriction.”
“I understand,” she replied reluctantly.
“And,” I added. “Your spear work is atrocious. You’ll be sparring with me on a daily basis until I see some significant improvement.”
Ella’s eyes flashed in fear as she recalled the brutal beating that I had inflicted on her just before. I let that fear set in her for a moment before I eased her worries.
“For instructional purposes, Ella,” I soothed. “Not like today.”
She let out a deep breath she had been unconsciously holding, and Ella’s sense of relief was obvious.
“You did that on purpose, didn’t you?” She asked when she recognized my subtle taunt.
I simply smiled back at her as I stood up and started to leave the infirmary.
“Venna will be in shortly,” I called out as I reached the door. “She’ll let you know when you’re cleared for duty.”
Ella might have offered some additional protests, but if she did, they were lost behind the closed door, and as I left the infirmary, Venna and Tási were waiting anxiously outside.
“Stop!” I said firmly as the two of them almost pounced on me.
“She’s fine, I didn’t hurt her,” I assured Venna who was practically glaring at me. “Go inside and see for yourself.”
Venna didn’t waste any more of her time on me, and she rushed inside to check on her patient, leaving Tási and I standing together in an awkward silence.
“Maybe,” I answered her unasked question. “I don’t know. She’s broken inside and she needs my help. Other than that, I just can’t say.”
“I don’t want to know,” Tási replied in a hushed voice. “Don’t tell me anymore and please don’t let me find out about it.”
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