Lovely Dreams

by Danielle Stewart

  “How do you know what’s inside me.”

  “Well I know one thing was just inside you that—”

  “Do not finish that joke.” She pointed her finger in his face. “The pun is not worth how much respect I’ll lose for you.”

  “That’s fair,” he said, smiling disarmingly. “You walked right into that one though.”

  “I did.”

  “I’m being serious now.” He looked her in the eyes. “You’ve got this.”

  “And if you’re wrong about me? What if I fall to pieces? Curl up in a ball, get back in this bed, and pull the covers over my head. What if I just want to hide? You could be wrong.”

  “I’m not.”

  “But—”

  “If I’m wrong about you, then I’m still going to be right here. And however many pieces you fall into, I’ll pick them up. And I’m definitely going to be good with crawling back in this bed any time you want to.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered as she showered his chest with kisses.

  Just like he’d imagined, when she rolled away from him, he ached. The absence of her skin on his left a desire he’d never experienced before.

  “I’m not very good at accepting help,” she admitted as she stood and pulled the sheet with her. Modestly, she covered up, twisting it around her like a gown. It left him bare on the bed. His growing excitement in full view.

  “Don’t you ever get tired? That was a marathon we just ran. My fitness band was chiming as I closed all my goals for the day.” She waggled her brows playfully at him.

  “There are some things I never tire of.” He rose to his elbows and grinned seductively at her. “Never.”

  “Well I better feed you. Maybe some hydration. I don’t want to wear you out. I need you.”

  She scurried from the room with her clothes in her hands and disappeared into the bathroom. He slumped back against the pillow and ran his hand through his hair. He could live with the fact that she needed him. It was disconcerting to think he was starting to need her too.

  Dragging himself out of bed, he dressed and beat her to the living room. They’d done a number on the place. He started trying to put things back where he thought they belonged and in the process answered some of his earlier questions. There was nothing overly sentimental about her space. A couple of framed pictures of her and Gloria. An old handmade quilt over the back of one of the chairs in the corner. Otherwise it hardly looked like she lived there at all. It was as impersonal as corporate housing on a monthly rental.

  “You like what you see?” she asked, coming up behind him and pinching his butt. “My place isn’t much. Probably not what you’re used to.”

  “I like your place. I just thought there would be a bit more of your personality around.”

  “I’m hardly here. I’m at the office more than home. I never saw the point in getting too attached to a place you could lose.”

  “Why would you lose it?”

  “It’s a corporate apartment. If I get fired I get evicted.”

  “Neither of those things would happen.”

  “Anything is possible.” She laughed and pointed her finger at him accusingly. “That phrase probably means something completely different to you. You grew up thinking you could be anything and do anything. All things were possible. For me it’s far more of an ominous warning. Right when you think you’ve got things settled, anything can happen.”

  “That’s like living on knife’s edge all the time. Doesn’t sound fun.”

  “You are very lucky. Somewhere along the way you decided life was meant to be fun all the time. I don’t know how you manage it.” She picked up the box and placed it on the coffee table that now wobbled from their precarious lovemaking on it earlier.

  “It’s easier than you think to have fun. Rule number one: you don’t open the boxes. You don’t wait around when things get complicated. No commitments. No drama.”

  “That sounds fascinating.” She sat by him on the couch, keeping one hand on the box as if it was keeping her tethered to the ground. “Maybe I should try it. I’ve got enough savings. I could hop a flight to some beach. Be a waitress at a tiki hut. Live a simple life. Never find out what all this is about. They can’t gift me any property if they can’t find me.”

  “You could.”

  “You recommend it?”

  “My lifestyle isn’t a good fit for everyone. Some people actually enjoy deep connections to the people they love. Friendships. All that mushy stuff. You can’t have both. Apparently loving people is messy business.”

  “It is.” She pulled the box onto her lap and looked at him. “I could get a great tan. Smell like coconut oil all day. Maybe two people can live like that. Just near each other.”

  “Drifter adjacent? I don’t think it works that way.”

  “Why not? I could pull up the chair next to you. Toes in the sand. Two people who don’t care about anything who happen to be near each other.”

  “Wouldn’t work.” He shook his head and took her hand in his.

  “Why?”

  “I couldn’t be that close to you that long and not fall for you. Then the messy drama stuff follows. It only works if you’re willing to leave everything behind every time. You’d make that impossible.”

  Her eyes went wide for a moment. He’d taken her off guard, and he was surprising the hell out of himself. He’d set rules for himself. It’s what separated him from those dirtbag guys who tricked women into sleeping with them. He never strung anyone along. Never talked in flowery prose. He was honest. Transparent. His intentions were never misleading. Talking like this to Lauren, even if it was true to how he was feeling, wasn’t fair. Yet he couldn’t seem to dial it down.

  “So I should just open the box and stop planning my getaway?”

  “You should.”

  Lauren snapped her fingers together instead of making a move for opening the box. “You’ve heard of Schrödinger's cat right? It’s a paradox. The cat is in the box with a vial of poison and might be alive or dead but, until the box is opened and it’s observed, it’s in this suspended version, neither dead nor alive. So, if I don’t open this box and observe what’s in it, then technically it doesn’t exist.”

  “I happen to think your procrastination is very cute. And while I’d love to dive further into quantum mechanics with you, it’s time to open the box. And for the record, if there is a dead cat in there, I’m gone. That’s some shit I don’t want any part of. This entire thing is complicated enough. Lifeless felines in a box is where I draw the line. That would be my cue to leave.”

  “That seems fair,” she said, pulling the box open and peering in cautiously.

  The pull in his chest to lean in and look was shocking. He didn’t want to care so deeply. He didn’t want to be on the edge of his seat. But at some point their fates had been twisted together. He cared that she was all right. He cared what she found in the box. He cared what it meant for his mother too. Because it had to mean something.

  “What is it?” he asked impatiently as her face contorted. He couldn’t read her expression. Quizzical? Confused? Hurt?

  “It’s pictures.” She reached in and pulled a few out. “Pictures of me. These are from my childhood. I’ve never seen them. How can that be?”

  “Gloria had them?”

  “I guess. My father didn’t keep these kinds of things. Anything that didn’t have to do with sailing only got in the way.” She bit at her lip as he rubbed her back supportively. “I remember I had a family tree project to do in eighth grade, but I couldn’t find a single picture of me when I was little. Not a baby picture or anything. I had to borrow some from my friend, Sarah. They were of her little sister. I had to pretend they were pictures of me. I didn’t want to stand up there and tell everyone no one loved me enough to keep those kinds of things around.”

  “I’m sure that wasn’t the case.”

  “I’m guessing your mom has a shrine to you somewhere in her house. Trophies. School pictures. C
hristmas mornings captured on video.”

  He nodded apologetically. She was right about all of that.

  “I hardly remember anything before my mother left. Isn’t that bizarre? I was ten. I should be able to remember more. But I think it was just my way of punishing her. Forgetting anything that had to do with her.”

  “I’ve got periods of my life that are hazy too. After my father died, I started getting in a lot of trouble. Made really bad choices. I’ve blocked a lot of that out.”

  “You got in trouble?”

  “I was mad.”

  “At what?”

  “Everything? I don’t know. Like I said. It’s hazy for me. Nothing I was doing in that time would have much photographic evidence. You’re lucky to have this box.”

  She picked up a photograph and gasped. “Oh, my gosh. Here I am with both my parents. I don’t remember them ever looking like this.”

  “Those too-cool haircuts?”

  “No, I don’t remember them ever looking this happy.”

  She turned the photograph toward him and tears began to well in her eyes. A young couple sat on the bank of a placid lake with a toddler planted between them. Three big smiles. Three happy people.

  “How is it I can’t remember any of this? These pictures might as well be of strangers. The way I remember, my father was always so cold. My mother always unhappy. But here we are, on a Ferris wheel, looking like we don’t have a care in the world. How the hell did Gloria get these? Why would she keep them from me until now?”

  He reached in the box and pulled a red card from the bottom. The words Thank You were embossed in gold across the front.

  “Maybe this will answer your questions.” He handed it over. Her eyes closed for a long beat as her chest rose and fell with the rattle of tears.

  “I don’t know if I want to read this. You read it to me.” She pushed the card back to him and braced herself on his arm.

  “You sure?”

  She nodded decisively. “Read it.”

  He cleared his throat.

  * * *

  Dear Gloria,

  A thank you card seems so trite considering the circumstances. I wish I could call you, but you’re right to limit our communication. The risk it too great and my selfish choices have already hurt my girl too much. Please hang on to these pictures for me. I know it would have been safer to get rid of them, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that. Obviously I can’t have them around the house. I just want to know they are somewhere tucked away. Maybe someday Lauren will want them. Thank you for all you’ve done. There will never be a way for me to properly thank you. That, along with the burden of so many of my decisions, will just have to be something I live with for the rest of my life.

  You and Francine are my guardian angels.

  * * *

  T. M.

  * * *

  “That’s from my mother to Gloria,” Lauren said with a gasp. “They knew each other. They really knew each other. How did they meet? When did they meet? Maybe after she gave me the job and I opened up to her about my mother, she went and found her. I know in recent years she kept tabs on her.”

  “It’s dated.” He turned the card so she could see for herself. “She sent this card fifteen years ago.”

  “No,” Lauren said, shaking her head frantically in disbelief. “That’s not possible. I’ve only known Gloria since that day at the bus station. She couldn’t have known my mother that long. That would have meant that she—”

  “We don’t know all the details,” Tray cautioned. “Don’t jump to any conclusions.”

  She pulled the card from his hand and read it silently again and again. “Who is Francine?”

  “My mother,” he reported as gently as possible. “That’s my mother’s name. That must be her.”

  “They all knew each other? Since you and I were children? How can that be? This is only a year after she left. What the hell happened? You said you only knew my mother a few years.”

  “I did. I met her a few years ago for the first time. Whatever these three were doing, it wasn’t anything they flaunted. It was separate from their everyday lives until a few years ago.”

  “No, you must know something. You knew Gloria and your mother were friends as girls. You knew my mother. There has to be something more you aren’t telling me. Are you in on this too? Is that why you came? Why you were so set on asking me out?”

  “No,” he asserted, pulling both her hands into his lap. “I’m telling you I don’t know anything. My mother’s life over the last fifteen years has been a mystery to me. I’m in the dark just like you.”

  She put a hand to his chest, straight over his heart. “I can take a lot of things, Tray. I’m going to figure all this out. I’m going to face whatever it is. But I am telling you right now, if I find out you knew more than you’re saying, I won’t be able to take that. Just tell me now. I know you don’t owe me anything. I’m nothing special in your life, but I won’t be able to take it if you blindside me.”

  “You are something special. I wouldn’t be here if you weren’t. I don’t do things like this. I don’t get involved. I don’t stay for the messy stuff. I don’t wait around for the boxes to get opened.” He tipped her chin up and looked her square in the eyes. “I am not lying to you. I’m not sure what we’re going to find, or how it might hurt you. But I can tell you right now. I won’t hurt you. Never. And if I can help it, I won’t let anything else hurt you either.”

  “Don’t say things you don’t mean, Tray.”

  “I never do.”

  “What the hell do we do now?”

  He took the box into his lap and grabbed a handful of the photographs. “We look through these.”

  “Why? Do you think there is something else in there we’re missing?”

  “Maybe, but I’m not going to lie. I’m hoping for some real embarrassing shots of you in here too.” He flipped a picture of her as a toddler with a face full of spaghetti and a huge grin. “I bet there are some gems.”

  She snatched the box back. “I was a beautiful child with very unfortunate haircuts. Now get serious. What do we do now? They are keeping something from us. Something more. We could just go confront them, but who’d know if what they say is the truth.”

  “No,” he said, flipping through a few more photographs. “They were still hiding something when I saw them. We need to find out how Talia met Gloria. That’s the key to all this. What was going on in their lives fifteen years ago? Gloria had taken over Kinross Inc. My mother had lost her husband a few years earlier. Your mother had divorced and moved to Paris.”

  “I don’t know if that’s where she moved,” Lauren corrected. “Gloria kept tabs on her and by the time I was working for Kinross Inc my mother was in Paris. But I don’t know where she went when she left my father. He always said Europe. I wasn’t even sure if that was true.”

  “Well, my mother was in Paris. I went off to a boarding school. She was widowed, and when she sent me off to school, things changed. When I came back that summer she was different. I went home a lot less after that. That’s when I started keeping my distance.”

  “This isn’t going to get us anywhere. Whatever their secret is, they’ve kept it well. I can’t believe my entire relationship with Gloria was a lie. That day in the bus station, she had to know who I was. It was a lie. I wasn’t anything special. It was a set-up. She gave me the job out of some secret loyalty to my mother.”

  “You told me when I got here there was no way Gloria would have put me in the COO role unless it was mutually beneficial. So for you, maybe it was both. She wanted to help you and you were exceptional. Don’t you think she could have found some other way to make sure you were all right? Something that didn’t involve all the responsibility you have at the company. All the things she trusted you with.”

  She leaned over and rested her head on his shoulder. “Stop making so many good points. You’re being all rational and reasonable.”

  “And I should stop
doing that?”

  “I wouldn’t mind some company in the petty, angry, and irrational camp. You’re acting far more mature than me, and that’s setting a pretty low bar for me.”

  “Why don’t we go to the hotel our mothers are staying at and pull the fire alarm? Or we could order a bunch of room service they didn’t want. Smelly stuff with extra onions.”

  “That’s better,” she said, tipping her head back and kissing his cheek. “Now we just need to figure out what we really do next.”

  He checked his watch. There was still time. It was absolutely mad but it could work. “We need to know what is so important in Italy. Can you think of anywhere Gloria would have kept the address to this secret property? You’ve had access to her schedules and itineraries all these years. There must be a way for us to find the address.”

  “What will we do if I can find it? Maybe we can look it up on the internet and try to find something out.”

  “We could. But what would we really find? A secret buried this deep won’t be easy to figure out. They’d have made sure of that. I say we fly there tonight and see the place for ourselves.”

  “Sure,” she laughed. “I’ll get my suitcase.”

  “You won’t need to pack much. We’ll spend more time in the air than on the ground. I know it sounds inconsequential now, but I do want to be back for the gallery opening. No matter what’s going on, I don’t want to leave my mother in a situation that makes her worry. It will have to be a quick trip.”

  “We can’t fly to Italy. This isn’t even possible. I think you’re right to keep your promise to your mother. We need to find a different way.”

  “You don’t think you could find the address? I thought you might be up for some sneaking around and breaking and entering, considering how hurt you feel about how this is going down. But I guess you’re not.”

  “I can get the address. Don’t reverse psychology me. You’re not being practical. How can we arrange a trip like that on this late notice? I’m sure I can get the address. I might have to break some protocol, but I have access to just about everything. I can work my part out, it’s you who won’t be able to pull this off.”