Pictures of Lily

by Paige Toon

  We sit at the small round wooden dinner table to eat.

  ‘Have you seen much of Jeremy since – you know?’ I ask.

  ‘Nope. Coward used his key to clear out his stuff when I was at work. I haven’t seen him since.’

  ‘You’re well out of it,’ I tell her.

  She shrugs nonchalantly. ‘I know.’

  ‘Josh is coming over in a couple of weeks.’

  ‘Is he?’ She tries to sound disinterested.

  ‘Would you like me to bring him over here to say hi?’

  ‘What would I want you to do that for?’

  ‘I don’t know, I thought you might miss him.’

  She laughs. ‘No way. I’m surprised you two stayed in touch.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Well, he seemed so – and don’t take this the wrong way – but out of your league.’

  ‘Thanks very much!’ She laughs, which does nothing to lessen my annoyance. ‘Do you think Richard is out of my league too?’ I continue indignantly.

  ‘No, no, you’re much more of a catch now.’

  ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

  ‘Oh, you know, Lily, you didn’t make very much of yourself back in those days. I even thought at one stage that you were a lesbian.’

  ‘Mum!’ She laughs again, clearly enjoying herself. ‘What about Dan? Did you think he was out of my league?’

  ‘Absolutely. Darling, didn’t you? I mean, look how that turned out.’

  Now I’m properly stung.

  ‘Oh honey, don’t be upset. Look at you now – you’re gorgeous. Richard is a very, very lucky young man.’

  ‘He’s asked me to marry him.’

  ‘What?’

  I cringe, inwardly and outwardly. I wasn’t planning on telling her, but it just came out.

  ‘What did you say?’ she asks when I don’t speak.

  ‘I said yes,’ I tell her.

  ‘Did you?’ She looks surprised, and not pleasantly so.

  ‘Yes, I did.’

  ‘Oh.’ The corners of her mouth turn down and she picks up her sandwich.

  ‘Is that all you’re going to say?’ Now I’m getting cross again.

  ‘What do you want me to say?’

  ‘Congratulations would be nice.’

  ‘Congratulations, darling.’

  ‘But you don’t mean it!’

  ‘You know what I’m like about tying the knot. I didn’t think anybody did that these days.’

  ‘Well, they do. And I’m going to. Okay?’

  ‘Of course. It’s your life.’

  ‘Oh, you are really pissing me off now.’ I throw my sandwich down on my plate in disgust.

  ‘Don’t be so sensitive,’ she chides, which doesn’t help. Neither of us speaks for a while. I sit there, refusing to eat because I’m fuming. ‘Have you got an engagement ring?’ she asks.

  ‘Don’t you think I’d be wearing it if I did?’

  ‘Are you going to get one?’ she goes on, ignoring me.

  ‘No.’

  ‘Really? I thought Richard could afford an engagement ring.’

  ‘He can, Mum, but I don’t want one.’

  ‘Don’t you? Free diamonds are the only good thing about getting married, as far as I’m concerned.’

  ‘Well, why didn’t you do it more often, then,’ I say irritably. ‘It’s not like you didn’t have the opportunity to. By the way, I hear Michael’s very happy with Janine.’

  ‘Good for them,’ she says bluntly.

  I set off soon after that, but not before I’ve gone into my bedroom to pack away my things. I take one last inhale of Ben’s shirt and place the photos back in the box, feeling twinge after twinge of painful regret. I pick up the camera, but can’t bring myself to put it down.

  Why don’t you take it? Why don’t you take photos again?

  It’s too late, that’s why.

  It’s never too late.

  Stop it, Ben! Get out of my head!

  But nothing can prise the camera out of my fingers. I can’t even bear to put it down to pack away the box so I hang it from its strap around my neck and a strange sensation of elation passes through me as the weight of it thuds into my chest. I climb up onto the chair and slide the box back into the top of the cupboard, pausing for a moment as I think of the photos. I could take them too? No, they’re too heavy to carry up the hill to home and I have to catch the bus back to the ferry terminal as it is.

  ‘Have you still got that old thing?’ My mum nods at the camera when I come out of the room.

  ‘Yes, I thought I’d take it with me.’

  ‘Take it to the charity shop, is what you should do. I can’t believe your dad bought you such a clunky contraption.’

  ‘It wasn’t clunky when he got it for me,’ I state. ‘And anyway, I like it.’

  ‘Like it so much it sat in a box for years.’

  ‘It’s seeing the light of day again now.’

  ‘He should get you a new one, that’s what he should do. It’s not as if he doesn’t have the money.’

  ‘I don’t need Dad to buy me a new camera, so don’t go on about it, alright?’

  ‘Okay, okay. When are they coming out here?’

  ‘In a few weeks. I can’t wait to see the girls again.’

  ‘I take it Lorraine’s coming?’ My mum hates Lorraine. You can hear it in the tone of her voice.

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘I hope they’re using contraception. I can’t believe she had a third baby at her age.’

  ‘She was only thirty-five!’

  Mum pulls a face and I go over to give her a peck on the cheek. ‘Bye, Mum. See you soon, okay?’

  ‘If you can drag yourself all the way out here again.’

  ‘You know, you could always come and see Richard and me sometime too.’

  ‘No, you’re too busy. I’m too busy as well. I’m working all manner of shifts at the moment.’

  ‘Still getting good tips?’

  ‘The best.’ She smiles smugly and on that note I leave her.

  ‘Where did you get that?’ Richard asks when he sees my camera later.

  ‘It’s my old camera. My dad got it for me when I first moved to Australia. I used to take loads of photos.’

  ‘Did you?’

  ‘Yeah. I was kind of pretty good,’ I admit.

  ‘Kind of pretty good?’ he teases. I blush instead of reply and he doesn’t interrogate me further. ‘How was your mum?’

  ‘Okay, I think. She asked after you.’

  ‘That’s nice,’ he says half-heartedly.

  ‘I told her we were getting married.’

  ‘Did you?’ He looks up, surprised.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘I thought we were going to tell our parents together?’

  ‘Sorry, it just kind of slipped out.’

  ‘What did she say?’

  ‘She was happy for us. Sort of.’

  He laughs wryly. ‘I bet. I hope it gave you good practice because we’re going over to Mum and Dad’s for a late lunch tomorrow. Sally and Brenda are going to be there, too.’

  Sally and Brenda are Richard’s sisters. They’re a bit full of themselves. Sally is younger than Richard by eighteen months; Brenda is older by three years. Neither has settled down yet, but I did hear through Nathan that Sally has set her sights on one of his employees.

  ‘Oh, really?’

  ‘No need to sound quite so excited,’ he says jokily. He knows I’m not a big fan of his sisters and, quite frankly, it’s going to be hard enough telling his parents without having Little and Large making snide comments in the background.

  ‘Here you go, love.’

  ‘Thanks.’ I gratefully accept a glass of champagne from Richard’s dad. I’m going to need this.

  Anne and Joe’s house is in Mosman, a short drive from Manly. I don’t own a car because I commute to work by ferry quite happily, so we had to take Richard’s truck. He keeps it reasonably tidy, but I always feel like it
’s dirty and I regretted my decision to wear a cream dress as soon as I stepped up into the cabin.

  ‘You look lovely today, Lily,’ Richard’s mum Anne says.

  ‘Thank you.’ My natural impulse is to dust down my dress. ‘I hope there are no marks on it,’ I say.

  ‘No, no.’ She glances behind me as I look round at my bum. ‘It’s perfect.’

  I do like his parents, but I don’t feel at ease in their home. It’s strange because they’ve never been anything but nice to me.

  Anne is a plump woman of about five foot five with tightly-curled brown hair. Richard’s grey-haired father Joe towers above her at six foot three. He’s skinny as a beanpole and has a large nose, upon which sits a pair of horn-rimmed glasses. Brenda and Sally take after each of them in stature: Brenda is short and plump, and Sally is tall and willowy. As for Richard, he has his dad’s height, but he’s not lanky. I guess years of pulling his weight on building sites has built up muscles his maths teacher father otherwise lacks.

  Anne doesn’t work, but she does knit. A lot. Sally sells some of her hand-knitted children’s rattles in a shop where she works in Manly. It’s actually the shop where Molly used to work before she became Mikey’s full-time mum. I say full-time, but Molly also beavers away at home as a fashion designer. Her offbeat, quirky clothes have become quite popular with Sydney’s trendsetters.

  ‘How are you?’ Brenda interrupts my thoughts. ‘How’s the job?’

  ‘I’m good, the job’s fine,’ I reply breezily. ‘How about you?’ Brenda works in finance for a large bank in the city.

  ‘Fantastic. Business is booming! I can’t believe they ever said we were in a recession; we haven’t seen any cutbacks.’

  ‘You’re lucky,’ I comment.

  ‘Luck! Nothing to do with luck. Life is what you make of it, that’s what I always say.’

  ‘Tell that to the mates of mine who have lost their jobs,’ Richard interrupts crossly and I’m pleased. I hate the way Brenda goes on sometimes.

  ‘Top-up?’ Joe tactfully produces champagne as we hear the front door open and slam.

  ‘Where is everyone?’ Sally calls.

  ‘In here!’ Joe shouts back.

  ‘Sorry I’m late.’ She bustles into the room, removing a heavy knitted black cardigan as she enters. ‘This super-rich bloke came in at ten to six and bought out half the shop. He took some of your rattles, Mum.’

  ‘Ooh, how lovely,’ Anne comments agreeably.

  ‘Do you get commission?’ Brenda interjects.

  ‘No,’ Sally replies.

  ‘You should sort that out with your boss,’ Brenda tells her. ‘No point working in a shop if you can’t get commission.’

  ‘Champagne, darling?’ Good old Joe.

  ‘So, we have some news,’ Richard says when we’re all sitting around the table tucking into Anne’s home-baked chicken pie. Nerves swirl around my stomach as the attention falls on us both.

  ‘You’re pregnant!’ Sally bursts out.

  ‘No,’ Brenda says decisively. ‘They’re getting married.’

  I told you they were annoying.

  ‘Let them tell us,’ Anne chides gently.

  ‘Well?’ Joe prompts as Richard gives me a wry look. ‘Which is it?’

  ‘I’ve asked Lily to marry me and’ – cue shriek from his mum – ‘she said yes.’

  Another shriek as Anne pushes out her chair and leaps to her feet. ‘Oh, darling, that’s wonderful news!’

  ‘Congratulations, son.’ Joe stands and shakes Richard’s hand while he’s in the midst of being smothered by Anne. His mum turns to me so I stand up, too.

  ‘Such exciting news, Lily,’ she says, pulling me in for a cuddly hug. I can’t help but smile.

  Joe leans over to peck my cheek, saying, ‘Well done, dear, that’s fabulous.’

  ‘Congratulations!’ Brenda booms from her sitting position.

  ‘Yes, well done!’ Sally also doesn’t get up. We all take our seats again.

  ‘When’s the big day?’ Brenda asks through mouthfuls of chicken pie.

  Richard glances at me before tactfully replying, ‘We haven’t decided yet.’

  ‘Oh, do make it soon,’ she says. ‘Long engagements are so tedious.’

  ‘We’ll let you know as soon as we know,’ Richard assures her firmly.

  ‘Don’t get married in January,’ Sally interjects. ‘I’m going to Thailand then.’

  ‘Are you?’ Joe turns to her in surprise.

  ‘Yeah. We haven’t booked our flights yet, but that’s the plan.’

  ‘Who’s we?’ Anne asks, similarly taken aback.

  ‘Me and Cathy from the shop.’

  ‘But you’ve never travelled out of Australia!’ Anne exclaims.

  ‘About time she did, then,’ Brenda says. ‘When I went to Bali in my twenties’ – she says this as if her twenties were decades ago, but she’s only thirty-one – ‘I swore I’d partake in international travel every year.’

  ‘What happened?’ Richard asks.

  ‘Life took hold,’ she says, trying to project an aura of mysterious wisdom. Then: ‘Anyway, we should eat up before our dinner goes cold.’

  And that’s the end of the discussion for now.

  ‘That went well,’ Richard says later when we’re in the truck on the way home. He rushed me out of there at four forty-five because the Australian Grand Prix is about to start and he’s a bit of a sports nut.

  I look at him and grin. He smirks back at me. ‘At least they didn’t subject you to the Spanish Inquisition,’ he adds.

  ‘True. That’s probably on the cards next time.’

  For want of something better to do I sit with him to watch the start of the race. I don’t mind Formula 1. Some of the drivers are quite sexy, especially that Brazilian Luis Castro, who’s starting from pole position.

  ‘Do you really not want a ring?’ Richard glances at me with a doleful expression on his face as the drivers set off on their warm-up lap.

  ‘No. Honestly, no,’ I assure him. ‘A wedding band will be fine.’

  ‘A wedding band with diamonds though – right?’ He smiles at me hopefully.

  ‘Yes.’ I smile back. ‘A wedding band with diamonds would be lovely.’

  ‘And what about getting married in January next year?’

  ‘The January that Sally’s going to Thailand?’

  ‘Or February, if we have to.’

  I shake my head. ‘It’s too soon. Really, it’s too soon.’

  ‘We could have a winter wedding?’

  ‘No. Summer would be better.’

  ‘Spring?’

  ‘Summer. Summer 2011.’

  He sighs. ‘Okay, then.’

  ‘Brenda will just have to suck it up,’ I add.

  ‘Indeed she will.’

  ‘Look, the race is about to start.’

  And until sexy Luis Castro crosses the line in first place and snogs his annoyingly beautiful girlfriend, that – for the time being – is the end of the matter.

  Chapter 17

  Nathan and Lucy get back from their honeymoon on the same day that Josh arrives from Adelaide. He catches a taxi to our place.

  ‘What’s with the rain?’ he humphs when I open the door. ‘It was thirty degrees in Adelaide when I left.’

  ‘It’s supposed to clear up tomorrow for Easter Sunday,’ I assure him. ‘Anyway, you moody bugger, give me a hug.’

  He grins and steps into the hall, dropping his bag to engulf me. ‘Even after all these years you still sound like a Pommie.’

  He’s still unbelievably good-looking, but after my initial attraction, I only ever had eyes for Ben.

  And now Richard, of course.

  ‘Where’s Richard?’ He glances past me to the living room.

  ‘He’s gone to welcome his mate back from his honeymoon.’

  ‘Three’s company . . .’ he says jokily.

  ‘He won’t stay long. He just wanted to drop in some supplies.’ Which I th
ought was very nice of him, actually.

  ‘Can I get you something to drink?’

  ‘What have you got?’

  ‘Coke, Fanta, apple juice, wine, beer . . .’ My voice trails off.

  ‘Fanta, thanks.’ He never did go back to drinking and driving. ‘Hey, this is cool.’ He looks around. ‘I like the garden.’

  We’d only just moved in when Josh last came to Sydney to visit. It’s changed tenfold since then.

  ‘Thanks. Do you want to chuck your bag in your room? It’s that one there.’ I point across the hall.

  He comes back as I’m pouring our drinks into glasses. We take them to the sofa.

  ‘How are Michael and Janine?’

  ‘Really good. Busy at work, as ever. Janine’s been caring for a baby koala at home for the last few days.’ I wince as a memory of Ben gently holding a tiny Olivia comes back to me. ‘I popped in to see them last night before I left,’ Josh continues, oblivious to my pain.

  ‘How’s Tina?’

  He shrugs. ‘Yeah, she’s good. Fine.’

  ‘Have you two moved in together yet?’ He lives in Mount Barker now, in a small house of his own.

  ‘Hell, no. I’d never get her to move out,’ he jokes.

  I laugh. ‘Some people would say that’s the point of being in a relationship.’

  ‘I’m not ready for that yet.’

  ‘Fair enough.’

  I hear a key turn in the front door lock and Richard appears a moment later. Josh gets up to shake his hand.

  ‘Alright, Richard, how’s it going?’

  ‘Yeah, good thanks, mate.’

  ‘How were the happy couple?’ Josh asks.

  ‘I had to wear sunnies to shield my eyes from their glow.’

  ‘Really?’ I grin. ‘Good time, then?’

  ‘The best.’

  ‘What was the resort like?’

  ‘I didn’t stick around long enough to ask. Didn’t want to outstay my welcome. I did tell them about us though.’

  ‘Richard!’ I exclaim. ‘It’s supposed to still be all about them.’

  ‘Sorry.’ He holds up his hands to shield himself as though I’m going to rain down blows on him. ‘I couldn’t help it.’

  ‘What’s this?’ Josh interjects, looking confused.

  I turn to him and compose myself. ‘We’re getting married.’

  ‘Are you?’ He looks taken aback. ‘Wow. Congratulations.’