by Stella Brie
“Umm, thanks. So, what are you suggesting?”
“You need to get her to see beyond your physical appearance and the wheelchair. If you spend time at work every day, you will find a way to show her your best self. Not the asshole she met today. What do you think? Are you up to going into the practice?”
Looking down at the wheelchair, I realize this is another battle. One I have to face head-on. If I want all of them to forgive me and us to move forward, I need to figure this out.
“I’m up for it. Would you mind letting Lev and Lowell in on the plan? I have a feeling they don’t really want to talk to me at the moment.”
“I’ll let them know. Now, I’ve got to go figure out how to grovel myself.”
Lost in ideas on how to tackle the situation, I wave him off.
The eyes are the worst, I think.
Grabbing the tablet, I start searching for a few items.
CHAPTER 36
KATE
Nightmares plague the rest of my weekend. Grim scenes from the past. Cutting words and bruises dominate my thoughts. And, as always, the night we stared at each other while he held a gun in his lap. I have so many mixed feelings about that night. Fear and anger, of course. But primarily relief. Relief that I didn’t have to face him again. That he took matters into his own hands. Which is always followed by guilt. Why couldn’t we have found a way to move forward? Even if it was not together?
In one way, I was relieved Lev, Lowell, and Shaw knew about this last skeleton. When I called my therapist Sunday, she said that telling my truth was the final step towards peace and recovery. Holding it in gave it too much power. She cautioned me against letting my anger drive a wedge between me and my happiness. Let my recent victories define my future, not the fucked up past.
My mind is filled with conflicting emotions of anger and relief when I get a text from Shaw, asking to come over. Staring down at the words for a few minutes, I finally stop debating and send him a reply to come over around six tonight, which is about two hours from now.
After a shower and brief trip to the grocery store, I’m fixing dinner when I hear him knock. Walking over, I open the door and gesture for him to come in. His brown eyes are intent as they search my face for an indication of my mood.
“I’m making dinner. Would you like to eat with me?”
Exhaling, he tucks his hands into his back pocket. “I’d love to eat dinner with you. Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Yes, you can set the island while I finish the beans and rice. We’re having chicken enchiladas, if that’s OK with you?”
He grins and starts setting down plates and silverware. “What would you like to drink?”
“Water, and I’ve got Mexican beer in the fridge. The bar is over there if you want something different.”
“This is good.” He quickly finishes and grabs our drinks.
Pulling the chicken enchiladas from the oven, I set them on the stove with the rice and beans. “Please bring your plate over and serve yourself.”
I motion to the food, then walk over to the island and place sour cream and tortilla chips on it. Walking back to the stove with my own plate, I fill it up and sit down next to Shaw.
“I’m not sure I deserve this dinner,” Shaw murmurs as he takes his first bite. Groaning, he takes another. “I know I don’t deserve it now, but it’s damn good.”
“You don’t deserve it. This is one of my comfort foods, and after everything this weekend, I needed it.” Taking a bite, I close my eyes and savor the taste. “You’re just lucky I invited you over.”
“I am lucky. I’m sorry I didn’t stand up and tell Thayer to just fuck off.” His hand runs through his hair. “To be honest, though, I’m not sure I would. For years I was our unit’s leader, and I used their expertise to help guide our missions. Even when they disagreed with each other, I always listened to each of them when they felt it was critical.”
Tilting my head, I listen to his explanation. “A relationship is not a ‘unit’ or a democracy. It’s built on trust and support. You didn’t exhibit either in my case. I felt backed into a corner.”
“I get it. I do. I’m sorry. My fears overrode my natural instinct to protect. I let Thayer corner you so I could hear what you were hiding.” Frowning, he looks down at his plate. “When Vanessa left, she told us our unique relationship had never been in her plans for her future. It was always a temporary situation for her. It was devastating. She never gave us any clue she felt that way.” He looks up at me as he shakes his head in disbelief. “When I confronted her, she said, ‘You never asked me.’ A simple fact in her eyes that ruined us. We didn’t realize until that moment that we had never delved deeper with her. We didn’t know her past. We didn’t share our hopes and dreams. So, when we could all see you were hiding something, it ate at our insecurities. It’s no excuse, I know.”
Rolling my shoulders, I take a sip of my beer as I think about what he just said. “The past has a way of influencing the present. I understand. It’s something I fight against all the time. Unfortunately, the past won the other day for both of us. I couldn’t control my reaction to the wheelchair, and Thayer pounced. You couldn’t support me in the way I needed because of your past with Vanessa.”
“I wished that wasn’t true. Fuck, it broke my heart to hear what you went through. It broke all of our hearts, including Thayer’s. He knows what he did was wrong.” Shaw goes on to explain the type of person Thayer is when he’s not being an asshole. “If it’s any consolation, your story is salt into an old wound. His mother was abused, by his own father, and if there’s one thing in this world Thayer can’t stand, it’s the abuse of a woman or child.”
“I’m sorry to hear about his mother, but I have to say, I’m glad he’s suffering, even a little bit.” My voice cracks with hurt and anger.
Standing, he helps me up and heads over to the couch. Sitting down, he takes my hand and pulls me into his lap. “Thayer is like a brother to me. Just like Lev and Lowell. We wouldn’t be so close if he had different values than we do. I hope you can give him another chance to redeem himself. He could use someone like you in his life.”
Playing with his fingers, my own tremble a bit. “I’m not sure. Between his hatefulness, the wheelchair, and the similarity to Collin, it’s tough.”
“I understand. Maybe it will help to focus on the professional instead of the personal relationship. Thayer needs to start taking over his practice. He feels he could start with one-two hours a day for the next few weeks. While he has a lot of rehab and recovery, this will give him something to work towards until he can fully take it over again. Why don’t you treat him as a colleague and focus solely on the day-to-day needs of the practice?”
I gasp. I’m angry at the thought of having him near me for a couple hours every day. How much hate and bullshit will he vomit?
Breathing deeply, I wrangle my thoughts to something less emotional. At some point, I need to figure out my future with these men, and I can’t do that until Thayer and I have either resolved our differences or agreed to ignore each other.
“Fine. If he spews one itty bitty piece of hate or bullshit, I’m done.”
Kissing my fingers, he murmurs his agreement. “Agreed. Enough about Thayer. Can you forgive me? I’m so sorry, Angel. I let my own past cloud my judgment. If it’s any consolation, your story crushed me. I can’t get your words out of my head.”
Staring into his dark brown eyes, my voice is serious as I tell him, “I prefer honesty and transparency, and I want our relationship to include those traits. I forgive you. All of you. But I need men who will stand up for me, not let others influence them. Don’t do it again.”
His lips swoop down and capture mine in relief. Slow, but thorough, his kiss shows me his love. It burns through me, incinerating my anger and hurt, leaving only love behind. My arms wrap around him as I pull him in tight. I kiss him back deeply, showing him my need for him and his love. His mouth devours me as his need rises to meet
mine.
My fingers find the buttons on his shirt and work to unbutton them. Tearing my mouth from his, I pull his shirt off him. My hands glide over his shoulders, my fingers trace the scars on his soldier’s body. Kissing a few of the most serious ones, I close my eyes with gratitude that he made it out alive. I sculpt every delicious inch of him before grasping his head in mine to give him a thorough kiss, filled with desire.
Feeling his hands at the hem of my shirt, I raise my arms so he can pull it off. I’m not wearing a bra, so I hear his sharp intake as my breasts come into view, bouncing slightly after being freed from the confines of the shirt. One hand wraps around to my back to pull me in tight so he can capture my nipple with his mouth. His lips clamp down tight, and he sucks hard.
Moaning, I arch my back in an effort to get as close as possible. I tunnel my fingers into his thick, brown hair. Tugging, I move his mouth from one nipple to the other. “This one is more sensitive.” His mouth latches onto the second nipple and licks and sucks. My hands grip his hair as I hold him to me. “Shaw, that feels so good.” Pulling up his head, I lean over and capture his lips with mine again. My tongue slips in and out, playing with his as I mimic the dance to come.
His hands grip my waist and pull me off his lap to lay me down on the couch. Turning around to face me, he hooks his fingers in my shorts and pulls them off, leaving me in my lacy thong. Throwing the shorts over his shoulder, he slides down between my legs and stares up at me.
“You’re so beautiful, Angel. The things I want to do to you are going to take a lifetime. Tonight, though, I want to taste you. Burn you into my soul until you can’t escape.”
His hand reaches out and pulls my underwear up tight so he can see the outline of my pussy. Groaning, his lips glide over the lace, leaving feathery kisses over every inch.
I raise my hips, trying to get him to place more pressure, but he resists. His mouth moves to the inside of my thighs before trailing up to my stomach. Hissing, I twitch as his mouth tickles.
“It’s too light.”
He continues with his feather light touch, except his tongue now joins the journey. His mouth travels all over my body, delving into crevasses, hollows, sometimes tickling, other times striking gold when he hits a “hot spot.”
Rising, he pulls off my thong. Spreading my legs, he stares down at every inch of me, just like he did the night with Lowell. His finger strokes through my wetness from top to bottom.
“You’re so wet. For me.”
He pulls back and takes off his jeans and briefs. His cock, released from its confines, stands at attention, hard and veiny.
Licking my lips, I plead, “I want to taste you.”
Grunting, he grabs his cock and squeezes the base. “Angel, I don’t think I can let you this first time. I’m wound tight. All I can think about is tasting you right now.”
Pulling a condom out of his jeans, he lays it on the coffee table. Spreading my legs, his head drops down, and his tongue follows the path his finger just took, swiping me from top to bottom.
“Last time I had your sweet ass in front of me, and this time your wet pussy. I don’t know which is better.”
His mouth finds the tip of my clit, and he sucks hard. My hips come off the couch. Using his shoulders, he spreads me wider, while his hand flattens on my stomach to hold me in place.
“That’s better. Did you like me sucking on your clit?”
I look down at him. “Yes.” Holding my breath, I watch as his tongue sweeps out and strokes my clit. His dark brown eyes, almost black with desire, watch my face as he continues to stroke. Nodding my head, I reply. “I like you licking my clit, too.” His eyes gleam with satisfaction before his tongue dips down further. Spearing me, his tongue hits the nerves at the rim of my core.
He stops, and I moan. “Angel, do you like me tasting you?”
“Fuck, Shaw. Yes. Don’t stop. Please.” My hand grips his hair and pulls him back down. “Please.”
Giving a dark chuckle, it’s as if that was the trigger. He devours me. Licking, sucking, and feasting with his tongue.
Gripping his hair, it doesn’t take long before I come. “Shaw!” My orgasm rolls over me, but he doesn’t stop until I beg. “Please, I need you inside me. Not your mouth. I need your cock.”
Up on his knees, he rolls on the condom before settling between my legs again. This time, his cock is flush against me. My hips roll, relishing in the feel of his cock. Large hands reach up and hold my head.
“I fucking need you. Please don’t leave me.”
With that statement, he drives his cock into me slow but hard. Thrusting again and again, he makes sure I feel every inch of him inside me.
One arm grabs my leg and holds it out to the side so he can thrust deeper. “Fuck. Shaw, I’m not going anywhere.” My hand sweeps behind his head to pull him down for a kiss. Tasting myself on him, I mimic his thrusts as I kiss him roughly. “Damn, that feels so good. Harder.”
His eyes watch me intently as he continues to thrust. The emotion he displays washes over me. “I love you, Kate. My Angel. I love your mind, your generous heart, your laughter, your incredible body,” he groans, “I love you.” His pace picks up, and he starts moving deep and fast. “I love the feel of your wet pussy on my tongue. I love the feel of you wrapped tightly around my cock.” He moans low. “I love your sweet ass.”
“Faster. Please.” His hips are moving fast now.
His hand slips between us and rubs my clit. Tremors shoot through me, and I tighten down on his cock. “You’re so fucking close, Angel. That’s it. Come for me. Please.” He holds down tight on my clit, and I come. As soon as I cry out, he comes, too. “Yes, Angel. That’s it. Fuck.” Breathing heavily, he lowers my leg before dropping down to cage me in tight. “I meant what I said, Kate. I love you.” His lips tease mine back and forth.
“I love you, too, Shaw.” Brown eyes shoot up to capture mine. “I love your honor and sense of duty. I don’t love your stubbornness. I love your dedication to your family. I love your pride in your work, and in the ranch.” Grinning, I finish with, “I love your cock, too.”
Leaning down, he kisses me thoroughly. “Now, let’s go for round two.” Picking me up in his arms, he takes me back to my bedroom. “I think I remember you stating you wanted to taste me?”
Laughing, I wrap my arms around his neck. “I definitely want to taste you.”
CHAPTER 37
KATE
Entering the practice, I ask everyone to meet me in my office.
“Hello. I’ve got some great news for you. Dr. Bradford will be coming in to work an hour or two each day, starting today. I’m not sure what time he will be here, but I need your help. As you may know, he’s currently in a wheelchair while he heals, so we need to prepare the practice. Paula and Brittany, if you could clear the areas around the patient lounge and front desk, that would be great. Sarah, if you could help me clear this back hallway and the patient rooms, I would appreciate it. Any questions?”
Smiles break out as everyone gets excited about Thayer’s return. My own smile feels fake as I slip on my professional mask.
“So you’ve met Thayer, huh? What did you think?” Sarah’s bouncing around, clearing the office so he can get his chair back here.
Looking around, I realize this is the only office and I’ll have to share it with him.
Freaking A. It just gets better and better.
Rolling my shoulders, I head out of the office towards the patient rooms to move a few things around so he can get his wheelchair into the rooms. Sarah comes up to me as I’m finishing the last one.
“That good, huh?”
“What? I didn’t say anything.” Looking away, I bite the inside of my cheek as I consider what to tell her.
“Thayer’s a great boss, and a friend. But you’re my friend now, too. What is it?” she demands as she removes a plant from the hallway and places it in the corner.
Debating, I realize she’s going to feel the tension. Plu
s, I may need her help to avoid him. Grabbing her hand, I drag her back to the office and shut the door. I unload everything on her, from the fact that Thayer looks like Collin to the storytelling debacle. Tears come to her eyes as I tell her about the past.
“Stop. I can’t handle tears. It’s over. I survived. It’s all good.” I pass her a tissue as I look away from her tears.
“Dammit, Kate. You’ve gone through hell. I don’t understand how you can still be so strong and independent. It’s like you’re Superwoman.” Sarah wipes away her tears. “I can cry for my friend. Both of my friends. That doesn’t even sound like Thayer.”
“That’s what Shaw said, too. I didn’t know if I should believe him, but I’m glad to hear it from you. I wasn’t sure if I should tell you. Not just because I don’t like talking about the past, but because it shows Thayer in a bad light. Although, he was an ass.” Worried, I look at her. “But you are bound to notice if I freak out or there’s tension between us. I wanted you to hear it from me.”
Sarah slings an arm around me. “I’ve got your back. BFFs, right?”
“BFFs. Now let’s get this day started.” Smiling, I give her a quick hug. I haven’t had a friend like Sarah in a long time. It’s amazing I found her now.
Around ten in the morning, we hear a commotion in the lounge. As I walk up front, I see a group of people standing in a circle around Thayer. Everyone is smiling and laughing, greeting him with pats on the back or quick hugs. His face is lit up as he jokes around with them all. It’s like he’s a different person. Charming, witty, caring.
I watch as Sarah walks over and leans down to give him a hug. Her face is stern as she whispers in his ear. Frowning, he tilts his head and opens his mouth to say something back to her, but he stops when he notices me standing in the doorway.
What? I take a step forward to get closer to him and notice something odd. Yep, it wasn’t just a trick of the light. His eyes are dark blue now, not the icy blue that previously matched Collin’s. Puzzled, I stare at him for a second. Contacts. Looking at the whole picture, I realize with his most recent haircut and the blue contacts, the resemblance to Collin is like a faded photograph. Faint, with blurred lines, as if he was a distant relative. Relief fills me. Thankful, I give him a nod.