by Jenika Snow
Never once did they say I couldn’t go, that I was annoying.
They’d embraced me, let me go everywhere with them. But as I grew older, I started seeing Pope as something more than Jonathan’s friend, something more than an unofficial member of our family.
I saw him as something more than just my friend.
I started seeing him as the guy I wanted in my life as mine. He was smart and driven, athletic and honest. He was caring and the one person I had leaned on the most after Jonathan passed away.
And it was all of that stuff wrapped up tightly that had me falling hopelessly in love with him.
I reached the end of the pool after my laps and braced a hand on the edge, taking my other one and pulling off my goggles. I looked at the time board. Although this was just practice, I was pleased that I’d beaten the rest of the swimmers.
I looked over at Pope and could see him watching me in the corner, his arms crossed over his chest, a smirk on his face as he no doubt saw my time. He was my biggest supporter, pushing me to my limits because he knew I could do better, go harder, swim faster.
My heart was racing, but it didn’t have to do with the swim and everything to do with staring at the man I loved.
I did love him, so much that my chest hurt, the pain of not being honest with him and telling him how I felt riding me hard. I was old enough to know I wasn’t getting any younger, but young enough to know I had my whole life ahead of me.
And I wanted Pope with me always.
Maybe I would’ve kept my mouth shut if I didn’t see the way he watched me, the way his eyes always seemed to be on me. I felt his gaze like a physical touch, and I wanted more.
I craved more.
I climbed out of the pool and was immediately handed a towel by one of the aides. As I dried off, I looked over at Pope and saw him watching me.
I felt it in the beginning, but thought maybe his attention toward me was just Pope being Pope ... overly protective and stepping into the role of being a big brother because Jonathan was gone.
But as time passed, I realized it was more than that. He wanted me. I could see it in his eyes, feel it when he was near. He stayed silent, and I knew he probably always would.
He probably thought it would be disrespectful because of Jonathan. But I knew my brother would have wanted me to be happy, no matter who that was with. So I was the one who needed to step up.
I’d come to the conclusion that I was done waiting, that being friends wasn’t enough. And maybe telling him the truth would ruin everything, but that was a chance I was willing to take.
Because if it meant I’d finally, possibly, get to be with Pope, I was willing to do anything.
2
Pope
Genetics in Physical Anthropology was not a class I was even interested in, didn’t help me advance my degree, and was more like someone speaking a foreign language to me than anything else. But I took it because Mia did and I wanted to be close to her.
By the grace of Mia helping me, I was barely passing the fucking class.
Before I even saw her, I knew she’d stepped into the classroom. It was the way my body tightened, how the air charged with electricity. The hairs on my arm stood on end and my heart started racing.
I looked over my shoulder and saw her walk inside the room, two books stacked on top of each other in one arm, her cell in the other hand.
The long fall of her dark hair was done in a braid, falling over her shoulder. How many times had I wanted to run my fingers through her strands? How many times had I thought of wrapping those locks around my hand and tilting her head back to claim her mouth?
I cleared my throat and straightened even more, feeling my pants become tight as my arousal quickened, as the blood started to pool in my dick. She looked up and glanced around, her gaze landing on mine and a smile spread across her face.
Shit, her smile could light up the fucking room.
She sat beside me just as Professor Goode cleared his throat.
“Lots of ground to cover today, everyone,” he said in a booming voice.
I glanced up for only a moment, but the heat from Mia’s body, the scent of lemon and cotton that clung to her, distracted me. I looked back at her to see she was looking at Professor Goode, this small smile on her face.
Instantly possessiveness slammed into me. Did she have a thing for him? I had to admit that although he was at least a decade older than she was, he was someone who probably drew a lot of female attention because of his good looks. That put me in an even shittier mood.
But maybe she liked them older? Maybe she liked the refined, intelligent type?
All of which I was not.
“Please tell me I’m not the only one who sees it?” She looked at me then, her big blue eyes crinkled at the corners as her smile widened. “Please tell me you see how obvious Professor Goode is being?”
I felt my brows knit as I looked back at him. He was leaning against his desk, his arms crossed over his chest, his focus trained on one student. I followed his line of vision to see who he was staring at.
A girl.
I looked back at Mia and shrugged. She exhaled as if she was tired, or maybe couldn’t believe I could miss whatever she was talking about.
“You honestly can’t see that he is totally hard up for her?”
“What?” I looked back at the professor and the girl, glancing between them. She seemed oblivious to the fact he kept staring at her, but now that I was really paying attention, I could see that his focus was trained solely on her, his expression almost intense.
“Every day I watch him stare at her, almost glower when another guy talks to her. Kind of exciting knowing a professor wants a student, isn’t it?” We looked at each other and she wagged her brows. She leaned in close. “It’s like this forbidden love story.”
The feel of her warm, sweet breath moving along my cheek had goosebumps forming on my arms. I curled my hand around the desk. It was auditorium seating, but Mia and I liked to sit in the very back, so there was nobody behind us to see the reaction I had toward her.
It wouldn’t have made a difference anyway. I wouldn’t have cared if they saw. In fact, I wanted them to know. I wanted them to see how she affected me, that I wanted her and I wouldn’t let anybody come between that.
I wouldn’t let anyone else have that.
I didn’t respond as I just stared at her, wanting nothing more than to grip her chin with my thumb and forefinger and keep her face parallel with mine. I wanted to press my mouth to hers until she was clutching at me for support as I devoured her lips and showed her with a kiss she was mine.
In that moment, the words were on the tip of my tongue, words that would tell her what she meant to me, how I loved her. “Mia,” I said softly.
“Mr. Donovan, maybe you’d like to teach the class since you have so much to say?”
Professor Goode’s voice traveled up the classroom and I slowly looked at him. We stared at each other for a moment and I finally straightened, my focus on him.
He started teaching then and I heard Mia chuckle softly beside me. I glanced at her and smiled.
“Look at you,” she whispered, “getting in trouble like you used to in high school.”
I was full-on grinning then. “The good old days,” I whispered back. She had her arm resting toward the edge of her desk, and I stared at her soft, golden skin, trailed my gaze down to her delicate wrist and long, almost fragile fingers. Her nails were painted light pink, almost a nude color. I thought about some dirty fucking things her hand could be doing in that moment.
When I glanced at her face, I expected her to be looking at me, having caught me staring at her. But she had her focus trained straight as she listened to the lecture.
God, I couldn’t believe I’d lasted this long without ever saying anything to her. But I was going to change that. I was going to change all of that.
3
Pope
The only reason I’d come to this fuc
king party was because of Mia, because I wanted to make sure no one messed with her. I wanted to make sure no drunken asshole stumbled around with a semi-hard boner trying to get in her pants.
I’d break kneecaps before I let that happen.
I stood in the corner of the frat house and brought a bottle of water to my mouth, taking a long drink. A beer sounded good, but I had to keep a level and clear head.
Mia was across the room with a couple of her girlfriends, red plastic cups in their hands, grins on their faces. Compared to them, Mia was low key, not done up and over the top with styled hair and a made-up face. She wasn’t wearing revealing clothes where her midriff was showing or her cleavage was on full display.
Although it would be fine if she wanted to dress like that and make herself up that way, the fact that she was more down to earth, wearing a cardigan set to a frat party, and adjusting her reading glasses up the bridge of her nose, made her the hottest fucking girl to me.
I hadn’t missed the handful of guys that kept checking her out, probably trying to grow a set of balls and go over there and talk to her. Hell, they could talk to the other three girls Mia was hanging out with. As long as they kept their distance from my girl there’d be no issues.
If they thought they had a chance with her...well, I wasn’t above making a scene to make my point known.
But I wasn’t going to be an asshole and be all up on her ass, a second skin that didn’t let her do shit. She could do what she wanted, whenever she wanted. I’d just watch over her from a distance, and if need be, I’d go in and beat someone’s ass to protect her.
Mia
I tried not to stare at Pope, to keep glancing over to where he stood in the corner, but he was a force of nature. His very presence filled a room. He was like an entity that commanded attention wherever he went.
There was no way to avoid his presence.
There was no way I wanted to.
“Hey, did you hear me?”
I glanced over at Rita and nodded. “Yeah, I heard you.” I brought the beer to my mouth and swallowed the lie.
Rita snorted and shook her head. “You’re such a bad liar,” she said on a grin.
I glanced at Pope again, seeing his focus right on me. I didn’t miss how Rita turned her attention to where my vision was trained. Camden and Gina were busy talking about guys ... who was a douche and who was decent in bed, and not paying attention to the fact I wasn’t focused on what was going on.
Instead, I was wondering what it would feel like to have Pope’s hands on me.
Rita glanced back at me and a smile spread across her face. “Oh my God,” she said in a harsh whisper. “You’re totally eye fucking Pope.” That had Camden and Gina stopping their conversation and glancing at me.
I looked between the three of them and felt my face heat, being put on the spot. I could’ve lied, but they would’ve been able to tell, I was sure.
“Maybe we should talk about something else?” God, my face was on fire. I started guzzling the beer and the three of them laughed.
“You do realize that we see the way you two look at each other constantly, right?” Camden was the one to speak.
“Yeah, like you guys are so not subtle,” Gina said on a smile.
“I’ve been wondering how long you guys are going to wait before you actually make a move. I’ve almost been tempted to make bets on who’ll be the first.” The three of them started laughing after Rita spoke.
I rolled my eyes, trying to act nonchalant, but I was embarrassed by the fact I’d obviously not been very obscure about my feelings toward Pope.
I could feel Pope’s gaze on me and glanced over at him, seeing this intense look on his face as he not only watched me, but periodically scanned the room. I knew he was doing that to keep a watch on me, to be my personal security guard.
He’d always been like that, but he’d gotten more intense after Jonathan had passed away. I couldn’t lie and say I didn’t like that he was so possessive of me, that he didn’t even want other guys talking to me, let alone looking at me.
“Surely you’ve noticed the way he looks at you?” Gina was the one to speak, her eyebrows lifted, surprise on her face.
I looked at Rita and Camden, seeing the same expression on their faces. I shrugged, feeling my face heat even further. Of course I’d seen him watching me, felt the way his gaze was a little bit more than friendly, how he seemed very proprietary toward me. But I guess in my head I’d played it off, thinking that it was just him looking out for me, Jonathan’s best friend making sure I was okay.
When I glanced at Pope for what was probably the millionth time that night, my heart jumped to my throat. He looked at me with such possessiveness that I felt like fingers raced up my body. The shivers worked their way over my arms and legs, and I tried to hide it, but the way the girls were grinning at me told me I’d failed.
I finished off my beer, my throat tight and dry, everything spinning around me. For so long I hadn’t been honest with him. Hell, I hadn’t been honest with myself. I’d hidden my true feelings toward Pope for years, too afraid to utter them, to ruin what we had.
But maybe that feeling I got every now and then when he looked at me, when I thought maybe he felt the same desire for me … was real? Maybe Pope wanted me the same way I wanted him?
“Mia.” Camden was the one to speak and I looked over at her.
I could feel Rita’s and Gina’s gazes on me. “You only live once, right?” Camden said. “If I had a man who looked at me the way Pope looks at you, nothing could keep me from being with him.”
I was shocked a little at the seriousness from Camden. She was always the easygoing one, the flippant attitude girl in the bunch. She never acted serious about much, but right now, her face was set hard, her tone genuine.
I nodded as I looked at Pope one final time. So much time wasted. So much time lost.
This little voice in the back of my head told me to be honest, that although it might ruin our friendship and put this awkward wedge between us, at least I’d be honest, not just to Pope, but to myself as well.
4
Pope
She was quiet as we headed back to her dorm, and I was starting to get worried I’d done something wrong, or maybe someone had done something to her to put her in this forlorn mood.
But what if it was me?
Although I knew I could be a little overbearing and overprotective, maybe I was so far over the edge it had finally gotten under her skin?
She’d glanced at me constantly at the party, and although I didn’t really try to hide the fact I watched her the whole time, maybe she was starting to realize that I could be too intense.
I tightened my hands on the steering wheel, this pressure settling on my shoulders. I didn’t want to push her away. Maybe if she knew the truth, knew how I felt about her, she’d understand my undying need to be close to her.
I pulled to a stop in front of the dorm building and just sat there, the car idling. I looked over at her, seeing the way she worried her bottom lip. It was clear she had something on her mind, and I didn’t want her to leave if she was concerned about something.
I shifted on the seat so I could face her better, giving her a moment to talk to me on her own before I pressed her. When several seconds passed and she still had yet to say anything, I cleared my throat and lifted my hand, running my palm over the back of my hair.
“Mia?”
She looked over at me, this surprised expression filtering across her face as if she’d been lost in her own thoughts, forgetting she sat right beside me.
In that moment, I realized I had to grow a set of balls and just be honest, to tell her how I felt. But maybe this wasn’t the best time. If she had something on her mind and needed to unload that on me, I’d be here as her friend, not the guy who wanted to confess how madly in love he was with her.
She licked her lips and I watched her drag her little pink tongue along the full bottom one. My chest clenched, my hands itc
hing to reach out and touch her, to bring her closer.
“Mia, tell me what’s wrong.” I was trying to keep my voice level, to keep the worry and need out of my tone.
But the truth was, Mia was starting to freak me the fuck out.
She shifted on the seat so she was facing me as well, her eyes a little wider, the uncertainty in her expression clear.
Mia took a deep breath and stared out the front windshield for long moments, as if trying to figure out what to tell me, how to tell me.
“Pope, there’s stuff I want to tell you but I’m afraid.”
My heart jumped and chills raced along my body. Instantly my need to protect her rose up. “Tell me what motherfucker hurt you and I’ll kill them, Mia.” I couldn’t stop the animalistic growl that left me. “Was it some asshole at the party?” Panic seized me. “Mia, sweetheart, tell me.”
When she looked at me again there was so much vulnerability in her expression that it took my breath away.
“It’s nothing like that, Pope,” she said softly.
I felt the relief settle in me.
“It’s about you. It’s about me.”
Fuck. Was this what I thought it was? Shit, I was getting nervous, fucking scared.
I wanted to be the first to speak, to tell her how I felt, that I was so fucking madly in love with her that I would do anything to make us a possibility.
And I was just about to say those words when she licked her lips and took a deep inhalation, which had everything in me freezing.
“Pope, it’s always been you.” My heart stopped for a moment.
I was slightly confused, maybe even a little hopeful. “Always been me?” Fuck, was that my voice?
She nodded slowly as she stared into my eyes. “It’s always been you for me.”