Finding Our Forever: (A Defining Moments Novel)

by Andee Michelle

  I jump up, pour myself a cup of coffee, and rush toward the bathroom to take a quick shower so we can head to meet Cord. I’m not sure why he wants us to meet him there, but it has to be for a good reason. He’s got to know we want to be at the hospital with Mom.

  BY THE TIME WE make it to the coffee shop, I’m nervous as hell because, for some strange reason, the very idea that Cord wants to talk to us away from Mom while she is still in the hospital doesn’t sit well. Something is wrong.

  We spot him as soon as we step inside, sitting in the back with his phone pressed to his ear, talking ninety miles an hour. When we approach him, he looks up from his laptop and gives us a tight smile before telling whoever he’s talking to that he’ll call them back.

  “Hey, guys, thanks for meeting me here,” he tells us with a very noticeable edge of nervousness.

  “What’s going on, Cord? We want to get over to the hospital to see Mom,” Ben mutters with frustration.

  “First thing this morning, I made arrangements for Destry to be on the earliest flight out of Boise. He’s already on his way and should be here in about an hour, so I need you guys to pick him up.” Cord pauses and looks at his phone that just chimed with an incoming message. He frowns even harder. “Look, guys, I know this is weird, but I need you to trust me. I saw your mom this morning and she looks good. She’s going to be okay.” He types something into his phone, and I can tell Ben is starting to lose his patience.

  “Cord, we just want to go over to the hospital real quick before we go pick Dez up at the airport. We appreciate you getting him here, but you could have just told us that at the hospital,” Ben grinds out.

  “That’s not all,” Cord deadpans. “Once you’ve picked up Destry, let’s all meet at your apartment. I’ll make sure your dad comes too. I think it’s probably the safest place for us to all meet.” He pauses, waiting for our reaction.

  “Quit skirting around whatever bullshit is going on. Just tell us what the hell is happening!” Ben growls.

  “I can’t, but your dad will as soon as you’re all together. I’ll make damn sure of it,” he retorts, anger in his voice. “I know this all seems strange, but I promise you’ll understand as soon as we can all meet. It’s not my place to tell you guys. Your dad needs to tell you himself.”

  Cord is dead serious about this. The more he talks about our dad, the angrier he gets.

  “We’ll pick him up at the airport, but we’re going over to see Mom before that. We haven’t seen her since she woke up,” I argue with him. I understand there’s a discussion that needs to happen, but we need to see her first.

  “I need you guys to trust me. If you go there, she’ll tell you what happened and that’s not fair to her. She needs to rest and take care of herself and not worry about how to tell you guys. As a man, I’m actually pissed for you that he expects your mom to be the one to break it to you,” he responds sternly.

  “Why don’t you just tell us, because this waiting bullshit is pissing me off,” Ben barks out.

  “It’s not my place to tell you, but I care deeply for your mom, and I want what’s best for her and for you boys. You are her world, and the idea that he is going to leave this to her to explain makes me want to beat the living shit out of him.” He pauses, closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath.

  “I just need you guys to trust me. I promise, the moment he tells you, I’ll rush to the hospital with you.”

  “Fine. We’ll head to the airport to get Destry and meet you at our apartment,” Ben says firmly.

  “Just one more thing before you guys head out.” He pauses, looking at me and Ben before he continues. “I need you to give me your dad’s phone number. I have to talk to him before we all meet.”

  Ben smirks a little, as if he thinks this is a good idea, and I know immediately it isn’t. I think Ben still has this unrealistic view of our dad.

  “Do you think that’s a good idea?” I ask Cord, trying to figure out what the hell he would need to talk to Dad about.

  “Actually, I do,” he replies sternly without hesitation, and this makes the smirk disappear from Ben’s face.

  Ben nods stiffly and gives Cord Dad’s number.

  “We’ll see you shortly at our apartment. Let’s make it quick, please. We really want to see Mom,” I tell him, before putting my hand on Ben’s shoulder and pushing him gently toward the door. Thankfully, he doesn’t resist.

  When we reach the door and I pull it open to leave, I look back and lock eyes with Cord, who has his phone up to his ear again, his jaw set tight.

  THE MOMENT DESTRY steps out of the security gates and his eyes lock on us, I see his hard exterior crumble. He’s been trying to hold it together every time I talk to him, but he’s seventeen years old for Christ’s sake and was 900 miles away while this whole nightmare unfolded. The three of us stand together, arms around each other for several minutes, all of us trying to keep our shit together.

  When we pull apart, Destry’s old soul kicks in and he immediately tries to take control of the situation. “So, Cord called me right before I boarded the plane and said we’re all meeting at your apartment to have a discussion with Dad. Someone want to tell me what the hell that’s about?”

  “We don’t know either, Dez. Cord just asked us to pick you up and meet him and Dad at our apartment. Dad is supposed to be giving us some answers, to what we have no idea,” Ben gripes.

  We get to my truck and head toward our apartment, all of us quiet and trying to internally figure out what the hell this meeting is all about. Once we get there, I immediately see Dad and Cord, each standing beside their own vehicles, not near each other.

  When I’m parked, Dad cautiously lumbers over to us and hugs Destry tight, giving both Ben and I the typical head nod.

  “Well, I guess we should get this over with, huh?” Dad asks with a trembling voice. He never even looks at Cord as we make our way up to the apartment.

  Inside, we take seats in the living room/breakfast bar area, and then it’s too quiet.

  “All right, we’re all here. Someone tell us what the hell is going on so we can go see Mom,” I blurt out.

  Cord looks at my Dad, who has his head in his hands with his elbows resting on his knees. That was the same position he was sitting in while in the waiting room when he was breaking down while Mom was in surgery.

  “Justin, tell them,” Cord sneers.

  Dad shoots to standing and stomps toward Cord, pointing in his face. “They are my kids, Cord, not yours! I will tell them, but this doesn’t concern you and you need to leave.”

  Destry takes a step toward Dad, putting his hand on the arm connected to the finger in Cord’s face. When Dad takes a step back, Destry shocks us all when he replies, “Well, we want him here, seeing as how he is the one who orchestrated this whole meeting. It obviously means something to him.”

  “Let’s hear it, Dad. What could be so important that you two have us away from the hospital? Away from Mom!” Ben bellows.

  Dad sits back down, takes a deep breath, and begins to speak. Over the course of the next few hours, we listen as our father explains to us that he’s been having affairs since just a few years after they were married. He sobs, he gets angry, and he apologizes. According to him, once Mom started treating him like one of her kids, he basically checked out of their relationship and started looking for excitement elsewhere. Most of the affairs were with women he met through his work, but not all. He lays it all out for us, and I watch as Ben’s face goes from crushed, to pissed, to a level of angry I’ve never seen my twin show. Several times, Ben holds up his hand to stop the conversation and storms outside, slamming the door so hard that I’m afraid someone will call the cops. Ben returns, his face red with anger, and Dad continues.

  I’m actually surprised he’s being so honest. He admits that the affairs made him feel young and important, something he didn’t feel in his own home. Then he tells us about going to a therapist who diagnosed him with a sex addiction. When he says th
ose words, I actually can’t help but laugh out loud. He glares at me, but I can’t help it. He’s using an addiction to get out of the shitty things he did to our mother. It’s completely laughable, and I immediately realize I have zero respect left for this man. Yes, he will always be my father, but I will never look at him the same. Ever.

  After hours of discussions, fights, and even a moment where Ben gets in his face—surprise, surprise—and basically calls him a pussy, we finally decide we are doing nothing more than beating a dead horse. We’ve all been over the details, and then some, of what he’d done.

  When Ben tries to stop the conversation so we can get to the hospital to see Mom, our pathetic father has to throw one more log on the fire.

  “Look, guys, there is one more confession I need to make,” he says gently, like he’s preparing us for a surprise. I don’t think anything he says could surprise us after that shitshow.

  I look at Ben and Destry, both of whom have their full attention on our father’s face, and wait for the bomb he is about to drop. If he waited until the end to tell us whatever this is, it must be bad.

  “Yesterday, your mom was out shopping. She ran into my secretary, Ashley, and they had some sort of discussion about my affair with her. Your mom ran out of the store, obviously upset,” he says, his voice trailing off.

  “You motherfucker!” Ben roars as he lunges for him. “You did this! She’s in the hospital because of you, isn’t she?” Ben’s fist connects with Dad’s ribs before I can get to him, and Dad crumbles, immediately curling into himself. Destry and I wrestle Ben to the ground, not giving two shits about how that punch affected our dad.

  “I will never forgive you for this! Do you hear me? You did this! She could’ve died because you couldn’t keep it in your pants! I hate you!” Ben screams at the top of his lungs as Destry and I hold him down.

  Dad eventually rights himself, apologizes, and then scurries out of our apartment before we let Ben up. His face is contorted in the deepest pain I’ve ever seen, and I’m afraid he’s going to have a heart attack his heart is beating so fast. Destry stands and backs away from us, moving over to stand beside Cord.

  “Ben, listen to my voice. You need to calm down. Take a deep breath. Let it out slow. He’s gone. You need to get yourself under control so we can go to the hospital and see Mom,” I whisper into his ear as he continues to struggle under my weight. I’m not letting him up until he chills out.

  He struggles for a second more before his entire body goes limp under me. I slide to the side of him but don’t let my hold on him go.

  After a few minutes, his body starts to shake and I know he’s trying to let go of that anger. I hear the door shut quietly, and when I look to the where Destry and Cord were just a minute ago, the space is empty, and I know they’ve left to give Ben time to pull himself together.

  I loosen my hold on him and move away from him slowly, still holding his arms gently in case he decides to make a break for it. I’m in absolute shock. I’ve never seen Ben lose it like that. I thought he was going to kill our dad.

  “Get the fuck off me, Eli,” he bites out.

  “Promise me you aren’t going to go murder our dad, and I’ll let you go,” I respond before he starts swatting at my hands.

  “I hate him. How have I not seen what a piece of shit he is?” he mumbles to himself, not expecting an answer. He rights himself and then stands, pushing me away. I can see the confusion and anger written all over his face.

  “Let’s go!” he basically screams at me. “I need to see her. I need to know she’s okay, Eli.” I watch as tears roll down his red face. He’s losing it.

  I nod. “Okay, Ben, let’s go.” I wrap my arms around him and pull him into a bone-crushing hug. He doesn’t return the hug, but he doesn’t fight it either. I’ve never seen him so broken and it makes me hate our dad a little more.

  WE MAKE OUR WAY through the corridors of the hospital, making a beeline for Mom’s room. Cord stops us before we go in to make sure we’re all calm and collected. On the way over, we discussed not upsetting her and keeping our own emotions in check as much as possible.

  When we enter her room, her eyes are open. She smiles and lets out a small squeak when she sees us, and I feel as if an elephant removed itself from my chest.

  I watch as Cord strolls over and kisses her forehead before whispering something to her and then moving over to the side. All three of us rush to her.

  “Cord made Dad tell us the truth about what happened. We’re sorry, Mama,” I choke out.

  She pulls back and looks at my face. “Stop right there. First of all, do not apologize for your father,” she tells us in the strongest voice I’ve heard come out of her in ages. “Was the news a shock? Yes. Did it contribute to the accident? Maybe. Am I pissed at him? Absolutely. Actually, I’d like to cut his nuts off. I understand you guys are mad at him, and you have every right to be. I’m not going to stick up for him and tell you to forgive him. That’s your decision. Just remember he is the only dad you’ll ever have.”

  I pull back from her and look at her face, which seems calm and natural.

  “Mom, he cheated on you for years. How can you be so calm about this?” I ask.

  “Baby, I mourned the death of our marriage a long time ago. Yes, I was shocked to learn of his infidelity, but it doesn’t change anything about my life now. I’m still moving on with my life, and happily too.”

  I look over at Destry and smile, knowing she’s going to be just fine. She’s way stronger than any of us have given her credit for.

  When I swing my eyes to Ben, his face is stoic. He still hasn’t said anything. I watch as he strides to her, kisses her cheek, and turns and leaves. He’s trying to hold it together, and I know he doesn’t want to break down in front of her. She’s been through enough. The moment the door closes behind him, I turn my attention back to Mama, who is looking directly at me with worry. I nod, knowing she wants me to go after him, and I do.

  By the time I get to the nurses’ station, I can see down the long corridor and watch as the elevator doors shut with just a glimpse of Ben’s red face as they close. I pick up my pace, wanting to catch him before he gets out of the hospital.

  I press the button and wait for the car to return to me. It feels like hours, but I’m sure it’s only a minute or two. Ben isn’t emotional and never has been. For him to be on this ledge by himself scares me. I need to get to him.

  The elevator pings just as the doors start to slide open, and I crash into a tiny little body trying to get out as fast as I’m trying to get in.

  Sara.

  “I’M SO SORRY,” she stammers before she even looks up. She’s trying to pick up all the stuff she dropped, and I’m amazed she was carrying all of that.

  When her eyes meet mine, I almost lose my breath. What in the hell is wrong with me? I’m acting like a chick. It’s then I realize I’m standing there staring at her while she picks up all the stuff I knocked out of her arms. I haven’t even apologized for plowing into her.

  I bend down and start helping her gather all of her things. Clothes, shoes, hairspray, toothbrush, a makeup bag, and at the bottom of the heap, a destroyed grocery store plastic bag. She lets out a huff when she sees the bag is torn down the middle.

  “Shit,” she mumbles under the breath.

  “I’m sorry I almost ran you over.” I add a smile in for good measure. “I’ll help you get this stuff to wherever you’re running too.” I start to pile some of the clothing into my arms, but when I hear her laughing, I stop and find her looking at my hand with a smirk on her face. When her eyes lift to mine, one eyebrow raises in question. I look down at to see I’m holding a pair of white lace panties, and the matching bra is already on the pile in my arms.

  I stand, adding the panties to the clothes in my arms, and shrug as if it doesn’t faze me. She smiles and it’s a punch to my gut. Good Lord, I want to kiss those lips.

  “You don’t have to do that, Eli. I can get it,” she tells m
e, reaching toward me to take my stack.

  “No way. I’m helping,” I assure her. “What’s with all the clothes and stuff? You moving in?”

  She chuckles before replying, “No, I just finished up at the gym and I still need to shower and change for my shift that starts in fifteen minutes, so I need to hurry.” We start down the hall and I just follow her lead because I have no idea where we’re going. When we get to a room marked “Employees Only,” she rushes through the door with a quick, “I’ll drop this stuff in my locker and be right back for the rest,” and then she’s gone. A few seconds later, she runs back out, grabs everything in my arms, and turns to go back in, but I touch her shoulder before she gets through the door.

  “Sara, I was wondering if you’d like to have dinner with me sometime,” I stammer out. She looks back over her shoulder, a small smile on her face, and nods.

  “I’d love that, but I’m so far behind schedule right now. Can we talk about this later?” she blurts out and continues through the door, not waiting for a reply.

  I can’t help the big, stupid smile that breaks out on my face. She may not have given me her number so we could finalize things, but she didn’t turn me down. I turn to go, and the memory of Ben leaving hits me hard.

  Shit.

  I bolt for the elevators and am lucky enough to catch one without waiting. When I get outside, I see the brake lights of Ben’s truck as he rips out of the parking lot. I pull my phone from my pocket and hit his contact.

  Ring.

  Ring.

  “What do you want, Eli?” he groans into the phone, as if I’m the most irritating person on the planet.

  “Are you going home? Want me to grab us a pizza?” I ask him, acting as though we’re just having a normal conversation. If I make a big deal out of it, he’ll blow me off and disappear. It’s what he does when he’s upset. I don’t know where he goes and he never tells me, but wherever it is, it isn’t any of our usual hangouts. Swinging myself up into my truck, I start it but wait for his response.