The Refuge

by Ann H. Gabhart

  Papa frowned at her. “You must be seeing things.”

  “No. Come look.” Leatrice couldn’t wait any longer. She ran out of the barn and up the lane toward her grandfather and Sister Darcie.

  The girl had to be seeing things. Or maybe playing a trick on him, since she’d talked about wanting to go see Sister Darcie. Either way, Flynn best find out what she was up to. He put down the curry comb and left his horse tied in the breezeway.

  He stepped out into the sunshine. Leatrice wasn’t seeing things. Silas was coming down the lane toward the house leading a horse. A horse carrying a woman in a Shaker dress. An answer to a prayer he hadn’t even realized he’d been praying. Ma Beatrice said things like that could happen. That sometimes the Lord just knew what a person needed.

  Yet even with that thought in his head, he stood still, as though afraid to move while the ground seemed to shift under his feet. Perhaps he was the one seeing things. But no, Silas was helping the woman down from the horse. Sister Darcie’s husband’s horse. But she had no husband now. And he had no wife.

  The girl riding behind Sister Darcie slid off the horse without help. She was light on her feet. The girl who had given Leatrice trouble. But now she and Leatrice were hugging and dancing in a circle, making the horse skitter to the side. Silas grabbed the horse’s bridle to settle it down.

  Flynn wished his heart would settle down, but it kept beating too fast as crazy thoughts ran through his mind. He had no idea why the woman was here or the girl with her or even why Silas was here. Best not get carried away until he found out what they wanted. But still he stood without moving.

  Leatrice ran to him and grabbed his hand. “Don’t just stand there, Papa. Come on.”

  He let her tug him toward where they waited by the house. He had the strangest feeling he was walking through a gateway into a new life.

  They all hushed as he stepped up to them. The young girl slid behind Sister Darcie to peek out at him with worried eyes. Leatrice was watching him with big eyes too, as though she was afraid he wouldn’t say the right thing. Whatever the right thing was. The woman gave him a hesitant smile and then looked relieved when her baby cried to take her attention. She lifted her out of the wrap, and the baby’s cries turned to happy babbling as she smiled at Flynn. Anna Grace. But where was the other baby?

  He spoke to Silas first. “Have you left the Shakers, Silas?”

  “Nope, nay. Whatever it is I’m supposed to say these days for no.” Silas smiled. “I just walked away this morning for a spell. I expect to have my feet back under their table for the evening meal. We weren’t wrong about those Shaker cooks.”

  Flynn looked at the woman and his heart started beating faster again. “And you, Sister Darcie? Do you plan to have your feet back under the Shaker table this night?”

  “No, I have left the village.” She looked uneasy as she went on. “I suppose you are wondering why I am here. Why we are here.”

  “I’m guessing because Silas brought you.”

  “Well, yes.” She turned and gave the baby to the child behind her. Then she straightened her shoulders and looked straight at Flynn. “He said that you might buy my horse. His price might tide me over until I find a way to earn my keep.”

  “And what way is that?”

  “Perhaps as a seamstress. Or a housekeeper.” Her forehead wrinkled with a frown. “Not that such is your concern. I merely ask you to consider my horse.”

  “Yes, your horse. Sawyer.” He moved over to the horse, not because he needed to know more about the animal but because he needed time to steady his thoughts. Flynn’s hand trembled as he rubbed the horse’s neck. He could feel Silas staring at him, but he didn’t look toward him.

  “Sister Darcie.”

  “Don’t bother her right now, Leatrice.” Silas stopped her. “Let’s go get a drink and maybe you can dig us up some food. I figure the lot of us missed breakfast this morning except for the baby here.”

  “But where is Baby Benjamin, Sister Darcie?” Leatrice looked worried.

  She turned to touch Leatrice’s cheek. “Another sister took him from the village to raise as her own. She loves him very much. Even more than I do.”

  “Oh,” Leatrice said. “Does she sing silly songs to him?”

  The woman smiled. “I don’t know if they are silly songs, but she does sing to him.”

  “I wish he was here.” Leatrice blinked back tears.

  “I know. So do I, but he loved Sister Genna best. That is what we must remember.”

  Leatrice started to say something else, but Silas put his arm around her to turn her toward the house. “That baby will be fine. Now come on to the house before your old grandpa dies of thirst. Your pa don’t need us bothering him while he checks out Miss Darcie’s horse.”

  The girl Mona asked, “Should I take Anna Grace inside too?”

  The woman’s voice was soft. “That would be good. The sun is hot for her.”

  “For you too.” Flynn glanced around at her. “And for Sawyer. Come on over to the barn.” He didn’t look back as he led the horse to the watering trough, but he knew she followed him.

  After the horse drank his fill, Flynn tied his reins to a hitching post under the oak next to the barn. He went through the motions of checking the horse’s legs and hooves and then pulling back his lips to check the teeth, but he wasn’t thinking about the horse. He was thinking about the woman behind him.

  “He’s healthy, isn’t he?” she said.

  “A very nice horse. I’m glad the Shakers let you have him back.”

  “Yea. They are not unkind.” She stepped over to touch the horse’s nose.

  “Unfortunately I don’t have any ready cash to buy him right now.” That much was true. He had spent most of his money on the house Silas had given to the Shakers. Money well spent, since he and Leatrice now had this farm.

  She flinched at his words, but recovered quickly. “I see. Perhaps I can find a buyer in the town.”

  “I’m sure you could, but you have to be careful with horse traders. They sometimes try to get a horse for less than its worth.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you.” She gave the horse’s nose another pat before she turned toward the house. “I’d best go see about Anna Grace so we can head on to town. Thank you for letting us rest here for a little while.”

  “Wait.” Flynn moved in front of her. “So you want a housekeeping job?”

  “If I can find one.” She pulled in a breath as if for courage. “I know I’m being too bold, but Silas said you might need someone to keep house and watch Leatrice.”

  “I don’t need a housekeeper.”

  “Oh.” Disappointment washed over her face. “Forgive me. I shouldn’t have asked.”

  She ducked her head and started to move past him. Again he stepped in front of her. If she could be bold, then so could he. “I don’t need a housekeeper. I need a wife.”

  If he had offered me one thousand dollars for Sawyer, I would not have been more astounded. I stared at him, wondering if I’d heard his words correctly, while my heart did a funny hop in my chest. Did he really mean he needed me as his wife?

  “You hardly know me,” I stammered.

  “True, and you hardly know me.” He moved a bit closer. “But you need a husband and I need a wife. Sounds the perfect trade to me.”

  “I’m not a horse to be traded.”

  He actually laughed. “No, indeed. You are a beautiful woman my daughter already loves.”

  “It is you who would be marrying me. Not your daughter.”

  “You stir my heart, Darcie. I believe love will grow where that stirring is taking place.” He peered down at me intently. “The question is, Do you think love for me could grow in your heart?”

  I placed my hand flat against my chest. “My heart is trying to jump out of my chest.”

  His eyes were tender on me. “But is that because of joy or fear?”

  “Perhaps both.”

  “Then w
hat do you say?”

  When I didn’t answer right away, he went on. “I understand this is sudden. If you will stay and consider my offer, I’ll sleep in the barn until you’re sure of your answer.”

  “I see. That might be good since you would need to get to know me better as well.” I hesitated, but as much as I wanted to agree to his plan, to even perhaps step into his embrace right that minute, I knew I must make him aware of all I brought with me. “I have a baby.”

  “I am ready to be Anna Grace’s father the same as you are ready to be Leatrice’s mother.”

  I breathed in and out. “There is also Mona.”

  He frowned a little. “Isn’t she going back to Harmony Hill with Silas?”

  “No. I have promised Mona she can be my daughter.”

  Flynn frowned and looked toward the house. I didn’t turn to look, but I sensed Mona watching us from the porch. “But won’t the Shakers insist she come back to the village?”

  “I don’t think so. My Mona is not an easy child. She thinks they will be glad to be rid of her and I believe she may be right.”

  “You want me to take in a child who is unkind to my daughter?”

  I moistened my lips and said words I didn’t want to say, but I could not desert Mona. “She is trying to change her ways, but it is still too much to ask. We will go on into the town.”

  Again he stopped me. This time with a hand on my arm. “Don’t be in such a hurry. You have to give a man time to adjust to going from being the father of one daughter to the father of three.”

  Such relief and joy swept through me that I lost all constraint and threw my arms around his neck. Thankfully, he accepted my embrace and returned it in kind.

  “May I seal our promise with a kiss?” he whispered into my ear.

  I kept my arms around him as I leaned my head back to look up at him. “That would seem a good way to begin to know you better.”

  His lips on mine were soft, not demanding in any way. A perfect beginning.

  Epilogue

  SEPTEMBER 1851

  I did marry Flynn Keller on September 25, 1850, exactly one month from the day that I brazenly threw myself into his arms. He did as he promised and slept in the barn until that day, but we spent time together in the daylight hours to get to know one another.

  A preacher came to the farm on that September day. Silas came too from the village and I was surprised to see Eldress Maria and Sister Lettie in the buggy with him. Surprised but overjoyed as well. Eldress Maria’s face looked every bit as joyful when Anna Grace reached for her as soon as she stepped down from the buggy. Of course, Anna Grace was the reason she had come to our wedding, an event considered sinful by the Shakers.

  Sister Lettie was her usual cheerful self and seemed not the least uncomfortable to be witnessing an exchange of marital vows. They both pretended not to recognize Mona or perhaps they did not, for Mona was much changed by the time the month had passed. Smiles sat on her face more than frowns, and she had added a few pounds to her frame since she was not so ready to miss meals to get into mischief as she had been at the Shaker village. I strictly warned her not to mention Sister Corinne’s and Sister Tansy’s hidden shoes.

  “You know I do what I want.” She did her little spin and laughed. “But maybe I will want to do what my Mama Darcie says.”

  The eldress brought letters from Ellie and Genna that came for me at the village. Ellie’s was long, full of many words about her grandchildren and how she continued to pray for me. Genna’s was more to the point, just as Genna always was.

  Benjamin is sipping the goat’s milk from a cup now. He misses you, but he is happy. I am happy. I pray you are free. Your forever sister, Genna.

  I could not have gotten a more treasured gift on my wedding day. To hear from both my forever sisters.

  I thought of Walter as I took Flynn’s hand in front of the preacher. But it was not with regret or sadness. Walter would have been the first to tell me that my love for him was not lessened because I stepped on a new path of love with another.

  In the year since then, I cannot say that it has always been easy. Mona is after all Mona, and even natural-born sisters have their times of conflict. But Mona tries very hard and Leatrice does as well. Anna Grace is her continual happy self, so very like Walter always was. She won Flynn’s heart without effort. As Flynn won mine.

  We added a baby boy to our girls in August. We named him Silas Walter. Had he been a girl, her name would have been Lena Maria. We do not try to forget the loves we had in the past, but we rejoice in the love we share now.

  Such are the blessings of being a beloved child of God.

  One

  JUNE 1833

  Adria Starr didn’t want her mother and little brother to stop breathing the way her father had. She wanted to take care of them.

  She was seven. That was old enough to do things. She could draw water from the well and carry wood to the stove. She could even run for the doctor, like she did after her daddy came home sick, but a woman answered the door at the doctor’s house to say he couldn’t come. He was sick too. That it wouldn’t matter anyway. Not with the cholera.

  Adria had heard her father whisper that word to her mother. Adria didn’t know what it meant, but her mother clutched the back of a chair and made a sound like somebody had hit her in the stomach. Then with her eyes too wide, she looked at Adria, and it was like somebody was squeezing Adria’s heart.

  “Leave.” Adria’s father told her mother. “Get away from the bad air here in town.”

  Even before her father quit breathing, her mother started packing a bag to go somewhere after Adria came back without the doctor. But how could they leave Daddy? Then Eddie got sick. Just like their father. He was only two and he cried until Adria wanted to put her hands over her ears. But when he stopped, everything was too quiet.

  They didn’t leave. Her mother couldn’t stop shaking and she was very sick. Like her insides wanted to come out of her body. She leaned on Adria while she sat on the pot. She told Adria to go away, but if Adria hadn’t held her, her mother would have fallen to the floor.

  After Mama got through being sick, Adria helped her to the couch and laid Eddie down beside her. Adria kissed his cheek, but it didn’t feel right. She didn’t look at his chest. She didn’t want to know if it had stopped moving up and down. She didn’t look at her mother’s chest either. Instead she carried the slop jar and basin into the sitting room in case her mother needed them again. Then she got a blanket and curled up on the floor beside the couch.

  Her mother didn’t need the basin, but Adria did. She must have breathed in that bad air too. After she was through being sick, she lay back down on the floor. The only sounds were the mantel clock ticking and more bad air ruffling the window curtains.

  She fell asleep for a while. When she woke up, the clock wasn’t ticking anymore. Her father was the one who always wound it. The air had stopped moving too. Maybe the bad air had moved away to another town. But Adria’s stomach still hurt. She needed a drink of water, but she didn’t think she could get up to go to the kitchen.

  Adria reached up toward her mother but stayed her hand without touching her. Everything was so still. Nothing was moving. Usually their house was filled with sound. Eddie jabbering or crying. Her mother singing while she clattered pans in the kitchen. Her father coming in the door from work and grabbing Adria to swing her up in the air and then giving Eddie a turn. She didn’t know which of them squealed the loudest.

  But now silence wrapped around her. Nothing but her heart beating in her ears. She wanted to ask her mother if the bad air killed everybody, but she clamped her lips together and didn’t let the words out. She was scared her mother wouldn’t answer.

  Adria squeezed her eyes shut. Where she’d been sick smelled bad. Really bad. She pinched her nose to block the odor, but then her breathing sounded too loud, like she’d been running or something. She pulled a pillow over her face.

  She hoped it wouldn’t hurt
if the bad air killed her. Maybe her heart would just stop the way the clock had stopped ticking. She tried to remember whether the preacher ever said anything in his sermons about dying. But most of the stories she could remember were about Jesus feeding people or making them well. Maybe if she prayed, he would make her well, and Eddie and her parents too.

  “Please,” she whispered into the pillow. She tried to think of more words, but she was tired. So she just said the bedtime prayer her mother taught her. “Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. And if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.”

  She prayed that all the time, but she had never worried about not waking up. Not until now. What would happen if the Lord took her soul? Would it be silent like now, or noisy? Angels singing maybe. No, that was when Jesus was born. But heaven might be noisy. Lots of people there, and didn’t they say something about crossing a river? She’d seen a river. The water was noisy. She really needed a drink.

  The knock on the door made her jump. Her father had said something once about a person knocking on heaven’s door, but this sounded more like their own front door. Maybe it was the doctor coming after all. When she pushed up off the floor, the room started spinning, and she cried out and fell back with a thump.

  The door swung open and a deep voice called out, “Somebody in here needin’ help?”

  When the big man stepped around the couch, Adria let out another shriek, but her mother didn’t make the first sound. The man stared down at Adria. Sweat made tracks down his black face and he looked like a giant looming over her. She scrambled away from him, but moving made her sick again. She tried to get to the basin, but she didn’t make it.

  Big gentle hands reached down to hold her. “There, there, missy. It’s done gonna be all right.” He stroked her hair sort of the way her daddy did sometimes when he was telling her good night.

  When she was through being sick, the man wiped her mouth off with a handkerchief and gathered her up in his arms as though she wasn’t any bigger than Eddie. She forgot about being afraid and laid her head against his chest. His heart was beating, steady and sure. It was a good sound, and even his sweaty smell was better than the smell from her being sick.