Nonetheless, it didn’t have to be him; it could’ve been Remy. At the very least, he wouldn’t have asked me a million questions and made me repeat myself ten times.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Reed silently watching me unravel. He says nothing, and it makes me feel even more unbalanced.
“If what you felt was real, and it was meant to be, then she’ll find her way back to you. If it isn’t, then you’ll find love with someone else.” Reed states all of this this so matter-of-factly, like he’s loved and lost thousands of women, when we both know it’s always been Fallon for him.
“How about you go back to being the CEO and stop trying to be Dr. Phil.”
Reed stands, grabbing the glasses and the bottle of whiskey. I have half a mind to ask him to leave it here, but what good am I to the company if I’m drunk?
“I love you, Ry, even if you don’t believe it. Even if you’re mad because I made you talk about all the shit going on inside your head. I just want you to know that Dad would be proud of you right now. He’d be proud to see you stepping up to the plate. I know I am.” His words are sincere, and I know he is thankful to have me here to run the ship while he’s gone.
Unfortunately, I know I’m not worthy. I’ve done nothing to make him proud of me. I’m grief-stricken and taking out my pain on everyone around me. I need to find the one woman that makes all the noise inside my head shut up. Maybe then I can stop treating everyone around me like shit.
“Thank you, Reed. I mean it.” I grimace at the words, feeling like this talk with him has ripped the Band-Aid off my wounds.
It’s not until Reed turns to leave that I notice a red high heel peeking out right outside the door, and I know just who it belongs to. I start grinning at the thought of having the sassy blonde in my office again.
“You might as well come in, Ava.” A gasp meets my ears before she pops out, blonde curls bouncing and dark amber-colored eyes locking onto my blue ones as Reed slips through the doorway, barely pausing to give her a curt nod.
When she comes view I notice the heat in her normally creamy white cheeks. Is she embarrassed to be discovered eavesdropping?
“I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.” She’s speaking so fast I can tell without a doubt that she’s anxious, maybe even scared, and that’s the kick to the balls I need. I know taunting her the other day pushed things too far.
I wave off her apology. “Don’t be. I’m the one who should be sorry. If I made you uncomfortable in any way, I apologize. I have a lot of shit going on, but none of that is your fault. Taking it out on you was wrong.” She looks up at me, her pretty eyes wide with shock, and I feel the need to explain, even though I’m sure she heard plenty while she was listening to my conversation with Reed.
“It’s been a rough couple of weeks, and I’ve been pushing everyone around me away. All I wanted was to be an asshole in peace, but I’m sure you’ve noticed that my brothers have this wonderful ability where they dig into whatever is bothering you so the wound can never scab over.” I try to smile at her, but it falls flat.
Sympathy crosses her features, and while I would normally hate anyone feeling sorry for me, I’m hoping it means she’ll forgive me for being such an ass, so I’ll take whatever I can get.
Her hand comes up to rest on my arm, and she steps just a little closer. She’s near enough for me to smell her light perfume, and I’m hit once again with the feeling of déjà vu. Something about her scent is familiar, but I can’t place where or why.
“It’s okay, Ryker.” Her soft voice soothes me in a way I don’t understand, and I find myself leaning closer to her. The way her body stiffens when I do, though, is like a bucket of cold water being thrown on me.
Ava doesn’t trust me or my motivations at all. I’m going to have to work hard if I want to earn her trust, and deciding whether or not I should is a decision I won’t be taking lightly. I’m not sure what to say or if I should say anything at all, but before I can decide, she removes her hand and takes a step back.
“It’s getting late. I should probably head home.” She’s looking up at me like she’s half hoping I’ll ask her to stay, but that’s not what either one of us needs right now.
As much as I want to ask her, to offer to feed her or do just about anything so she’s still here, I don’t. “Yeah.” I have to clear my throat in order to continue. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” It comes out more like a question than a statement, and I cringe inwardly, not wanting to show any weakness where she’s concerned.
Ava’s face falls as disappointment fills her eyes, and I almost take it back. I hate seeing that expression on her beautiful face. She should always be smiling, laughing, and happy. Thankfully, she doesn’t give me the chance, and without another word, she leaves my office, taking all the warmth with her and leaving me alone in the cold, sterile room.
Chapter Nine
Ava
When I walk into the apartment I share with Marie and Gabby, I’m met with grumpy stares. I find the two of them lying on opposite sides of the couch with their faces buried in their phones while Sixteen Candles plays on the TV in the background.
“You two look like death warmed over,” I tease them, as I take off my heels and set my purse down on the small dining room table.
Marie flips me off, but Gabby just grunts, saying, “Well, my vagina feels like it’s trying to eat the rest of my body, so yeah, I probably don’t look so hot.”
I blink, her comment causing panic to race through me as I pull out my cell to look at the date on the screen.
“It’s that time of the month again already?” I mumble the question under my breath, mainly to myself, before pushing my phone back into my dress pants. I’m not experiencing any cramping or the usual cravings I have for mint chocolate chip ice cream, and I should be.
“You haven’t started yet?” Marie sits up as if she can read my mind, looking at me with eyes full of concern. I shake my head no, but cover up any further questions with an easy response.
“No, not yet, but I’m sure I will be soon. We’re like clockwork around here. Always in sync with each other.” I smile, half lying to myself and to Marie. She eyes me thoughtfully, like she’s trying to read further into my words.
The anxious feeling that fills my stomach when our eyes collide annoys me. I’m still upset over what happened between us, but I also don’t want to be. I want things to be normal, like they were before I brought up Ryker. Instead they’re tense, almost like a line has been drawn in the sand with each of us standing on a different side. I want to ask her what her problem is, but I’m also scared. The only possibility that makes sense is she and Ryker had some kind of relationship, and if that’s the case, I can never go there with him again.
“What’s for dinner?” I’m hoping a change in the subject will distract my mind from thoughts of Ryker having sex with Marie. Those thoughts along with what my period being late can mean will drive me crazy if I let them. Being late is the last thing I need, especially since I can’t remember if Ryker and I even used a condom.
Gabby’s answer makes me giggle. “Sleep. Sleep, alcohol, and Midol. My own personal concoction.” I’m not at all surprised. Most of the time she drinks an entire bottle of wine and begs me to watch an entire season of Grey’s Anatomy.
“So, should I just order a pizza?” Marie doesn’t answer and Gabby merely grunts. Fine. If they don’t want to choose, I’ll order one for myself and they can figure themselves out later. All I want is to get out of my work clothes and have my freak out in peace.
When I make it to my bedroom, I close the door and sag against it. It feels like there are a thousand secrets floating between all of us, the weight of most of them weighing heavily on my shoulders—this thing with Ryker and his up-and-down emotions, Marie’s strange hate for Ryker, and now the fact that my period is late. I’m choosing to stick my head in the sand and ignore that last one for now. It’s not like I can change anything now. It’s almo
st too much for me to bear, though. I squeeze my eyes shut and will away the tears trying to escape them. I will not cry. I refuse to.
After changing into a pair of pajama pants and a tank top, I sit on the edge of my bed, clutching my phone in my hands. I know I should pull up the app I have on it that will tell me exactly when I’m due, but if I don’t look, I won’t have a reason to panic. Plus, there’s that whole head in the sand thing. That’s what I’m telling myself anyway.
Besides, let’s be for real. This entire month has been stressful. Between the papers I had to write for school, all the internship interviews and rejections, Mom’s latest drama with my father… and of course, the night I had with Ryker and the way he treated me when we “met” again, it’s no wonder I’m out of sync. Stress can cause problems with your body, it can cause your cycle to be late, or even cause you to miss periods altogether. I’m almost positive I read that somewhere once.
Oh God… What will I do if stress isn’t the problem? The thought makes me nauseous. I can’t afford a baby right now, and there’s no way Ryker will believe me if I tell him I’m actually the woman from the bar and that I’m pregnant with his baby. The entire situation has my thoughts going a million miles a minute and I just can’t deal with it all right now.
There’s a quiet knock on my bedroom door, startling me, and I find myself rushing to the door without much thought. When I twist the knob, I pull it open with way more effort than I need to, and when I see Marie standing in the doorway, my heart lodges in my throat.
“Can we talk for a second?” Her voice is soft, almost timid, the anxious look in her eyes telling me how uncomfortable having this conversation makes her.
I find myself wondering how what happened between her and Ryker, and how it will affect our friendship. She steps into the room, stopping right in front of the bed. “Of course, Marie. You’re my best friend, why wouldn’t we be able to talk?”
“My intention wasn’t to start a fight or upset you last night. I just have some things going on, and I’m worried you’re going to get hurt.” Her eyes lift from the floor to meet mine, the concern she has for me etched into her features, proving her intentions are true.
I hate that she thinks the worst of Ryker. It makes me wonder if he’s truly the person I think he is. Maybe I’m the one making stupid choices. “I’m not going to get hurt. I’m okay. I swear.”
“No, that’s not what I mean.” She holds a hand up to silence me. I stare at her, not sure what she’s trying to say. She doesn’t want me to get hurt, but she’s not telling me what she knows either. “I just… I can’t tell you what’s going on right now.”
Well, that clears everything up. I want to ask her what it is she’s hiding, but at the same time, I don’t want to know, especially if it means my judgment of him is so off. And, I want to give her the chance to tell me without pushing her.
“Marie,” I plead with her, taking another step closer. This is my best friend. The girl who helped me when I was struggling in classes, the one who listened to me complain about boys, periods, and all my stupid family drama. If she wants to protect me from something, I should listen, even if it is about Ryker.
“Marie, please tell me what’s going on. I’m here for you, and so is Gabby. You can talk to us about anything, you know that, right?” I try reassure her while praying she’ll spill the beans, even though I can tell she’s not going to tell me anything. There’s a panicked look in her eyes that worries me.
What is her secret?
“Look, when I’m ready to tell you both, I will. Until then, don’t worry about me. I’m stronger than I look, and I didn’t come in here to have you question me. I only wanted to apologize for my outburst yesterday and tell you that things aren’t always what they seem. I’ve learned a lot about the Winston’s over the years, and trust me, they have more secrets than you could ever imagine.” She’s not looking at me when she speaks, and I know I’m missing something, I just don’t know what.
I try to cajole her, saying, “If he hurt you, Marie, I swear to God…” My words trail off and I sigh, running a hand through my long blonde hair. There are a million different thoughts running rampant in my mind. Is Ryker really capable of hurting someone like Marie says? I don’t want to think that he is, but then again, I don’t know him well enough to say he isn’t.
“Just protect yourself, okay?” She pauses before pulling away, her body turning toward the door. “It might seem like he’s interested, but that doesn’t mean he wants to keep you around long-term. Protect your heart and follow your gut, that’s all I’m saying.”
She’s talking in riddles when all I want is for her to explain what the Winston’s did to her. The things she’s saying make me think it wasn’t just Ryker, but all of them.
Marie gives me one last glance over her shoulder, a sad smile forming on her lips as she walks out the door. I want to chase her down and beg her to explain, but I can’t… I won’t.
It has to be on her terms, and that unsettles me, because with each passing day, I find myself growing closer to Ryker. If he or one of his brother’s hurt her, I’m not sure what I’ll do. I want to believe that nothing bad happened, but I have no way of knowing, and not knowing kills me.
Lying down on the mattress, I close my eyes for a moment, telling myself I’ll order food in a minute, but as soon as my eyes shut, I see Ryker’s face above mine, the memories of our one night together surging to the forefront of my mind.
Chapter Ten
Ryker
Ava forgiving me doesn’t feel like it’s enough. I watch as she scurries around the office, the mug of piping hot coffee in my hand, made just how I like it, proves she is more than perfect for the job as my assistant. Still, I cringe thinking back to the day I cornered her in my office. My head wasn’t in the right place then—hell, it still isn’t—but I know if I want to have a decent relationship with the woman, I can’t be pushing her for sex.
I feel like a bastard for treating her the way I did. Maybe I should offer to take her to lunch or something as another apology? The thought has me planning it out as I watch her curiously from my office. Even from here I can see the color drain from her face, and my brow furrows with worry. I’m moving toward the door immediately.
Is she okay?
“Ava?” My voice is loud in the quiet office, more demanding and sharp than I intend, but something inside me says she needs me.
She shakes her head, her beautiful blonde curls escaping from behind her ears, making my fingers itch to put them back. One of her hands presses against her stomach as she rushes to the bathroom, the other covering her mouth as her whiskey-colored eyes watering and her face filled with panic.
Setting my cup down on the nearest desk, I take off after her. If she’s sick, I need to make sure she’s okay. After all, she’s my assistant, or at least that’s the excuse I’m going to give myself for chasing after her like a lunatic.
“Hey,” I grip her by the arm, watching her swallow hard, her hand dropping from her mouth while her eyes move from my hand, up my arm to my face. She takes a few deep breaths, the color returning slightly to her face, so I release my hold on her. “Are you okay? You don’t look like you’re feeling well.” I try my best to sound sincere and caring, but it comes out more like an accusation than an observation..
I know that’s true when her gaze narrows and her spine stiffens. “Why do you care? I came to work, that’s all that matters, right?” Her voice is cold, her body language reflecting her irritation.
“No, that’s not all that matters. If you’re sick, you should go home. I don’t want you feeling like crap and thinking you have to be here when you don’t. I can survive for one day, I swear.” The boyish grin I give her doesn’t diffuse her annoyance, and I start to wonder if I’ve done something wrong yet again.
Her suspicious expression makes pain shoot through my chest. “Look, Ryker, apologizing for being a dick doesn’t make us friends.” Her words sting more than I care to admit,
and when she turns a pale shade of green and pulls away, running for the bathroom again, I’m faced with the decision of going after her once more and forcing her to tell me what is wrong or leaving her to be sick in peace. Both options suck.
Before I can make a decision, Fallon interrupts me. “Whoa, where are you going?” Her dig into my forearm, stopping me in my tracks. Dread fills my stomach as I watch Ava gag as she escapes into the bathroom.
“After her.” I sigh, sounding about as defeated as I feel. My heart thumps painfully against my ribs, and I don’t understand why. Ava’s no one to me, not really—at least she shouldn’t be—but watching her run away when I know she’s not telling me everything just drives the knife further into my chest.
Fallon shakes her head, releasing her painful grip to lead me back towards my office. “Oh, no you’re not. She’s in the ladies room. That’s a no-go, even for you, Ryker Winston.”
It takes very little effort for her to drag me across the room and into my office. My eyes stay trained on the bathroom door until I can no longer see it.
Fallon sighs as she pulls me through the office door, not releasing me until it’s shut behind us. She turns to face me with her hands on her hips, which puts the emphasis on her pregnant belly. Her green eyes narrow on me as she tries to read the thoughts I’m sure are plain on my face.
“What was that all about?” I can tell she’s not going to let me off the hook on this one, so I might as well come clean.
“She’s sick, and I’m worried about her.” I shrug in an attempt to look unaffected, but the way her gaze sharpens tells me I failed. “Unfortunately, I think my extraordinary ability to be an asshole just scared her away.”
When I look over at her, Fallon has a look that clearly says “I don’t believe you” on her face. “Uh-huh. What did you do to scare her away?” She raises one eyebrow in a move very similar to Reed, crossing her arms over her chest while she waits for my answer. I feel like I’m being chastised by a parent.
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