Renzhies

by Mara Duryea

  The children would be returned home as soon as possible. For those who had nowhere to go, Semrin Arencor planned to take them to Vaylania, where they would train as Sivarins. Four of them ended up going to Vaylania.

  “Rilkin,” said Gilanra, “don’t make any noise. We have to be very quiet.”

  “Okay, Mommy,” Rilkin whispered.

  Everyone boarded the rafts. Rindar let me down and sat beside me. He and the others took up an oar. Several Sivarins pushed us into the water, and we were off. My mother pulled me against her shoulder. Rilkin’s hair tickled my arm. We stared back at the island.

  Pekala song warbled over the ocean, deep and haunting, dignified and reverent. The cold breeze warmed as a profusion of resplendent stars touched the horizons. The freezing rain only existed where Sizhirin reigned in misery. A single black funnel cloud hung over the island, unable to follow us.

  10

  The Live Toy

  Four days later…

  Snowflakes floated through the wild star trees. It was unusually open and bright, because the dark green leaves had fallen off and snow covered the ground. Icy wind whistled through the hidden passageways of frosty roots and branches.

  We waited ten miles outside a Visserian town in Iperanie Territory, where the Sivarins had taken Gramma, Velevy, and the others. Arencor and his men had gone to buy clothes for us. We were going to suffer an entire change before we entered the town. We weren’t even allowed to smell like the Blue Bush.

  Bundled in a beygar’s thick brown fur, I chewed on leypel meat. Mom sat beside me, chewing on another piece. Semrin Arencor had brought a bag of Vaylanian spices with him. Mom and I had sprinkled some onto the meat, and now we were taste-testing.

  “I like the palipin one,” said Gilanra. “It makes the meat kind of hot, but not too hot, so it still tastes good. How’s the mip?”

  I smacked my tongue against the roof of my mouth and spat out a melted glob of brown. “This is gross!”

  Gilanra’s brows went up. “It looks melted.”

  “It is melted.” I scraped the roof of my mouth and gazed at the goo on my finger. “It turned it into fat or something.” I stuck my tongue out. “It’s bitter!”

  Chuckling, Gilanra handed me a waterskin. “Wash it out.”

  Don’t ever eat mip. It doesn’t wash out. I don’t know why Rilkin likes it.

  He and Rezh were building a snowman nearby. As Rilkin rolled a smaller snowball to make an ear, because he wanted a Berivor snowman, he sighed and plopped into the snow.

  “What is it, Rilkin?” said Rezh. “Are you tired?”

  The little Antiminar raised his round eyes to Rezh’s face. “You won’t let them burn my feet?”

  Gilanra and I glanced at them. Rilkin had never showed signs of remembrance until now. It was a sickening sensation, because he might remember where he belonged. Gilanra grasped my hand in a tight grip as her breath caught.

  Rezh’s brows contracted. “No. You’re going to be in my pocket. You just keep your head inside like you’ve been doing, and it’ll be fine.”

  “And…” Rilkin’s chest heaved. “And you won’t let them break my arm?”

  Rezh’s jaw worked. “I won’t let anybody hurt you.”

  Taking a shuddering breath, Rilkin prepared for his last question. “And…and you won’t…” Small tears sprang to his eyes, although he tried to keep them at bay. “And you won’t love everybody else more than me?” Something painful whispered under the surface of the words.

  Lifting Rilkin out of the snow, Rezh sat on a low root and perched the Antiminar on his knee. He cupped Rilkin’s face in one hand. “How did your arm break?”

  Rilkin burst into tears. “I don’t wanna go back. You and Mommy said you might take me back and Mommy started crying.”

  Rezh’s mouth fell open a little, and he cradled Rilkin to his bosom. “You mean the island? We won’t ever take you back there.”

  “No, to the other place.”

  “Somebody might miss you, though. When Sizhirin took Zhin away, I was very sad.”

  Rilkin screamed. “No, no, no! They’ll give me back to Sizhirin!”

  Fire seemed to strike against my stomach. Great Cubons, who could do that to their baby? At the same time, my heart soared. This meant we’d never have to give Rilkin up. It meant Rilkin had chosen Rezh. He had chosen us.

  My dad nuzzled the fuzzy head. “We’ll never take you back, okay? I’ll love you the same as everybody else. I’ll always love you.”

  Rilkin hiccupped. “I…I can stay?”

  “Yeah.”

  Standing up on Rezh’s knee, Rilkin hugged him around the neck like some toy come to life. “I love you, Daddy.”

  “I love you,” Rezh whispered into the little ear. He smiled at Gilanra, who bounded over and rested her head on his shoulder. She took Rilkin’s small hand and kissed it. Rilkin smiled like the sunbeams that had filled my frame when he saved me from Karijin’s claim. The two gazed at one another as if sharing secrets without words.

  Rezh’s situation was a unique and strange one. The nightmares in his life had been transformed into the most beautiful of blessings. Those whom Sizhirin craved belonged to him. He’d lost his mother and father, only to be given Vaylee and Rindar, as well as brothers and sisters to call his own. Now he would no longer be a wanderer. He often voiced this question in later years: How could this be?

  “Somebody’s coming,” said Terros from his perch in a star tree. “Looks like…” He cried out in glee. “Velevy has a bundle in her arms!” He sprang into the snow and scrambled onto his kiderrin. “They’re all here!”

  Leaping onto our kiderrins, we raced to meet them. Rezh slipped Rilkin into his pocket. When our family came into view, I almost didn’t recognize them. They were dressed in new clothes and everyone’s hair had been cut, but their eyes were the same. Civilized and wild smashed together in hugs and kisses, and I was in the middle of it.

  ***

  I stared at myself in the guest house mirror. They’d chopped my hair off and put me in black pants without patches, and a soft gray shirt smoother than newborn fur. It didn’t have a hood. To me, it felt sort of unfinished. There was somebody else looking back at me from that mirror, and I didn’t recognize him. The only thing we had in common was that Cubonic mip taste still lurking on our tongues. These were the least of my worries. Nobody had revealed Rilkin, and we didn’t know how to present him.

  “Zhin,” said Kofirin, running to my side. His feet made no noise in the thick carpet. It was dark brown, almost black. The walls were made of logs. Furs covered the puffy beds piled with fat pillows. A fire burned happily in a large fireplace. We didn’t cook in it. We ordered food, and people willingly brought it to us. They even smiled when one of us answered the door. It was so weird.

  I turned to Kofirin. “What?”

  My brother looked down. “I lost Rilkin.”

  “What?” Immediately, I thought of the Antiminar hiding in Rezh’s pocket. “How’d you find him?”

  “I didn’t.” Kofirin pouted. “I think I left him where we were playing.”

  “Oh…oh!” It finally dawned on my stupid head that he was talking about the toy. Yes…a toy. I had the greatest idea on Ilo. “That’s because he became real.”

  Kofirin tilted his head. “Huh? What do you mean?”

  “I’ll show you. He’s small, though, so he has to grow up.” I started for my dad, who was whispering out a child’s book to nobody. He was reading to Rilkin.

  Kofirin suddenly got too excited. “Zhin says Rilkin became real!”

  Everybody’s heads snapped up from whatever they were doing. It was too cold outside for the little ones to go out. The adults needed some time to get used to being respectable, so they were inside, too.

  “What, Zhin?” Rezh choked out.

  “What goes on?” said Vaylee.

  Gilanra rubbed her temple as she shot a scalding glare in my direction.

  “He said Rilkin’s real,” s
aid Selly. “Who’s Rilkin?”

  “The toy Terros made for me,” said Kofirin in delight. “Where is he, Zhin?”

  As the children converged on me, I wondered if my brain had turned to Cubon. I glanced at my dad, who looked like he’d just been pushed over a waterfall.

  “W-well,” I squeaked, “he can’t live in the pocket forever.”

  “Pocket?” My sisters bounded to Rezh, fingers aching to rifle through his pockets for the live toy.

  Rezh stood up. “Stop it.” He took a breath and decided he might as well reveal his secret. “You’ll hurt him. He’s very small. You need to be careful with him. I need you to listen. Don’t any of you tell. If you tell, they will take him away.” His voice grew hard. “Promise me!”

  “We promise,” they said with a start.

  “Rezh,” said Vaylee nervously, as it dawned on her what lived in her son’s pocket.

  Rindar caught her hand. “We couldn’t leave him. He help save Zhin.”

  Velevy smiled and edged closer. “Show us, Rezh!” She, for one, could care less about Rilkin’s identity.

  Potesac and Selly leaned over the rabble of children to see. Potesac had to push some of their heads out of the way.

  “Rilkin,” said Rezh to his pocket, “you’re going to meet your new family.” He pulled up the flap, and Rilkin poked his fuzzy head out. Every female in the room squealed with delight.

  “He’s so cute!” Velevy cried.

  Selly slapped her hands to her face. “He’s so tiny!”

  Vaylee shoved through the throng of small admirers. “Hold!” She held up her hands. “Everybody stand back. Gramma gets to hold him first.” And she plucked Rilkin out of the pocket.

  Iskerkin

  1

  The Missing Piece

  N’Nar stared at the ceiling. Now he knew somewhat of his brother’s sufferings. He could see why Rilkin had blocked it out so thoroughly.

  The man N’Nar had seen in his memory fit the description both Zhin and Rilkin had given in their narratives. The same man had been standing outside the big window. He’d been beckoning Rilkin to come to him. N’Nar’s mouth opened slightly.

  “Dad, I saw Sizhirin.” N’Nar’s mouth snapped shut as his frame seized up. He was never supposed to have let the word slip, and yet how casually had he dropped it! Everyone’s attention fell on him, and he could hardly understand their emotions with his own tangled out of recognition.

  “What did you say?” said Zhin.

  “I…” N’Nar choked out. “I’m sorry, Dad—Zhin. I…I won’t say it again.” He staggered out of the cul-de-sac, wondering where he could hide, when Ikalkor’s cackle froze him in place.

  “You just called Zhin ‘dad!’” he crowed.

  N’Nar willed himself to turn towards the Berivor, who strode from his cul-de-sac. The Sirilith had hardly been aware when Ikalkor had arrived. A grin of rotting teeth cracked the filthy Berivor’s lips.

  “Did you forget his name?” Ikalkor peered over N’Nar’s head at his brother, who’d emerged from his cul-de-sac. “Zhin, did you hear what he called you? He called you ‘dad!’” Ikalkor sat down, laughing. A puff of rancid air blew out from his clothes.

  N’Nar gave Zhin a strangled look and fled to the third story. At that moment, a rock loosened from the ceiling. It smashed Ikalkor on the head, bounced off, and Ikalkor crumpled mid-cackle.

  Zhin walked past him, shaking his head. He’d have to rub lanadin into that thick skull. Hopefully his fingers wouldn’t get some kind of disease. He ascended the stairs and reached the third floor.

  It was bigger than the second, which was a mere walkway. The third could rival the first floor. As he searched for his son, he wondered at N’Nar’s mortification. Did he think Zhin would be disgusted and banish him to some bizarre corner of the globe?

  Rounding a corner, he spotted the Sirilith sitting against a wall on the floor, looking small and lost. His hands lay in his lap as if they’d committed an atrocious crime. His head was bowed.

  Taking a breath, Zhin stepped to his side and sat down. “What did you run up here for?”

  N’Nar kept his head down. “I’m sorry…I won’t say it again. My tongue slipped.”

  “Your tongue didn’t slip. Why did you say I was your brother all this time when you thought different?”

  N’Nar clenched his tail in his hands. “Because Rilkin is my brother, and he’s your brother, which made you my brother, too. It was the logical thing to think, but I felt the same as Sibare and Vijeren.” His hands tightened. “I’m sorry! I know I’m not your brother or your son. I’m just a loose piece that doesn’t belong anywhere.”

  Zhin frowned. “Loose piece?”

  N’Nar sniffled. “I’m an idiot. I’m never gonna be like how I used to be again.” He wiped the back of his hand across his eyes. “I can never do what the other N’Nar did. Shehaz took my mind, and I’m never getting it back.”

  N’Nar’s voice cracked. “I could’ve helped you and Rilkin; instead, I almost got everyone killed because the Medicine Makers took me into the Kosalin. I’ll never get put back together. I have no past. Vijeren and Sibare found their family, but I’m just something attached to them. I’m not worthy to be your son.”

  He broke down.

  Zhin gazed at the Sirilith in surprise. So this was what N’Nar really thought of himself? He knew he’d been upset over his lost memory, but this torment was beyond his expectation.

  Taking N’Nar by the shoulders, Zhin turned him about. “N’Nar, look at me.”

  The Sirilith raised his miserable head.

  “You are my son. You’ve always been. You’ve done nothing to make me ashamed of you.” Zhin shook him a little. “Do you hear me? That other N’Nar always had second and third plans. He looked out for everyone, managed to get a message to us about Karijin, he watched over his brothers like they were a million Vissiwors each, and he ran the entire compound by himself, but that’s not why anyone risked themselves for you.”

  Zhin tapped N’Nar’s chest just above the burn mark the Kosalin spider had left. “It’s what was in here that we cared for. When you lost your memory, the old N’Nar fell off. He was a shell.” Zhin pressed his forehead to N’Nar’s. “And that shell couldn’t be my son.” He kissed N’Nar’s forehead.

  A stream of warmth washed through the Sirilith until it filled the tips of his toes, fingers, and tail. It felt like sunbeams. A void in N’Nar’s being filled. He no longer felt like he was left out in the cold or forgotten in some creepy building where the echoes of voices still hung on the air. He belonged. Maybe the father the old N’Nar had said would come had never arrived, but Zhin had. Like Rezh, N’Nar had always belonged to this Cedrite family.

  Wiping the last of his tears with the back of his hand, N’Nar hugged Zhin around the middle and let the Berivor’s aura soak into him. His past was forgotten on a hazy sea, but his father was his anchor. As long as N’Nar held onto him, he couldn’t be lost.

  Zhin rested his hand on N’Nar’s head. “You’ll be rebuilt. I promise.”

  The Sirilith nodded.

  Zhin held him a few minutes more, and then he said, “Come on, let’s get back to Ikalkor. The library knocked him out.”

  N’Nar snorted.

  They stood and headed back to the stairs.

  “You said you saw Sizhirin?” said Zhin.

  “Yeah. In my memory.”

  “So he was watching Rilkin.” Zhin inwardly squirmed. “That’s disgusting.”

  As they started down, Vijeren’s voice almost shouted, “No, I’m not touching that! You got the lanadin, you do it!”

  “But my shoulder hurts,” said Rilkin. “And you’re healed.”

  Zhin and N’Nar spotted the pair standing on either side of Ikalkor’s lump of flesh. A stupid smile was still scrawled on his grungy face.

  “Ikalkor might die,” said Rilkin.

  Vijeren folded his arms. “Look on the bright side. If he dies, we won’t have to smell him
anymore.”

  “Yeah,” said Rilkin, “but then we have to drag his carcass outside and burn it, or he come back as one evergrin and he be stinkier than before.”

  “Do you think the flames will be green?”

  Rilkin chewed on his thumb in thought. This was an interesting theory.

  Zhin smirked. “You’re really thinking about it.”

  Rilkin chuckled. “It could happen, you know.”

  Everybody just laughed.

  The tug suddenly wrenched at Zhin’s breast, and he gasped.

  Rilkin grew still. “What?”

  “Dad’s in the city. I’m going to meet him.”

  Sibare stumbled out of the cul-de-sac and held onto the shelf for support. “No, Dad. There’s a stitched man...” His knees buckled and he collapsed, unconscious.

  2

  A Click in the Corridor

  “Sibare!” Zhin caught his shoulders. “Wake up! Zhesspet!” He lifted the boy off the floor and carried him into the cul-de-sac, where he laid him on the couch. “I’ll be back with them. Vijeren.” Tossing the finished pendant to the boy, he tore out of the cul-de-sac.

  Halfway down the stairs, he sprang over the railing to the floor below. He didn’t care if the haladon was sitting in the courtyard. Rezh was nearly there, and he’d have Gilanra with him. There was no reason for him not to. She’d have read Ikalkor’s ridiculous letter and come running.

  Seldom was Zhin grateful for Ikalkor’s idiocy. It usually ended in catastrophe, like when he’d almost gotten them eaten by cannibals in Bellecaro. Had Ikalkor not sent the letter, Sibare could be on his way to the funeral pyre the next day.