Love Defies Us

by Stoneback, J. M.

  Her thick hair is the color of a yellow Warhead candy wrapper and brushes the top of her shoulders. Her skin is the color of ripe peaches. She’s a few inches taller than me.

  “Jasp, baby. When are you coming back to bed?” There is a bit of a bite to her tone and she pokes out her pouty lips.

  “Hey to you too, Stacey,” I say, and she doesn’t acknowledge me. She rocks on her heels and folds her arms across her breasts.

  Bitch. I guess her momma never taught her any manners. I was taught when a person comes over to someone else’s home, you speak to them. Her personality is as lovely as a trash can. She thinks she’s better than everyone and treats everyone like shit. And she can’t hold a decent conversation to save her life. Airhead. Every woman—and sometimes men—think I’m a threat to their relationship. But I never viewed Jasper as anything more than annoying brother.

  “The bed is getting cold.” The wooden floor squeaks as she shifts on her feet.

  Desire invades his eyes and he smiles at her as if she were a rare gem. “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

  “Okay.” Her tone is light as a fat cloud on a summer day, and she twists on the heel of her feet and rushes down the hallway, the door slamming with a thud. I flick her off and roll my eyes.

  “You can do better than her,” I tell him, trying to keep the annoyance out of my tone.

  “I know, but damn, her fucking mouth does wonders.” He flashes me a wicked grin.

  TMI. TMI. TMI.

  He gets up from the couch. “Let me get rid of Stacey and we’ll spend the day together shopping, pedicures, and clubbing.”

  I stand up from the couch and stretch my arms in the air and stand on my tippy toes.

  “OK, I’ll go get dressed.”

  When I’m not nose-deep into work or catching up on my latest show, I like to go to the club. Something about dancing and listening to the music vibrates through my soul, sends a thrill down my body. I love the atmosphere of it all. Upbeat and hype. Alternative rock soothes my ears and I twirl my hips with Jasper. He moves around me. He wears a navy buttoned shirt and white pants with matching Gucci shoes. My feet throbs from the stilettos, and I grab his shoulders and stand on my tippy toes and lean in his ear.

  “Let’s go to the VIP section.”

  We maneuver through the sea of bodies; the bouncer opens the glass door and we both sit on the pure white couch. I dust off my crimson dress with lacy straps zigzagging across my breasts, then my short dress rises above my knee exposing my ivory smooth skin. Sweat tickles my forehead and I fan my face with my hand.

  “We haven’t danced in a long time.” he says. The waitress wearing a skimpy outfit takes our order then returns with a dirty martini and my favorite, cranberry and vodka. I sip slowly from the glass as the bitter and sweet drink chills my throat. As we polish off the next five drinks, we laugh and talk about everything under the sun. Jasper drapes his arms over my shoulder and we’re so close that our knees touch. He smells like expensive cologne.

  “I saw that dark-skinned girl with the pink hair from Starbucks the other day. I asked her for her number when we were at the bar earlier. She’s going to join me and Stacey and Anthony when we get back from the Bahamas next week.” He smiles as if he won the lottery.

  “Is there anyone you haven’t fucked?” I ask then set my drink down on the table.

  “Yeah, you.” He winks; when he gets a little alcohol in his system, he gets extra flirty. “But you will never give me the time of day.”

  “Jasper… you’re drunk. You’d probably fuck anything right now. Besides, I’m not your type.” I gaze into his eyes and I don’t see myself sleeping with him. I always viewed him as a brother. He has a thing for tall skinny women with big tits and round asses. And I don’t fit the bill.

  “Do you think men and women can truly be friends?” he asks, and his tone grows too serious for my liking. Then his eyes trails to my bottom lip, then to my body, and his eyes flash with want and desire. This isn’t the first time he’s looked at me lust. Heat creeps through my face and I never know how to respond to him because he only looks at me when he’s drunk. In the morning, he’ll apologize for acting like a pig.

  “Yeah. Of course. I mean, look at us. We’re been friends for six years and we don’t have any feelings for each other,” I answer and pick up my drink hoping to wash away this conversation. He’s making me uncomfortable.

  “Are you sure I don’t ha-” He trails off his words as he peers up, and disappointment glints in his eyes like lightning bugs light up the night sky. “Felix is here.”

  “What?”

  “The whole band is here. Are they performing tonight? ”

  I look at the dance floor and they’re heading to the VIP section, and my heart stops when I see Felix. He’s breathtakingly beautiful in his white t-shirt and ripped jeans. The annoyance that’s displayed on his face is untamed.

  “No.”

  Four bodyguards dressed in dark suits surround them, keeping people from pulling on them.

  They look like Moses parting the sea of people. Easton holds his head high as if he’s a god of our world and smiles wickedly at his fans. That’s the only time I’ve seen him smile and it looks good on him, but his eyes are empty and cold. Aurora walks besides him, and she waves at her fans. Guys whistle and catcall at her and she blushes, her face the color of Elmo. I could have sworn Easton and Azrael scowl at the same time. Azrael walks next to Felix. His pupils are the size of plates; he must be using again. They make their way to the VIP section and Felix’s eyes are on me, like he knew I was sitting there staring at them. Fans hover outside of the VIP session, clicking away pictures of them, wanting to be let in. It’s the same thing different day with the groupies. Normally, I don’t mind the groupies around, but since I’m banging Felix—well, he’s banging me—it irritates me that they’re there. But that’s what comes with his lifestyle.

  Felix stands by the rope and eyes me suspiciously, then he grinds his molars as he sees Jasper draped over my shoulders and he stalks over to us.

  I get up from the couch to meet him halfway to see what’s gotten under his skin, but what I am greeted with is a cold icy demeanor. Colder than Antarctica.

  “Who the fuck is he?” Felix tilts his chin towards Jasper.

  “My ro—”

  “I thought I was the only one who was fucking you.”

  Hurt freezes his face like concrete and I draw my eyebrows together.

  Is he jealous? Does he really think I would go behind his back and sleep with someone else? Even though we never said that we were exclusive.

  “What? You are. That’s Jasper, he’s my best friend and roommate.”

  “You didn’t tell me you had a man as a roommate,” he says incredulously and stares at Jasper as if he wants to stab him to death.

  “You never asked. Why does it matter?”

  Jasper sets his drink down on the table and walks to us. He purses his lips, concern colors his eyes.

  “Is everything all right, Sadie?” His tone is uneven, and he sobers up a bit. He stares at Felix as if he’s a foreign object.

  I curtly nod. “Felix was getting back to his band.”

  Jasper holds out his hand to Felix, and Felix glares at him.

  “I’m Jasper Maddox. Sadie’s close friend.”

  Felix stares at his hand and analyzes him like “what the fuck are you doing?” and Jasper lower his hand. My blood boil and my shoulders tenses and I hate being stressed. It’s bad enough for my family to stress me out and I don’t need Felix to do the same thing.

  Jasper rubs my shoulders attempt to calm me down. He always does that when I’m really upset and the way I glare at Felix, I’m hoping he backs down from Jasper. Jasper is my family whether he likes it or not.

  “I need to talk to you outside.” Felix’s jaw ticks harder and harder as he watches Jasper stroke my shoulder.

  “Not with that nasty attitude,” I snap, and Jasper removes his hand from my shoulder.<
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  “Holler if you need me,” Jasper says before waltzing towards the couch.

  “What is your problem?” I ask.

  He pulls me to the side away from the crowd, and everyone in the room eyes us suspiciously.

  “Just so we’re clear, I’m not the sharing type.”

  “Same as me.”

  He glares at Jasper. “I don’t like your roommate.”

  “You don’t know him. He’s has my back since we were in college. He’s my biggest cheerleader in my life. Unlike you, he’s not using me to get his dick wet,” I snap like a twig. Anger highjack his eyes, and he thrusts his thick fingers through his hair.

  He doesn’t even know him to not like him. Men are too cavemen for me sometimes.

  “Don’t act all innocent, Sadie. You wanted my dick before, I read your diary. You talked about me like I was only good for fucking,” he snaps back and his words stings. I wrap my arm across my body.

  He’s right I did talk about him like that, but he had no business snooping in my diary.

  “I’ve been stalking you,” he says. “I knew you were here, but I had no idea that he was your roommate. I just thought you guys were friends, and I saw the way he looked at you like he wants to fuck with what’s mine.” He pauses and his jaw tics. I don’t know if I should be flattered or creeped out. It’s kind of hot that he’s into me. Maybe Jasper is right. He likes me and just doesn’t know it. My heart jumps for joy at that, and it dies a little because we won’t be able to work. I have a plan and I need to execute it.

  I twist the watch on my wrist as goosebumps break out on my skin. “Why are you stalking me?”

  “I needed to know you weren’t fucking anyone else behind my back.” His tone is a bit shameful. The type of shame when a kid gets caught stealing something that wasn’t his. He has trust issues with women, and I get it. His ex hurt him to the bone. Annoyance greets me like an old friend that I haven’t seen in years. It annoys me that he doesn’t trust me. It annoys me that he thinks I would sleep with someone else behind his back. I stare and stare and stare at his face and all I see is someone who’s broken. Someone who’s defeated. He’s a god carved from the stories in Greek mythology and they never having a happy ending.

  A red-haired groupie that Easton let into our section comes up to us and wraps her arms around Felix. She giggles and glares at me.

  My jealousy rages and my heart catches in my throat. Felix removes her hand and gently pushes her. “Don’t you see I’m talking? Go the fuck away.”

  And the girl pouts and sits Easton’s lap, kissing him on the lips.

  “You have the nerve to be jealous and you have women hanging around you all the time.” I roll my eyes so hard they might roll out of their sockets. “Call me when you stop acting like a jealous prick.” Then I head towards the couch and snatch my purse from the floor.

  “He’s looks at me as if he’s about to murder me,” Jasper says. “What did he say?”

  I don’t answer. I don’t want Jasp to feel even more uncomfortable, and I don’t want him to feel as if he’s the cause of this drama.

  I’m not the type to talk about my feelings, I’d rather write it down or internalize it. After we leave the room, I sag a little against the wall and exhale. “Let’s head home.”

  Sadie

  After I leave the office, I go home, shower, then I go to the kitchen, pour myself some wine, and watch Sabrina The Teenage Witch in the living room.

  Jasper is not here, he went to the Bahamas with Stacey and Anthony for a whole week, so I have the condo to myself. Felix has been on my mind since the whole shit that happened at the club. He sent me a message asking to call him and he apologized for being a prick, but I ignored him. I need space from him. Spending almost every night with him is not good for us because one of us is going to get hurt and I don’t want it to be me. Even though I don’t wear my emotions on my sleeves or don’t fall in love easily, I still have to protect myself because Felix is Felix. He has a way of making you feel special despite the fact he’s possessive and a stalker. He’s caring and loving.

  A few hours later, I must have drifted off because I wake up to loud banging on my door. I glance at my watch on my wrist and it’s ten forty-five. The banging grows urgent and I hurry and open the door. Felix stands in the doorway, running his hands through his hair. He smells like chlorine and he’s tanner, as if he was bathing in the sun all day. He’s so beautiful that I forget to breathe around him.

  “Can I come inside?” His tone is deep and rich, and his voice ignites my sex and my nipples pebble against the thick fabric of my robe. I tighten the rope so hard around my body that I think I’m going to squeeze the life out of me.

  I step to the side and open the door wide. “You can come inside my—inside.” He smirks at my words.

  My chest clenches as he follows me to the living room, and we perch on the couch.

  “You didn’t respond to my messages,” he says.

  “I was tied up with work all day.” I pick the skin around my pinkie nail, “And yes, I do forgive you. Just don’t do it again.”

  His eyes are clouded with intensity and the lines on his forehead are deeper than a bottomless pit. He twitches his mouth like he’s itching to say something.

  “My ex cheated on me with my uncle and left me for him, when my mom just died from breast cancer and my dad has been on my ass about going to the wedding.” My chest clenches at his words. I knew his ex cheated and left him for another man, but I had no idea that his mother died from cancer.

  That is fucked up is what I wanted to say but I reframe from saying it.

  “Do you still love her?”

  He tilts his head to the side and frowns. “Why would you ask that?”

  “It’s a yes or no question.”

  He waits a few minutes to answer and every second that ticks off, my heart pumps louder and faster than a drum.

  Please say no.

  Please say no.

  Please say no.

  “No. We weren’t happy before she cheated. I settled with Mae. I fell out of love with her shortly after she miscarried our daughter. I bought that house that I’m living in so we could raise our family. She always felt like I chose my career over her.”

  His eyes are heavy with emotions that I can’t detect. Maybe he’s angry and bitter towards her. I sit cross-legged and he watches me carefully as if I’m a precious gem.

  “In reality, you did choose your career over her. All artists do. I understand, though. When you love something, it tends to be the first thing in your life.” His face showcases surprise at my response, as if he wasn’t expecting me to say that. I continue, “But, I’m sorry you lost her. How far along was she?”

  “Five months. ” His words are bare-wired with sorrow and the frown that is displayed on his face is sadder than Pierrot Clown. “I was kind of relieved that she cheated on me.”

  “Why?”

  “It was an excuse to leave her. I wasn’t going to dump her. I would have married her even if I fell out of love with her.” He pauses. “She stuck by my side when I found out my mom was sick, and she was there for me and supported my dreams.”

  He’s loyal. Too loyal.

  “That doesn’t mean she deserves your last name. Sounds like she was a selfish bitch and that you’re too loyal and she knew it, so she took advantage of it.”

  We’re quiet for several beats, lost in our own thoughts.

  “You should go to the wedding to prove that you don’t care about her. My mom used to tell me, the best revenge is showing someone you don’t care about them anymore. And if you want? I’ll go to the wedding with you as your friend. That way she’ll look stupid at her own wedding. Plus, you’re going to have to see her eventually.”

  He reads my face like a newspaper, tucking a hair behind my ear. So foreign. So intimate. He nods slightly. “Sounds like a plan.”

  I hear the front door slam and Jasper stomps through the living room. Frustration litters his f
ace and he frowns. Nothing really gets under Jasper’s skin so the anger he’s sporting on his face tells me that someone pissed him off to the max.

  “I can’t believe this sh-,” he pauses as he eyes Felix, crinkling up his nose. “I didn’t know you had company, normally I’m the one who brings my booty calls home.”

  Felix glares at him like he killed his cat, and he doesn’t respond but tension builds in his shoulders. I understand the reason why Felix doesn’t feel comfortable with Jasper being my roommate and best friend.

  “Why are you home so early? I thought you were leaving with Stacey and Anthony to the Bahamas?”

  “I canceled the trip, they were bickering over dumb shit. I rebooked my flight for early in the morning, I’m going by myself.”

  He goes to the fridge and grabs himself a bottle of beer and tears the cap off. I feel Felix’s arms wrap around my waist, yanking me on his lap and his erection digging into my lower back. Heat nibbles on my neck. He’s making it known to Jasper that I’m his, and I’m irritated and turned on at the same time. Jasper stares at him and shakes his head.

  “I’ll see you two love birds later.”

  Normally, Jasper would kiss me on the cheek and give me a hug before going to bed, but he refrains from it since I told him about how Felix responded last night.

  Then it’s me and Felix. Alone.

  Felix’s face turns red as blood, but he tries to keep a stoic expression. “How did you meet Jasper?”

  I straighten my spine and play with the end of my robe. “We went to Harvard together and we met at party our junior year. He was being a stupid jerk and tried to fuck an old friend of mine. I never saw him in a sexual way.” I had to say the last part to ease the tension he’s radiating.

  “Yeah, I know. I finished reading your diary this morning, you referred to him as the twin brother you never had.”

  “Are you still worried?”

  His expression grows dark. “I think I should leave, Sadie.”

  “No, it’s raining really hard and you’ll get pneumonia getting caught in that.”