She chuckled. Blading her feet, she turned slightly away from him. He didn’t blame her for not wanting to look at him a second longer than necessary. Then again, she knew this was his truck... She must have been waiting for him.
“I was hoping you would be here.” He surprised himself with those words. If anything, he had feared seeing her—seeing her only made everything rise to the surface.
“We both know that’s not true. I’m the last person you wanted to have be here.”
Ouch.
Sighing, he tried to quell the ache that had suddenly filled his entire being. If he wasn’t careful, this would only lead to a fight; they had one hell of a track record in bringing animosity out in one another.
“You were waiting for me?” he asked, trying to keep the question inquisitive instead of kindling for her rage.
She sat on the bumper of his truck, covering her chest with her arms and protecting her core. He’d seen her take this position a thousand times, and none had ever turned out well.
“I’m not here because I really want to be, let me start by saying that.”
He had no doubt, but he wasn’t about to say that aloud, so he simply nodded, waiting for her to continue.
“I was in the city for work. Ran into Kate and she invited me. I figured I needed to be here to show my support. Troy was always a good man.” She paused, like she wanted him to respond, but he was far too gun-shy.
He had a number of things he wanted to ask her, starting with how her life was going. The last time he had spoken to her, she had been employed by a contracting company, running intel.
“Still working with STRIKE?” he asked.
She gave him a sidelong look, but she didn’t answer at first, as if she was checking to see if he knew about the company; and if he did, what his opinion was. He gave her nothing, though he’d heard all about the company. They had made waves by controlling American gas reserves on military bases, gas that had lost thousands of barrels along the railways between bases and even more in the pipelines leading into the American strongholds. “Still working intel?” he asked, trying again.
She nodded. “Yes. By the way, I heard about you and your brother’s run-in with Rockwood.”
It had only been a couple of months since he had found his ass getting shot at in the streets of downtown Missoula—after the group had worked to take down Kate’s family’s company from the inside out—but it already felt like ancient history. “Yep, it’s how Kate and Troy met. Never thought things would move this fast between them. You know Troy, he’s typically about the speed of cold molasses.”
“No,” Summer said with a laugh, “that’s you.”
He felt the lash. “Slow is smooth and smooth is fast.”
“You can try to feed me all that nonsense if you want, but you and I both know that you are never one to jump into or out of anything without a hell of a lot of thought—thoughts that you generally forget to express to others.”
This time the whip struck faster, harder, and the lashes cut deeper with their truths.
“I’m sorry.”
“You said that.” She sounded almost glib. “It doesn’t change the fact that you did what you did. And you are going to have to forgive the fact that I may never get over how badly you hurt me. Move on, sure. Move forward, you know it. But hurt...forever.”
“I know.” He stared down at the toes of the wing tips his brother had asked him to wear for pictures, wishing he had stayed for the reception instead of trying to find any kind of refuge away from the crowds. They would have been a hell of a lot easier to deal with than this. “I hurt, too, Summer. It was never my intention to—”
She put a stop to his talking with the wave of her hand. “I didn’t mean to take things this direction. The past is the past. Let’s leave it there.”
He didn’t dare to believe she was done talking about their shared history, but he was glad for the parley. “Done. Now, what do you need?” If there was anything he could do to get back in her good graces, he would.
“Who said I needed anything?”
“I know you’re friends with my brother and Kate, but we both know this kind of thing isn’t your scene.” He shrugged, making her smirk.
He had loved that guilty smile.
There was so much he missed about her and so many things he wished he could just tell her... Like the fact he would never stop loving her. He just hadn’t been ready to walk down the aisle. Maybe he would never be ready for a real relationship. Marriage meant putting her in danger, and he was a protector at his core; a job that required he focus on things bigger than himself. The only way he could do that was by being selfless and giving up what he loved the most.
“I am here for them...and I don’t hate weddings, even though...” She brushed the rest of the sentence away like it was some kind of pestering fly. “I did have something I wanted to talk to you about.”
He didn’t want to talk about work, but he had a feeling that was exactly where she was going to try to take things since she had brought up his and Troy’s run-in with Rockwood. He was especially attuned to subtle snooping, and the fact that she’d asked about his recent job put him on edge. “STEALTH’s work for ConFlux is strictly confidential. As much as I would like to help you out, you know how it is.”
“Kate said your team would be who I needed to talk to about the security breach. That you could give me information.”
“The way I see it, there are a few things wrong with this, Summer. First, I’m not the guy you want to be talking to if you want answers about this. And second, who is to say the people at STRIKE are people who can be trusted?”
She slid him a sly smile. She was hiding something, but he didn’t know exactly what. “You know I’d never be a part of anything I hadn’t vetted. My team is with the good guys gang, same as your teams at STEALTH. We work for the greater good.”
She could do all the vetting she wanted, but that didn’t mean she saw everything or had come to all the right conclusions. And when it came to the greater good, they both knew that was a load of nonsense.
“As far as I’m concerned, whatever was stolen from ConFlux is between them and the federal acronyms they are working for and with. If you stick your nose too deep into this kind of warfare, you will lose your face. Be careful, Summer.” He turned as he moved to retreat.
“Stop,” she called after him. “I have one more thing...”
He halted and faced her. “If this is about your work, as much as I want to, I can’t help you. I’m out, Summer.”
“I know, and that’s fine. But my work isn’t why I’m really here.” She paused, chewing on her bottom lip as she clicked on her phone. “I have something—someone actually—you need to meet.” She lifted her phone and he had to step closer to see the picture.
Smiling up at him was a baby. He had big blue eyes and appeared to be giggling at something off-screen.
“This is Joseph. I call him Joe.” There was a soft cadence to her voice, an unmistakable tenderness that came when a mother looked upon her child. “Joe is our son.”
CHAPTER TWO
Summer really hadn’t intended to tell Mike about the baby this way. There was such a deep, aching sadness in Mike’s features, she wanted to wrap her arms around him. To bury her face in his chest and say how sorry she was. How she had wanted to give him the news for so long; how many times she had tried to call. She moved toward him, but stopped her advance.
Wait. No. She wasn’t the one who needed to feel bad about how this had all played out. This was on him.
She had called. She had tried to contact him. He was the one who had refused to talk to her, to take her calls. And telling a man he was going to be a father wasn’t something that anyone should do over a voice mail or a text. If he was upset, then he could only be upset with himself. He had been the weakling who couldn’t face her after
he had broken her heart.
Sucking in a long inhale, she collected herself.
Life had a dark sense of humor.
“You named him Joe?” Mike’s voice cracked, breaking away some of her anger.
She nodded. “Joseph. After your dad. I thought it was only right.”
Mike had never been one to cry, not even when he had told her that he wasn’t going to marry her...right in the middle of the makeshift bridal suite twenty minutes before their wedding was set to begin. The church had started to fill with their guests, and the caterers and florists had everything in place. When he’d spoken those words, those heartbreaking words, I can’t... I can’t be your forever, the string quartet had been playing “Ave Maria.” Ever since, she had hated that song; before it had been one of her absolute favorites. But that day, there were many things she had thought she would love forever that had turned to ash in her mouth.
It was crazy how, in a single moment, everything in a life could change.
“Can I see the picture again?” He sounded plaintive, as if unsure she’d agree, his voice soft, even wavering.
She noted the way he didn’t say his picture. It was the picture. As if the baby whom her whole life now revolved around was simply an image, nothing more. But then again, she had no doubt she was gunning for a fight. For the last few weeks, she had been trying to imagine every possible outcome of this meeting, but every scenario she had imagined had ended with a fight. No matter how badly she wanted things to be amicable between them, her pain was likely to stand in the way.
She pulled up Joe’s picture and handed her phone over to Mike. He stared at the screen and there was a well of tears growing in his eyes. Would he let them fall?
Regardless of her personal feelings, they had a child together. A child who deserved to know his father and his entire family; even if that family wasn’t really hers. Regardless of her feelings for him, Mike deserved to have a chance...a chance he didn’t have to take, a chance he didn’t have to grasp with both hands. More, he deserved to have a choice, one that didn’t include her getting in his way or keeping his child from him.
Though she hated him for what he had done to her and the way he had made her feel, there was no doubt there was still a part of her that loved him, and would always love him. That part of her soul was deep, and she would have to keep it buried, but only love could make her feel this confused and so up in the air.
“He is so handsome. How old is he?”
“Seven months, yesterday. He has started to crawl and is starting to get into everything. He loves to be at my feet when I’m working in the kitchen.” A smile took over her entire being as she thought about Joe’s tiny fingers against her skin and the feel of picking him up and putting him on her hip, laughing as she moved. “He has a laugh that can light up the world. You’d love it.” There was a bright timbre in her voice that made her wish she hadn’t spoken the last bit aloud.
Mike nodded and there was a strained silence between them. She cleared her throat, knowing he could outwait her in any uncomfortable situation; it was basically one of his many superpowers.
“He is staying with my friend Jessica right now.”
“Ah,” he said, nodding as he looked down at Joe’s picture. “So, you are still living in Great Falls?”
She wasn’t really living anywhere, but she didn’t want to admit to him that her new job was keeping her from being the mom she had always wanted to be. Yet, survival and putting food on the table were forcing her to make choices she’d never thought she would have to make.
“Right now, I’m staying in Missoula. Doing some training and certification courses, then I’m going to head back up to the high-line.”
He nodded, but she could read the many thoughts flickering out and over his features, and yet, he still said nothing. His silence was going to be the death of her.
“Jess has been really good with him. She is such a good godmother.”
“I bet,” he said, his words filled with a pain that spilled over and poured straight to her core.
“If you want, you could come and meet him. You are welcome anytime.”
A smile stretched over his lips, but there was a tiredness in his eyes. “I’d love that. To meet him, that is. When works for you?”
Oh, she had walked right into that. Of course, he would want to see their son this very minute. If she had been in his position, she would have wanted the same thing. Yet she couldn’t drop everything and make the three-hour trip to Great Falls, spend the night, and then make the same trip back.
Her bosses wouldn’t allow her to just arbitrarily take time off.
Then again, this could be turned into a positive. If anything, this was the perfect opportunity to bring her and Mike closer; and maybe she could get him to open up to her a little bit. She could see if she could mine some more information about Rockwood for her team at the DTRA—the Defense Threat Reduction Agency, a division of the Pentagon’s Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, also known as DARPA.
She would have to make a few phone calls, but maybe her boss would go along with this idea. Heck, she could even play it off like this had been her plan all along. Though she couldn’t have predicted this any more than she could predict the nature of the wind. Just when she thought she understood the man she had once promised her future to, he would swirl away and carry her dreams off with him.
“If you wanted, I have to button a few things and then head up in a couple of days. You can follow me up, or whatever.”
His brows rose, like he was surprised she would suggest they take separate cars for the long drive. He shouldn’t have been. As much as she wanted to ply him for information about their teams’ common enemy, the last thing she wanted was for them to be in such close proximity without a clearly defined exit. She needed to be careful around him; he always had a way of pulling her back in even when everything inside her shouted for her to stay away. Come hell or high water, this time she was going to listen to the little voice that told her to be wary when it came to any kind of relationship with this man—even a relationship of convenience.
“I have to work,” he said, looking back in the direction of the chalet where the reception was now in full swing.
Okay, so maybe he didn’t need to see his son just this minute. Work, once again, came first.
Even from where she stood, she could make out the sounds of someone making a speech and a round of applause.
That should have been their moment. And yet here they were, once again, standing so close to happiness that they could almost taste it, but still a world apart. She was fated to starve in a world filled with tasty morsels of happiness. Ah, the irony.
“If you wanted, I could go in there and talk to whomever I needed to talk to. Who’s your team leader? I bet if I explain the circumstances, some allowances can be made.”
He gave her a surprised look, like he thought she was calling his bluff in some way. “Do you really want to go in there?” He nudged his chin in the direction of the party.
Anywhere had to be better than standing there, alone with him and forced to face their uncomfortable reality.
“I could use some chicken or fish.” She patted her belly. The action was oddly familiar and, as she moved, he smiled.
“When aren’t you hungry?” Mike chuckled.
Right after a breakup, she thought, but she didn’t dare say the words aloud. She simply walked past him and toward the reception.
There were two seats in the corner, and for once she had wished there’d been assigned tables so she wouldn’t have been forced to sit next to him.
Guests enjoyed the buffet, and the entire simple and pioneer-style wedding spoke of Troy. Kate must have been just like the man she married, and the realization made her instantly like the woman. Summer had always loved the entire Spade family, even AJ, who, as the family patriarch, alw
ays seemed to have a spine welded out of steel.
AJ was sitting at Troy’s side, the only groomsman in the wedding party. Kate’s sister was sitting beside her, wearing a blue dress that looked as beautiful with its A-line waist as it was comfortable. Yep, Summer definitely liked her; this woman that could have been her sister-in-law if only Summer had played her cards right. Summer should have known that getting married was the one thing that Mike feared above anything else.
He had always talked about how much he hated the entire institution and the symbolic ownership that came with the arrangement. Ownership was slavery and, regardless of who owned whom, freedom was something he would forever lay down his life to protect.
And while he had remained free—thanks to his actions—her heart would never be freely given again. It would always be chained to the past.
They moved through the buffet line, putting together their plates of food, and they made small talk as they went to the table. Servers came around with drinks and after she’d had a beer and he’d had two, the conversation between them started to become a little looser, easier as they slipped back into their old ways.
As they talked, the world around them slowly began to disappear. More and more people moved to the dance floor as the DJ played the worst and best of all wedding songs. Right now, the chicken dance was blaring and even the older folks were out on the cedar floor, flapping their arms like makeshift wings.
“You want to dance?” Mike asked, motioning toward the craziness on display in front of them.
She didn’t answer right away; instead she watched Troy, who was laughing as he waddled around his bride like a teetering bird. Oh, it was going to be a long, drunken night. Under no circumstances could she fall into some old habits...habits that led her toward the bedroom with Mike.
He was off-limits. He’d hurt her too bad.
And yet, as he slipped his hand around hers and helped her to her feet and then to the dance floor, his touch was like a salve on the burn of their past.
Harlequin Intrigue March 2021--Box Set 2 of 2 Page 19