Honeymoon Rebound

by Eddie Cleveland

  Tap-tap-tap.

  I cringe as I wait a couple of seconds. To my surprise, the door slides open. Even more surprising is it isn’t Benji or any other guy, but some elderly lady with swept back silver hair and yoga pants on.

  Blinking at her, I don’t move because I am certain I’ve got the wrong room. I look up at the numbers beside the door in confusion and the lady grabs my hand. “Yes, you’re here now. Come in, we’ve been waiting for you.” She tugs on me and I walk inside, half-expecting it not to be mine.

  “Oh good! You did remember.” Benji lifts his head from a full body table he’s lying tummy down on. He has a white sheet folded over his ass, but otherwise, he’s naked. A younger woman in casual clothes is rubbing oil between her hands behind him.

  Finally, it all dawns on me. “The couple’s massage! Oh, no, I almost forgot.”

  “If you could set up the other table, Rochelle, my wife will be ready in a sec.” Benji’s eyes twinkle mischievously. “Come on, honey.” He turns his attention to me, winking.

  It only takes a second for me to be ready. In no time I’m lying with my head in a massage table equivalent to a donut hole and Rochelle is rubbing warm oil down my shoulders.

  “Wow, this place really is heaven.” I sink into the table’s mattress.

  “You’re telling me,” Benji agrees. With both of us facing the floor, I can’t see him, but I can hear the relaxation in his voice. “How was surfing?”

  “Um, well, I sorta almost drowned.”

  “What? Get the fuck out.” Benji sounds alarmed. “What happened?”

  “I’m not sure, we did good in the shallow waves, so I asked if we could go out farther and I guess it was too advanced for me,” I fib a little, not yet ready to share the embarrassing truth.

  “So you fell?”

  “I did, and it was really scary. There was some kind of undertow or current or something, it kept washing me around in circles, I felt like I was in a spin cycle, and I couldn’t find my way up,” I explain.

  “Oh, shit,” he answers.

  “Yeah, so Finn jumped in after me and saved my dumb ass from dying and then, guess what?”

  “He did? What?” Benji’s voice perks up with excitement.

  “He carried me out of the water, all the way to the beach in his arms.” I sound a bit squeaky.

  “No, he did not!”

  “He did.” I smile.

  “Well, did you give him a reward for helping you out?” Benji teases me.

  The lady massaging him tsks her tongue. I probably shouldn’t forget I’m scamming this room as part of a honeymoon deal I didn’t really earn. I mean, I earned it. I needed this getaway probably ten times more than a woman who wasn’t humiliated in front of their friends and family. However, technically, and more importantly, in the only way the hotel would care about, I didn’t earn it with, you know, an actual marriage.

  “I did.” My voice changes as I try to get Benji to go along with my drift here. “I gave him some dessert. He had peach pie, and I had one of those frozen banana pops.” I clear my throat.

  “Mmm, don’t you love those?” Benji laughs. “They really seem to be hitting the spot for you since we got here. Must be all the …” he pauses dramatically, “heat.”

  “That must be it.” I smirk.

  Rochelle is done working on my back now and she starts rubbing down the back of my leg. I didn’t even realize I was tense until she started this magic. I swear I’m going to melt into a puddle.

  “Well, then, are you still planning to go out for, um, pizza tonight?” Benji bursts in on my Zen moment.

  Pizza? Is this what we’re calling Cohen? I mean, at least banana popsicles and pie made sense. Whatever, it’s better than the manager of the hotel demanding I show a marriage certificate I can’t produce. Pizza it is.

  “I am,” I answer slyly and I can feel Benji’s scandalized approval radiating out to me.

  “Oh, so exciting.” He’s all bubbly. “Where are you going?”

  “Honestly, I’m not sure. I’m sure wherever the restaurant ends up being it will be awesome. It’s hard to go wrong here, right?”

  “So true. It’s like, even walking down the sidewalk here is better than at home, you know what I mean? At home, you walk and couldn’t care less, right? But in Hawaii, even that feels better. I’m staring up at palm trees, like, just thinking, ‘how come the sky isn’t this blue back home?’ And I look down at the ocean and it’s so amazing.”

  “Exactly.” It doesn’t matter where Cohen is taking me tonight. I know the “restaurant” is perfect and the pizza looks pretty fucking tasty.

  Finn’s face suddenly pops into my mind making my smile fade. I would feel guilty even if it was when he was grinning at me, but of course, just to make me feel even shittier it’s the face he made when he looked so open. So vulnerable.

  “The thing is, I’ve been dieting so long now, I’m feeling really guilty about gorging myself so much, you know? I wonder if I should back off a bit and go back to watching what I eat more.” I try to keep our food code going.

  “No, don’t feel that way. You deserve to enjoy everything you want to try, guilt-free. You’ve got the rest of your life to diet, indulge yourself now. Try all those different flavors, Joss.” Benji immediately picks up what I’m throwing down without missing a beat.

  “Okay, you are all done now,” Rochelle interrupts our conversation.

  Benji and I manage to get up with sheets wrapped around us like make-shift togas. The ladies start packing up and we awkwardly stand around, watching them gather their things to leave.

  Before she heads out the door, Rochelle turns and looks me straight in the eye. “I agree with him.” She nods at Benji. “Skip the diet, enjoy the flavors.” She gleams. “And, as for your pizza tonight?”

  “Uh, yeah.” My cheeks burn bright as I realize we weren’t being as covert as I thought.

  “Yeah, make sure you order it with lots of thick sausage, extra spicy.” She nods at me and walks out the door, leaving Benji and me in a giggling fit like a couple of teenagers.

  16

  Joss

  Ugh, he’s not coming. I shouldn’t be so upset about this, but I wipe a stupid tear from my eye so it doesn’t ruin my makeup. Why would I be worried about that? Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I spent over an hour trying to tame my humidity soaked hair and look cute for this date tonight.

  It feels too familiar. Too fresh. Standing in my dress, pitifully crying into my flowers, knowing the entire church of people are there to see me on what is supposed to be one of the biggest days of my life, my fucking wedding. And I wasn’t fucking good enough. I know Cohen and I aren’t serious, but I felt a real connection with him at the observatory. He seemed so genuine. I guess I needed to believe a guy out there still wants me. That a guy out there wanted to make me feel special.

  The tears are about to go full waterworks if I don’t get this under control. I should probably go to my room so I don’t have to carry around this helmet like some kind of reminder of how I got ditched tonight. If I go up there I know I won’t come back out. I’ll end up puffy-eyed, crying on Benji’s shoulder all night. That’s what the old me would do. Not this Joss. If I want to change my life, I need to put a different energy out into the world.

  My fingers curl around the smooth edges of my phone and I pull up my messages with Benji and start typing.

  Me: Stood up, oh well! Come meet me at the lobby bar asap. First round of shots is on me ;)

  Benji: WHAT!?! Be there in 5

  I toss my cell in my purse and push down these feelings. I’m not doing this now. Maybe in a few hours, when I’m barfing my guts into the toilet after a night of shots and dancing on table tops, sure. But not right now. Right now, me, my best friend and this helmet are going to go have some drinks.

  Even though it’s early evening, the bar is full of women wearing sarong skirts and sunglasses indoors and men sporting tacky Hawaiian shirts. It takes a minute to get the
bartender’s attention, but when she comes over, she’s all smiles.

  “What can I get ya?” Her soft voice has a charming drawl.

  “Two shots of lemon gin, please.”

  “Comin’ right up.” She clinks two shot glasses together and heads off to grab a bottle.

  I slide up onto a barstool and rest the helmet in its own seat. On the other side, I’ve got room for Benji, although no one knows he’s heading down here. So, at the moment I look like I’m buying shots for me and the helmet.

  “Are you fucking serious?” Benji walks up from behind me and sits on the empty barstool. “He stood you up? What an asshole.”

  “Looks like it.” I shrug. “I’ve been waiting out front for Cinderella’s carriage to show up, but fifteen minutes later and there’s not even a pumpkin out there.” I try to make light of it. If I can make a joke, then I don’t need to admit how much this sucks.

  “Well, fuck that guy.” He gently squeezes my arm and my chin does that wobbly thing. It always happens before I have a full-on ugly cry.

  “Two lemon gin shots.” The bartender places them in front of each of us. “Fourteen dollars, please.”

  Benji coughs. “Fourteen?”

  “Shhh.” I give him a look and he quiets down. I hand the money over and lift my shot glass.

  “I mean, fourteen bucks? Damn, Hawaii is expensive.”

  “Forget about the price will ya? Come on, let’s make a toast.” I wait as Benji lifts his drink. “To the most amazing friendships.” I lift mine higher.

  “I’ll drink to that.” He half smiles and we down them at the same time.

  I scrunch up my face, it’s been a while since I’ve done a shot of anything. Sure, I got wasted on the plane, but on beer. Which goes to show how long I’ve been avoiding booze. More like avoiding the empty calories so I could squeeze into my mermaid wedding dress. Look how that turned out for me.

  There’re those tears again. This time they sneak up on me with a sniffle.

  “Hey, don’t cry.” Benji leans in. “He’s so not worth it.”

  “What is wrong with me, Benji?” He blurs in front of me as my eyes fill with tears.

  “Nothing.”

  “No, seriously. What is wrong with me?”

  So much for putting a different energy out to the universe. Whatever, tomorrow I’ll try to be chipper and positive again. Tonight I’m having myself a pity party and my poor bestie is coming along for the ride.

  “No, I’m fucking serious.” He gives my shoulder a little shake and drops his hand when I blink away the tears. “Listen, remember when you and I first started going to the gym and I was too scared to go in the building? All my exercise clothes looked too tight, and I was worried I’d get too sweaty and I asked if we could go home instead?”

  “Yeah.” I sniffle.

  “What did you say to me?”

  “I dunno,” I lie.

  “Yes you do,” he urges. “What did you say?”

  “You’re already the full package,” I mumble.

  “What was that?” He cups his ear.

  “That you were already the full package and the rest was window dressing.” I sigh.

  “You know what I’m gonna say, right?” He playfully elbows me and I smile. “You’re the full fucking package, Joss. For real. You have a beautiful heart and smile and, I don’t play for your team, but your body is still banging.” He runs his hand down in front of me and we both laugh. “Listen, if Blair or Cohen or any guy can’t see that … if they don’t see you’re the whole package, well, fuck those guys. Seriously.”

  I lurch forward on the edge of my barstool and grab Benji tight. He pulls me into a big bearhug and my self-pity disappears. He’s right. When I give myself, I give fully. I deserve more.

  “Shit, I am so sorry I’m late.” A voice makes us both jump and turn around in our seats.

  “You are not just a little late,” Benji snaps at him. “You’re thirty-five minutes late.”

  Cohen runs his hand through his hair. “I know, you’re right. There was a lady at my shop who collapsed and I needed to call an ambulance and I had to stay with her,” he rambles.

  “Seriously? Oh shit.” Benji pushes my shoulder until he’s practically throwing me out of my seat. “Then you guys are going to be late for your date. You better get going, Joss.” He gives me a look.

  “No, wait, can you give us a sec, Cohen?” I hold up my finger and tilt my head at Benji.

  “Yeah, of course.” Cohen nods and walks out into the lobby, waiting by the front doors.

  “What are you doing?” Benji hisses at me. “Go with him.”

  “Wait, what ever happened to fuck that guy and everything else you said?” I shake my head and my hair bounces.

  “Well, he didn’t really stand you up, did he? No, while we were here, talking trash, he was out there, saving lives. Now, get your sweet ass out on that man’s motorcycle and don’t come back here until you’ve got a story to tell.” He pulls me into a quick hug.

  I smile and hold him at an arm’s length. “All right, I’ll text you if I’m not coming back tonight.”

  “I guess I better get a text then.” He smiles. “Oh, and Joss?”

  “Yeah?” I turn to head out but then stop and look at Benji.

  “My advice still stands.”

  “What advice?”

  “Fuck that guy.” He grins and I can’t help but do the same as I walk out of the bar and head up to Cohen.

  17

  Cohen

  My Harley protests loudly as I push her faster. Leaning into the corners, I’m pretty sure Joss yelps out with fear. It’s hard to know for sure, I can’t hear much over the whooshing wind. Joss tightens her grip, spreading her body heat up my back, engulfing me. She’s driving me crazy.

  Almost crazy enough to pull over into a little secluded beach so I can say the hell with dates and all this formal shit. To hell with everything that isn’t leaving her clothes in shreds and taking her with animalistic need. I want to make her cry out to Saint Cohen while Wild Cohen claims every inch of her body.

  A deep throb settles in my balls, my cock twitches to life, and every way I could possibly make her mine floats through my mind like a parade of filth. All the ways I want to fuck her. All the ways I want to make her scream.

  There’s a tiny wobble in my arms, it’s slight, but it’s enough to snap me back. I’ve got to keep my focus and get us there alive. Roadkill isn’t sexy. Especially when the roadkill is us. The night is young. Tonight, Joss is my queen. And you don’t greet the queen with your junk pulled out. Now, if the queen wants to tarnish her crown later, I’ll show her how to get dirty.

  We reach the top and there’s still time. I park my bike and help her off the back like she’s stepping down off a chariot. Who says you can’t be a beast and a gentleman? Tonight, I hope to introduce her to both. Abandoning our helmets on the bike, I hold her hand, guiding her to the edge of black rocks formed from some volcano spewing lava angrily into the ocean a million years back.

  “It’s starting.” I point to the distant horizon below. The shimmery darkness where the water and the sky flatten together.

  “What’s starting?” She frowns and I’m pretty sure it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

  “Wait for it, you’ll see,” I promise.

  The ocean breeze wicks away our heat and Joss give a little shiver. She keeps looking, patiently searching the landscape below, but she looks like she might freeze up here.

  “Here,” I shrug out of my leather jacket and hold it out for her, “wear this.”

  Joss smiles and lets me slide it up her arms.

  “Better?” I ask.

  “I dunno, I’m still pretty chilly.” She looks up at me with so much intention shining in her eyes, I can’t promise I’m not going to dirty her crown right here on this fucking roadside overhang where anyone with a working set of headlights will see us.

  “Let’s see what I can do about that,” I murmur.
Stepping in behind her, I slide my arms around her body, pulling her ass so tight against me she gasps. Then she softens. The feverish heat spreads up me again, testing my resolve, setting my senses on fire.

  Joss turns her head to the side, her hooded eyes silently pleading, her pouty lips demanding mine. A raw surge pulses through my veins, it floods my brain; it destroys my control. I grip her jaw in my fingers and give her a glimpse of the beast. Our kisses are hard and hurried, I pull her around, letting my hand travel up the side of her neck, and she rocks her hips against me in this slow, seductive way that makes me growl into her mouth.

  “Wait,” she pants. “Someone is coming, there’s a light.” She pulls back self-consciously and I realize her mistake.

  “It’s not a car, look, out there.” I point to the ocean. “I wanted you to see this with me. Tonight is a supermoon, so it looks bigger and brighter than usual. It’s impressive no matter where in the world you see it, but here … right now, with you …” I can’t help but smile as her already huge eyes grow even wider. Joss’s lips part in wonder as the moon slowly appears to rise up, like it was submerged under the water this entire time. “It’s fucking perfection.”

  “It is,” she breathes. I love the wonder in her voice. The awe lit up on her face by the brilliant moonbeams. She doesn’t fumble for her phone; trying to capture this would be impossible anyway. She soaks it in, leaning back against me, it’s like Mother Nature is personally giving us her blessing, or at least one hell of a show.

  Seconds and minutes stop having meaning. All that exists is this moment. The salty air mixing with our body heat. The glimmering waves of the ocean. The glow of the moon. Our bodies pressed together, sharing a slice of time I hope she’ll never forget. I know I won’t.