by T. J. LONG
“I’ve got to go” I say to her. I look at Dickey. “Do you have a driver picking you up?” He nods his head yes as he says, “Of course.”
Right, I forgot, I’m the only one at this school who doesn’t use their privilege. “Great. Are you okay getting her home?”
“Definitely,” he says. I look at Ann, who is smiling at me.
“I’ll be fine. I’m not even that drunk.”
“Love you”. I kiss her cheek and run toward the tunnels. I spot Brian with some other baseball douches on my run over, so I at least know I won’t be getting attacked again.
I walk into the darkness and take a deep, calming breath in through my nose and blow it out through my mouth. I can do this; it’s a long walk in pitch darkness, but the alternative of someone finding that phone and seeing the pictures of me and Josh together… well, that trumps any fear I have of the dark. My arms are outstretched. One arm stays stationary while the other waves back and forth. I want no surprises. I finally feel the split. I take the left tunnel. I feel my way down the scratchy rock wall. It bites at my palms, but I’m having serious sensory issues and I need to feel grounded. The wall gives way and I sigh heavily. I made it.
My phone is still lying on the floor. The flashlight is still on but it’s shining toward the ground. I reach down and grab it, hoping to have a text or missed call from Josh letting me know where he is, but I’m met with a nightmare instead.
There are multiple texts from an unknown number. When I tap on them, I’m met by pictures of me and Josh snuggled up to each other, us kissing, and us in the pool.
“Shit, shit, shit.” This is so bad. I need to find Josh and give him a heads up.
I make it to the parking lot and try calling him for the fourth time, but still there’s no answer. Why the hell isn’t he picking up? I saw him earlier, and he looked fine. A terrible thought overtakes me. What if Brian sent him the pictures too and now he’s freaking out and never wants to speak to me again?
I rush home, hopeful I’ll see his car when I pull into the driveway but It’s not there. Standing on my tippy toes, I peek into the garage, but I don’t see the car there either. Panic sets in.
“Where are you?” I wail out and stomp my feet.
Me: Josh, are you okay? I can’t find you.
I wait impatiently for him to respond. I have to let him know about Brian having access to my phone and the pictures. Ten minutes pass and even though that isn't a long time, it’s too long to wait when I’m in panic mode.
Me: I’m not sure what is going on, but please answer my texts or call me.
I make my way into the house and to my room. I throw the cat ears from my head and kick off my heels. I walk into the closet and go straight to the mirror to see if there are cuts on my back. It sure feels sore. I peel the leotard from my shoulders and slowly move it off of my back, letting it hang on my hips as I turn and get a first look at my back.
“Oh, my gosh.” I grimace as my fingers glide over the bloody scrapes that cover the small of my back. The trauma caused the whole area to swell, making it look worse than it is. I grab for Josh’s shorts and shirt because I miss him, plus with these wounds, I don’t want anything tight to irritate it further.
I get into bed carefully, not wanting to disturb my back. I grasp my phone in my hand and slide it under my pillow, but after a moment's hesitation, I send one more text to Josh before I give up for the night.
Me: Where did you go…
I hear a knock at my door.
“Yeah?”
The knob twists and in walks my mom.
“What are you doing home? I thought you were staying at Ann’s tonight.”
I shake my head. “That was the plan but…” I shake my head again, thinking about what a big mess this whole thing might turn into. Mom and Dad like Josh our neighbor, and Josh my teacher, but will they still like him when they find out he’s also my boyfriend? The doubt makes me keep my mouth shut.
My mom looks on, concerned. “Taylor, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?.” She takes a seat at the edge of my bed.
“I just wanted to come home.”
She frowns. “Nothing happened?” she asks, furrowing her brow.
I nibble at my lip; I hate lying. “No, I was just over the party and wanted to get some actual rest.”
She taps my foot, telling me to scoot over. “Wanna watch a movie? I finished the layout for the magazine, so I’m free.” She smiles at me as she moves beside me on the bed.
I let out a puff of air and smile. “That sounds really nice, Mom.” I lean my head on her shoulder, trying my best to relax and forget about the storm that’s brewing at Shrewsbury prep.
***
Morning light flickers in my eyes and I jolt awake, reaching quickly for my phone. He must have answered me by now. I have two texts: one from Ann saying she got home safe and to call her later and a text from Brian.It’s a picture of me in my bra and panties that I sent to Josh. It reads:
Little innocent Taylor is fucking the teacher. Keep my secret and I’ll keep yours. Open your mouth and you’ll regret it.
I text the number back because I didn’t last night and I need to let him know that I’m not telling anyone anything.
Me: Look, your secret is safe with me. You don’t have to threaten me. Honestly, I won’t tell anyone anything.
I walk to the bathroom and turn on the tap. A warm bath should help relieve some of my anxiety. I grab my phone from the counter and text Josh one more time before slipping into my bubble bath. My head falls back and my arms billow through the bubbles as heat invades my pores and instantly relaxes my tense muscles. I try my best to clear my mind, but I keep having flashbacks of Brian threatening me. Damn it, I need Josh.
When the bath turns cold, I reluctantly get out. I kept soaking, hoping I’d hear my stupid phone chime with a text or call, but it never came. Now I’m all pruned. My fingers look like I’m a hundred.
The day goes by slowly. Around six, my phone chimes, and I hop from my spot on the floor to my bed like my life depends on it. My excitement dwindles when I see it is only Ann and not Josh. She wants to know how my night with Josh went. I don’t feel like getting into it, so I tell her I’m busy and that I will tell her about it later.
By the time Sunday morning comes, I’m at my wit’s end. I have heard nothing from Josh since Friday evening. I’m beginning to think he’s been kidnapped. I mean he’s smoking hot; I could totally see him tied to a bed in a dungeon in some rich old lady’s house. I know what you’re thinking, Taylor, how can you joke at a time like this? How inappropriate. It’s called a defense mechanism, geez.
When the sun starts to set, and he’s still not back, I decide I’m going to break into his house and look for clues. I should have done it yesterday, but I was trying to hold off looking crazy. I know for a fact he doesn’t lock his doors, so it’s not really breaking and entering.
I go into my closet and search for incognito clothes. After I’m dressed, I step in front of the mirror. I look like a ninja but in short shorts. I make it to his front door unnoticed and turn the knob hoping that it’s still unlocked. It is. I slide in the house and shut the door behind me. It’s dark but I don’t dare turn on the lights; that would draw attention. I use the flashlight on my phone to peek around.
Everything looks the same as it did last week. There’s still food and beer in the fridge and no mail or weird ransom notes lying around. I go to his room and find his bed still made; it doesn’t look like it’s been slept in for days.
The bathroom is next. Even if he had to rush and leave, he still would have had to take his toiletries with him. His toothbrush, toothpaste, and hair products are gone. What the hell? Where did he go?
I move quickly, making my way to his closet. His overnight bag is gone, but it doesn’t look like much clothing is missing, if any at all. A look of immense confusion graces my face. I sit on the edge of his bed twiddling my fingers.
“Where'd you go?” I
say aloud. I plop onto the large, cozy bed and grab his pillow, squeezing it tightly to my chest. The faint scent of him invades my senses. “I miss you. Where are you?”
The stress of his disappearance has exhausted me, and before I know it, my eyes flutter shut. A car door closing nearby rouses me from my slumber. “Josh?” I say groggily. What time is it? I grab my phone and check the time. The brightness of the screen makes my eyes fill with water. They fight to stay open as I squint at the screen. 9:30 pm.
I get up quickly and peer through the sheer curtains. His car is in the driveway now, but from what I can see, the car looks empty. I have so many questions, like if you’re not dead, why didn’t you answer my calls or texts. Why let me worry like this? There’s got to be a logical explanation though, I tell myself. Maybe his phone broke, and he had to fly to Colorado to help his parents.
The front door opens and all the scenarios I had begun to manifest go down the toilet as a women’s flirty tone wafts into my ears. My throat goes dry and my heart races like mad.
Josh wouldn’t do that to me. There’s got to be a reasonable explanation for this. Maybe it’s a relative, I tell myself.
“Wow. It looks even better now that you’ve furnished it. I love the feminine touches.”
I tiptoe out of the room, trying my damndest to be quiet so I can see who the hell he’s brought home this late at night.
“Thanks.” He laughs. “I can’t take full credit; the girl I was seeing added the frilly pillows and flowers.”
My eyes squint. Did I hear that correctly? The girl he WAS seeing? Did he break up with me and forget to let me know?
My stomach churns with sickness. I feel the dinner I ate making its way back up. I need to get out of here before they catch me. That would be mortifying. Especially since I’m not even his girlfriend anymore.
My face is in a frown and I want so badly to cry and scream, the latter more. Three days I have spent being worried about him, and he just casually waltzes in, days later, with a woman in tow.
“Well, I'm sorry to bring you in and leave you, but I’ve got to shower and head to bed. I have to be up early for work, but like I said, you’re welcome to stay in the guestroom.”
I lean over the door frame so I can get a look at this mystery girl, and my mouth falls agape. It's the fucking realtor, who was dressed like a blow-up doll the last time I saw her. Josh told me all about how the she tried to flirt with him, so the fact that she’s here with him, alone really fucking pisses me off. Why the hell did he bring her here?
My cheeks heat and my body vibrates with anger. If I wouldn't be completely humiliated, I’d confront him right now.
“Great, will you show me to it?”
My eyes roll, knowing full well she knows exactly where it is. You’re the one who sold him the house, I mouth.
He laughs, but it sounds strained. “Sure.”
I look around quickly to find some place to hide. I grab my phone from the bed and run into his closet. I hear their footsteps as they make their way down the hall to the guest room. She’s doing an awful lot of giggling on the trip up the stairs. My eyes are set to perpetual roll.
Footsteps make their way closer to my hiding spot. The floor creaks with each step he takes. As the doors open, fear surrounds me, scared that the loud thudding of my heart will give me up. Thankfully, he doesn’t seem to hear it. He gets what he needs and shuts the door.
I allow myself to breathe again. My forehead is to the carpet as a rogue tear falls. I want nothing more than to figure out what is going on, but getting out unseen takes priority. When I hear the shower turn on, I make a mad dash out of the closet and peak my head out of the door to make sure the realtor isn’t going to see me. I can hear her in the room, so I hop like the quiet ninja I am down the stairs and run out the back door.
When I’m safe in my room, I let the events that just transpired consume me and I cry the whole night.
Joshua
The weekend went a lot differently than I was expecting. I kept my phone on silent and left it in my duffel bag, out of sight, out of mind. I needed this weekend to get my head on straight after what I saw Taylor doing.
Problem was, when I made it to the beach house, Sarah, my realtor, was there with her boyfriend. I knew she was good friends with Carli, so I guess Uncle Bill extended the beach house invitation to all of us. Normally, in the mood I was in, I would have preferred to be alone, but given that I was trying to avoid seeing Taylor, and the fact that it took over an hour to drive there, I sucked it up and stayed. The house was big, and I figured we wouldn’t cross paths if I stayed in my room.
But things didn’t go as I had envisioned. I ended up listening to them argue practically the whole time I was there. I was not a huge fan of hers after she got pissed that I wouldn’t sleep with her, but he was a total prick to her. Apparently, he was texting girls behind her back, and instead of owning up to it and apologizing, he blamed her for it happening. He was a piece of work, and as if that wasn’t bad enough, he then took the car and left her stranded at the beach. I didn’t want to get into their business, but I did keep an eye on him to make sure it didn’t get physical. If it had, I would have had no issues knocking him to his ass. After he left, she made it seem like it wasn't that big of a deal, but I could see that she was embarrassed. No one likes to be made a fool of.
He threw her keys from the back deck off the cliff. I don’t know why on God’s green earth he thought to do that, but she needed a ride back to town and a place to crash for the night, being that she had no keys to get into her own place. I told her I’d break a window for her, but she laughed and said she’d just call a locksmith in the morning. I didn’t know it, but she happened to live only a few blocks from me, so I kind of felt like I had to help her out; it was my neighborly duty. And, honestly, helping her out made me feel good. I mean we both just got screwed over by our partners. Although, I didn’t tell her what happened with Taylor. I like to keep my embarrassments to myself.
Morning comes fast and I struggle to get out of bed. The weekend did a good job at distracting me but knowing I’ll be seeing Taylor in the next few hours makes me anxious as all hell. I walk down the stairs and make myself a full pot of black coffee.
After two cups and a minuscule breakfast, I write a letter to Sarah, letting her know that I didn’t want to wake her and that she’s welcome to whatever I have in the fridge and cupboards. I leave two locksmith numbers on the table with the letter, so hopefully she has no issues getting into her house. I hope that dick of an ex feels guilty and pays her back, but it’s not likely.
***
The school is still quiet as I pull into the parking lot. I grab my mug and walk to class. I pull my phone from my pocket and check the time. Thirty-four minutes and then I’ll be face to face with another woman who’s disappointed me.
I busy myself creating a pop quiz on the latest book they should have been reading from the syllabus given at the beginning of the year.
The bell rings and students stampede in the hallway. I take my position behind my desk. Students walk in and take their seats. I haven’t had the balls to look up and see if Taylor has entered the room. I don’t even know how she’s going to act. She has no clue I saw her. She only knows I’ve been ignoring her. I hope she feels guilty for what she did. An apology would be nice, not that it would fix anything. I never truly got one from Julia, and I’d like to know she feels guilty for her actions.
When I hear the door shut, I get up from my seat and ask for a volunteer. I don’t make eye contact with anyone as I get out of my seat to stand at the head of the classroom. I sense a raised hand ,and before looking, I already know who it is. I turn to see Jessica, with her hand high in the air, smiling seductively at me. She’s been flirting since the first day of school. I haven’t shown her the least bit of attraction but it doesn’t stop her.
“Please hand these out,” I say to her in a monotone voice. “The paper Jessica is passing out is a surprise pop quiz on
The Awakening by Kate Chopin. If you are up to date on the syllabus, then you should have zero issues completing and passing this quiz.”
Sighs fill the room, and for some reason, that makes me smile.
“Calm down. I’m not an absolute dic—” I stop myself before I can complete that classroom inappropriate word. “As I was saying.” I stutter out a laugh. “I’m not going to be a jerk. I will allow a refresher time period. You have 20 minutes to refresh yourselves with the book. Time starts now.”
The students take out their phones and start reading. I go back to my desk, take out my lesson plan, and busy myself. I feel the heat of eyes on me, and when I finally gather the courage to look up, amber eyes are staring daggers at me. Her face is drawn into a scowl, but her eyes are puffy and have a pink tint to them, as if she’s been crying.
What the hell has she got to cry about? She’s the one who had a secret rendezvous. I am aware that people make mistakes. Maybe she made one with that boy, but I won’t be with a cheater. Not again.
When the bell rings, I busy myself with grading the pop quiz. I feel her eyes on me, but I refuse to look up. I won’t have an upsetting conversation at work. If she wants to talk, we can do it another time. Now isn’t the time or place.
Thankfully, she takes the hint and walks out as students from my next period walk in. I busy myself the rest of the day, leaving little time for my brain to ponder on the shittiness of the past few days.
Taylor
On Monday, I gave him plenty of time to talk to me after class, but he pretended he was busy. On Tuesday, we watched a movie in class, so there was zero chance to communicate. The rest of the week, it was the same bullshit.
When Friday rolls around, I have gone a solid seven days without talking to him. Seven days of not knowing what the hell happened. When class is over, which comprised of book work and, you guessed it, no time for me to talk to him, I have had just about enough.