Eyes Wide Open

by Raine Miller

  “You are nearly unrecognizable to me, Ethan. You have it bad, don’t you?”

  I pushed up to my feet and reconnected with my coffee mug, talking a hot gulp before I addressed her comment. “It’s just ice cream, Han.”

  “I’m not talking about you sneaking sweets to Zara, and you know it.”

  I pegged her in the eye and told my sister, “Yeah. I have it bad.”

  Hannah smiled sweetly at me. “I’m happy for you, E. Hell, I’m thrilled to see you like this. Happy . . . you’re happy with her.” Hannah’s gray eyes got watery.

  “Hey, what’s this?” I pulled her into a hug.

  She embraced me hard. “Happy tears. You deserve it, E. I wish Mum were here to see you like this . . .” Hannah trailed off, obviously choked up.

  I looked over at the photograph on the shelf of the three of us together, Hannah, me and Mum sitting on the stone wall at my grandparents’ place. “She is right here,” I said.

  4

  ♥ Ethan led me along a high coastal path that overlooked the sea at the Bay of Bristol with its sparkling blue water winking a million shiny breaks due to the wind. We followed that for a good while until the trail turned back inland. The sun was shining and the air was fresh. You’d think all the physical exertion would clear out my scattered thoughts, putting them into some semblance of order, but no such luck on that one. Nope. My mind just kept whirling. Engagement announcement? Moving in together? Marriage?! I so needed to schedule an appointment with Dr. Roswell for the moment we got back to London.

  As I watched Ethan ahead of me, the way he moved, his natural agility and stealth, his physique of ripped muscles propelling his body forward, I still appreciated the view. My guy, my view. Yep, the scenery and my man were both mighty fine.

  I did indeed love it here and was happy he’d brought me, in spite of the turn our conversation took last night. Ethan had come downstairs this morning cheerful and affectionate, as if we’d never discussed a thing of importance last night. It was truly infuriating as hell to me that he could just blow off something like getting married as if it was nothing more complicated than getting a license to drive a car!

  I liked when he ran with me, though. We went together in the city when I stayed over and if it didn’t rain in the mornings. Ethan kept a competitive pace and I hoped he wasn’t going easy on me just because he could.

  As the path wound along the coast it began to descend down to the shore and the beach below until we came out into a rocky headland. Ethan turned back and gave me a cover model smile that never ceased to affect me when he did it. He had a magnificent smile that made my insides gooey. It meant he was happy.

  “You hungry?” he asked as I pulled up.

  “Yes I am. Where are we going?”

  He pointed to a tiny gazebo-shaped building perched right on the rocks. “The Sea Bird. Great breakfasts served up in that little place.”

  “Sounds like a plan to me.” He took my hand in his and brought it up to his lips, kissing the top quickly.

  I smiled up at him and studied his handsome face. Ethan was easy on the eye, but it was funny to me that he didn’t seem to think much of it. I wanted to know about that woman, Priscilla, from the night before. I know he had hooked up with her at some point in the past; he said as much: “We went out one time together.” It didn’t take a genius to figure he’d taken her up on some freely offered sex. She had her paws all over him at the bar. I didn’t like the looks of her at all. Too predatory. Paul seemed interested, though. I saw them outside on the curb together after the National was evacuated.

  “What’s on your mind, my beauty?” Ethan tapped me on the tip of my nose. “I can see the cogs turning under here.” He kissed my forehead.

  “A lot of things.”

  “Want to talk about it?”

  “I think we should.” I nodded. “I think we don’t have any other choice, Ethan.”

  “Yeah,” he answered, his eyes losing the happy spark that had just been in them.

  The red-haired waitress eyeballed him thoroughly as she seated us by a window, something I had grown used to when out with Ethan. Females didn’t hide their appreciation very well I was always left wondering how the person would act or what they would say to him if I wasn’t there. Hah! Here’s my number if you want to come over to my place and have some quick and dirty sex. I’ll do anything you want. Gag.

  He waited until she left and then got right to it. “So . . . back to our conversation last night. Are you feeling any more receptive to the idea?”

  I took a sip of water first. “I think I’m still in shock that you want to . . .” I hesitated.

  “You don’t have to be afraid to say the words, Brynne,” he bit back, no longer looking so happy with me.

  “Fine. I can’t believe you are willing to ‘marry’ me.” I made air quotes and saw his jaw twitch.

  “Why does it surprise you?”

  “It’s way too soon and we’re just starting out together, Ethan. Can’t we just keep going like we have been?”

  His expression hardened. “We are continuing on like we have been. I don’t know where you think we’re headed, but I can assure you it’ll be somewhere where we are together.” He narrowed his eyes and glared a little. “All in, Brynne, or did you forget so soon? You said you wanted the same thing last night.”

  I could tell he was more than a little frustrated with me. “I didn’t forget,” I whispered and looked over the menu in front of me.

  “Good.” He picked up his own menu and didn’t say anything for a minute or two. The waitress came back over eventually and made the ordering of our breakfasts pretty sickening as she flirted with Ethan throughout the whole torturous process.

  I rolled my eyes when she turned and sauntered off.

  Ethan kept his eyes on me, never wavering, as he spoke, “When are you going to understand that I don’t care about women like that waitress and how she just tried flirting with me while you were sitting right here. It was in poor taste and I loathe it. Stuff like that has been happening all my adult life and I can tell you truthfully that it’s annoying as hell.” He reached across the table and picked up my hand. “I only want one woman to flirt with me now, and you know who she is.”

  “But how can you be so sure about something as important as marriage?” I went right back to our topic.

  He started rubbing his thumb over the top of my hand—touching me in more ways than just the sensual gesture. “I’ve decided what I want with you, baby, and my mind’s not changing.”

  “You know this. You know you’ll never change your mind about me or wanting to be with me.” I said them as slightly mocking statements, but they were really questions posed to him. Hell, if he was offering then I had to hear the why of things. “I don’t have any good examples to draw on. My parent’s marriage was a joke.”

  “I won’t change my mind, Brynne.” He narrowed his eyes and I could see some hurt there. “You’re everything I want and need. I’m sure of that. I just want to make it official to the world so I can protect you in the best way I know how to. People have married for much less.” He looked down at our hands and then up at me again. “I love you.”

  My heart melted under the blast of intensity coming off him, and I felt like a mean bitch again. Here he was baring his feelings, telling me how much I meant to him, and I was giving him a hard time.

  “I know you do and I love you too.” I nodded and twisted my hand to hold on to his, meaning my words with all my heart. “I do. Nobody else has ever got that out of me before . . . but you.”

  “Good.”

  He looked vulnerable then and I wanted to reassure him, make him feel that he mattered to me. Because the truth was, Ethan did matter. So very much. I stroked the top of his hand with a finger, brushing it back and forth.

  The past twenty-four hours had been so i
nsane, I was merely trying to keep up. What Ethan was suggesting did make me feel pressured, but he also made me feel loved. He was a good man willing to make a commitment to me, and only asking for the same in return. Why was I having so much trouble with it? The truth was something I pretty much understood even if I hated to acknowledge it by digging down deep into my psyche. Being with Ethan forced me to examine my demons.

  “I’ll move in with you. How’s that for a start?”

  “It’s just that—a start,” he said dryly. “I told you that part wasn’t negotiable anyway.”

  “I know. You tell me a lot of things, Ethan.” I couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of my voice but I smiled at him sitting across from me in all his male beauty, so confident and assured.

  He grinned back at me. “And I mean every word of what I say.”

  The waitress appeared with our food just then, giggling and leaning over the table in a disgusting display that made my stomach turn. Literally. The eggs and bacon set out in front of me suddenly didn’t look so appealing either. I reached for the toast first.

  I couldn’t help rolling my eyes again as she strutted off, hips swinging for maximum effect. Ethan gave me a soft laugh and an air kiss.

  “Let’s talk some more about this plan of yours when we get back to London, okay? I want to enjoy our time here together this weekend and forget about that message last night, and have some fun.” I couldn’t resist adding in just a little snark: “Not that watching women throw themselves at you is fun for me or anything.”

  He laughed a little harder. “Welcome to my world, baby. Hell, if it helps my cause by getting you jealous, maybe I should encourage the admiring females a little more.” He gestured in the waitress’s direction.

  I glared at him. “Don’t even think about it, Blackstone.” I nodded toward his crotch. “It so won’t help your cause or getting you more of what you like.”

  He bit off the end of a piece of bacon and ignored my threat, sweeping over me with sexy, slow eyes. “I like the jealous you very much. It turns me on,” he said in a low tone.

  What doesn’t turn you on? I felt the tingle of arousal flutter through me as he raked me over with another look. Ethan could get me hot for him with just the slightest gesture. I noticed how his muscles flexed under his shirt and I wanted to tear it off and proceed with licking down his beautiful carved chest, down farther over his stomach and that V cut that ended in that most magnificent—”

  “What are you thinking about now?” he asked with a brow twist, interrupting my wicked fantasies.

  “How much I like to go running with you,” I countered, proud of my pithy comeback when I’d so obviously been caught shamelessly ogling him worse than the redhead who’d served our meal had done.

  “Right,” he said, totally unconvinced. “I think you were dreaming about getting me naked and having a shag.”

  I was horrified and stared down at my food, wondering why I was so sexed out these days. My hormones must be wacky again. All. His. Fault.

  “Speaking of dreams . . .” I figured this was a good time to change the subject and let my comment hang in the air between us for a moment.

  His eyes turned dark and he frowned. “Yeah, I had another one. I’m very sorry for disturbing you in your sleep. I really am. I don’t know why I’ve started having them after all this time.”

  “I want to know what those dreams are about, Ethan.”

  He tried his own brand of distraction by changing the conversation again. “But you’re right, baby, I shouldn’t have brought up the let’s-get-married thing like I did on the fly. It wasn’t nice to unload that on you in the middle of the night, even if I am still convinced it’s our best option. We can talk some more about it when we get back to town and you’ve moved into the flat. I already told you the whole scene last night at the National Gallery freaked me out.” He shook his head slowly. “When I couldn’t find you . . . it was the worst, Brynne. I can’t go through that again. My heart can’t take it.”

  I stared at him, frustrated by being shut down again, and stiffened my stance. “Why won’t you talk to me about your nightmares? My heart can’t take that.”

  His gaze flickered down and then back up. He whispered with pleading eyes, “When we get back home. Promise.” He played with my hand, tracing my knuckles ever so gently. “Let’s just have nice time together for the weekend like you said, without bringing any of the ugly stuff into it. Please?”

  How could I say no? The look of dread all over him was enough for me to give him a reprieve. A few more days wouldn’t matter without knowing. I did know this much, though, whatever events Ethan had suffered through had been truly horrible, and it pained me to even imagine it. He said it was from his time in the war and I remembered Neil’s words to me once: “E’s a walking miracle, Brynne.”

  Yeah, he’s a miracle all right. My miracle.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Our return to the house took a different path, as Ethan wanted to show me around. This way was far less strenuous, for which I was grateful; for some reason I was feeling tired again. I felt a flush as I realized why. Lots of sex action last night. Another miracle considering I’d begun and ended the evening by barfing. Ugh. Ethan had been so good to me, though. He really was a considerate and attentive man, with very fine manners for not having grown up with a mother. I’d have to thank his father, Jonathan, for doing such a good job when I saw him again.

  The area turned more wooded as we shifted away from the coast. Leaves of green filtered the sun through the branches to make patterns of shadows and light on the ground. The whole place was so peaceful, the little graveyard tucked away under some very old oak trees felt like a good place to stop for a while. The cemetery looked like something out of a gothic novel, all overhanging branches and ornate headstones.

  Ethan waited for me to catch up at the gate and extended his hand. As soon as I touched him, he drew me up close against his body, enfolding me. “You want to look around in there and have a bit of a break? I figured you might because you like history so much.”

  “I’d love to. It’s so beautiful in here.” I looked around. “So peaceful and serene.”

  We walked through the plots, reading names on the stones of the people who’d lived and died in the area. A marble crypt marked the resting place of the Greymont family, the ancestors of Hannah’s husband, Freddy. I made out the names Jeremy and Georgina and remembered them as the people Hannah had named in the gorgeous portrait I’d discovered this morning on the stairway. The Mallerton. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the painting of Sir Jeremy and his beautiful Georgina was the real deal and hoped the family would allow some pictures just for cataloguing purposes. Maybe I could get Benny up here to take some good photos. Gaby would want to see it and the Mallerton Society would be very interested in anything to do with the painting’s current status. My mind was churning with possibilities as we left the private cemetery and continued inland on the forest path.

  We came up to an imposing iron gate, the kind you see in movies that win Academy Awards for cinematography. Secured to the metal was a sales agency sign advertising the place as Stonewell Court.

  “Do you know the house back there?” I asked.

  He shook his head. “I’ve never been down that drive. It looks like the property is for sale, though.” He tried the gate latch and much to our surprise it opened with a grating squeak. “Let’s take a look. You want to?”

  “Do you think it’s okay?”

  He shrugged and looked at the posted sign. “Yeah, probably.”

  “Then yes.” I stepped forward to follow him in. The rusty gate swung shut with a clang behind us. I reached for Ethan’s hand, moving closer beside him as we walked down the curved gravel road. It felt like we were moving back toward the coast.

  He chuckled softly. “Are you scared we’ll get in trouble or something?”

>   “Not at all,” I lied. “If somebody comes after us for trespassing, I plan on letting them know that it was all your idea and you said it was okay.” I gave him my best bland face, hoping I could hold the laugh in for more than a couple seconds.

  He stopped us on the path and gave me a mocking look of outrage. “Nice. You’re going to throw me over to save your own precious little arse!”

  “Well, I’ll be sure to come and visit your hot, sexy arse in prison,” I said sweetly, emphasizing the British pronunciation of “ass,” thinking it sounded so much more elegant when he said it. I sucked at trying to do an English accent.

  He snaked his hand down to goose me with one hand and tickled my side with the other. “Oh, will you now?” he drawled, easily breaking my composure with his relentless tickling.

  “Yes!” I yelled, twisting out of his grip and running for the trees. He was right behind me, though, laughing all the way. I could feel him closing in and I pushed harder to keep a distance, eating up the length of the driveway with every stride.

  Ethan caught me just as we rounded the bend in the drive and managed to take us down gently on the soft grass, rolling on top of me and tickling me madly. I twisted and bucked, doing my best to escape, but it was a pointless exercise against his strength.

  “No escape for you, my beauty,” he breathed, effortlessly pinning my wrists with one hand and holding my chin with the other.

  “Of course not,” I whispered back, already feeling the flush of heat and getting wildly aroused. Ethan made all kinds of things happen with my body. I was used to it by now.

  His eyes flared with passion as he dropped his mouth to mine, opening wide to cover my lips and devour them. I moaned in pleasure and let him in. Ethan could kiss. I didn’t like to imagine how much practice he’d had, but I appreciated his skill as his tongue explored me thoroughly. The weight of him pressing down upon me just got me more in the mood.