Tuksook's Story, 35,000 BC

by Bonnye Matthews

“Our plan is to knock down the mother of red rash, cut off the top and drag if off to the trash heap, and then dig up the root.”

  “That might work.” Tuksook was thoughtful. What the girls were doing was kind, and she didn’t want them to experience what she was experiencing. At the food preparation area Tuksook took some boiled greens that she didn’t recognize and some fish. She was unsure what the fish was. She also took a small piece of meat that she guessed was the animal she’d taken when they were in the cave. It all tasted good.

  Item finished eating and went to Tuksook. “Is the pain better?”

  “Yes, Mother. Does the balm need to be changed?”

  “I came to tell you to wash it off, and I’ll put new balm on the rash. I’d also like to see how the covered areas are healing.”

  “I’ll take your bowl to dump the remains of the bones,” Eilie offered. “Thanks, Eilie,”

  Item and Tuksook left, Tuksook heading to the bathing area and Item to the lean-to for the balm she’d made earlier. Tuksook would be glad of freedom of the wraps even if only for a brief time. She didn’t like the feeling of being wrapped.

  Item arrived with mosses for drying and the balm and new pieces of leather for wrapping. She was tired but felt good. The day had been one of accomplishment and that always raised her spirits. She, Port, and Heek had scoured the area around their home and identified a few plants that were different from what they’d known in the past. They planned to feed the plants to the dogs to see what effect, if any, the plants would have. They would find that nothing in their meadow was poisonous to the dogs. Item was gentler with Tuksook than she had been earlier in the day. The balm seemed to be promoting the healing. Covered areas looked better than the place on her face. Item wrapped the one on her head. Tuksook didn’t like the wrapping on her head, but she remained silent about it.

  “We need to return to the council fire,” Item said quietly.

  Tuksook slipped on her tunic and the two headed to the fire.

  The council meeting had just begun when they arrived.

  Stencellomak was describing the location of their hunt. “When we reached the upper meadow over there, we saw the giant deer eating greens at the creek. It didn’t recognize us as a threat at all. There must be no people anywhere near this place. We killed it easily and thanked it for providing us food. We bled it. I stood up to rest my back and noticed slight movement in the grass. I grabbed my spear. That cat was ready to leap on Moki. I caught the cat mid-air with my spear. It leaped right to my spear point.”

  “I hear you will have Lurch skin it whole. What do you plan to do with the skin?” Moki asked.

  “Moki, I want to put the teeth on a cord to wear around my neck. The skin is for our flier. Wisdom used Tuksook to find this place. Tuksook definitely needs a new tunic. This will make a seamless tunic, fitting for our flier. We live in Eagle’s Grasp because of her. It is a good place to live. I want the tunic made so it will fit her when she’s grown. She’s almost grown now. She can wear it when it’s finished even if it’s a bit too large now. Who will volunteer to make it when the skin is prepared?”

  Everyone knew that Bruilimi sewed better than anyone else. She spoke up. “I will make an appropriate tunic as you desire, Stencellomak. I would consider it an honor.” Bruilimi really wanted the challenge.

  After her treatment earlier in the day from Gumui, Tuksook was not prepared for such kind words from elders. She did realize that the flying was something for which Wisdom, not she, was responsible. Tuksook was shocked that she’d been singled out for the honor. She nodded at Stencellomak and lowered her head as low as it would go. He smiled. She did the same toward Bruilimi. The elder smiled.

  “Now that we have mentioned Tuksook, Item has something to share with the council,” the Wise One said.

  “Earlier today Tuksook had a bright red, painful rash from contact with the large stemmed, big leafed plant we now call mother of red rash. It has tiny flowers that appear to be a single large flat flower. They grow mainly in the south part of the meadow. The balm we used is effective to promote healing and ease the pain. Tomorrow Eilie, Hustep, Ubassu, and Elfa will dig up the plants to remove them from the meadow. Be careful if you brush against one. Apparently they bother some people and not others. Because the sun makes the rash worse, Tuksook is spending her days in the bent tree house at her place. She is not free to wander about until the rash is gone. Tomorrow she will be sewing there.

  Mongo said, “Speaking of the bent tree house, how long before we can move in?”

  Kew looked at Gumui. “I’m guessing we have about three to four more days’ work. Is that right, Gumui?”

  Gumui nodded. It felt awkward that just because the bent tree house had been his idea, all the men deferred to him as the authority. Gumui knew that Kew had answers to questions he’d never have reasoned out. Kew knew this was a time of learning for Gumui to become a leader. He was doing very well, Kew thought.

  Taman announced, “There will be a time for young boys to learn spear making after the morning meal. Young girls can come, but this is planned for young boys learning hunting skills.”

  Wave said, “Back in our old country we had many snakes. I have not seen a single snake nor have I smelled one. Have any of you encountered a snake?”

  All looked around. There was no response.

  “I am beginning to wonder whether snakes live here,” Wave said. “I’m happy if they don’t.”The People laughed. Nobody really liked snakes.

  Remui said, “Back to the hunt for a moment. While we were heading up to the high meadow, I saw a bear. It was one of those short faced ones that are tough predators. I do think we should keep alert for those. We have meat here, and that could attract them.

  “Well reasoned, Remui,” Ottu said. “Somehow, I think I’d take snakes over those bears.”

  No more contributions were forthcoming, so Midgenemo adjourned the meeting. People went to their lean-tos eager for the bent tree house to be ready.

  The next day dawned with a brilliant golden sky. The morning meal brought sounds of happiness through the meadow. People laughed gently and talked of what the day might bring. Young boys were acting more maturely because they were looking forward to their time with Taman. They would be making spears. For most it would be their first spear. It was always a special time when an adult took the time to prepare them for hunting. After a class they were expected to practice the skills learned as part of their routine.

  Wims, Unmo’s youngest boy at age six, Col, Pago’s son at age five, talked with Oneg and Nipe, Pago’s twins aged six. Oneg was a girl and Nipe was a boy.

  “Aggh! Fish bone!” Oneg exclaimed. “I hate fish bones!”

  “Yes, but this new fish they call sturgeon tastes very good.” Nipe talked with the white fish meat in his mouth, little bits falling to the ground. “I’m excited about spear making, but I also want so much to learn to row one of the new boats they’re making.”

  “You’ve been down there?” Wims asked. “My father told me to stay up on this level.”

  “No, we have to stay here also. There’s a tree near the dogs that grows out over the low land. You can climb out on it to see what’s happening below.” Oneg finished up, putting her bowl to the side.

  “You’ll have to show me,” Wims said enthusiastically.

  “When we go to empty the bowls, we can show you on the way back,” Nipe said.

  In another part of the meadow, Ren, Tuksook’s six-year-old sister was trying to obtain permission to go to the hunter’s school.

  Item was becoming annoyed. “You will tend the infants, Ren, and I don’t want to hear any more about it.”

  “Well, you know Oneg will go.”

  “Oneg thinks she’s a boy,” Item said absentmindedly.

  “She does not!” Ren defended.

  “Ren, this will stop now!” Item had grasped the child by the shoulder and held tight. Ren winced but made no sound.

  Finally, Ren gritted between her t
eeth, “Someday, I’ll be a great hunter like Tuksook!”

  “That time is not now!” Item said firmly. “Once you learn to love tending children and have expertise in preparing skins and making a good evening meal, then we’ll talk about your learning to hunt.”

  “Well, you love Tuksook better’n me. You always have,” Ren whined.

  Item slapped the child. Hard.

  “Enough! You don’t know what you’re talking about. I love you. People don’t measure love! Wisdom chose Tuksook for a purpose. Wisdom chose your father for a purpose. He chose you for a purpose. You are not ever to compare yourself with others. Each of us has a part in the life of the People. Each of us is equally valuable in doing what we’re assigned to do. I have to work with plants to keep our People healthy. Today you’ll take good care of children younger than you. In time you’ll find what your special contribution to the People is. Your whining is despicable!”

  Ren made no sound but tears made lines in the dust on her face. Item had managed to reach her and correct the wrong thinking. At least for this time. Item knew Ren compared herself to her older sister. She also knew that such comparisons were not Wisdom’s way and they could foster bad resentments for the future. She noted in her mind web to watch for that behavior in this little one, so it did not become part of her. Item was assured that at least this day Ren would do as she was told. She let go of Ren and wiped the back of her hand across her own forehead to remove the sweat that formed there.

  Tuksook had returned to the lean-to for additional sewing tools and heard the exchange. She felt sorry for Ren. She didn’t like caring for children, but Ren didn’t seem to mind. She’d observed Ren with the little ones realizing she was very good at what she did. The tiny ones loved her. She didn’t know what to make of what she heard, so she quietly gathered what she needed and left for the bent tree house.

  The women who sewed gave her some pre-cut mittens to sew. They were made from the small beaver pelts, not the giant beaver. She knew how to sew the mittens, loved the feel of beaver, and looked forward to having something to do. She sat on her bench/sleeping place and looked up to see Gumui walking toward her. She sighed.

  “Did you think about what I told you yesterday?” he asked.

  She folded her arms across her ribs. Then, she replied, “Gumui, why are you acting like my parent?”

  He sat on the edge of her bench and looked into her eyes. “There is something you must learn. If you can learn it from me, that’s good. If not, you’ll have to learn it from a parent.”

  “What do you mean?” She guessed his meaning, but she felt very defensive.

  “Tuksook, you’re holding onto anger. That is not Wisdom’s way. You must turn loose of the anger and forgive your father. You also must not give yourself permission to lie.”

  Tuksook looked down at her lap. Did other girls have young men to answer to like this? She wondered. Slowly she raised her head and saw his eyes burning into hers.

  “I, I . . . Gumui, I can reason the release of anger to be replaced with forgiveness, but . . . but, I, well, the feelings in my belly stop the reason, as if I walked right into a tree.”

  Gumui heard her and tried to understand. For him forgiveness was such an easy thing. “And the lying?” he asked.

  “I can stop myself from doing that. I’ve done it to try to make myself appear good in the eyes of others. That’s wrong and I can reason it and sort out the feelings Wisdom’s way.”

  “Promise me you’ll never lie to me again.”

  “I promise,” she said, thinking she meant it.

  “Now, my precious Tuksook, what are you hiding?”

  “I hide nothing,” she said, thinking she spoke truthfully, forgetting her knowledge of the stories, which she carefully hid.

  “You know that if you cannot resolve the anger forgiveness problem, I’ll have to turn it over to your father to resolve, don’t you?”

  Tuksook had been sitting cross-legged on the bench. She jumped into a kneeling position. Gumui watched. He was fascinated and wanted to understand.

  “You cannot do that, Gumui. Please, don’t do that.” Tuksook was leaning against the wall to avoid him.

  “Why are you so afraid? You’re acting like a little child.”

  “Don’t turn me over to my father,” she implored.

  “Tuksook, your father is a gentle man. He won’t hurt you.”

  “He’ll suck the life out of me.” Tuksook was almost growling.

  “Okay, Tuksook. I want an explanation. Don’t lie. Tell it to me straight, so I’ll understand.”

  “I feel like a trapped animal, Gumui. Do you understand?”

  “I don’t think I understand. Help me, Wisdom,” he said aloud to Wisdom as a prayer. Suddenly, he became calm. She realized Wisdom listened to him. She knew what it was to receive a satisfying answer from Wisdom. She was certain he’d just received one. She became even more agitated.

  She crouched closer to the wall.

  Gumui stood, reached out and picked her up and sat with her in his lap. He held her tight in his arms, rocking her as he’d rock a small child.

  “You are going to tell me now what is at the bottom of all this. Whatever it is, I can help you, Tuksook, but you have to let me help you. Wisdom is with us. Let it out.”

  “Nooooooo,” she said as if in terrible pain.

  “Tuksook, I will not leave until you have explained this. If you continue to refuse, I shall take you to your father. He’ll pull it out of you. I know you don’t want that, so talk to me.”

  “If I tell you, you’ll tell him.”

  “Is that what worries you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then, I will not tell him.”

  “You promise?”

  “Yes, Tuksook, I vow unto Wisdom I will not tell him.”

  “I know the stories,” she whispered.

  “You what?” Gumui was completely astounded. When he asked what she was hiding, it never occurred to him it could be anything like knowing the stories.

  “I know the stories,” she whispered again.

  Gumui cupped her head in his hands, forgetting the rash on her face. “Why haven’t you said so?”

  “Because it would end my days to myself. I’d be stuck to my father’s side as a spear point is stuck to a spear. And I think I hate him.”

  Gumui realized he’d uncovered far more than he thought he’d find. And he’d vowed not to tell her father.

  “You know that means you’re the next Wise One.”

  “Of course, I know that. For someone who craves solitude, that’s like death. I’ll be followed all the rest of my life. I’ll never have any time alone. My hunting will end. And, now, I don’t want to be in my father’s presence, because I cannot forgive him. I don’t want my life to be spent always available to the People.”

  He held her tightly. “Tuksook, it doesn’t matter what you want. What is—is. You are going to have to make this right.”

  She buried her head into his chest and wept silently. She knew he was right but wanted to put off the time of doing it.

  When she calmed, he picked her up. He stood her on her bench and hugged her. She threw her arms around his neck and returned the hug. Again he could feel the presence of her breast buds against his chest and it swept his thoughts to another place. He knew he loved her. He’d loved her for years, ever since she became the little flier and he chose to look out for her. But he was also becoming attracted to her in a different way. It wasn’t time yet—he knew.

  Tuksook was devastated. Her secret was out. She knew something would have to happen soon, but she didn’t know what or how. She trusted Gumui in a way she trusted no one else. He seemed to understand Wisdom and Wisdom’s ways in a manner she wished her father did. She felt warm and safe when he hugged her, as he did now. He held her tight as if to protect her from all the terrible things in life, or so she felt. His scent pleased her. His strength was wonderful. She didn’t want him ever to let go. He loosened his
hold, kissed her forehead, and hugged her tight once more and then let go.

  “We both must spend time reasoning in our mind webs,” he said. “This silence about the stories cannot continue. And, Tuksook, you have to turn loose of your anger and forgive your father. He’s just a man. Maybe you have to forgive him for being just a man. I don’t know. Whatever the case, you have much to reason today while you sew. We will talk later.”

  “You will keep your vow?”

  “Of course,” he said slightly irritated that she’d ask. “You had better find some answers.”

  She felt as if he’d thrown cold water all over her. She sat back on her bench cross-legged and resumed sewing. Tuksook didn’t want to think. She began the reasoning process in what seemed like troubled waters, where her anger, lack of forgiveness, and her secret about knowing the stories all glued up the smooth functioning of her mind web. As she did, she couldn’t remove the feeling of Gumui’s hug from the forefront of her mind web. Then, it occurred to her that she must look really odd with all the coverings on her arms, legs, and head. She wondered why Gumui spent time with her.

  Anvel, Wave, Pago, and Hamaklob met Gumui at the central hearth and all went to the southern part of the house.

  Tuksook had almost finished one mitten when one of the women began to beat the rocks together to call People to the evening meal. Gumui climbed down from the ceiling and walked over to Tuksook.

  “Have you made progress?” he asked.

  She showed him the mitten.

  “You know that isn’t what I meant.”

  “I know. I just don’t want to have to do any of it, so it’s very hard. I have reasoned it well. I just still have to match the feelings with the reasoning.”

  “Sometimes, Tuksook, you have to just go ahead and do something that’s hard to do, simply because it’s the right thing to do. Then, hopefully, the feeling will follow. If the feelings don’t follow, then at least you did what was right.”

  “What if they don’t?” She combed her fingers through the caribou fur. It was pleasing to her touch.

  “Tuksook, listen carefully. You must do what’s right. It doesn’t matter what you want. Wisdom is in control. You have a bit more that complicates things, for Wisdom already uses you. You represent Wisdom, just as you say your father represents Wisdom. Can you condemn him—and, then, do the same thing for which you condemn him? I don’t think so. Well, you could, but it would be wrong. Maybe that’s part of your anger. You see in him what you see in yourself—and you know it’s wrong in both of you. I should remind you that your father has turned from his wrong way. You have not.”