“I want to be the best I can be.”
“Then, stop trying to be better than everyone else. It isn’t going to happen in this life or any other.”
“What?”
“You cannot be the best Wise One, wife, hunter, fisher, healer, shelter builder, and so on. Wisdom’s way is not to compare yourself with others. You compare yourself with adults when you’re a child. You compare your hunting skills with hunters’ skills. You even compared yourself with Wisdom! All of that is self-centered. You step outside Wisdom’s way repeatedly. It’s tiresome.”
Tuksook finally understood. She was going against what Wisdom taught her just days ago. Tuksook, knelt on the ground and wept. She knew her error. He was right. She wondered what was the matter with her.
Gumui went to her and raised her up. He sat on the log with her beside him. He put his arm around her and let her weep. She had much to change. Wisdom had made a huge difference in her, but there was still much to change. He decided that they’d forgo the morning trek and Tuksook would have her time with Wisdom. He noticed the cloak was carrying twigs and a lot of dirt.
After she calmed, he said, “Your cloak is dirty, full of twigs and leaves of evergreens. You need to tend to it.”
She looked at him in disbelief, but she took off the cloak and examined it. True, it was dirtied and carrying all manner of forest floor bits. She looked at him accusingly, since he had pinned her to the ground, but said nothing, recognizing that she had gone against Wisdom’s way. She carefully shook the cloak and hung it on a stub from a broken branch on a nearby tree. She picked bits of dirt and vegetation from the cloak, then went to the other side of it, and found a few more things to pick from the rabbit skins. She left the cloak hanging on the stump.
Gumui put his hand on her shoulder and said, “I’m sorry I laughed at you. It was my turn to be childish. Will you forgive me?”
She looked into his eyes and sighed. “Of course,” she replied.
“Tuksook, go into the lean-to. If you’re chilly the coverings are still laid out on the aurochs skin. Take your time for Wisdom now. I will guard from here.” She was a little surprised by the change, but glad.
Tuksook lowered her head and went to the lean-to. She crawled into it and carried her coverings to the far back where she lay down. She covered herself with the furry covering and pulled the hairless skin over her head. Slowly she felt herself drift to Wisdom. She wondered what this time would reveal.
Tuksook entered the room. She began to walk to the steps when Wisdom said, “Stand before me, Tuksook.”
Tuksook walked to the blue ground in front of Wisdom’s feet. She stood there silent, waiting.
“Tuksook, if you have someone to teach to turn loose of self-centeredness, how do you do it?”
Tuksook looked at Wisdom confused. She had no idea. Finally, she replied, “I do not know.”
“The fact is that you don’t know anything about teaching, isn’t that right?”
“That is true.”
“You don’t know because you avoided having anything to do with those younger than you. You hated caring for the babies, as you thought of it.”
“That’s true.”
“So you are sorely deficient in teaching ability.”
“I am,” Tuksook admitted.
“Observe,” Wisdom said and suddenly from above pieces of rose plants, flowers, leaves, stems, thorns, roots, dirt, and all came showering down upon her. It made a dirty pile around her so that she could not have walked from it without stepping on thorns. There were bits of the plant and dirt adorning her hair, tunic, and skin.
Tuksook didn’t move.
“What is the significance of that?” Wisdom asked.
“You know that I don’t know,” Tuksook replied dismayed.
“When you have to teach, you have to learn how to learn.”
Tuksook lowered her head. The pile of rose plants and dirt around her was clearly something from which she was supposed to learn. Instead it just looked to her like a mess that needed to be cleaned up. Her mind web drifted.
“Tuksook, focus,” Wisdom said sharply.
Tuksook looked at Wisdom’s face.
“I have just showered you with blessings.”
“What?” Tuksook was certain she hadn’t heard what Wisdom said.
“I have just showered you with blessings.”
Tuksook looked about her. She had a thorny piece of stem sticking to her tunic on the shoulder. She picked it off. She looked questioningly at Wisdom.
“I don’t understand.”
“I know,” Wisdom replied. “You don’t understand because you reason too shallowly.”
“What?” Tuksook asked.
“Consider the rose plant, dirt and all as a blessing from me. Consider the flower, it has a delightful fragrance and lovely bright color. It’s a blessing. Consider the thorny stem and leaves with the thorns on the underleaf. That’s a blessing. Consider the roots and the dirt. They are blessings also. But in your shallow way of thinking the thorns are curses. Am I right?”
“Of course, you’re right. Who’d see a thorn as a blessing?”
“Someone who could learn from the lesson of the thorn, Tuksook.”
“Oh,” Tuksook barely breathed out.
“Tuksook, I have been and will continue showering you with blessings. Every single thing that happens to you is a blessing from me to you. It is your destiny to reason how the things you would have seen as curses are blessings. Do you understand?”
“I do understand, Wisdom. Some of the things that have seemed harsh to me will be hard to see as blessings.”
“Regardless of how hard it may seem, I tell you now that I shower you with blessings. You are to reason each of the thorns and dirt carefully. Do not consider them curses for they are not. Be grateful for all that occurs. You are not allowed to despair or feel sorry for yourself or your People. You are to stand up to every event and thank me. I expect it. Do it even if you fail to feel it. If for no other reason, do it from respect. But know that there is a blessing there. If you need help to see the blessing after you have sincerely sought with all your might, ask me. Otherwise, accept what I have said, for I speak truth. To be an effective leader in this time, you must be positive. I am there with you through every event. Know that.”
“I acknowledge, Wisdom. I understand what you’ve said. I hope I can learn this well, for it seems filled with places where I may fall.”
“You will fall sometimes. You will pick yourself up and start again. One other reason I meet you today. I want your promise.”
“All right.”
“When you become woman, Gumui will ask to join with you. Regardless of how you feel you are to answer him affirmatively immediately when he asks. If at that time you both are arguing about something, put it aside. I demand this of you and I want your promise now.”
Tuksook looked at Wisdom.
“Why are you hesitating?”
“You know.”
“Say it,” Wisdom demanded.
“I thought I might not want to join with anyone.”
“And why might you say that?”
“Because of the way my father treated Pito, women are viewed as children.”
“You’ve blown that way out of reason. Item solved that problem.”
“But it rests under the surface.”
“Tuksook, I don’t give you permission to follow this way of thinking. You need Gumui now and for the rest of your life. He has learned how to live with you. I want your promise, NOW!”
Tuksook felt utterly trapped. She looked at the pile of rose plants around her. Blessings? she wondered. She knew Wisdom was waiting for a reply. She just found it so hard. Finally, in a very tiny voice, she replied, “I promise.”
“I can’t hear you,” Wisdom thundered.
“I promise,” Tuksook said clearly.
“That’s better.”
“What did you learn from your father’s error?” Wisdom asked.
“I learned not to fail to ask you what the People need to hear.”
“Then, all was not lost. You were blessed by his error. Is that correct?”
Tuksook felt trapped again. She replied, “Yes.”
“A thorn, Tuksook. A thorn. A blessing in the shape of a thorn.”
“I understand, Wisdom,” Tuksook said, and she did.
“I have seen some progress with your work on losing self-centeredness.
It’s hard for you, sometimes, but with Gumui, you have help. He understands. He delights in the progress you’ve made. Continue. Add to that the recognition that all that happens to you is a blessing from me. All.”
“I understand,” she said.
“And when you are woman and Gumui asks you to join, you will agree immediately and the two of you will join quickly. You have no alternative in this.”
“I understand, Wisdom.”
“Do you have any questions?”
“Yes. When we join, I want so much to return to this wonderful forest. Will I be able to do that?”
“What did Gumui tell you?”
“He thinks it’s too far.”
“It is too far. The answer is no, Tuksook. You have a one-time visit to this forest. Now, start working to see that as a blessing. Now!”
“Very well, Wisdom.” Tuksook was compliant. She had expected the reply, since the place was far indeed.
“Tuksook, enjoy your time at this forest, for you will not return.”
The finality of it stabbed her, but she vowed to herself to savor every part of this special place to put it into her mind web for memory forever. Tuksook looked down and the pile of rose pieces and dirt was gone. She looked at Wisdom surprised.
“That should not surprise you.”
“Truly, it should not,” Tuksook smiled.
“I am pleased with your progress.” Wisdom reached down, picked Tuksook up, and laid her across a strong beating heart. Wisdom’s soft hand covered her.
“I love you, Wisdom,” she said, arms outstretched as if to hug Wisdom.
“I love you, Tuksook.”
Wisdom put her back on the blue ground, and Tuksook slowly began the transition from Wisdom’s world of the spirit to her world of reality. Gumui saw her moving as if to return. He wondered how it went.
She lay there under the coverings. She removed the skin from her face. She hadn’t moved from the position she took before she left for the spirit world. She looked at Gumui. He patted the log beside him telling her to sit with him there. She didn’t want to stand up to walk over there, but she did.
“Was that better?” he asked.
“Wisdom is happier with me,” she replied.
“Anything new?”
“I stood there and Wisdom dumped roses, thorny stems and leaves, roots and dirt all over me. That was for me to learn that Wisdom always showers me with roses which means blessings. Sometimes I might mistake a blessing for a curse, like the thorns. I am not allowed to do that. I am definitely not allowed to do that. If I cannot figure out how something that seems awful is a blessing I’m supposed to ask.”
“That makes good sense,” Gumui said.
“Wisdom also told me that when I become woman and you ask for me to join with you, I have to reply affirmatively and we have to join quickly.”
“Wonderful!” he said with enthusiasm. Gumui hugged her quickly.
“Wisdom said you are good for me for the rest of my life.”
Gumui smiled, trying not to gloat. He was touched that he’d received a compliment from Wisdom.
“Wisdom told me that this is the only time I can come to this forest. Gumui, that hurts. Can we stay here a few extra nights? I want to keep all this in my mind web forever. I’ve never been happier in my whole life than right here with you.”
“You’ve shed a lot of tears to be so happy.”
“Please, just take my words as true. They are.”
Gumui put his arm around her and kissed her lightly on her forehead. “We’ll see what the days bring, Tuksook. We know little about this place. I think we remain at the campsite this day. We will go up the trail tomorrow early. I want you well rested for that trek. You look tired. There is darkness under your eyes.
Tuksook began to protest, but she gave up and relaxed. “I’m glad, Gumui. My belly hurts, so I hope rest will make it better.”
“Do you want to lie down?” he asked.
“No,” she replied, though she really did.
Gumui looked at her carefully. “Well, I think it would be a good idea for a while at least. You lie down and I’ll gather some wood for the hearth.”
Tuksook realized he was telling her what to do, so she did it obediently. He was relieved that she put up no fight. He was tired of that.
Tuksook slept briefly, and when she waked up she was in more belly pain.
She stood up and felt damp. She raced to the privy only to see blood on her leg. She was confused and, then, suddenly, she realized what was happening. She was woman in the middle of nowhere with Gumui. She went to the campsite and began to gather moss as close to dry as she could find. She went through her backpack and made the best belting she could to carry the moss. She went to the river and bathed, put on the moss belt, and washed off the spots on her tunic and put it on. The pain in her belly was a cramping pain and it was very uncomfortable. She hoped that wouldn’t occur each moon. She sat on the edge of the aurochs skin with her feet pulled up and her knees held tight to her belly. She had piled up moss at the back of the lean-to. She had accomplished nothing else.
Gumui returned with what was his second load of wood. He looked at her and suddenly it hit him what was wrong with Tuksook’s belly. “You are woman?” he whispered.
She nodded as if it were something to be ashamed of.
“What’s wrong, Little One?” he asked, concerned.
“This is a terrible time for this,” she said holding her belly.
“It is cramping?” he asked.
“Yes. How’d you know?”
“When we become men we are taught some things about women. This is a wonderful thing, Tuksook. So now I’ll ask. You’ll join with me?”
“Yes,” she replied and pressed the cramp in her belly. “This hurts,” she said.
“Think of it as a thorn,” he said with a grin, “and a blessing. Be grateful to Wisdom.”
“I wish I hadn’t promised not to hit you again. Why don’t you go gather some wood or something?”
“We have plenty of wood, Little One. This is a wonderful day!” Gumui was delighted and it showed. Tuksook had agreed to join as she’d promised Wisdom she would. It brought joy to him to think that they would join when they returned home.
On the third day of her flow, it ceased. Tuksook was delighted. She and Gumui had made one trek to the high open land in the middle of the damp forest. The silence was unnerving. They observed giant deer females and their young. They browsed. A cat entered the area and tried to take a newly born giant deer. While they watched, the female giant deer raised up, and with her two front legs, she pounded the cat to death. Gumui and Tuksook were astonished at the precision and swiftness of it all.
That evening Gumui was preparing for them to leave the next morning. Tuksook sat on the log and asked him to come to her to sit a moment. He sat beside her. A large silver fish with dark pink skin was opened, skewered, and cooking by the hearth.
“Gumui, I do not want to bring on your displeasure. We have permission to join. I am woman. I know that I will never return here, and yet this is the one place I wanted to have my first nights with you. Can we not have a few nights here to join? You may see it as wrong, but I don’t. In the eyes of my father and Wisdom, it cannot be wrong.”
Gumui considered it. Midgenemo had given his permission for them to join. Wisdom had made Tuksook promise to agree to his question and she had. Wisdom had stressed a quick joining. Since the waterfall, Gumui had not seen Tuksook undressed. He went to her and pulled her tunic over he
r head. He removed his belt. He lifted her in his arms and carried her to the river. At the river they stood in the water. Stars were rising in the sky.
Following the words of the joining ceremony, Gumui said, “I offer myself to you as husband for as long as my life extends.”
Tuksook looked straight into his eyes and replied, “I offer myself to you as wife for as long as my life extends.”
“I say to Wisdom and to People everywhere, Gumui and Tuksook are one.” Gumui said the words strong and loud so they echoed through the side valley of the eastward pointing toe of the Eagle’s Grasp of their homeland.
They touched carefully. They bathed. They returned to the campsite, chilly but highly excited, and stretched out on the aurochs skin. They lost themselves in each other while the fish overcooked and fell from the skewers.
In the morning when Tuksook awakened, she knelt by the hearth. She said quietly, “Wisdom, thank you for the blessing of making me woman here. You gave me a large blessing through what I saw as a thorn. You let me have my wish that Gumui and I could have our first nights here, even though I can never return to this special forest. You made it possible. You are vast, Wisdom. Your understanding and power is incomprehensible to me. You are kind. Your love is boundless. Thank you for the thorn. If you could see fit to make the cramping I feel less painful in the future, I’d appreciate that a lot.” Gumui hadn’t moved but he was awake. He listened to her prayer. He realized she was learning. It was painful, but she was learning the tough lessons Wisdom had to teach her. He was grateful that he was part of it. His gratitude to Wisdom went up silently.
For three days they remained at the campsite, coming to know each other differently. Finally, they knew they had to return home.
Chapter Four
“Tie a slip loop in that rope and hand it to me when I’m in the water,” Togomoo said as he lowered himself over the side of the boat, entering the water quietly. He hadn’t mentioned his plan.
Hai tied a small loop in the rope and then threaded the rope back through the small loop. He carefully leaned out over the boat and handed the slip loop to Togomoo. He watched carefully as Togomoo swam to the sea floor in the clear water. The boat was in the sea just offshore west of the mouth of the river. He realized what Togomoo planned as soon as he saw him approaching the sea creature from behind.
Tuksook's Story, 35,000 BC Page 12