by Allysa Hart
Jeff’s eyes narrowed when the naughty word slipped out. When she paused to take a breath, looking like she was gearing up for another explosion, he finally spoke. “Who are you mad at, Katie, and why?”
“Everyone!” she shrieked, her face red. “Keith, for constantly being all up in my business and thinking he knows what’s best for me, you for snooping through my stuff, I thought I could trust you to stay in my room and respect my privacy, but I guess I was wrong. Rose for pressuring me to tell you, and myself for being stupid enough to think you would be okay with it!”
Her voice cracked on the last few words, and Jeff moved into action, fearing she was close to losing it if he didn’t intervene. Standing, he rounded the table and grabbed her wrists when she looked as if she might swing at him for getting too close.
“That’s…a lot of anger. Can we talk about it?”
She glared as she struggled to wrench herself from his grasp.
“Keith can be a little overbearing sometimes. I can see that. He truly didn’t mean any harm or even want to tell me. I found the room, and started a conversation, but the conversation didn’t go anywhere. Keith told me you were a Little. That’s it. After that, he basically told me to butt out and wait for you to tell me yourself. He cares for you. We both do.”
“If you cared for me, you’d have stayed out of my stuff,” she retorted. Her voice had lowered a bit. He took it as a good sign.
“I’m sorry. For the record, I stumbled on the room purely by accident. I was getting in the shower and looking for a towel. I opened the door and closed it when I realized it was not a closet. I didn’t even know it was your room until I asked Keith, and I did not go back in after that. I tried hard to respect your privacy.”
“Fine, whatever,” she muttered. “It doesn’t matter now, anyway. It just would have been nice to know before I spent my whole weekend obsessing about whether or not I could actually tell you.”
Jeff frowned and looked at her questioningly. “I’m sorry you were so conflicted about whether or not to tell me.” He paused. “But I’m glad you did.”
“Yeah, so you could drop me like a hot potato instead of wasting your precious time on damaged goods,” she muttered, looking at her feet.
He could feel his patience fading, and it took everything in him not to yell and make the situation worse. Dropping her wrists, he took her face in both hands and tilted her head until she had no choice but to look at him.
“Katelyn Summers,” he said sharply. “What in the world are you going on about?” He didn’t give her a chance to answer because, at this point, he had no doubt if she opened her mouth, she would only make the situation worse and get herself more worked up. “I never once implied that your being a Little was a problem for me. Not once. In fact, you haven’t given me a chance to say two words this whole time.”
“Just say it, then, so we can get on with our lives.” Even with a hand on each side of her face, she refused to look at him.
Simple enough fix, he thought, kneeling on the ground so he was on her level. “Listen very carefully, little girl, because I have about had it with your piss-poor attitude. In fact, my feelings are hurt that you seem to think so badly of me. You’ve made up your mind how I feel about a situation without bothering to ask me. Do you think that’s fair?”
His stern demeanor and strongly spoken words seemed to break through the wall of angst she had built around telling him, and she looked at him wide-eyed and shook her head. Now, they were getting somewhere.
“I’ve apologized for making you feel like your privacy was invaded, and I’ve explained what happened. Let’s start over from there. You’re a Little. You obviously have some very strong feelings about sharing this with me, and you’ve been struggling with them for a while.”
She nodded, and he took a deep breath before continuing.
“I have always known you were withholding a part of yourself from me. I didn’t know what it was or why, but I can’t tell you how pleased I am that you have decided to share.”
With her stunned look glued to his, he dropped his hold on her cheeks and grabbed her hands instead. “I want you to know that I am okay with it. I don’t really understand it at this point, but I’m willing to learn about the lifestyle. Especially where you are concerned. I want to know everything. How you came to know that part of yourself, how you accepted it, what makes you tick, and what you want it to mean for us. But, first, I want you to say it, Katelyn. Without jumping to conclusions about how I will react, and without all the other crap. Look at me and tell me you are a Little.”
Jeff drove a hard bargain. Saying it out loud had been hard the first time, and yet he insisted she do it again. Katie understood why and loved him for it. Somehow, he had known exactly how to combat all the crap she threw his way and bring her back to the heart of the matter. Saying it out loud, though…
Jeff still held her hands, and his expectant stare cut through her. She couldn’t look away. But she needed to fidget—she needed something else to focus her attention on while she spoke those dreaded words out loud. His stern demeanor and no-nonsense tone had made her feel very little. She couldn’t help but rub her feet together, one of her tells. The familiar gesture calmed her nerves, and she tilted her chin stubbornly as she held his gaze.
“I’m a Little!” she announced too loudly. “My name is Katie and I am seven years old.”
Jeff took the sudden change in stride and rolled with it. “It’s very nice to meet you, Katie.”
Katie smiled and bounced in her seat. “Can you push me on the swings? I really want to swing, now.”
If the shift in behavior bothered Jeff, he didn’t show it.
“Sure, I can push you,” he said, smiling and taking her by the hand to lead her across the park to the playground. When they were almost there, she dropped his hand, took off running for the swings, and didn’t stop until her butt was parked onto the thin strip of rubber.
“C’mon, Mr. Slowpoke, push me!”
Laughing, Jeff jogged to meet her.
Once he was behind her, with his hands on the metal chains, pulling her backward into the air, Katie started to talk. “I don’t know what to call you, so I’m just gonna call you Mr. Jeff for now. You’re kinda like a Daddy, though. I had a Daddy once...” She paused in her babble for a few seconds. “He died. It made me really sad. He might get sad, too, if I found a new Daddy. I kind of want you to be my Daddy, but I’m kind of scared. So I’ll just call you Mr. Jeff, for now. Higher, Mr. Jeff. I want my toes to touch the sky!”
Done with that line of conversation, Katie put her all into swinging, pumping her legs after each push and pointing her toes to the sky. She imagined taking off and flying through the clouds.
Jeff pushed and pushed, and finally she began to feel dizzy. “Mr Jeff!” she cried. “I wanna come down now.”
He helped her down, and she ran straight for his arms, snuggling deep into his shirt, inhaling the sweet scent. “That was fun, Mr. Jeff! And you know what, you are definitely more like a Daddy than an Uncle. Uncles are kinda boring, and they just like to spank. They try to spoil, but they aren’t good at it. Not like Daddies and Aunties. I already have an Uncle, too, and an Auntie, but I think you can have more than one of those. You can only have one Daddy.” She stopped chattering and pulled her face away from his chest, squinting, she peered up at him.
“Yep,” she sighed. “You are definitely more like a Daddy.”
Littles were a veritable smorgasbord of information. You just had to listen between the lines. And know how to talk to kids. Jeff was used to kids. Although, he never thought he’d be technically dating one.
“I’d much rather be a Daddy than an Uncle,” he agreed. “Maybe someday.” He hugged her tight and sighed. This whole afternoon had been kind of strange, but he was so grateful she was letting him in.
“So, Uncles are no fun, huh?”
“Nuh-uh.” Katie scrunched her nose and made a face like she smelled something sour. “
Uncles like to make stupid rules, about eating green beans and not rolling your eyes or saying ‘sucks.’ And they like to give spanks. And they love corners.” She rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue. “Corners are yucky.”
“Very yucky,” Jeff agreed, his brain working overtime as he formed his next question. “So you have an Auntie and an Uncle?”
“Mmhmm.” Katie bounced on the balls of her feet while she answered. “Uncle Keith and Auntie Rose. They love me. They can’t have kids, so they adopted me when my Daddy died. They take care of me and buy me Legos and take me out for ice cream!” She chattered while Jeff listened, trying to sort out the implications of what she said.
She had some sort of dynamic with Keith and Rose. There was definitely discipline involved. Were they some sort of threesome? He had never gotten any indication of the sort when spending time with any of them, together or separately, and as far as he could tell, they seemed to be in full support of him and Katie as a couple.
He regarded Katie curiously. Some of the Littleness seemed to be fading away, and she watched him with a curious expression on her face. Hanging out with her in her Little space had been fun and very enlightening, but he was ready to discuss these matters in terms of their relationship now.
“Katelyn.” He spoke with a tone that was both soft and sharp and watched as the single word seemed to work like a magic spell. The light in her eyes faded, and her nose returned to its unscrunched state. The bouncing stopped, and her expression changed from childlike exuberance to vulnerability. Her cheeks filled with color, and her gaze lowered.
“Anyway,” she said sheepishly, scuffing the ground with the toe of her pink Keds, “I just wanted to tell you that stuff, about me, I mean.”
“Thank you,” Jeff said, taking her hand, as he had before, and pressing a soft kiss to the top of it. “I want to know more. Do you think we can talk as a couple, now?”
“I can try.” Katie blushed. “Sometimes, when stuff is hard to talk about, it’s easier to be Little,” she admitted with a giggle. “My Little side has no filter.”
Jeff tossed back his head and laughed heartily. “I saw that.” Hand in hand, they made their way back to the picnic table.
“If you see me getting stressed and slipping back into my Little space, just call me Katelyn. That usually works.”
“I’ll make a note of that.”
“So, what’s the difference between a Daddy and an Uncle?” Jeff asked, mentally sorting through the trove of information he had been given when Katie was in her Little space. “Besides that, Uncles are apparently not good at spoiling,” he added with a laugh.
Katie blushed slow and deep. “Daddies are special.”
Sensing that there was more coming, Jeff stayed quiet and waited.
“Daddies are more cuddly, and fun, and much better spoilers than Uncles are, it’s true. But also, I don’t know how to explain it,” she whispered looking close to tears.
“Mark, your husband, he was your Daddy?”
Katie nodded, and Jeff could see the conversation was a difficult one for her.
“He wasn’t always. Like, it took me a long time to feel comfortable even calling him that. Part of that was because I was still exploring the lifestyle, and part because it’s like the ultimate gesture of trust. Not just anyone can be a Daddy. Daddies are special,” she repeated.
“But you said earlier, you kind of want me to be your Daddy. So, that’s where you see our relationship heading? I’m the Daddy, and you’re my little girl?”
Katie nodded. “But, only sometimes,” she added with a salacious grin. “Most of the time, you will be Jeff, and I will be Katelyn.”
Jeff nodded slowly, beginning to understand.
“But,” she reminded him, her voice full of warning, “I’m not there yet. I might think of you that way, but I’m not ready to call you that. It’s a big step, and one very important to me. It has to happen naturally, when the time is right. It can’t be forced.”
“Got it. Take your time, little one. Gives me time to learn about your Little side and practice being a Daddy. And when it does happen, it will mean that much more.”
Katie rose on her tippy-toes to plant a soft kiss on his cheek. “Thank you for understanding.”
“I want to be everything you need me to be, Katelyn,” he told her with a smile. “I just have one more tough question for you.”
“What’s that?” Weariness laced her reply.
“As we move forward, where do Keith and Rose fit in?”
Katie buried her face in his chest and groaned before answering.
“They are really important to me. What we have is really important to me. It fulfills my needs and theirs, too, and I’m not ready to give that up. I don’t know if I ever will be.” Her voice was tight, and Jeff was quick to soothe.
“Hey, hey, hey,” he whispered, wrapping his arms tightly around her. “I’m not asking you to give up anything. I’m just asking where I fit in. If we are going to move forward and work toward a Daddy/little girl dynamic, there’s going to have to be room for me.”
She smiled up at him, the tension easing from her face. “That makes sense,” she agreed, wiping her eyes. “Just one favor, though?”
“Anything.”
“Can we go back to the house and continue this conversation over dinner, the four of us? It’s going to be a hard one for me, and I only want to have it once.”
Jeff took a deep breath and nodded. Her reluctance made him uneasy, but she was right. The conversation should include the four of them.
They walked into the house hand in hand but split, each going their separate way. Katie ran off to her room to check on Noah, and Jeff joined Rose in the kitchen.
“Hey, Rosie,” he greeted her. “Your invitation to dinner still open?”
“Always is, and you’re just in time to set the table!”
“Lucky me,” he joked. In reality, he loved being able to help. Keith and Rose were Katie’s family, and, he was learning, their role in her life was much bigger and more involved than he realized. For now, he would need to fit into their lives, not the other way around.
“So lucky,” Rose teased back, handing him a stack of dinner plates. “Where’s Katie? Off feeding the baby?”
“I assume that’s what she’s doing.”
“Keith is on the phone. He’s never around when I need him to help.” She winked.
“I heard that, woman!” Keith yelled from the other room.
“It was meant for you to hear, darling.” Her voice was saturated with sarcasm, as she rolled her eyes.
Jeff shook his head as he opened the silverware drawer.
“Utensils in alphabetical order. Don’t forget!”
“Yes, yes I know! Are you ever going to let me live that down?”
“Nope, never. It still amazes me that you had never set a table before eating here.”
“There was never a reason. Mealtime with my crazy family is everything but proper.”
“So you’ve told us. Just do it right.”
“Someone is in a mood this evening.” Keith joined Jeff at the table and helped lay everything out.
“Sorry, Jeff. I have my armor on, I guess. Katie and I had a great weekend and a lot of fun, but it was a bit stressful at times, and I’m pretty tired,” she admitted, fighting back a yawn.
“I heard it was a bit emotional,” Jeff offered. “I guess that’s why I’m still here.”
Keith and Rose both stilled, giving him their full attention.
“Katie and I had a good talk today about her Little side and what it means for our relationship. She also told me about the dynamic the three of you have.”
Keith nodded sagely, looking relieved, but Rose looked like she was holding her breath in fear that he was planning to take away their little girl. Her terror was tangible, and Jeff drew in a sharp breath. No wonder this was a conversation Katie wanted to have only once. He wanted to put Rose’s fears to rest, but he didn’t know how.
This was all so new to him.
Thankfully, Katie chose that minute to join them, and Keith took charge.
“Let’s all help Rosie get dinner on the table so we can move things along. It seems the four of us need to have a conversation.”
Jeff and Katie nodded, and they all moved robotically, placing dishes on the table, taking their seats, and serving themselves in silence. Then they sat there and stared at each other.
Keith spoke first. “I’m proud of you, Katelyn. I know that this was something you really struggled with, for a lot of reasons. It’s hard to let someone new into your life and be vulnerable to them, especially after what you have gone through in your life.”
Jeff nodded, taking Katie’s hand under the table and holding it in his lap. “Amen to that. What the four of us need to figure out,” Jeff continued, “is what changes we are going to make moving forward.”
He didn’t expect the strong reaction provoked by the simple statement. Both women gasped, their eyes filled with tears.
“I don’t want anything to change,” Katie spoke through clenched teeth, glaring at both men. “I’ve been in a dynamic with Keith and Rose since Mark and I got married. It’s been years. And I wouldn’t have gotten through the past year without them.”
Jeff squeezed her hand tighter and scooted his chair closer to hers. “I understand all of that, sweetie. I’m not talking about a long-term forever change. I’m just asking for some space for you and I to make our dynamic the top priority and figure out how we work.”
“I think that’s a good idea.” Keith wrapped his arm around his wife. Rose reached for his hand and Katie’s stomach twisted. She did that when she was seeking his support and strength, which meant this conversation was about to get a whole lot harder.