by Allysa Hart
Rose’s eyes glistened with tears. “Keith and I have talked a lot about you and Jeff, sweetie. We want you to stay here as long as you want. You will always have a home here, but it would be selfish of us to hold you back. You need your happily ever after.”
Katie nodded tearfully. In her heart, she knew Rose was right, and even though she’d made huge progress today, it felt like it was happening too fast.
She’d let him see her Little side, but she didn’t know if she was quite ready to fully give him that part of her. When she fell into her Little space, she was vulnerable. It took an extreme amount of trust on both ends to make it work, and she wasn’t sure when they would get there.
Conflicted, she glanced around the table and saw the love they all poured into her in their own ways and realized Keith and Rose were doing what they always did. Guiding her with love. This time, that meant stepping back and giving Jeff a chance to do the same.
“So, what does that mean, exactly?” she asked. “What does it look like?”
“You’re coming to a pivotal point in your relationship, and Rosie and I need to bow out for a bit until he gives us his blessing to continue. We will always be your Auntie and Uncle, nothing and no one will ever change that, but he needs to have the final say in what that looks like.”
Katie drew a deep breath and tried not to panic as she sorted through the implications of Keith’s words. “So you won’t Big me anymore unless he decides it’s okay? What about me? Do I have a say in this?”
“Of course you do,” Jeff interceded. “I’m not trying to step on anyone’s toes here. I’m just trying to figure out how I fit.”
“You always have a say, but just be aware that we respect his place in your life and refuse to ruin your chances at a future with him,” Keith concluded.
Katie looked around at the three other people in the room. They all stared at her. What was she supposed to do?
“Say what you are thinking, Katelyn,” Jeff prompted as if he could read her mind.
“It scares me,” she admitted. “A lot. But I know you all love me, and I know in my heart that you are right about this being the best thing for us.” Katie beamed at the others, the three people who were demonstrating their love for her in such a selfless way.
“But remember,” she continued. “This is only temporary. You all promised me that, and I’m gonna hold you to it.”
“Are you sure this isn’t too much trouble? We can take him with us, can’t we? We’re just going shopping,” Katie rambled.
“Sweetheart, it’s fine. My sister wants to get to know him, and I want to spend some time with you. Her house is on the way, and we will probably be away less than two hours,” Jeff explained for the fourth time that afternoon. Keith and Rose were on their annual trip to Rawhide Ranch, and Katie was not used to leaving Noah with anyone else. It was nerve-wracking and, even though she had met his sister before, she didn’t know her that well.
“Hey.” Jeff reached across the cab of his truck and squeezed her hand. “You trust me, right? I would not put that little boy in any kind of unhealthy situation. My family means the world to me, and they really want to get to know you both better.”
She couldn’t argue. She trusted him, and if she wanted her future to include him, she would need to learn to let his family in, also. Trying to relax, she sat back in her seat, wondering if this mom thing ever got any easier.
“How about this one, Jeff?” Katie held up a checkered button-down.
“That shirt looks like a picnic blanket,” he teased as he combed through a rack of sale items.
Rolling her eyes, she put it back. “You don’t need my help. You have turned down everything I’ve showed you.”
He abandoned his search and turned toward her. “Come here.” He put his arms out, and she went in for a hug. She inhaled his scent, and her body went into a heightened awareness of him. Her breast pressed hard against the solid muscles of his chest, and her nipples pebbled as she thought of being pressed against him skin to skin. She felt her panties dampen and shivered as he glided his hand all the way down her back and pinched her bottom.
She jumped away when he pinched harder. “Ow, you big bully.”
“You love it. Now, stop pouting and help me find a button-down that doesn’t look like it belongs on the table of an Italian restaurant.” He chuckled.
“I need candy to put up with you and all your demands.”
“Oh, do you?” He shook his head. “Then, go get some. I’ll be here.”
“I didn’t bring my wallet and you know it.”
“Aww, too bad. I guess you are out of luck.” His snarky smile spurred her into action.
“I guess I can use yours.” She boldly dug her hand into his back pocket to retrieve his wallet. What she pulled out had her stomach turning. “Wh-What is this?” She took three steps back and held up a black leather sleeve with two fingers. When it fell open, the bright lights of the store reflected off the shiny metal badge inside. “Is this some sort of joke, because it’s not funny.” Jeff’s puzzled look made her want to scream. “Dammit, Jeff, what are you doing with a badge in your pocket?”
Jeff took a step toward her, closing any space she had created between them. Taking her arm, he pulled her to follow him. She dug her feet in, wanting him to stop walking and start talking. She needed to know what the hell was going on.
He stopped in a semiprivate area and landed a single stinging swat to her sit spot before turning her to face him.
“First of all, do not cuss at me. Ever. Do you understand me?” His voice was low and controlled.
Hyper focused on the virtual death certificate she had gripped in her hand, the swat didn’t even register. “Tell me right now what this is.”
“It’s a badge…” Jeff looked at her like she had grown a second head.
His blank stare infuriated her. “I know what it is! I mean why is it…w-why do you have a badge?” she sputtered.
“Why wouldn’t I have a badge?”
She took his non-answer for the answer it was, and her chest seized in panic. “Oh God. Th-this can’t be happening,” she begged.
Jeff cupped her face in his hands. “I’m a detective, babe,” he said softly, with a tone that told her he thought he was stating the obvious. “Detectives carry badges.”
Panic bubbled inside her and she struggled to breathe. “No, you’re not. You can’t be. Please, God, please tell me this is all some kind of sick joke. I can’t. I can’t do this. I can’t be with another cop. It’s too big a risk.” She tried to shake her head, but he had an inescapable hold on her.
“I’m a detective. My job can be dangerous, but so is driving a car. I’m not on the front lines. I spend half my time behind a desk, looking for leads.”
“And then you follow them to some seedy house and get shot by some looped-up asshole because you’re trying to save an innocent woman and child. No. No way. I can’t do this again. Let me go. I need to go. I can’t. You can’t. We can’t,” she stammered, not having any idea what to say. Her mind was on one thing, retreat. It offered the only safe avenue.
Jeff let go of her face, but did not let her get away. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her. “Katie, babe. Relax. How could you not know? Keith and I talk about work, the station, the gym, all of it. How do you think we came to know one another?”
“No, no you don’t. I didn’t know or I never would have done this.” Her voice rose to a near yell, and she could feel eyes on her as people turned to stare, but she didn’t care. She had to make him understand.
“Take a breath and lower your voice. You wouldn’t have done what?”
“I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you!” Her voice echoed through the shop. “I can’t. I can’t lose another perfect man. Who the hell gets handed two perfect men? I should have known better. That’s not real life. You can’t be with me. You will die! Just like Mark. You will die, and you will leave me! Oh God, what about Noah? He can’t go through this. He can�
��t know you. We can’t lose another Daddy!” She pulled away, breaking the grasp he had on her shoulders, and fled as fast as her feet would carry her.
She didn’t know where she was going; she just knew she needed to be where he was not. Shoving the exit door open, she ran into the parking lot. Tears clouded her vision, and angst clouded her mind. How could this be happening? What had she done to deserve this?
Jeff stared after Katie’s fleeing form, flabbergasted. What is happening? There was no way in hell she could have not known. He swore they had talked about it. They had met at a police ball, for heaven’s sake.
It took him a split second to recover from the shock of her running from him. And then he reacted. He sprinted after her and got to the glass wall of doors in time to see the woman he loved dart into the path of moving vehicles.
He didn’t know how this had happened, or how she could not have known, but he did know one thing for certain. When he caught her, he was going to turn her backside red and show her exactly how much he loved her. The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. He loved her and that little boy more than his own life, and he would be damned if he let something like his job get in the way.
He caught up with her halfway through the parking lot and grabbed her from behind. A sigh of relief that she was safe was replaced with a grunt as her bony elbow shoved into his gut. Her anger was no match for his strength, though, and he swept her effortlessly over his shoulder. Striding toward his truck, he held tight as she fought to get away. Her sobs made it impossible to understand what she said, but he was pretty sure he didn’t want to know. It didn’t matter. By day’s end she would understand this relationship was a permanent one, and running from him was never an option.
He set her down for a second to unlock the truck, and she kicked his shin. Flinging the driver’s side door open, he dumped her in and climbed in behind her. She scrambled to the other side of the cab, but he got hold of her before she could open the door. Pulling her back to his front, he hugged tight, restricting the movements of her torso.
She kicked and pulled and fought him, slammed her feet into the dashboard and struggled violently as her tears fell unchecked. He wanted to do something to help, but she was too far gone. All he could do was wait her out and hope no one witnessed the scene and called the police. The boys at the station would never let him live it down.
He had to give her credit. She had a lot of fight in her. Her fiery temper matched her fiery-red hair. He needed to keep up with his gym visits to wrangle this one. Her chest heaving, she finally stopped trying to get away, but her sobs continued, her body shaking. Loosening his grip, he moved them both into a more comfortable position, turning her into him and cradling her protectively. He wanted her to feel love, safety, and security. He did not want her to feel trapped. His heart broke knowing he was the source of her hurt. He wanted to love and protect her, not cause her pain, except, of course, when he needed to discipline her. His woman would be no stranger to the sting of a red bottom, for sure. They had been taking it slow. That ended tonight.
As he had hoped, the new position encouraged his girl to snuggle into him. She wilted as she wept. By the time her tears stopped, his shirt was soaked through, and he was pretty sure she would be dehydrated. Her breathing was slow and steady, interspersed with tiny hiccupping sobs. She had cried herself to sleep. Not wanting to let her go, he shimmied himself against the door of his truck, threw his feet up on the bench seat, and relaxed. Shooting off a quick text to Becca, he let her know they were going to be a while longer than expected. She would not mind. Noah was a sweet-tempered little boy, a pleasure to be around. He could bet his nieces were fighting for his attention. Leaning his head against the window behind him, a satisfied smile spread across his face, and he made himself comfortable. She had plumb worn herself out and would have a lot to answer for when she woke up, but, right now, she slept in his arms, looking like an angel.
Jeff opened his eyes when he felt the pressure of Katie’s head leave his chest. The sun had settled on the horizon, and he looked at his watch. He had dozed off as well. The emotional stress of his girl’s breakdown must have shaken him more than he had realized. He never fell asleep during the day, unless he was sick.
“Hi, sleepyhead.” He smiled at her as she rubbed her eyes and pushed her tear-soaked hair away from her face. She looked so hopeless with her red-rimmed nose, puffy eyes, and hair a mess. “I would give my life to make sure that look of pain never graces your precious face ever again, you know that?”
Her head dropped and she sighed. “I don’t know what to do,” she confessed.
“Sweetheart, look at me, please.” He kept his voice level and calm. She lifted her eyes to his without moving her chin from her chest. He smiled at her strong will. She wanted to listen to him, but she was probably scared. He was about to change that, forever. “I love you and Noah. You two have become my life, and I would do anything for you. Do you understand what I am saying?”
“Yes, but...”
“No, I don’t think you do understand.” He spoke sharply, sitting up straight and pulling her into his lap. “Let me spell it out for you. I am a detective, but being a detective is not my life. You are my life. You and that little dude who already has me wrapped around his pudgy spit-soaked thumb. If my job gets in the way of my happiness, then that simply means it is time for me to move on. I buried myself in work for survival, but I also moved away from my family and lost some years I will never get back. I won’t make the same mistake again.”
“You can’t quit your job.” Katie rolled her eyes and shook her head. It was obvious she didn’t have a clue how serious he was.
“I can’t lose you.”
“I could never ask you to switch careers.”
“I could never let you leave because of it.”
His answers were quick and automatic. There should be no doubt in her mind of his intentions after this conversation.
Her mouth dropped open, but she still argued.
“You aren’t being rational. I’m not worth all this.”
“Excuse me?” She was making it hard for him to fight the urge to turn her over his knee right then and there. If it wouldn’t have been their first time, he would have.
“You heard me. I’m not worth it.”
“I will be the judge of that, young lady, and before you say another word, let me warn you right now, you have already earned a spanking from me tonight. I would choose your words wisely.”
Her eyes went wide at the mention of getting spanked. They had joked about it before and talked about it at length, but it had never come to fruition. He needed her to understand his love was true, and running from him was never the way to solve an issue. “No one tells me what my woman is worth because there is no way to measure. You are not worth your weight in gold because you surpass that exponentially. You are worth more to me than any job, Katelyn. If that is a deal breaker, then get it out of your head because I will quit tomorrow.”
The relief was evident on her face, but the words she spoke belied them. “I don’t think I could ever ask you to quit.”
“You haven’t asked me to, but I have offered, and I will do it. This discussion can wait until later. We need to get you back to your place and pick up Noah.”
“Oh God. Noah.” More tears filled her eyes. “We have to go right now and get him.”
Jeff held up a hand. “Don’t worry, I already contacted Becca and let her know we would be late. Noah is fine.”
She licked her lips, her breathing shallow. “A-are you really going to spank me?”
“I do not make empty threats,” he informed her. “If I say you are getting a spanking, I damn well plan to give you one.”
“I didn’t do anything,” she protested.
Jeff chuckled at her weak argument. “If you believe that, then you are mistaken, and you will understand how wrong you are after I am finished with your discipline.”
Katie’s shoulders drooped, and she att
empted to climb out of his lap. Grabbing her hand, he pulled her closer, bringing them nose to nose. “I love you, Katelyn Summers.” He leaned in closer and placed a gentle kiss on her soft lips.
He lifted her off his lap and reached for his buckle and waited for her to do the same, before starting the truck. She moved slowly and methodically, as if on autopilot, and he could tell her mind moved a mile a minute as she squirmed next to him. Today would be a turning point for them. He counted on it.
Katie’s panic attack had been so extreme, her brain remained cloudy. She didn’t have any idea how long she had slept, but waking up against Jeff’s chest was pretty amazing. It had been a long time since she’d felt that kind of security.
However, the contentment only lasted for a moment until she remembered what all had happened. His words baffled her. How could he mean to quit his job? There was no way she would ask him to. She was the widow of a cop; she knew how much the job was ingrained in their being. Mark had been a police officer when she met him, so she had never considered life any other way, but she had somehow missed Jeff worked as police officer. She had fooled herself into thinking he had some desk job, where he would never be in any danger.
How could she not have known? She replayed conversations and interactions of the past few months in her brain. She could have slapped herself. Keith and Jeff talked about the gym all the time. The only gym Keith frequented was the one connected to the station. He used all of his guest passes to bring in his best friend, Jared, for their racquetball games. She had never put two and two together, and she’d unfairly blamed Jeff. In the moment, it had felt like he had lied to her, like he had tricked her into falling for him before dropping the bomb, but the two men had even talked about grabbing lunch together. Her psyche had been blocking out the connection to protect her, she realized. Some protection. When the bomb dropped, it had still created an explosion, and now, in the aftermath, she found herself facing a spanking from Jeff. Their first. Her stomach knotted and flipped with a mixture of dread and excitement.