The feeling of Beth in his arms as he led her around the dance floor was almost more than he could handle. He was an idiot to grab the girl who had just said there was nothing going on between them. He was the idiot who thought being close to one another might change her mind.
Why did he think that he could change her mind? The length of a song wouldn’t be enough to get her to take back the words she’d said about him. What did he think would happen? That she would just confess her feelings for him?
“Was it true?” Exhausted from ruminating, he decided to just speak. If he needed answers, he wasn’t going to find them in his own head.
Beth glanced up at him for a moment and then back down to the ground. “Was what true?”
“Don’t play with me, Beth. I heard what you said to Tricia.”
When Beth didn’t respond, Josh braved heartache and tried to meet her gaze, but she wasn’t looking at him. Instead, she was staring at his chest as if his shirt held the answers to his questions.
“Well?”
“What do you want me to say?”
Josh dipped down, hoping to catch her gaze. To see if what she said was, in fact, how she felt. “The truth.”
Beth’s gaze flicked over to his, and he could see the hesitation there. For a moment, he let a flicker of hope burn in his chest that she just might admit how she really felt.
“The truth?” she repeated. From the breathy and hesitant way she spoke, he could tell she was saying it more for herself than for him.
Josh remained quiet, waiting to hear what she would say. Would she tell him? Was their relationship more important than whatever secret she was keeping hidden?
Her gaze rose up to meet his, and he held onto the hope that she would be honest. That he hadn’t been a fool to think there might be something between them.
“Josh, I can’t.” The pain that coated her words caused his stomach to squeeze. She was hurting and he hated that. All he wanted to do was take away whatever was bothering her—if only she’d let him.
“But, Beth, I—”
Beth shook her head. “Please. Don’t. I can’t…” Tears brimmed on her eyelids as she slowly stopped moving.
All Josh could do was stare at her. Why was she pulling away?
“I should go,” she whispered as she dropped her hands and took a step back.
It was like watching a movie in slow motion. No matter what Josh did or said, Beth was leaving. She was walking away from him, and it hurt more than he could say.
He wanted to reach out and stop her. He wanted to tell her that no matter what was going on, they could get through it together. That her pain could be his pain. He wanted her to know that he was here, if she would just reach out and take hold.
But, no matter how long he kept his hand raised, Beth didn’t come back. Instead, she gave him a small, weak smile and then turned and left. The crowd swallowed her up. And she was gone.
Rejected and deflated, Josh didn’t feel like dancing anymore. Right now, he just wanted to be with his son.
As he passed by the refreshment table, he heard Tricia’s high-pitched voice. He tried not to wince as he attempted to evade her. But she was like a bloodhound honing in on his scent.
Just before he disappeared through the booths, her hand closed on his arm, halting him.
“Hey, where are you disappearing too?” she asked as she stepped closer to him.
Josh fought the urge to break her hold and go find Jordan. But, not wanting to be rude, he turned to face Tricia. She was staring up at him with a hopeful look in her eyes.
And then he felt bad. She was just being nice, and here he was, being a jerk. She was open and honest—something that Beth wasn’t. And yet, he was blowing her off.
Taking a deep breath, he turned and smiled at her. It took some focus, but he was able to muscle down the pain that he felt from Beth’s abrupt departure.
“Sorry,” he said, clearing his throat. “I…I’m just tired.” He gave her a weak smile.
It was almost as if Tricia suddenly realized that he wasn’t going to hightail it out of there. Her eyebrows raised and her eyes were wide. A giggle escaped her lips as she wrapped her hands around his arm and drew closer to him.
“Well, let’s see if there’s anything I can do to help you.”
Even though there was a pit the size of Texas in his stomach, Josh forced his feet to follow after Tricia as she led him to the makeshift bar near the refreshment table. He even allowed her to order him a drink as he sat on the barstool next to her.
It took two beers for his nerves to calm down and another one before his desire to run after Beth subsided. Thankfully, Sondra stopped by, telling him that they were taking Jordan home, and, from the state he was in, Jonathan should be the designated driver.
Josh just nodded as he kissed Jordan good night and saluted Jonathan.
He spent the rest of the night leaning on the bar as Tricia talked to him about her house and her divorce. Josh tried to act interested, but every time he let his mind wander, it went straight to Beth.
* * *
Three sharp knocks jolted Josh awake.
He moaned as he covered his face with his hand. Whoever it was could go away. His head felt as if it were splitting in two.
The knocks sounded again.
“Go away,” he said, his voice muffled by the pillows he’d buried his face into.
When the knocks came again, Josh growled as he threw off his comforter and stood. “Jordan?” he called out, and then winced as he remembered his mom telling him she’d watch his son for the night. He was alone in the apartment, which was why the person at the door was not giving up.
Not caring about putting on a shirt, Josh shuffled over to the door and unlocked it. He squinted as the early morning light shone through the crack.
Beth.
He blinked a few times, scolding himself for imagining she was standing in front of him. Beth was gone. He even doubted that she’d be his nanny anymore. He’d messed things up royally.
“Well, you look terrible.”
Nope. That was Beth. Or someone who sounded just like her.
“Beth?” he rasped. He pinched his lips closed as he swallowed. His mouth felt like death.
“Josh,” Beth said. Her voice was soft and caring. And he hated it.
Or he loved it. Right now, his head hurt as much as his heart. “What are you doing here?” he asked, leaving the door open as he walked over to the kitchen sink and filled up a glass of water.
When the latch of the door sounded, fear rushed through Josh. Was Beth still here? Did he want to look?
“I need a favor.”
Well, that answered that question. Beth was still here. Great.
Josh took his time draining his glass of water. Then, he wiped his mouth and set the glass down on the counter. Finally, he turned and raised his eyebrows at Beth. “What do you need from me?”
Beth looked irritated but also sad. Frustration boiled up inside of Josh as the need to protect her flooded over him. Why couldn’t he just get it through his thick skull that Beth wasn’t his to protect?
“I need to borrow your car.”
Josh glanced in the direction of her house. “Why?”
“I, um, need to get to Jordan this morning, and my car’s battery is dead.”
Josh peered back at her. There was something cryptic in the way she spoke. Like there was more to that story than she was letting on. Was there a guy in Jordan she needed to see? “What’s in Jordan?”
Beth hesitated before she cleared her throat and pulled her purse strap higher on her shoulder. “Nothing.” She sighed. “I just need to get there.”
Well, that wasn’t good enough. He wasn’t going to let her just walk away from their—whatever they had—to be with this mysterious person in Jordan.
He grabbed his keys off the counter and held them up. “Sure,” he said. And as she stepped forward to take them, he slipped them into the front pocket of his jeans. “But I
’m coming with you.”
Beth’s eyebrows shot up. “What? No.”
Josh shook his head as he headed toward the bathroom. “Give me five minutes and I’ll be ready.”
“Josh, you can’t come with. Please.”
He shook his head as he shut the bathroom door and turned on the shower. He wasn’t going to let her off the hook that easy. He was going with her. He was going to see this person that was keeping her from him. And then he’d have words with that person, because as far as he was concerned, he was meant to be with Beth—even if she couldn’t see it.
Six minutes later, Josh was showered and dressed. Beth was leaning against the counter, chewing on her thumbnail as Josh walked into the kitchen. She must have not heard him because she didn’t turn to acknowledge him when he approached.
Josh took this moment to study her. Her lips were downturned, and she was staring at the countertop in front of her. Josh could almost feel the stress emanating from her. Something was seriously bothering her, and, for a moment, Josh felt bad about pushing her. Maybe she really didn’t want to talk about it. Did it make him a bad friend to push her?
Then he shook his head. No. He wasn’t a bad friend. Whatever she was going through, she didn’t need to go through it alone. He’d help her. That’s what friends do.
“Are you ready?” he asked, allowing himself to reach out and rest his hand on the small of her back. Even though he meant for it to be supportive, he couldn’t help but deny the warm feeling that raced up his arm from the contact.
Beth jumped, and Josh pulled his hand away. That had been a mistake. A pained looked crossed her face.
“Josh, I really need to go alone,” she said, folding her arms across her chest.
Josh stared at her. “Beth, I…” He wanted to ask her why. He wanted to tell her that he could handle whatever she was trying to keep a secret from him. But would it matter? Probably not.
Beth stepped closer, and, for a moment, he saw the Beth he remembered. The one he felt close to. The one he could tell anything to.
She reached out and held her hand in the air, inches away from him. He wanted to believe that she would touch him. That the kiss they’d shared hadn’t only meant something to him.
“Please, let me go alone.” She raised her gaze up to meet his.
Josh parted his lips. He wanted to protest. He wanted to beg her to let him go with. That, by going alone, she was shutting the door to him. To them. But, he couldn’t do anything to hurt her, and if giving her his keys was the way to bring her happiness, he was going to do it.
So despite the warning bells going off in his mind, Josh reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys. He dropped his gaze as he placed them into her outstretched hand. He allowed his fingers to linger in her palm as he brought his gaze up to meet hers. He wanted her to see just how he felt about her. How he would always feel about her.
The warmth that spread up from their contact exploded in his chest as his heart beat his feelings throughout his whole body. It took all his strength not to reach out and pull her into his arms.
“Here,” he said, his voice low and husky. He didn’t care. He needed her to know how he felt, even if she wouldn’t let him say it out loud.
Beth pinched her lips as she glanced down to his hand and then up to meet his gaze. She studied him. He could see the tears brimming in her eyes. Why was she in so much pain, and why wouldn’t she let him fix it?
He held her gaze as he internally begged her to tell him what was wrong. She hesitated and then turned, breaking their contact. He watched as she headed across the living room and out the door before he could get out the words asking her to stay.
Now alone, he swallowed as he rubbed his face with his hands. A feeling of sadness surrounded him, and his shoulders slumped. Even though they technically were never anything more than a nanny and her boss, he couldn’t help but feel like this was the end of something.
Something he hadn’t realized he needed until it was gone.
Chapter Eighteen
It took an hour before Josh felt ready to speak to anyone. After sitting around his apartment, feeling sorry for himself, he finally got up and decided the best thing for him to do was find Jordan and distract himself.
Plus, Jordan deserved a better father than he’d been these last few days. He hated that he’d allowed himself to forget why he was really here. To take care of his son and get his life back in order. And he couldn’t do that while mooning away on his couch.
“Hey, guys,” Josh called out as he shut the door behind him. He walked into his parents’ house and glanced around. No one was here.
“You guys home?” He peered into the living room.
“Josh?” Sondra called from the kitchen.
“Ma?”
“We’re in the kitchen.”
Josh walked through the living room and into the kitchen. Sondra, Jordan, Jonathan, and Tiffany were sitting at the table. Jordan had a huge stack of pancakes in front of him and was devouring them.
Jonathan and Tiffany were being dished up by Sondra.
“Hey, sweetie. Hungry?”
Josh nodded as he sat down on the chair and held out the plate that had been set. “For your pancakes? You bet.”
Sondra laughed as she began stacking pancakes onto his plate. “Great. I’ve got lots more batter.”
When she finished, Josh set his plate back down and drizzled the pancakes with syrup. There was nothing quite like pancakes on a Sunday morning. Josh felt like he was a teenager again.
“Your pancakes can heal the soul, Ma,” he said, smiling over at Sondra, who’d made her way back over to the griddle.
Sondra gave him a funny look. “Heal the soul? Why does your soul need to be healed?”
Josh took his time to take a bite and chew. “No reason.”
When he glanced over at Tiffany, he saw her studying him. He shot her a funny look, but she didn’t look away. It was as if she were trying to figure him out.
“How’s the team, Jon?” he asked, glancing over at his brother, who sopping up the rest of his syrup with his last bite.
Jonathan started in on each player and the assets they brought to the team. Josh enjoyed listening to his brother talk about his passion. It gave him something else to focus on. A great distraction from the gaping hole in his heart.
“Beth’s mom has cancer,” Tiffany blurted out.
Josh stopped, mid-bite. He glanced over at Tiffany, who had her lips pinched together and her face was crimson red.
“What?” he asked at the same time Sondra came over from around the counter.
Tiffany grabbed her glass of milk and took a sip. Then she set it down and turned her attention back to them. “Joanne has cancer. That’s why Beth’s been so standoffish.”
Josh sat back, feeling as if he’d just been sucker punched. That’s why Beth was being so distant? But that didn’t make any sense. “I thought she was seeing someone else.”
Tiffany snorted like he’d made a joke, but when no one spoke, she glanced around. “Sorry. No. There’s no one else.”
“No, no, that can’t be right. I would know if Joanne was sick,” Sondra muttered.
Tiffany shook her head. “Joanne wanted her to keep it a secret. It’s been killing Beth.” When Tiffany brought her attention back over to Josh, there was a look in her eye that told Josh she’d meant that for him.
“Is that where she’s going this morning?” he asked. His mind was going a mile a minute as he tried to figure out what was going on.
Tiffany furrowed her brow and then slowly nodded. “If she needed a ride somewhere, that’s probably where she was going. Her mom is in Jordan right now. At St. Jude’s.”
“St. Jude’s? I was just there last night. I didn’t see Joanne.” Sondra was pacing now. “Poor Joanne. Why didn’t she tell anyone?”
Tiffany began pushing her pancakes around on the plate. “I guess she didn’t want everyone to feel sorry for her. She made Beth promise not t
o tell anyone.”
“And you know, how?” Josh couldn’t help the hurt that crept up inside of him. He’d told Beth about Cindy. About how he was struggling with her wanting to come back into Jordan’s life. And yet, she’d hung onto this secret? Like she couldn’t trust him?
“It’s not like that, Josh. I found out because I looked at her phone. She didn’t want me to find out—I’m just nosy I guess.”
The urge to get up and move took over Josh, so he stood and began to pace around the kitchen. He took a deep breath as he tried to process what Tiffany had said.
“Can I go watch cartoons?” Jordan asked, completely oblivious to what was going on.
Josh nodded, and before he could say anything else, Jordan was out of the room.
“What are you going to do?” Tiffany’s voice broke through his thoughts.
Josh stopped moving as dread filled his chest. What could he do? Beth made it perfectly clear that she wanted nothing to do with him. That she didn’t want him to know that her mom was sick. The last thing he wanted to do was force himself into her life when she didn’t want him there.
He couldn’t deal with that kind of rejection. Not from Beth.
So he let out his breath, his shoulder slumping. “Nothing,” he said, and then moved to the back door. He suddenly needed the expansiveness of the outside world.
Just as he shut the door behind him, he heard Tiffany say, “Nothing?”
Now alone, he leaned against the railing and took a deep breath. What was going on? Was this really who he’d become? One of his longtime friends was hurting, and he was just abandoning her?
Because he was worried he’d get hurt?
Man, when did he become such a self-centered jerk.
The door opened behind him, and he shifted when he saw his mom step out onto the stoop. She had a solemn expression on her face as she descended the stairs until she was next to him.
They stood in silence. And even though Josh knew she wanted him to talk first, he was stubborn and waited.
“So, what are you going to do?”
Josh glanced over at his mom. “What are you talking about?”
Her Boss: Braxton Brothers Series Book One Page 14