Sondra gave him her don’t start with me look. She folded her arms over her apron as she met his gaze. “Don’t play dumb with me, child. I know you better than you do. You like that girl.”
Josh scoffed as he shook his head. “Ma, don’t.”
Sondra climbed a step until she was level with him. “Don’t what? Tell you the truth? Well, honey, you need it.”
Josh rubbed his face. “I can’t like her. I just got out of that mess with Cindy. I can’t drag Jordan through something like that again. I can’t…” His voice drifted off. If he were honest, he couldn’t put himself through that again. He couldn’t let himself reach out to someone who wasn’t reaching back.
Sondra folded her arms. “Honey, if we spend our lives thinking about the things we can’t do, we’ll never have enough gumption to do what we should.” Her expression turned serious as she met his gaze head on. “And she’s not just some girl you picked up at a bar. You know her. We know her. She’s Beth, and that means a whole lot more than some stranger.”
Josh studied his mom as her words sunk in. There was some truth to what she was saying. Beth wasn’t just some girl. She was…well, she was Beth. And even though ten years had passed since he’d last seen her, that didn’t change the fact that he knew her.
He wasn’t asking his heart to love someone he barely knew. He was asking his heart to remember the love it felt for someone he’d forgotten he loved.
“But she doesn’t want me there.” If only his mom knew how Beth had acted this morning when he practically begged her to let him come. When he put his heart out on the line, just to have her reject him.
Sondra gave him a small smile. “She’s scared. Her and her momma have a bad relationship. That’s something she’s trying to fix. But she can’t do it alone. Whatever the outcome of the cancer, Beth needs people there. To support her. Love her.” Sondra’s expression grew serious as the last two words left her lips.
Josh’s heart surged. It was like it was giving him permission to feel that way about someone else again. And if he were honest, all he wanted to do right now was listen to his heart. He was sick of thinking.
“I have to go,” he said as he climbed the steps two at a time. Sondra was right behind him, cheering as he pulled open the back door. “I need to borrow your car,” he said.
Sondra nodded and pulled the keys down from the pegs next to the door. “I’ll watch Jordan for you. You go get her.”
“Where are you going?” Tiffany asked, peering around the corner.
Josh gave her a big smile. “To talk to Beth. I have to tell her that I love her. That I’m there for her even if right now she doesn’t want me there. I can’t leave anything on the table. She needs to know.”
Tiffany’s jaw dropped as she nodded. “Well…good.”
Josh strode over to Jordan and plopped a kiss on his son’s head. “I’ll be back later, bud. Mind Nana.”
Jordan just grunted in response as he shifted to see past Josh. That was the only acknowledgement he was going to get from his son, so he blew a kiss to his mom, patted Jonathan on the back and headed out the front door.
It wasn’t until he was inside the car with the engine running that he realized what he was doing. He took a deep breath as he grasped the steering wheel and said a little prayer. In a matter of moments he was going to lay his feelings out at Beth’s feet. He just hoped that it wasn’t going to be the major mistake he feared it was.
Chapter Nineteen
Beth held her breath as she rode the elevator to the third floor of St. Jude’s hospital. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she shifted her weight. Her nerves were on edge right now. The hour-long drive to Jordan didn’t help her anxiety. What did her mother want to tell her?
The text message she got earlier that morning hadn’t been very specific. Just that the doctors found something and thought it best to have as much family around as possible.
It couldn’t be good if they were calling in the cavalry—the people who loved and cared about her mom to help her get through this hard time.
The elevator dinged and Beth stepped out onto the floor. A nurse’s desk sat right in front of her with a few nurses milling around. They were either reading charts or whispering to each other.
Taking a deep breath, Beth stepped up to them. It took a minute for the nurse on the phone to finish and give her a smile.
“How can I help you, sweetie,” she said in her southern drawl.
“I’m here to see Joanne Johnson. I’m her daughter.” Beth tried to mimic the nurse’s smile, but from the way she was feeling right now, she was pretty sure that it came out more strained than relaxed.
The nurse clicked on the keyboard for a moment before turning back to Beth. “She’s in room 308. Down that hall, last door on the left,” she said, gesturing like a flight attendant.
Beth followed her directions, and, just as she reached door 308, she paused. She needed to take a moment to gather her strength before she walked through the door and found out whatever her mother needed to tell her face to face, instead of over the phone.
It wasn’t until this moment that the reality of the situation bore down on her. Her mom was sick. She might never get better. Suddenly, all of the petty fights that she got into as a rebellious teenager seemed ridiculous. How could she have let her relationship with her mother be so affected by them?
If only she’d known that this was her future—her mother’s future—she would have made so many different decisions.
“Beth?” Sam’s soft voice startled her, causing her to whip around.
Her stepdad was standing behind her with a coffee in his hand. His expression was tired, and she could see the dark rings around his eyes. A surge of emotions rushed through her as she wrapped her arms around her stepdad and just hugged him.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
Sam stiffened before he relaxed and patted her on the back with his free arm. “I know,” he said.
When she pulled back, Beth had to wipe away a few tears that had escaped down her cheek. She gave Sam a weak smile and then nodded in the direction of the door. “She in there?”
Sam cleared his throat and reached out to turn the door handle. “Yes. And waiting for you.”
Beth took a deep breath as she stepped into the darkened room. The drapes had been pulled, but the late morning sun could still be seen shining behind them. As Beth cleared the bathroom, her gaze immediately went to her mom, who was lying on the bed with her eyes closed.
She looked so small and fragile, lying there with the monitors and cords all around her. Her skin was pale and her hair pulled up into a tight bun at the top of her head. Even from where Beth stood, she could see that it was thinning.
Glancing behind her, Beth saw Sam give her an encouraging smile as he lingered in the hall.
Beth nodded, gathering as much courage as she could muster. Blinking back the tears that had formed on her lids, Beth made her way over to the bed and stood a few inches from her mom. She wasn’t sure how her mom would feel if she woke her up. But Beth was tired of thinking, so she reached out and slipped her hand into her mom’s.
Joanne’s eyes fluttered open, and at first, her gaze was hazy. But, after studying Beth’s face, a slow smile spread across her lips. “Beth,” she whispered.
Stifling a sob, Beth just nodded as she moved to sit on the edge of the bed, still holding her mom’s hand. “Hey, Mom,” she said.
Joanne’s eyes closed for a moment before they opened again. “I’m so happy you came.”
Beth stared at her mom. Why would she say that? “Of course I would come.”
Joanne’s smile softened as she reached over with her other hand. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
Not being able to fight it, a tear slipped down Beth’s cheek. “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice breaking from the emotions.
Her mom patted her hand a few times. “You are the best daughter a mother could ask for.”
Beth pinch
ed her lips together as more tears flowed. She shook her head, hating the way her mother was speaking. It sounded too much like what someone says when they know they’re dying.
Her mom lay back on the pillows and took a deep breath. “How are things going with Josh?”
Blinking back her tears, Beth studied her mom. Why was she asking her that? Her heart was breaking for so many reasons today, and she really only had the strength to focus on one at a time.
“It’s not going. I broke it off with him.” It. What exactly was it? They’d kissed, sure, but nothing more. He’d tried to reach out, but she’d kept her distance.
Her mom’s expression turned sad. “Why? You’ve always loved Josh.”
Beth swallowed, her emotions lodging themselves in her throat, choking her. “I can’t do that anymore. Not when you need me.”
Joanne’s eyebrows furrowed. “What?”
Was her mom joking? “You need me here. To keep your secret and help take care of you.”
A pained expression passed over Joanne’s face as she shifted on the bed. “Beth, that is not what I wanted at all.” She let out her breath as if moving was akin to running a marathon. “I was just…scared. Secrets are what we use to protect ourselves from the truth.” She gave Beth a weary smile. “But don’t use them like I do. If you love Josh, tell him.”
Beth stared at her mom. “How can I bring him into my life when you want me to keep this a secret?” Beth waved toward her mother’s frail body.
Joanne took another deep breath. “Well, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” She studied Beth for a moment before a smile emerged on her face. “The doctors discovered that the growths are actually shrinking. They are confident that if I have them removed, I could actually beat this thing.”
Beth stared at her mom. What? She opened her lips and then shut them again. “You’re going to be okay?” Throwing caution to the wind, Beth reached over and wrapped her arms around her mom’s small shoulders. This was a hug type of revelation.
Joanne chuckled as she patted Beth’s back. “It’s not guaranteed, but my chances are looking a lot better now.”
Beth pulled back, this time allowing the tears to flow. “This is the best news,” she said.
Sam walked into the room with a wide smile. “You told her?” he asked.
Joanne nodded.
Beth glanced over at him, and for the first time in a long time, saw complete joy on his face. She glanced back over to her mom and then back to Sam. It’d been a long time since she’d felt like she belonged. Things weren’t perfect and there were still broken things that needed to be fixed, but she felt hopeful.
Her mom had a chance. Which meant their relationship had a chance.
The only thing that would make things perfect would be if she could fix things with Josh. But she’d pretty much ruined that this morning. There was no way he was going to want her as his nanny or anything else. Not after the way she’d treated him.
She spent the afternoon with her mom. They ate lunch and watched ridiculous soap operas on the TV. Beth couldn’t help but smile. It was like she was a kid again. The stress that had surrounded them had lightened. It was as if the news about her mom was just what their family needed to heal.
Her recovery still wasn’t for sure, but, for the first time in a long time, she felt hopeful.
Joanne’s eyes drifted closed, so Beth excused herself. Her mom needed all the rest she could get.
After slipping out into the hall, Beth took the elevator down to the gift shop. She smiled at the stuffed animals that lined the walls. After buying a bag of dark chocolate and a Sprite, she left the shop. She was studying her receipt as she made her way out into the entryway.
“Umph,” a deep voice said as she ran straight into someone.
Embarassed, she glanced up to apologize, only to see Josh peering down at her.
Her jaw dropped open as he blinked a few times. He looked as surprised as she was.
Furrowing her brow, she stepped back just in case she was seeing things—there was no way Josh was here. But, no matter how many times she blinked, Josh remained, staring her down.
“What are you doing here?” she finally brought herself to say when Josh didn’t offer an explanation for his sudden appearance.
He cleared his throat and pushed his hands through his hair. “I, um…” He glanced around. “Tiffany told me where to find you.”
Realization settled around Beth. Of course. “She did?”
He nodded. And then a pained look crossed his face. “She said something about your mom?”
Right. Beth moved out of the way as a nurse wheeled a man down the hall in a wheelchair. Josh followed her, and she couldn’t help the way her stomach lightened at his nearness.
“Yeah. My mom…has cancer,” she said, the last part coming out in a whisper. She could feel Josh’s stare on her as she swallowed. It was hard to say out loud. She’d kept it quiet for so long, it was like it didn’t exist.
“I’m so sorry,” Josh said, reaching out and letting his fingers linger closer to her arm.
Goosebumps rose on her skin as if anticipating his touch. But it never came.
Beth let out her breath. “Yeah, but we just got some good news. The tumors are shrinking, which means Mom can get them removed.” Beth glanced up and gave him a weary but hopeful smile.
The expression on Josh’s face morphed into one of elation. He studied her as he shoved his hands into his pockets. She wanted to believe it was because he wanted to touch her but was stifling that desire. Was it too much to hope?
And then guilt and frustration with herself and the situation she’d put him in rushed over her. She was the one who’d kept her distance. As much as she wanted to believe that walking away from Josh had more to do with her mother’s cancer than her own fear of love, she knew that wasn’t the whole truth.
Zander had hurt her. Made her believe that she was unlovable.
“Beth…” Josh started as he stepped forward, ending inches away from her.
Already emotionally exhausted, Beth glanced up to meet his gaze. It was warm and inviting. Like he knew everything she was trying to say without actually saying it.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
As if that was the key to his release, Josh reached up and cradled her cheek in his hand. He held her gaze as he wiped away the tear that had slipped down. “Beth, you and I have both been hurt.” He reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear. “But I can’t deny how I feel about you anymore. I want you in my life. I need you there. You understand things about me that I don’t think anyone else ever will.”
He gave her a hopeful smile as he leaned in and pressed his lips to her forehead. “If there is any secret you need me to keep, I’ll keep it. Your worries are my worries. Your joys are my joys.”
Beth closed her eyes as her heart swelled with love for Josh Braxton. He moved down to press his lips to the tip of her nose. “Let me in, and I promise I will never hurt you.” He pulled back to hold her gaze.
Another tear slipped down as she nodded. It felt so good to be honest with Josh. This was what was missing in her life. Love.
It was an amazing feeling. Going from feeling alone to building a relationship with her mother and Josh. It was everything she’d ever wanted.
“Are you sure?” she asked, reaching out her free hand and resting it on his arm.
Josh gently took her purchases from her and set them on the ground. Then he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close.
“Beth Johnson, I can’t promise everything will be perfect. I can’t promise that we won’t fight. But I can promise that I will protect you until the day I die. That your happiness will be the one thing I live to create.”
He bent down and pressed his lips to hers for a moment before pulling back. As he stared down at her, Beth’s heart pounded so loud that she could hear it in her ears.
“Will you let me?”
A smile spread across her lip
s as she nodded. Then, lifting up onto her toes, she pressed her lips to his again. This time, more forceful and full of passion and love. Everything that she felt for him, she expressed through that one kiss.
When he finally pulled back, a soft chuckle escaped his lips. “I love you, Beth.”
She glanced up at him. “I love you too, Josh.”
They held each other’s gaze for a moment longer before Josh dipped down and wrapped his arms around her. Not holding back, Beth met his kiss with every emotion welling up inside her.
No matter what the future brought, she knew that with Josh by her side, she could accomplish anything. And she’d live her whole life making sure he felt the same.
Epilogue
Jonathan
Jonathan was sitting on the couch when Josh came into the living room later that night. He’d been in Jordan all day, supposedly trying to win back the girl he’d fallen in love with.
Which was strange for Jonathan to think about, because to him Beth was still that girl he’d grown up with. The girl he’d run around with as a teenager, raising hell.
But, from the goofy look on Josh’s face, Jonathan could tell that his brother didn’t share his sentiments.
“Were you successful?” Jonathan asked as he set his phone on the side table.
Josh sighed and collapsed on the chair across from him. He rubbed his thighs with his hands as he leaned back and closed his eyes. “Oh yeah,” he said as he tipped his face toward the ceiling.
“Okay, too much,” Jonathan said, raising his hand. Sure, his brother was the date one girl and settle down type of guy, but Jonathan wasn’t. Besides, Corinne had broken his heart, and he wasn’t sure anything could ever fix it.
Josh glanced over at him. “What’s up with you?”
Jonathan shifted on the couch as his brother stared him down. Four years his junior, he’d always looked up to his older brother, but it wasn’t until after college that they’d gotten closer. With the way Josh was studying him, he worried that the elephant-sized wound inside of him was visible.
Her Boss: Braxton Brothers Series Book One Page 15