by Natalie Dean
“No, darling,” she answered, laying her wizened hand on his arm. “I sincerely thought she was still busy galivanting around in the city. Ruby never told me that she was expecting her back.”
Ben relaxed, heaving a large sigh and leaning against his truck. Despite the uncanny coincidence, he did believe his mother. She was never one to lie, and he knew she would have asked his younger brother Benji instead if she thought there was any chance of Chastity being around.
“You know, it has been a long time…”
Ben looked over to his mother, who was gazing up at him with a soft expression. It seemed that no matter how old he was, she’d always have an eye out for him.
“It’s been years, but I still feel it like it was yesterday.”
“Aye, first loves are often that way. They can completely change how you look at the world.”
“I guess that’s what happened to me. Are you ready to go?”
She hesitated as if she wanted to say something more, so Ben waited patiently for her to get the words out. “Is it really so bad that she’s back in town?”
He thought about it, trying to rifle through all of the frantic and disjointed ideas going through his head. But in the end, he was caught somewhere between happy and horrified at her sudden appearance.
“I guess I don’t know, Ma.”
“That’s fair.”
She reached up to pat his cheek, and he opened the truck door for her. Once she was in, he shut the door then headed to his own side. Without a single look behind him, he turned on the vehicle and sped out of there—perhaps a little faster than he should have. But as he drove, he couldn’t help but look in his rearview mirror. Whether he wanted to see Chastity’s reflection appear there or not was a mystery even to his own self.
6
Chastity
Chastity stood there, staring at the air where Ben had just been standing. Had she really just seen her high school sweetheart? The first and only man to hold her heart for any length of time.
Even after all these years, she knew it was him. It was like her body had sensed him and whipped her head in his direction, drinking him in like a tall glass of water that she was so incredibly thirsty for.
No!
Stop that!
She couldn’t afford to think about him that way. Now was a time to be hard—to be strong. She had trusted him with everything once, and then he had gone back on his word, blaming it all on her.
She wouldn’t be the villain in this story. She had way too many important things to do.
…even if he was still as drop-dead gorgeous as ever.
She couldn’t say what she liked the most about him. Whether it was his strong jaw, or the serious way in which he gazed at people. Or maybe it was his rumbling bass of a laugh. Who knew? Was it possible to be even more attracted to him—even after a decade apart?
…It seemed so.
How uncanny.
Shaking her head, Chastity forced her mind back on track. With everything that had been going on, she hadn’t even thought about him coming to the wake. But of course, he would. Events like this were often town-wide events. She should have known better.
Maybe her subconscious had figured that he would hate her forever and never want to have anything to do with her family again.
“But I don’t understand why you have to go.”
He was staring at her with those intoxicating green eyes again, his strong, thick brows knit together with concern. She stood on her porch, an acceptance letter in each hand, feeling shocked by his displeased reaction.
“But I’ve told you about my dream for years. We even talked about a way to make it work with you staying here and me getting my degree.”
“I thought you would change your mind since you’ve been doing so poorly this semester.”
“I had meningitis! But I’d already sent my transcripts and everything else to colleges. They don’t know about this semester’s grades because we haven’t gotten them yet.”
He stared at her, and she could tell his heart was breaking, but she didn’t want any part of it. “Why won’t you stay with me?”
“I can’t,” Chastity answered, her voice cracking. “Please don’t make me choose between you and what I’ve always dreamed of.”
“Are you all right, sweetie?”
Chastity pulled herself from her unpleasant memory, wiping at her eyes. How selfish. Her father was dead, and they were literally at his wake, yet she was making this all about some silly romance from when she was sixteen. It seemed that skipping two years of school through advanced placement hadn’t prepared her for such emotional troubles.
“I’m fine,” she answered, calming down and forcing herself to put on the correct face. “It was just Benny. Ben, I mean. Ben Miller.”
“Oh, is that one of your friends from the city? Did you not come alone?”
Chastity gave her a curious look, raising one of her eyebrows. “What do you mean, Mom? You know who Ben is.”
“Do I? The name doesn’t ring a bell.”
“How can it not? He was my boyfriend for three years. We met in sophomore year when I didn’t have any friends because everyone thought I was weird for liking to read for fun and watching old movies. He took me under his wing in our advanced math class and things kinda went from there? We were in Mathletics together.”
It was true. Chastity could vividly remember eating lunch by herself for all of freshmen year and then part of sophomore year until Ben had just so happened to accidentally knock over her milk. He apologized and ran to get paper towels, one thing led to another and, somehow, they ended up talking about the slew of comic book movie adaptions from the sixties.
Eventually the bell had rung, and they had gone their separate ways, but the next day she couldn’t help but wonder if he would be there again. Against all hope, she had slid into her usual seat in the library with a book in front of her, only to have him slide into the seat across from her.
From there they had basically been inseparable in their free periods. After a month or so of that, they ended up in Mathletics together. At first most of the team had been surprised by Ben’s appearance. He was a popular kid and had a lot going for him, and most people assumed he was taking over the lucrative Miller Ranch, so he certainly didn’t need the college credits. Strangely, he had insisted on only being partnered with Chastity for their pre-competition practices, because, apparently, she was “the only person that he really knew”—or that was what he’d said.
At first, she had wondered if it was some sort of elaborate scheme, especially when he wasn’t really that great at math, but after long enough it became clear that he had joined just to spend time with her. So she let herself relax and then their after-school hours were filled with each other too. Then they started hanging out even after that, taking turns going to each other’s houses for dinner.
But it wasn’t until she was fifteen, a year after they had met, when her parents finally gave her permission to date him.
That was a whole lot of history. Countless nights holding hands and staring up at the sky, dreaming together, confiding in each other. Chastity’s father had always joked about how he was the best son-in-law he could have asked for.
So how could Mom not remember?
But then another person was stepping forward and pulling her into a hug. Chastity barely paid attention, going through the motions as she watched her mother react.
Her mom was still teary, and Chastity didn’t think that would stop for a while, but she responded to almost everyone by name and seemed to know who they were. Perhaps she too only thought of Ben as Benny, and since she was so stressed, her mind wasn’t making the connection.
Yeah, that was plausible.
…right?
Chastity found herself wishing she had been around her more, because then she would know if this was normal or not. Three years was far too long to have left her parents alone, and she wondered for how long that guilt would plague her by manife
sting as other things. Such as the paranoia that she was feeling right now.
But try as she might to dismiss it, a shiver went down her spine. Something in her gut was telling her that something wasn’t right. There was no way her mother could forget about Ben, the man who had held Chastity’s heart during her most formative years. The man who was her first kiss. And her first heartbreak. The man she had built so many dreams with, only to have all of them amount to nothing.
Goodness knew Chastity couldn’t forget.
7
Chastity
“Mom! Are you ready?”
Chastity looked up the stairs as she called out, glancing at her watch for the tenth time that morning.
Three days since the wake, and it seemed like life hadn’t stopped spinning yet. From the moment the wake had ended, she and her mom had to deal with getting all the food home, picking up her father’s ashes, and handling tons of well-meaning phone calls.
Chastity worried that perhaps she was being cold. She hadn’t cried since the wake, and she’d spent most of her time attending to everything that needed to be done. But how could she give herself time to mourn when there was so much to do? She tried to remember if she had ever had to deal with a death in the family before, wondering if this was maybe just how her mind mourned things, but the only person who she remembered passing was a grandmother who lived on the reservation. It had been a sad affair, but Chastity had only met her once. Apparently, the older woman didn’t like that her daughter had married someone not from the tribe and had never really gotten over that.
Huh. It seemed strained familial issues ran in the bloodline. But Chastity tucked those negative thoughts away and tried to focus on the good things while she cleaned the house. It really was amazing how much food the town had poured out for them. Even after three days, the fridge was stuffed to bursting with all sorts of perishables, ranging from pies to casseroles, to fresh roasts. Chastity was sure she had even seen a couple of different types of pulled pork in there.
It didn’t stop there. On the shelves was all the stuff that didn’t need to keep cool, like dozens of cans of vegetables, bags of potatoes, applesauce, chips and other guilty snacks, cans of soup, and all sorts of dried fruits. It seemed the town really wanted to make sure that Ruby didn’t go hungry or cook for herself until she was ready.
But while all of that was good, wonderful even, there was something else that wasn’t so great.
Mom never ended up remembering Ben, and several strange things she did the day after the wake had bothered Chastity. She couldn’t really say why, she knew that there was something… off.
Thankfully, on Monday, she was able to call right at nine in the morning and get a doctor’s appointment for the next day. Sometimes there really were perks to living in a small town.
But now that it was finally time for her appointment, her mom was being a bit stubborn.
“I’m telling you, this really isn’t necessary.”
“I know, Mom,” Chastity said gently, going to the top of the stairs and offering her arm to her mother. Her seemingly fragile mother took it, and they slowly went down the steps. “But I haven’t seen you in three years, so please humor me. Consider this just making sure we start my visit on the right foot.”
“Yes, because the death of your father is the right foot.”
Chastity blushed a bit at that. Her mother certainly had a point. But even though it was a gentle chide, it was good to hear her mother’s quick—yet subtle sense of humor return. “You know what I mean.”
“Yes, I do.” She reached up to pat Chastity’s head, and they headed out the door. Just like everything else in town, it was only about a ten-minute walk to wherever they needed to go.
“I’m going to miss him so much, Maryanne.”
Chastity almost stopped dead in her tracks but managed to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
“Pardon me?”
“Charlie. He’s gone now, and I’m just… not sure what to do. We’ve been together for so long, I can’t imagine a life without him, Maryanne.”
There it was again. Part of her mind was torn in the direction of her poor mother missing Father so terribly, but the other was wrapped up in why the heck her mom was calling her by her grandmother’s name?
“Do you think I’m Maryanne right now?” Chastity asked cautiously, trying to sound casual, which was difficult considering that the sliver of uncertainty that had been niggling around her mind was now a full-blown cold feeling in the pit of her stomach.
“Of course. Who else would you be?”
“That’s right,” she licked her lips, trying to pick her words carefully. “I’m Maryanne.” Another pause before she took a deep breath. “Where’s Chastity, by the way?”
Now it was her mother’s turn to sigh. “In the city. I don’t think she’s ever coming back. Sometimes I don’t know if we’re even from the same world. I want to understand her, but… but sometimes it seems like I can’t. I just want her to be happy. And to be safe. The city is so dangerous!”
Ow.
Chastity’s heart throbbed, and it took everything in her to keep her breath from catching. There was something utterly disarming about hearing her mother confess to how tenuous their relationship was. It seemed that they both wanted to love each other but had no idea how.
“Oh look, we’re already here.”
Chastity looked up to see the familiar front of the doctor’s office. Somehow it looked completely untouched by time, as if a single day hadn’t passed since she’d gotten her checkup before she rushed off to college. The handymen who kept up the place must have been exceptionally on-task over the years for it to still look so good.
They strolled inside, and from there, they waited in the reception area. Chastity’s mind went to all the memories that were woven into the walls around her. She had been treated for strep here, and the flu, and then that incredibly unpleasant bout of meningitis. So many coughs, gags, and weary wheezes.
Eventually, the nurse called her mother’s name, and Chastity rose automatically to go with her. However, Ruby seemed to have some other ideas, because she turned and sharply regarded her daughter. “What are you doing?”
“Going with you.”
“I’m a grown woman. I can handle myself.”
And with that she was off behind the doors with the nurse.
Chastity’s teeth worried at her lip as she watched the door like a hawk. How was she going to explain what was going on with her mother if she wasn’t in the room with the doctor? She was sure that this was some sort of HIPAA violation.
Chastity’s phone buzzed. She looked at the screen to see a text from her agent. When are you coming back to NY?
She fired off a quick response. Not sure. There are complications. Why?
The response made her heart sink. Open auditions for a new show next week.
Chastity frowned as she responded. Shoot. Won’t be able to make it. Taking care of my mother.
The sound of a door opening caused Chastity to look up, and she was surprised to see that same nurse there. “Miss Parker?”
Chastity found herself on her feet instantly, trying to keep her expression neutral. She was afraid that if she emoted, all of the worry within her would burst out at once.
“Yes?” she managed to squeak out without sounding like a terrified mouse.
“Mrs. Parker has you added as her power of attorney, correct?”
“Yes,” Chastity answered, swallowing hard.
Those were words she hadn’t heard in a long time. Her mom had designated Chastity to make medical decisions on her behalf if she were ever to become too sick or mentally unfit to declare her own desires. Why on earth would that be relevant now?
“We’d like to talk to you, if you don’t mind.”
Chastity nodded and followed after her, being led into the back. The nurse took her to a patient room, leaving her there with a comment that the doctor would be in soon.
Why did th
ey have her in here? Why was she separate from her mother? Why did they ask about the power of attorney?
Finally, the doctor stepped in, calmly shutting the door behind him. He was just as she remembered him, but with white touching his temples. Perhaps he had crow’s-feet, whereas he had none before, but other than that it was like stepping into a time machine.
“Ms. Parker?” he asked, even though he had to know who she was.
“Yes,” Chastity answered automatically, still struggling to keep her voice steady. “Did you need something? I have my mom’s insurance card.”
“No, no, Ms. Parker, it’s not that.” He paused, as if considering exactly how to phrase the next sentence out of his mouth. “Your mother is sick, Ms. Parker. I can’t exactly be sure with what, as we don’t have the right things here to test her. I’m recommending that you take her to a doctor in the city who has the appropriate equipment to diagnose and treat her.”
“Sick?” Chastity repeated, her eyes going wide. “With what? Do you mean cancer?”
“No, no nothing like that.” The doctor took off his glasses a moment and rubbed at his nose before placing them back on. “But still serious. I don’t like throwing these words around lightly, but I believe she is exhibiting signs of dementia, or Alzheimer’s. I’m recommending you to this doctor, so they can distinguish which, but also because they specialize in treatment regarding elderly mental care.”
“Dementia.”
It seemed like the world had curled itself into a spiral, shrinking down to a spinning web of awful. Chastity could hear her heart in her ears, thundering through her veins, and suddenly she felt so very alone.
“There is a chance that it could be something else. I’m by no means an expert in this area, but the symptoms point me in this direction. I really, really urge you to make an appointment.” He handed her a card, and Chastity took it in her shaking hands. “She may resist. She thinks she’s fine, but it’s important that you don’t listen to her. I’m sure you’ve already noticed the signs, and her probable denial of them.”