Jojo's French Escape

by Lorraine Wilson

  ‘Actually, don’t worry,’ she says abruptly, her cheeks going even redder. ‘I don’t want it back, you can throw it away.’

  Bemused I go off to find Flump and discover he has a bright pink vibrator in his mouth. I fight back a laugh and do my best to tell him off. It’s difficult because he’s looking particularly cute, his head tilted to one side as though trying to compute why I am upset. He is very fond of running off with the other dogs’ favourite toys in order to get them to chase him. I think that’s what he’s trying to do when he steals our stuff too. He just wants to play.

  Also, I have to hold back from telling him off, given my plan to get him to steal to order later with the veil. I don’t want to unduly confuse him and as Poppy can’t face yet more conflict with her mother, I feel I need to make good on my promise to help her out with the veil.

  As it happens the look of outrage on Poppy’s mother’s face and the smile on Poppy’s face make the effort of getting Flump to steal the veil all worth it. I had to play with it for ages first, to pretend it was an item of great value to me, then leave it on the ground with my back turned and the patio doors opening up near the flowerbeds.

  Poppy mouths a thank you and I turn away to hide my smile.

  ‘Poppy, you look gorgeous. You’re an absolute knockout.’ I smile properly when I see her ready to go, looking lovely, both elegant and very pretty. The less conventional dress suits her and flows out into a silky ivory puddle around her feet. Hang on. ‘Have you forgotten to put your shoes on?’

  ‘Oh yes, I thought I was missing something,’ Poppy answers vaguely and looks around.

  I spot the shoes before she does, and bring them over. Only Poppy could forget something so obvious. But then her brain sees the world differently from mine. I’m mostly practical and she is mostly creative so we complement each other as friends.

  With her shoes on the ivory silk is more of a ripple around her ankles than a puddle on the floor.

  ‘It’s very sad about my veil.’ Poppy smiles and pats gently at the combs in her hair with gypsophila and tiny white flowers on them.

  ‘Your mum is out for my blood, and I will have to hide Flump until she goes,’ I say. ‘You owe me one.’

  ‘I owe you far more than one, JoJo. I meant what I said about you being a real-life star.’ Poppy reaches out and takes my hand. ‘You know, I should wait until later, but Leo and I have a gift for you.’

  ‘You do?’

  ‘Yes, it’s a share in the guesthouse. And you can then buy extra shares in the guesthouse or invest in The Barn if you like, once your café money comes through. I’m not sure quite how it will work; we will have to sit down with Leo’s lawyer. I just want you to know that this really is your home. It always has been your home, but I know that you want more security than that.’

  ‘That is so kind of you.’ I squeeze her hand and have to stop myself from hugging her. I don’t want to mess up her make-up or hair. I’m blinking back tears so that I don’t mess up my own make-up.

  The wedding itself is a blur of behind the scenes tasks to make sure everything goes well. I barely seem to sit still. I remember the wedding in snapshots – Flump running away with the veil earlier, Poppy’s look of total bliss after the blessing ceremony, Monsieur and Madame Dubois tearfully hugging her and welcoming her to the family …

  And then the whole party making its way down to the barn, oohing and ahhing over the decorations. The food is also rapturously welcomed. I’m too busy to eat except for when Cal firmly takes hold of me, tells me to open my mouth and puts some food into it, like I’m a baby bird. It’s nice, and surely it’s a good sign that he isn’t planning to dump me? Bah. I wish he would just tell me now and get it over with.

  I only get to relax once the sun has sunk down behind the Pyrenean mountaintops, streaking the sky with hues of pink and amber. The candles, lanterns and fairy lights are all lit, turning the barn, field and trees into a truly magical setting. The lavender in the copper planters scents the air and the setting is pretty much perfect. I’m pleased with how it has all turned out.

  I eventually get to sit and have a drink with Cal, but the dogs get restless; it’s way past their usual bedtime and they’ve had a long day. I know how they feel! I offer to take them back to the guesthouse. I want to check on Barney, who stayed behind, anyway.

  ‘Don’t be too long,’ Cal says, distracted as Poppy’s mother ambushes him for a conversation.

  Once the dogs are back in the house, I make my way back to the barn. It’s dark and when someone grabs my wrist I jerk back in surprise. I turn around to see Aiden, unsmiling and unshaven, just about visible in the moonlight now he’s on the path. He must have been waiting for me in the shadows. I shiver.

  ‘What—what on earth are you doing here?’ I can’t imagine either Poppy or Leo invited him to their wedding, and I would’ve noticed him earlier, surely, if he’d come with another reception guest?

  ‘I came to see you. You could at least try to look pleased that I came all this way.’ Aiden still hasn’t let go of my wrist and there’s an unpleasant glint in his eye I really don’t like the look of.

  I take a deep breath. I need to placate him. Just like I used to all those times when we were going out together and he would sulk until he felt I’d suffered enough or had made it up to him enough or whatever the hell used to go through his head. Then he would change again, be sweet and loving and make it up to me.

  The fake smile I try to summon won’t come though. As far as I’m concerned I’m done with Aiden. I honestly haven’t given him another moment’s thought since the day I saw him at the Château. Why would I when I have Cal? I was a fool to ever imagine myself in love with him.

  ‘I don’t think there’s anything left to be said, Aiden.’ My tone is cool, and I think I sound composed. It’s just as well he can’t hear the rapid beating of my heart.

  ‘I still have something to say.’ Aiden’s grip on my wrist doesn’t lessen even when I try to tug it away.

  ‘Funny, you didn’t have much to say when I saw you the other day.’ I purse my lips. ‘Fine, go ahead then.’

  The sooner he says what he needs to, the sooner I can get this charade over and done with and get back to Cal.

  ‘When I saw you again I realised I’d made a big mistake, JoJo. You were always the one for me.’ Aiden grabs hold of my other arm and pulls me closer towards him.

  Every muscle in my body tenses. This feels a whole world of wrong. It should be Cal’s hands on my body. Only Cal’s. I can’t even imagine wanting any man’s hands on me except his.

  How can someone who used to turn me on now repulse me so much? I try to shake him off, to pull away, but Aiden has tight hold of me, and I feel the first stirrings of genuine fear. The music from the barn is too loud for anyone inside to hear me scream. Have I been gone long enough for Cal to come looking for me? I try to bring my knee up between his legs, but he has me backed against the wall, pinning me in so I can’t move.

  ‘What do you see in that prat Callum O’Connor anyway?’ Aiden’s eyes bore into me. Now his mouth is closer I can smell the unmistakeable fumes of alcohol on his breath. ‘I bet you’ve been missing having a real man between your legs.’

  I struggle in earnest, trying to break free from his grasp, but I’m simply not strong enough.

  ‘You always did like it rough, didn’t you?’ he murmurs into my ear, his stubble scratching my cheek.

  ‘No, I bloody didn’t,’ I all but snarl at him. ‘I’m saying no, Aiden. Got it? That’s “no” spelt f-u-c-k-y-o-u.’

  ‘Who are you to say no to me?’ His eyes glitter with a mixture of lust and anger. ‘You were nothing until I asked you out. You were a nobody then and you’re a nobody now. I’m offering to make you a somebody again. What do you think? You can be back on the show again. I could make that happen for you if you’re a good girl and do exactly what I tell you.’

  ‘Seriously?’ Despite everything I start to laugh. There’s a tinge of hyst
eria to it; after all, this seems so stupidly unreal and I can’t believe how deluded Aiden is to actually think … But then he’s surrounded by people telling him how wonderful he is, and he honestly believes that fame is the absolute pinnacle of anything anyone could ever want.

  At least Cal has a passion for food and cooking. He’s never been out to be famous for its own sake. I can’t believe how long it took for me to see how pathetic Aiden is. Was I really ever infatuated with this man?

  ‘What do you think you’re laughing at?’ Aiden presses against me and I can feel his erection pressing into my abdomen. Surely, he wouldn’t … not here … Someone is bound to come … How can he think he’d get away with it?

  Except Aiden has been getting away with things, one way or another, all his life.

  My laughter dries in my throat. Didn’t I learn the hard way to not, on any account, make Aiden angry? I take a deep breath. It might be a bit late for that now and I simply can’t bring myself to grovel.

  ‘I feel sorry for you, Aiden.’ I meet his gaze levelly. ‘If you actually think being famous for looking good is what everyone wants out of life. Because one day you’re not going to look so good and who are you going to be then?’

  ‘You’re just the same as me,’ he scoffs. ‘Why else agree to be on the show?’

  ‘Because I stupidly imagined myself in love with you and I would’ve done anything you asked. Past tense. I am never ever going to have sex with you again and I don’t want to be back on some crappy reality show pretending to be what I thought you wanted me to be. Ow …’

  His fingers are really digging into me now and I renew my effort to break free.

  ‘Past tense?’ he scoffs. ‘You don’t get to say no to me, darling. I didn’t come all this way to not get what I came for. Who on earth is going to believe you’re over me anyway? And I can’t imagine you’d want anything going to court, not when you don’t know what else I might have recorded.’

  I force myself to breathe slowly and calm down. He’s not really going to rape me.

  A chill runs along my skin, raising goosebumps, like the stirring of air on the lake before a summer storm. He’s just trying to frighten me. And succeeding, but I’m not going to let him see that.

  Then a tiny flash of movement catches my eye and Aiden yelps, letting go of one of my wrists to rub his ankle.

  ‘Ow, that little rat bit me. Get it off of me,’ he snarls.

  ‘Pickwick is not a rat, he’s a miniature Yorkie.’

  There’s another flash of movement and Flump attaches himself to Aiden’s other leg, tugging with all his might at his jeans. Normally he gets told off for playing tug of war with people’s clothing so he’s having a great time.

  ‘Get them off me, JoJo, or I’ll kick them.’

  I believe him and reluctantly reach down to detach Pickwick and Flump. Then the rest of the dogs come running and I have to say they sound pretty ferocious. Barney growls a low, menacing growl, his hackles up. I’ve never even heard him growl before. He might be blind but he’s not going to let that stop him piling in. Peanut and Treacle are doing their best to yap and sound menacing but I suspect it’s probably the low-throated growl of Max, the Pyrenean mountain dog, that persuades Aiden he’d be best off on the other side of the gate.

  ‘Call them off, JoJo.’ Aiden’s voice is an octave higher than normal as he backs towards the gate.

  ‘But Aiden, I thought you liked it rough?’ I can’t help the snort of relief and laughter that escapes my mouth. ‘Anyway Max isn’t my dog. I don’t think he’ll listen to me.’

  Aiden makes it out through the gate and then turns to glare at me.

  ‘Bitch.’ His snarl almost equals Max’s.

  ‘Barney and Max are boy dogs actually, not bitches.’ The smile on my face grows even wider at the thought that Aiden might actually be walking out of my life forever. Thank God and good riddance.

  ‘You’ll regret this. You needn’t think I’ll give you another chance when you come crawling back to me.’

  ‘That’s a risk I’m happy to take.’ I turn my back on him and pick Flump up to give him a cuddle.

  ‘Hello, gorgeous. Did you see the nasty man off for me? Well done.’ I kiss the tops of his soft ears and then bend down to make a fuss of the other dogs. The Chihuahuas are intent on making a racket until Aiden actually gets into a car and drives off. I hope he gets caught drunk driving; I’m sure he’s over the limit.

  ‘You called me?’ Cal’s voice comes from the side of the house and he comes into view.

  ‘Huh, actually I was talking to Flump, one of my furry heroes.’ I narrow my eyes at Cal. How long was he there?

  ‘Who do you think let the dogs out?’ Cal rolls his eyes. ‘I came over to find out what was keeping you and when you weren’t at the house I spotted Aiden. I was trying to give you some space to get rid of him. I thought you might enjoy putting him in his place but I didn’t like how long it was taking or how close to you he was standing so I gave the canine contingent the pleasure of seeing him off the premises. If that hadn’t worked, I’d have given myself the pleasure of ejecting him myself.’

  ‘Okay, you can be my human hero.’ I put my arm around Cal and include him in the cuddle I’m giving Flump.

  ‘Dogs can be a good judge of character, you know,’ Cal murmurs into my ear. ‘Scientists have proved dogs can recognise when someone is a total gobshite.’

  ‘That was the actual wording of the findings, was it?’

  ‘Something like that.’ Cal gently detaches Flump and pulls me into a proper hug. ‘Have you noticed how fond the dogs are of me? Like I said, definitely good judges of character.’

  ‘Funny, that.’ I roll my eyes and rest my head against his chest. ‘But in this instance I’d have to say I think they got it right.’

  I lean into Cal’s hug, standing cheek to cheek as I place my hand over his heart, feeling the steady thump of his heartbeat. I think about what he taught me about the heart’s electrical field and imagine his heart talking to mine, our heart rates syncing. I feel in sync with him, a peace radiating through me and joy lifting me up. It’s like our energies are merging and creating something magical. It feels wonderful and so, so lovely.

  He’s the first man I’ve ever known to truly touch my heart and mind, as well as my body. I can’t believe how lucky I am. I hug him tighter, wanting this hug to go on forever. I never want to let him go. Was I really planning to leave him because I couldn’t face standing up to my past or because I couldn’t cope with the opinions of nameless, faceless people I’m never going to meet and who really, really don’t matter?

  I want him so much it’s ridiculous. I never wanted to be this vulnerable to another human being again but anyone who says love is a choice is talking about a different type of love. Romantic love is like a tsunami, crashing into your world when you least expect it and disrupting your nicely ordered life. It doesn’t take any notice of whether you want to be in love or not, it just happens. It’s a force of nature. I once read somewhere that love has a capacity for endless self-humiliation. Thankfully I’ve fallen in love with a kind man. I can’t see Cal ever taking advantage of my peculiar vulnerability to him.

  Intimacy, trust, vulnerability and desire are all strands of my love for Cal. They’re woven together with love and respect into a band that’s as strong as steel, unbreakable. Unshakeable. This is definitely not just about sex, although the sex is incredible. I love Cal’s mind, his humour and intelligence. I love his infectious vitality for life that stirs me and has woken me up, made me want to live and engage with life instead of hiding away from the world.

  Joanna Grant is no longer disgraced and no longer in hiding. No more shame. Ever again. And I owe so much to Cal for helping me rewrite my narrative.

  ‘I love you so much, Cal,’ I say, the words rising up naturally inside of me. Now that I’ve said them it feels ridiculous that I spent so long worrying about saying them. I know that whatever Cal replies I’m glad I’ve told
him the truth.

  Cal exhales deeply. I feel his chest rise and fall and the ensuing relaxation of his muscles. Did he honestly think I’d ever choose Aiden over him? That I still had a thing for him?

  ‘I love you too, JoJo.’ Cal pulls me tightly against him and lowers his mouth to mine in a warm and sensual kiss. His exploration of my mouth is tender, passionate and simply wonderful.

  ‘What were you going to get my opinion on?’ I ask once the kiss ends.

  ‘I’m thinking about staying on here a bit longer.’ Cal eyes me seriously. ‘Getting back to the roots of what I am passionate about – food not fame. It’s been on my mind for a while. It’s partly why I wanted to take some time off down here, to think. I’m contracted for the book and that happens to be a project I care about, and I’m contracted for one more series of the show so I need to make a few trips back to the UK, but that will mostly be in winter. I’ve been thinking about experiencing life in France, actually being the head chef at The Barn when it opens to the public. Staying here … with you. What do you think about that?’

  ‘I think that sounds wonderful.’ I lean forward for another kiss and imagine I’m putting down roots into the earth, next to Cal’s, entwining with his. Peace washes through me.

  I’m not a lone tree any more.

  Epilogue

  Poppy’s Daydream blog

  Hi, it’s JoJo here again, guest blogging for Poppy while she’s away on her honeymoon in Florence.

  Some of you might have seen me on social media in the past few days and wondered why I’m back after an absence of over a year.

  A very good, very wise friend persuaded me that I was letting other people label and define me. I was ‘disgraced reality star Joanna Grant’. How many times did you read that about me? My friend persuaded me I had nothing to be ashamed of. I had sex with my boyfriend and I liked it.

  Big deal.

  Enjoying sex doesn’t make me a slut. It makes me human.

  Guys – some of you need to drop the double standards. You know who you are!