A Tear in the Veil

by Patrick Loveland

  “You wish. Camera works, pills or not. Like it forces the eyes and brain to see and ears to hear. I think that’s why it makes you sick at first. It doesn’t even show you everything there is to see. It’s limited, especially with the medicine. After that poison’s out of you, I can show you some shit that’ll–”

  Felix says, “I’m hanging up and changing this number. They shouldn’t have let you leave. Start taking your meds again and leave me alone, you delusional shithead!”

  A gay couple looks over. A hipster girl doesn’t look but he can see that she’s listening now.

  Felix ends the call and stares at his phone’s animated background.

  Lightning flashes in dark, thick clouds as rain pours out of them.

  I really should change that to something more cheery.

  That night, Felix sits on the couch in the living room playing Flower through for what must be the sixth time. He plays it because it relaxes him. It should, anyway.

  He is the wind, blowing a stream of petals from different flowers through beautiful and majestic landscapes. Until the darker stuff later, anyway. Normally he would be soothed by all of this lovely, painfully Zen shit. Felix can’t stop thinking about Rudy’s call.

  Audrey walks down the hall and looks into the living room.

  “You, okay, lovey?” she asks.

  “Yeah, what’s up?”

  “You just seem preoccupied. Some mean lady argue with you about a joystick today or something?”

  Felix says, “No, just a little stomach ache.”

  “I told you Sushi Boat is hit or miss.”

  “I’d lean toward it being the breakfast burrito from the liquor store.”

  “Eek. Gotcha. Hey, if you aren’t too sick, I’ll let you touch my heiny later.”

  “If I’m up for it.”

  Felix sees that Audrey looks concerned.

  He says, “I’m almost done with this part.”

  “Okay.”

  Audrey walks back down the hallway.

  Felix is brushing his teeth with the medicine cabinet door propped open. He finishes, rinses, and spits.

  He picks up his Harmonia bottle, opens it, and shakes a pill into his palm. He examines the black and white pill then closes his hand into a fist around it.

  Felix breathes in deep and sighs.

  From the bedroom, Audrey asks, “Did you take your medicine, mister ‘if I’m up for it’?”

  Felix fills a cup with water and takes the pill.

  “Yeah,” he replies.

  Felix closes the medicine cabinet door without looking and turns off the light.

  Felix calls in sick the next day. Dudley grumbles but Felix knows how to deal with him so whatever.

  The Best Buy on Harrison will take back any piece of new, unopened equipment as long as they can figure out what it is.

  Felix just so happens to have an untouched Panasonic HD camcorder under his arm as he stands in line at customer service. He never opened it because, as cool as it is, it isn’t nearly as badass as the 426. He didn’t have the heart to tell Audrey. Plus he lost his desire to look into viewfinders for a while for some strange reason. Go figure.

  The mouth breathing no-neck in front of him was apparently unsatisfied with his home theater surround system. Felix pictures him sitting on a grimy recliner trying to masturbate to some fake, nasty slut getting drilled but he’s so unsatisfied with the sound quality of her bored, exaggerated cries of “oh yeah, fuck that pussy!” that he can’t lose it.

  The customer service girl tells him to grab another one or a different one and he can pay the difference if need be. This seems to satisfy him and he waddles off to satisfy his electronics needs.

  “How may I help you, sir?” the girl asks Felix.

  He steps up and sets the camera box down on the counter. The girl behind the counter’s badge reads “TRISHA.”

  “Yeah, this was a gift but I never opened it. I was hoping to exchange it for a JVC HDV four-two-six and pay the difference.”

  “Do you have a receipt?”

  “No, but this is where she said she got it,” Felix says calmly.

  “That’s okay. I don’t think we have the one you mentioned, though.”

  “Your site says you have three,” he says, still pleasant and patient.

  Trisha taps and types at the terminal for a full thirty seconds.

  What’s the prob, Trisha?

  “Yeah, but I don’t think… Hold on one moment please.”

  She approaches a guy wearing business casual and a tie. They both come back to where Felix is standing.

  “What’s up, boss?” the supervisor asks.

  Felix looks at Trisha then back at “TODD.”

  “I want to exchange this new camera for a JVC HDV four-two-six.”

  “Sorry, sir, no can do.”

  “This camera’s brand new and sealed.”

  “Oh yeah, that camera’s no problem.”

  “Okay?” Felix says, confused and bordering on annoyed.

  “The four twenty-six was recalled. The ones in the system just haven’t been shipped yet. They’re lagging I guess.”

  “Recalled? When?”

  “About two months ago. There were some problems with it.”

  “What problems?” Felix asks.

  “Fires or something. Battery problems. Hey, this one you have is nice, though. I can show you some other camcorders we have that totally rival the four twenty-six on all fronts. Not much more than this Panasonic. What do you say, boss?”

  Felix sits on a park bench reading about the 426 recall on his phone. The official story seems to be a power supply problem so Todd wasn’t far off. There were fires and exploding batteries.

  Enough to cause a full recall, though? That’s like accidental terrorism.

  He fights the thought forming in the back of his mind…

  What if the camera made a lot of people flip out like Rudy and I did?

  No way. That wouldn’t just get a recall. There’d be like a federal investigation or something, right?

  Unless it was like a large-scale behavioral experiment. Or maybe they know weird stuff is going on already and it was an accident? Like an industrial accident.

  Shit, did I just label some unknown force “They”? Let’s not get paranoid now.

  Felix can’t shake the feeling that he has to know for sure. He has to press that button and not see anything. Has to.

  He checks eBay and Amazon. There’s a message about the recall and suggestions for similar cameras. Digital Todds.

  Craigslist then? Felix doesn’t much like Craigslist but this might be the one time it could help him. He navigates to the page and searches for JVC HDV-426. Nothing found. HDV 426. Nothing.

  Damn.

  In frustration he scoffs and looks around. Reflected light glints off of a passing car window and he blinks. His eyes open and rest on some graffiti on a wall across the street. One of the tags reads “SHRYMP TYKLA” in those real tweaked, cryptic letters. Decent artistry. Felix tries to imagine what it would be like to tickle a shrimp and chuckles.

  That name gives him an idea, though. He searches for HDV 462. Nothing found but he knows his idea is sound. He keeps going.

  HDV 642

  HDV 246

  DVH 426

  DVH 642

  DVH 246

  HVD 426

  HVD 642

  HVD 246–

  That’s got one. They’re only asking three hundred dollars, though. It’s either broken badly or they don’t know what it is. For once, there’s a decent picture of the item. Looks fine on the outside. Brand new, actually.

  He dials the number on the listing. The name for the seller is Sonja. The dial tone purrs in his ear. Someone picks up.

  “Hello?” a woman asks.

  “Hi. I’m trying to reach Sonja.”

  “I’m Sonja. Is this about the video camera?”

  “Yes, I’m very interested.”

  “You are the first person to
call. I was beginning to think my price was too high.”

  Felix says, “The listing has it as HVD two-four-six. It’s actually the HDV four-two-six.”

  “Oh, heavens above. That was silly. I guess you are in luck.”

  “Could I maybe come by to see it?”

  “Of course. How is tomorrow afternoon?”

  13

  Felix is at home later editing some video half-heartedly. He shaves a few frames off between a shallow depth of field macro close up of strawberry and chocolate ice cream scoops splatting down onto the hot sidewalk and two European cars crashing into each other and whipping apart in slow-motion, glass spraying everywhere.

  Audrey enters Felix’s workroom, which used to be her sewing room and still has cloth and sewing machines and scissors neatly stored about.

  “Hey, we’re pretty much out of fishy foodz. I’m hand-processing some sixteen in the tub,” she says.

  Felix keeps editing. Without looking back he says, “You want me to pick some up?”

  “If that’s cool. Fishies look hungry.”

  Felix makes another trim. Needs more insect action.

  She says, “I mean like, eat your face hungry.”

  “Sure, I’ll get some.”

  “Whenever you aren’t so busy.”

  He keeps working.

  “Because you look so busy.”

  Felix finally stops and looks back at Audrey.

  She continues, “Fishies could starve… but I’m sure they would understand. ‘Daddy was too busy editing insects screwing and car crashes together to save our lives with delicious foodz.’”

  Audrey cracks a smile. Felix smiles and shakes his head. He gets up and walks to her. They kiss and he steps past her into the hallway. He grabs a jacket on his way to the front door.

  “Yay! You’re their little fishy savior! Go save the fishy day!”

  Audrey claps her hands quickly a few times and does a little mock cheerleader jump.

  Felix laughs and says, “You could just ask.”

  “This… Much more fun,” she says, quite pleased with her own silliness.

  Felix walks through North Beach. He comes to the pet store where they usually get their fish supplies and tries the door but it’s locked. Then he sees a “GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE” sign in the window dated two weeks ago.

  Weak. At least the evening is fixing to be a nice one. Might as well wander around and look for another store.

  He heads south on Grant.

  He enjoys the crisp coolness in the air as he walks through Chinatown. It starts to rain lightly a little before he reaches Grant and Sacramento. A few built up droplets sprinkle down onto his face from a row of lanterns hung above the street. He squints up at them and sticks his tongue out while pulling his eyelid down with his middle finger.

  Felix looks back down and sees a store up the hill on Sacramento with the words “FISH STORE” in thick red block printing bordered by strips of Chinese characters.

  He crosses the wet street and climbs the hill to the storefront. The windows are blacked out and there are big, silly caricatures of fish on butcher paper pasted up with deal signs in English and Chinese characters. He opens the door and goes inside.

  Little bells on the door tinkle together as the door closes behind him. The store is lit almost exclusively by a few long rows of bright, colorful aquariums. They glow from neon coral, beautiful, striking fish, and silly aquarium toys or furniture or whatever you’d call them. The aquarium stands, floor, and walls are painted black and the ceiling is dark blue with “schools” of bright, caricatured fish similar to the storefront deal displays painted on it. They’re lit by black light and glow like the aquariums. They seem to be a work in progress. Like eventually they’ll meet and be a full mural the length of the ceiling.

  A song is playing from what he imagines must be a record player due to the subtle pops. “Yesterday Is Here.” It’s from Felix’s favorite Tom Waits album, Frank’s Wild Years. Felix is a big fan but doesn’t listen to him as much as he used to because Waits doesn’t do much for Audrey. She thinks his style borders on shtick and she’ll quip that she’s heard Howlin’ Wolf before too.

  Shtick or not, some of Felix’s earliest romantic and sexual experiences were soundtracked by this album so it kind of stuck with him. Over time it evolved into a more faceless association sentimental memories, longing, and in a hard to explain way, beauty and hope. It’s a favorite album for sure and a soothing one for him, if you can believe it from that description. Waits’s music is one of the few things that has ever given him hope for humanity.

  The music and soft, colorful lighting combine to create a dreamy atmosphere. Felix walks slowly down one aquarium lined aisle along the west wall looking at all the different fish as he goes.

  He emerges from the aisle and sees that the fish care products are on racks at the end of each row of aquariums and along the last stretches of wall before the dark back counter area.

  Felix goes through the fish food and finds a medium container of the type Audrey usually gets. He compares the prices by size and sticks with the medium.

  It occurs to him that he hasn’t seen any employees in the store yet. He looks around then leans over to look through the aquariums. He glances at the dark counter area and does a double take.

  There’s a young woman sitting behind the counter in the dark staring at him.

  No, wait…

  She has a sleeping mask on that has eyes printed on the outer surface. Felix steps closer. He sees that there’s a book in front of her on the counter and she’s gently rubbing it?

  He says, “Uh, how do you read like that?”

  “What?”

  “The mask.”

  “Oh, it’s… Here, let me…” She fumbles for a bare bulb above the counter and pulls the chain. The light is soft and low. Maybe forty watts. The young woman pushes the sleeping mask up to her forehead revealing large, lovely eyes covered in translucent contact lenses which have and odd reflective quality. She blinks a few times and squints up at the light bulb.

  Oh shit. It’s Siobhán.

  She has all of her piercings in but a lot less makeup on. Tasteful black eye shadow and mascara and dark blue lipstick with a vertical strip of hot pink in the center. With more of her skin exposed, Felix can see that she has a smattering of light freckles around her eyes and across her face from cheek to cheek.

  Oh damn… You are just a lovely creature aren’t you?

  Her crazy half mane is tamed into a loose bun down the back of her neck and the much shorter hair on the front half of her head is probably about an inch and a half longer than it was. She must not have dyed it recently because everything but the speckled nuclear green tips is auburn and it’s long enough that she’s parted it on her left side.

  She’s wearing a thin pink and grey plaid shirt with short sleeves over a black tank top and comfy looking jeans. The top few buttons are open on the plaid shirt and the tattoos he saw before are visible as are her sleeve tattoos, which end about halfway down her forearms and smoothly transition into streams of blossom petals.

  The base design for the sleeves are thick, layered waves similar to old yakuza styles but there are subtle differences in shape and size. Also, where there would usually be mountain demons or dragons or something else from Japanese folklore over the wave strips, there are what look like long, warped humanoid sea creatures in dark blue with a mix of tendrils and limbs and intense black and green eyes.

  A terrifying subject beautifully rendered.

  Siobhán looks down from the bulb and flinches. She seems confused as she studies Felix’s face. She settles on his brown eye first and smiles like she’s dreamily ecstatic but then consciously gathers herself and seems to reluctantly shift to his blue one.

  She cocks her head and says, “Wait… You’re the guy from that party a ways back. Oh shit…” She lowers her voice and looks around. “Is your girlfriend here?”

  “No, you’re safe,” he says and
chuckles softly.

  “Oh, man. I was so spun that night! Sorry. I usually don’t remember things so clearly on a big bender but your girl was fuckin’ pissed!”

  “Can you blame her?”

  “Yeah, I guess not. Sorry I harassed you. I’m not real clear on the particulars, thankfully.”

  Felix makes a show of thinking back and says, “There was the donut burger and… the panties thing and… Oh, you decided I’m an ass man and then–”

  Siobhán raises one hand to stop him and partially covers her face with the other then lowers her hands back to the book.

  “It’s coming back now, yeah. Wow, I’m a charmer, right? My only defense is that I took a break from all that crap because of that night. Mostly. For dance parties I let myself have a little.”

  “Naturally,” Felix says and smiles.

  “Also, I had just come back into town after a long time away.”

  “What brought you back here?”

  “I left my heart, of course. Really, though, I had just gone through a rough breakup and this place has always been comfortable. Like an old sweater or some shit. I needed that so I came back.”

  Felix says, “Must have been a hard one.”

  “Yeah, she was something.”

  Siobhán drifts away for a moment then snaps back and says, “Silly bitch. Anyway, hope I didn’t get you into trouble with your lady.”

  “She was pretty intense that night, but I healed.”

  They laugh but Felix knows he’s only partly joking. He looks for a subject changer. He notices that the beads on her lower ear-to-nose chain which were like teeth are now little pieces of cartoonish sushi with silly expressions.

  “Hey, isn’t it a conflict of interest to have sushi displayed so callously around all these fish?” he asks playfully.

  “Oh, these? They were bad fish. If the fish are nice, they need not fear the blade. If they’re bad and mean, the use of blades is a promise.” She lowers her voice. “And, secretly, the other side of this building is a sushi restaurant, so it’s a brilliant setup.”

  “Blades like those crazy pig-stickers you had?”

  Siobhán winces and says, “Forgot about that too. I should never have… Those are mostly just for flash anyway. Distract somebody before you kick ‘em or punch ‘em. Maybe just scare ‘em.”