A Tear in the Veil

by Patrick Loveland

  “It’s just…” Felix starts.

  “‘Just’?” Wahrheit asks like he’s genuinely open to debate.

  “Well, my girlfriend is like a casual Buddhist or Taoist–”

  Wahrheit interjects, “As is the case with Abrahamic groups, there’s a lot of positive philosophy in those but as far as the religions go, same bullshit, different details.”

  Felix continues, “What I’d say is… I try to be logical and rational as much as I can. On my own, I lean toward what you’re saying, minus the shit that’s new to me since it’s new… and I’m also pretty skeptical, especially when others tell me what to think. I’d say, if there is a God or Gods, I just figure they’re something we wouldn’t be able to understand or maybe just like a force flowing through everything that isn’t conscious, y’know?”

  Rudy snickers and says, “This shit ain’t Star Wars, man.”

  “Don’t act like you know so much, Rudy. Sounds kind of like animism, which is a fun way to see things and many do. Anyway, Felix, please continue.”

  “I just… I guess what I’d have to say is that I’m curious enough about everything that the nature of everything should interest me more probably. But past a certain point, I’d have to say I enjoy leaving a lot of mysteries as just that.”

  Wahrheit chuckles and says, “You need to reevaluate where that line is drawn. Believe me… knowing more about the reality of our existence only opens up more mysteries and questions. Questions that most people have already decided they have the answers to. I think you might also be assuming a few things. What might surprise you is I’m not an atheist in the strictest sense. In the basic area of, ‘is there a supernatural, white-bearded capital-G God’ or anything similar, I am very much a doomed, heathen atheist. But even if there is a God like that, with no evidence of any kind that that being actually does have any effect on our lives, I’d have to say: what good is it? It could have made absolutely everything then fallen asleep or fucked off to somewhere else it made or maybe it really did create us with the sole intent of testing us for no good reason to get a ticket to a better part of this whole multiverse thing… But what does it matter if fear and disease and pain and chaos are the constants it leaves for us without explanation. As far as what is going outside of all the crazy shit that, as I see it, falls under the realm of the natural, pencil me in as… an informed, skeptical, yet fearful agnostic.”

  Wahrheit’s eyes go hollow and distant.

  “I know there must be scientific explanations for the strangest, wildest shit I’ve seen… I just don’t think I’ll live long enough for human scientists to explain it. Not even the ones in the greater know, as it were. Like those things in the cemetery… Either way, what most religious types truly believe in is just an elaborate crutch to help them sleep at night. To get through the day without wanting to eat a bullet or kiss that concrete back on purpose, really. I envy them sometimes. Seeing things the way I do is a little depressing to others, I’ve found. Angers others. Can’t see why myself. The beauty I see in things as I see them is far more lovely and comforting than anything I ever came across in church.”

  Felix can’t picture this man sitting in a church. Then he remembers that he just met him, which also seems strange. There’s a welcoming, honest charisma about him and now Felix realizes how strange it would be not to know him. Life would be so much less interesting.

  “As for the angry… Take this country for example. My country. Born and raised. Right now, there’s a good number of people that wouldn’t want me to live here if they had the choice. Because I don’t believe what they think I should. I fought for this country. Sacrificed more than any of them, and that’s a fact. They have no idea. How could they? But either way, my religious freedom means nothing to them because they don’t agree with it. I think maybe they should go somewhere else, dig? I have this theory, actually. I have this theory that we evolved in such a way that the magical feeling some people get in their heads that makes them so sure there’s a God is actually a survival instinct deep in the old meat. As in the more hard-wired parts. Maybe as we got smarter these fantasies made some of us more resilient and stronger when nothing else could… because of their comforting abilities. Get too smart and you become harder and harder to comfort. Gave them a sense of control and order. Existential apophenia, let’s say. ‘That sun sure is bright… must be the reason for all this’ and shit like that. No need to think past that point when growing those crops that the sun god gives you is the concrete thing you need. But now that we know what the sun is and why it makes them grow, why can’t we move on and keep learning? The sun won’t be offended if we move on. It doesn’t give a shit about us. It just happens to be helpful to us in this sequence of its lifespan as a side-effect of its natural, physical processes. Anyway, just a silly theory of mine. Never looked into the science of it. My specialty is everything but humans and the pink world. Now, the religious types that are in the know worship things I don’t think count as deities. They are nothing like us and have nothing to do with us. They’re just big, old, and scary as shit. Any interaction they’ve had with us is, I imagine on their end, like one of us meeting a particularly intelligent dust mite.”

  Wahrheit seems to notice he’s piquing interest in Felix about things he must not want to elaborate on.

  He backpedals, “Then again, I am just one man… one stoned, liquored-up man and billions of people believe in those things I truly don’t. I just happen to have a few added layers of perception. Enough to ignore such meticulously cultivated, deep-seated ignorance and focus on the bigger picture. But, man… don’t get me started on politics either. Those bastards wrote the book on actively deluding people for your own gain. Well, the second one. And when religion and politics come together? Perfect storm of bullshit.”

  Felix chuckles and almost chokes on a sip of whisky.

  Wahrheit smiles and shakes his head a bit.

  Felix finishes swallowing and says, “I think I get you.” He sips more of the lovely, warm scotch and thinks as it burns pleasantly. He says, “So, if you know all this stuff, why don’t you do something? Like tell all us ‘pinks’ or put it on the internet or something?”

  Wahrheit seems genuinely shocked at what Felix realizes must be his own naivety.

  “And what good would that do? I mean, first off, the internet is a huge cesspool of misinformation and idiocy as it is. That’s just stupid right there. No one in their right mind would believe something so crazy if they read it on the internet, coincidentally true and real as it is. As far as just the concept of ‘telling’ people in general… It’s like this: The average person doesn’t even want to know how fucked up this world, as they believe it to be, really is. Now, you take that person and tell them ‘hey, bro, you’re infested with a colony of psychic parasites, this is just one of several planets and planetoids laterally sharing the same general area in this phased layer of this ‘verse, and things are really run by very, very old forces there aren’t any books about which also happen to be nothing like what you would think…” he shakes his head and chuckles then says, “Probably get you back in the happy house faster than if you just copped a squat and took a shit in the middle of a busy intersection.”

  Rudy laughs.

  Felix ignores his mild embarrassment and asks, “Then why do you have all these guns and shit? Hobby? Sport?”

  Wahrheit narrows his eyes a bit and says, “Felix, I like you so far, but don’t get too cute. You’re gonna have to keep in mind that even with all this new, exciting stuff being thrown at you, you can still feel safe in the knowledge that you know almost nothing about what’s ‘really going on’, as they say.

  It didn’t just start when you pressed the button. You could fill a whole bookcase or ten with the history books of what’s really been going on and still call it the cliff notes version. Reverse or maybe inverse lateral thinking is the key, you could say.”

  What the whut?

  “As far as what my weapons and equipment are
for, without going into details that are really none of your business or concern, it’s sufficient to say that I’m not exactly popular. There are those who know that I know about them. Best to leave it at that.”

  Felix finishes his drink and sets his tumbler on the table.

  “Wakata. So, with these upgrades, I’ll see more stuff and it won’t fade away from the drive?”

  “If that’s all you want, sure. The camera will work much better. All I ask is that you come back once in a while and unload the footage. I promise no ‘entryway of death’ next time.”

  Felix chuckles and asks, “What do you use the footage for?”

  “Patterns and trending research,” Wahrheit says with a look that adds a bit of “like I said, best to leave it at that” to it.

  “You said ‘if that’s all you want’?”

  “The other thing I can offer is a way to see all the time. That’s a bigger… commitment. You have to decide how much you really want to know. How important is it to you to see what’s really out there… and why is it important to you?”

  Without thinking, Felix says, “I don’t have a choice now.”

  “Yes you do, Felix, believe me. I mean… Hey, Rudy, you’re keen on the talkies. What’s that movie?”

  “Which one? Give me something, boet.” Rudy says.

  “With the battery people… and Fishbeef with the pills.”

  “The Matrix?”

  “Yeah, that one. This is a bona fide ‘Matrix’ situation–pills and all. Only, I ain’t Fishbeef, and you have no idea how much weirder this gets. So, I’ll put it to you this way…

  You can leave right now and convince yourself we’re the crazy ones. You’d probably be happier. You could live the rest of your life without advancing your understanding further than this point. Hell, in all honesty, I could set that fog shit outside to blank this whole time you’ve been here. Rudy can act like it didn’t happen. You’d leave the camera here… It would be confusing sort of like when you drink too much and you don’t realize that you don’t remember the night before until someone mentions something. Only, Rudy ain’t gonna mention it and you’d never find this place again even if you wanted to. Then it’ll just be gone completely and you can live free, oblivious to any of it.”

  Wahrheit calmly looks at Felix. No humor or malice or sarcasm. He means it. Rudy has finished the upgrades and looks at Felix too.

  He thinks about his lovely Audrey. The temptation to only think of Audrey as just Audrey is strong but the scary glitch face keeps popping into his mind.

  Then he thinks about his shithead father twitching at the end of a belt then falling on him, scarring him for life in more ways than one.

  What could lead a loving father to that? Was he crazy or could he ‘see’ or both?

  It’s settled.

  “I have to know. I’m sure.”

  Felix follows Wahrheit and Rudy down the bisecting hallway, through a small laundry room with a warm, humming dryer, and out through a door into the connecting yard created by the wood fences between the mobile homes. The yard smells like dryer sheets due to the exhaust port in the outer wall. Felix prefers this to the patchouli inside by far.

  The yard is entirely covered in grey-green gravel and there are concentric rings or grooves in it that give the yard a Zen rock garden feel. The rings start around a large blue-black sphere near the north fence that’s peppered with bright green specks. It must be three feet in diameter and it rests in a wide conical pile of the gravel that reaches about half a foot up its lower surface and would resemble a crater if the sphere weren’t there.

  They are trudging through the rings of gravel and scattering them in their path but Wahrheit doesn’t seem concerned.

  A wind chime tinkles together, the sound hollow but soothing.

  Broken streams of rain droplets fall from the edges of the thin ceiling created by the stitched together tarps and the dull grey light comes through them with muted hues of their different colors. Blue, green, purple, yellow.

  Near the south wall are several large machine parts covered by ratty blue tarps and a rolling metal cart covered in tools and smaller components. Most of the larger parts are covered enough that Felix has no idea what they are but he could swear one of them is a jet turbine.

  Felix sees a big tortoise or turtle crawling slowly through the gravel near the machine parts. There are several smaller ones milling about by it, all with colorful patterns on their shells. A small one with red irises near the center of the yard notices the three men crossing through and sucks its legs and head into its shell and watches them.

  The patchouli smell hits Felix again as they reach the porch of the other mobile home. Without thinking, he makes a sound of mild disgust.

  Wahrheit looks back at him and says, “What, the patchouli? I hate the stuff myself, but it’s like a pesticide for the glow bugs. You can’t see yet, but you wouldn’t spot them around here either way.” They step onto the porch and Wahrheit presses a button on an intercom box above the doorbell and says, “Coming in with Rudy and an FNG.”

  Felix looks over at the sphere near the fence again.

  Is it… rotating?

  He looks back toward the other mobile home and notices that the footstep impressions and the mess they made of the gravel in their path are gone and the grooves are there again as if they never walked across them.

  Upon looking at the dark sphere again, he notices that the tarp ceiling doesn’t shield the whole thing. Water dropping intermittently onto the small section of exposed surface near the fence bursts into steam and wafts around it before quickly dissipating.

  A voice over the intercom says, “–Roger-roger.–”

  Wahrheit opens the door and they enter a lush indoor farm. Felix runs into the wall of warm, humid air and has to take a deep breath.

  Basically the same layout as the first house, this long room is filled with rows perpendicular to its length of raised platforms topped with pots filled with growing cannabis plants. The walls are lined with floor-to-ceiling racks of growing wheat grass and herbs. The rows between the walls, though, are all weed.

  Special lights with metal shrouds are installed in the ceiling over the rows of plants. There are tubs of nutrients under all the raised platforms and Felix sees two-dozen ports in the ceiling, which must be part of an elaborate ventilation system.

  A young, dark-skinned Asian man with large eyes and severe features and a tall, tanned woman with dirty blond hair tend to the plants wearing only underwear and holstered pistols. Felix has to tear his eyes away from the blonde’s lean, tight body just before she looks back over her shoulder at them.

  “Bianca, Sujit. This is Felix,” Wahrheit says and makes a little “vice-versa” gesture.

  Sujit bows his head slightly at Felix and Bianca says, “Hallo, Fe-licks,” in what sounds like a Slovakian or Hungarian accent.

  Felix bows his head a little and says, “Hi.”

  Wahrheit continues into this mobile’s bisecting hallway and Rudy and Felix follow him. Felix notices a long stack of sealed, brand new HDV-426s five high stretching down the hallway against the wall. They enter what would have been the laundry room in this mobile. Instead it’s a dense, intricate chemical lab.

  There are beakers and tubes and burners and even a circular pill-pressing machine. Of course there are things that seem out of place even to Felix’s layman eyes like an herb he’s never seen in multiple stages of being prepared and ground into a fine powder then mixed with other ingredients.

  Wahrheit opens a glass case above a machine that is spinning long vials that radiate diagonally down from its head, like one of those rickety rides at a county fair, and takes out a clear bottle full of pills. He opens it and shows Felix the contents. The pills are half-black, half-white rounded discs with dots of the other side’s color on the center of each half.

  Felix says, “Those are… those look just like my pills. How did you–”

  “Relax. Harmonia is for special cases. I
t’s the only thing they would have given you. It’s perfectly mixed to keep you from seeing.

  Now, these here do the opposite and damn well too. You only need them to balance out, then overtake, the Harmonia, but they can be taken indefinitely if necessary. After they start working, you’ll see at least some stuff until you die or take more Harmonia, basically. I made them to look just like Harmonia upon casual inspection so you won’t have to worry about any meds questions. One difference, though,” Wahrheit says then shakes a pill out into his palm. He shows each side to Felix by flipping it over with his thumb.

  Upon closer scrutiny, Wahrheit’s pills have an extra pinprick inside the white and black dot on either side. The white dot on the black side has a tiny circular spot of black at its center and the other side has the opposite.

  Wahrheit drops the pill back into the bottle and says, “Replace yours with these and you won’t have to worry about people getting suspicious. Make sure you keep picking up prescriptions, though, so as not to alarm the good doctor or anyone else.”

  He puts the cap back on the bottle and shakes it like a rattle.

  “Last chance to say no. Once these kick in, you’ll see more than you might like.”

  Felix extends his hand, palm up. Wahrheit gently slaps the bottle down into it and Felix pockets it.

  Wahrheit says, “Okay, a couple things. It can take time for these to build up in your system and the Harmonia to leave it, but when the sight kicks in it can be a little… overwhelming. Just ride it out and you’ll be fine.”

  “And in the future, don’t ever let these things know you can see them. Given a reason, some are better at doing things you actually can feel. Just think of it all as educational, not something to freak out about, alright? You’ve been just fine until now with all these things swimming and crawling around you. Just go about your business and absorb and study. Do not interact. And…”