Every Time

by Lexy Timms

  ergy to fight for yourself.”

  It all seemed so simple. Bryan was always good about that. He was always wonderful at taking a mounting situation and boiling it down to one phrase that made so much sense. My body was tired, and my heart was hammering loudly in my chest. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, relegating myself to a sinkingboat that was taking on more water than I could throw over the edge.

  But so long as that boat’s name was hope, I figured it was worth a shot.

  Anything to be alongside the man of my dreams.

  “Yes,” I said, whispering.

  “Yes?” he asked.

  “Yes, I will marry you, and yes, I will have the surgery.”

  Bryan I held Hailey close to me the night she said yes. Then, we called her doctor together that morning, and I took her into his office. We got her surgery on the books for the end of March, and the doctor was ecstatic that she’d changed her mind. I held her hand while the doctor walked us through the statistics, and I sat there digesting all the information he was throwing at us before we left. The surgery would comprise of two stages. The first stage was the simple removal of her kidney. That would get rid of the entire mass, and then they could keep an eye on the other kidney to make sure nothing metastasized again. They would also take a stab at the tumor in her brain, cutting out what they could and seeing if chemotherapy could do the rest. The doctor told us we had around a forty percent chance of this working perfectly, which in my mind was better than the ten percent Hailey had started out with. Hailey was still working the gallery, but I could tell she was tired. I finally got her to cave on coming to live with me, and we started the process of moving her out of her apartment. Drew and I did all the heavy lifting while Anna took over the interviewing process for her gallery, and she ended up finding a very dedicated art student in the area whose dream was to someday run a gallery of her own. Hailey was deadset on training her in everything, so once Anna did the hiring, she stepped aside and let Hailey do what she felt she needed to do.

  It only took us four days to get her moved into my house, and she donated her furniture to Anna’s new legal office for people to sit and make themselves comfortable while they waited. Now, we were all at the hospital. Drew and Anna were holding one another while I cradled Hailey in my lap. I could feel how much her body had deteriorated in the past two weeks, and I was honestly worried about her ability to do this surgery. It was intense and involved, and she’d be under for around nine hours to complete everything. I was worried her body wouldn’t be able to handle something like that, but I was trying to keep my nerves at bay. I had to be strong for Hailey. “Got a text from Mom and Dad,” Anna said. “They want me to text them with updates throughout the surgery.” “Sounds good,” Hailey said, yawning. I held her hand through the surgery preparation, and then we all got to kiss her before they put her under for her anesthesia. After that, it was simply a waiting game, a nine-hour waiting game. I kept myself busy with work. The electronic system was up and running, so I was dealing with messages from foremen on the sites as well as logging all their developments and upgrades along the way. Anna kept calling the gallery to make sure everything was going smoothly, and Drew slipped out to check on things with his shop at one point. I knew he was just as nervous as we all were, and I knew him slipping out meant he needed to take a breath. “Got another text,” Anna said. “My parents want to know how things are going.” “Just tell them we don’t know anything yet,” I said. “I don’t want to feed them any false information.” Anna was in the process of texting them back as Drew walked in with lunch. “I didn’t know if you guys were hungry, but here’s food in case you

  are.”

  But really? None of us touched the food Drew brought back for us. “How are things going with your parents?” I asked. “I’m surprised Hailey hasn’t said anything to you,” Anna said. “We’ve had a few more important things on our minds as of late,” I said. “Yeah. How is that going?” Drew asked. I watched him wrap his arm around Anna and pull her close. He leaned in to kiss the side of her head, and the smile that crossed Anna’s cheeks warmed my heart. I was so glad the two of them stopped being idiots and found one another, but their affection made me ache for Hailey. We were five hours in, and there was still no update. “Things are okay,” Anna said. “They’re actually helping me with this legal thing, which is shocking. They’re glad Hailey decided to have the surgery, but they don’t want to crowd her. I think they might come up once she’s out of surgery.” “Tell them they’re welcome to stay with us if they’d like,” I said. “This surgery could be really good for her,” Drew said. “I mean, with the way the doctors are talking, this could save her, right?” “A forty percent chance, yeah,” Anna said. “I’m just petrified it won’t work.” Anna’s fear got the best of her, and I watched Drew gather her into his arms. She leaned into him and cried, her shoulders shaking while the idea rattled around in my head. I could very well spend the next few months watching the woman I love die right in front of me. I could very well hold her while she breathed her very last breath on this planet. The idea scared the shit out of me. “No matter what happens, it only matters that she’s trying and that she didn’t give up. If the surgery doesn’t work, then we can help her cope because that’s what she’ll need,” I said. “It’s what we’ll all need,” Anna said.

  We paced the waiting room the entire fucking day with no word as to how Hailey was doing. We jumped every time a doctor came into the room and then sighed when we realized they weren’t coming to talk to us. I guessed no news was good news, but I was still getting anxious. We were eight hours into this surgery, and I thought I was going to jump out of my skin. “Hailey Ryan?” The doctor that came into the room said her beautiful name, and I was up on my feet and to him in an instant. “Yes. That’s us. How is she? How did the surgery go?” I asked. “Yeah, doc. Spit it out,” Drew said. “Is my sister okay? Is she alive?” Anna asked. “You guys need to take a deep breath. The surgery’s almost over. She’s being stitched up now,” the doctor said. “How’d it go?” I asked. “Very well,” the doctor said, smiling. “Her kidney came out wonderfully, and we were able to clean out the entire tumor. We were also able to set her chemo port and chisel away over half her brain tumor. It was more than I thought we’d be able to reach with where it’s centered, which puts us at a great advantage.” I felt tears rush to my eyes as Anna threw her arms around Drew. “So, she’s gonna live,” Anna said. “Right?” “Nothing is ever one hundred percent in the world of oncology,” the doctor said, “but if we combine this with regular chemotherapy treatments and step up her immunotherapy, she’s got a really good chance, much better than any of us could’ve predicted.” For the first time in my life, I sat down in a chair and openly wept. “When can we see her?” Anna asked as Drew sat beside me. “When we get her back into her room. Only one person can be there when she comes out, but when she’s moved into her regular room, you can all go back there and see her,” the doctor said. “Bryan, did you hear that?” Anna asked.

  But Drew’s arm was slung around me while tears of joy poured down my face. I threw my arms around my best friend and thanked him profusely for being there. I stood up and threw my arms around Anna, thanking her for pestering Hailey until she broke down and told me. Then, I threw my arms around the doctor and thanked him for not giving up on her and her condition and for making her do the treatments she was on when we talked. For never letting the idea of surgery go. “I’m going to go call our parents,” Anna said. “I’ll come with you,” Drew said. “No, no, no. Stay here with Bryan. I’ll only be a second,” she said. I released the doctor and wiped the tears from my eyes as Drew patted my back. I couldn’t believe it. Anything was better than nothing, and this was more than any of us were expecting when we all woke up this morning and readied ourselves for this surgery. Now, I simply wondered how Hailey was going to take the information. “She’ll be unconscious for some time, so don’t let it frighten you if you sit there for a couple
hours and she’s not awake yet. It’s very common for people who are this far gone to sleep, even though the anesthesia’s worked out of their system,” the doctor said. “I understand completely,” I said. “Will she be able to hear me?” “There’s always a chance,” the doctor said, smiling. “Now, I’m going to get back there and get her set up in her recovery room. Once that’s done, I’ll come back and get you.” “Sounds good,” I said. About thirty minutes later, I was standing at the foot of Hailey’s bed. She seemed so peaceful, even while she was connected to all of the tubes. She was completely unconscious, and her head was wrapped in bandages. I could see the port off to the side of her chest. I rolled up a chair and took her hand, feeling the coolness of her skin against mine.

  “Hailey Ryan, you are a phenomenon,” I said.

  But when she didn’t move, I picked her hand up to my lips and kissed her skin. “You are, without a doubt, the most incredible woman on this planet. There isn’t a part of my life I can imagine without you in it, and I have no idea how I was able to live my life before you came along.” Igripped her hand tightly while her engagement ringburned a hole in the pocket of my jeans. “I am so proud of you for being as brave as you were to have this surgery. It went so much better than expected, and the doctor has high hopes for you getting better.” And still, all she did was sleep. “Hailey,” I said as I got down beside her ear, “even when I was angry with you, I was in love with you. When we were apart, there wasn’t a night that went by that I didn’t dream of you. There wasn’t a place in my house I could go to get away from your memory. You have, without a shadow of a doubt, written your legacy on every wall of my life. You swooped in, with your purple hair and your bombastic dreams, and you gave me hope when I thought all was lost.” I pressed a kiss to her ear before I began to whisper. “And now it’s time for me to do the same for you.” I pulled back and pressed a kiss to her forehead, squeezing her hand and feeling the emptiness of her ring finger. I was ready to put it back on her. I knew how reluctant she’d been to take it off during the preparation for the surgery. I wanted to see the sparkle flood back into her eyes when she woke up and saw me place it back on her like the night she told me yes. “You’ve spent so much time worrying about me, fussing over me, and making sure I’m taken care of. You always keep me in the back of your mind whenever you choose to do anything, and now it’s time for me to show you that I can do the same. When you wake up, Hailey, you will be taken care of. You’ll come home, and I’ll cook. We’ll get you on the diet you need to be on, and I’ll hold you while you eat. If you’re too weak to eat for yourself, I’ll hold the spoon to your lips while you slurp. If you can’t wash yourself, then we’ll take baths together, and I’ll wash you down. So long as you’re at my side, you will always be protected, and you will always be taken care of. No matter what.” A silent tear slipped from my cheek and rested on her chest, and I watched it glisten against her skin. It seemed to mirror back all the life her body used to have. It shimmered with the hope this surgery had given us. It didn’t reflect back to me what was currently going on, but what would happen in the future as a result of this surgery, a future we now had hope would exist. Ibent down and kissed the tear away from her skin before I planted my lips against hers. The doctors were ready to move her to her regular room, so reluctantly, I pulled away from her and headed back out to the waiting room. Drew and Anna were waiting there with open arms, embracing me as I held them both close to me. Deep in my gut, I knew we were going to make it. Deep in the confines of my mind, I knew we were going to be all

  right.

  Hailey

  Two Months Later

  T

  he gallery was decorated in all the colors my hair used to be. Purples and pinks and blues and blacks. Shining streamers hung from

  the ceiling and balloons perched in the corners. The walls were filled with artwork while everyone talked and rejoiced. My return to work after two months of heavy chemotherapy was celebrated the way everyone thought it should’ve been, with laughter and food and flowing wine I hadn’t been able to drink for months.

  My parents were walking around the gallery, their faces looking stunned at the artwork that hung from them. My father’s fingers were grazing over the paintings, allowing his mind to take in the beauty in front of him his daughter had created. My mother had tears in her eyes, pointing out all the things in the painting she recognized from my childhood. I knew they would spot that. The little sneak peaks into my childhood I worked into every painting. Whether it was the oddlyshaped oak tree on our property or the tie-dyed bike I begged them for when I was eight, there was always something telling about my memories as a child in every single painting I did.

  They spent the entire night gawking and pointing all those little pieces of information out with Bryan at their side.

  Anna and Drew were practically all over one another. Anna and Drew had decorated and coordinated the entire event with the girl I was about to hire on as a permanent part-time employee. They kept kissing and holding one another close, and whenever I would sneak glances at them, I could’ve sworn I saw Drew’s fingertips dancing around my sister’s ring finger.

  Isquealed inside and wondered if Drew even knew what he was doing.

  Many other local artists had turned out as well. The woman whose paintings I always featured came out and hugged me next, and for the first time, I actually got to have a face-to-face conversation with her. We laughed and talked about our favorite artists, where we drew our inspiration, and even how many paintings we eventually wanted to sell every month. I showed her the places on the wall where I’d hung her paintings, and it brought tears to her eyes, and that’s when I had an idea.

  I offered her the opportunity to do her own showcase in my gallery one Saturday night, and tears of happiness streamed down her cheeks.

  Even Ramon showed up. With his dastardly good looks and his winning smile, he came over and congratulated me on my triumphant return. Bryan was at my side in a heartbeat, wrapping his arm around me while introducing himself to the man. Ramon commented on how he remembered him from the showcase a few months ago and then winked at me while the two of us watched Bryan’s face turn red.

  Then, an old familiar face walked through the door.

  “Jennifer!”

  I walked over to her, and she threw her arms around my neck. I hadn’t really considered Jennifer a friend or anything, but for the two months I was undergoing chemotherapy, she had stopped by at the hospital every single time I was in it. She brought fruit baskets and aromatherapy scents, healthy snacks and delicious smoothies. She talked with me about how her father battled lung cancer and how sometimes the only thing he needed was someone who understood his dietary limits instead of his dietary needs.

  “How are you feeling?” Jennifer asked.