Caged: Cellar Door Series

by Pars, K.

  After pushing through the doors, the night air just marginally cooler than the packed bar had been, Kylee laced her fingers through mine and tugged me towards Matt’s car.

  “My truck?” I waved my free hand towards where my truck was parked.

  Kylee looked up at me, her dark eyes pleading. “Sit with me. At least til Matt comes out. Okay?”

  It sounded like a stellar plan so when she unlocked the back door, I dropped my ass to the seat of Matt’s car and eased inside, folding my long legs into the compact space. “What’s taking him so long?” Tanked or not, I could still tell time and my boy should have been right behind us.

  Kylee crawled onto my lap, shutting us inside, her arms finding their way back around my neck, her teeth worrying her bottom lip.“He’s paying the tab. Matt will be here in just a few JD. Just sit tight.”

  Kylee laid her head on my shoulder and I leaned mine back against the seat, my arms circling her waist. I was wrecked but I was picking up on Kylee’s thinking I was going to make a move to get out of the car. What she didn’t realize is I wasn’t going a fucking place. Hell I had no idea how much I’d actually taken down but I was pretty sure at some point the bartender should have cut me off, not that I would have wanted him too. I felt Kylee sit up and then the front door of her car opened, each time she shuffled around on my lap, my dick took notice.

  “All good Matt?” Kylee shifted around on my lap again, making me groan and passed Matt the keys as he slipped into the driver’s seat.

  “We’re good. You owe me a nice chunk of change JD. That was one hell of a bar tab. We’ll grab your truck tomorrow, cool?”

  I grunted and let my head fall back against the seat again enjoying the feel of Kylee against me. If she would stay right where she was, I would leave my truck there for days and not give two shits.

  Chapter 6

  The ride home was entirely too short but I was glad the car had stopped moving. As a kid I would get motion sick in the back seat of any ride and I’d never grown out of it. Even with Kylee’s body pressed against mine, her firm rear end cradled by my lap tempting me like no tomorrow, I could feel it coming on. I needed out of the car before I lost the contents of my stomach. Getting to the apartment was right on time and while I enjoyed Kylee on my lap, it was a good thing she got off it. I unfolded myself from Matt’s car and braced my hand on the door to steady myself as I stood.

  “I’m sloshed.”

  “Yes you are.” Kylee agreed and tucked her arm around my waist from my right side, urging me forward towards our stoop. My left side had Matt’s company as they tried to keep me upright and in forward motion.

  “Hold on JD, let me grab the key.” Matt had stopped and to keep from face planting into the door I shoved my palm out against the wall while he worked the key into the lock. I still was leaning into Kylee.

  The cool air from inside our apartment was heaven, was just what I needed and stepping inside, I took in several gulps of air to calm my rolling stomach. I looked down at Kylee. “I got to take a squirt.”

  She released me on a laugh and I immediately grabbed the wall and made my way from the living room down the hallway to the bathroom. Stepping inside, I pushed at the door not worried that it didn’t shut all the way. For all I cared I could be out front on the sidewalk pissing in the wind. I had to go.

  I was damn glad I didn't have button flies on, the zipper had been hard enough to navigate and finally I could sigh in relief.

  Getting myself back together without causing damage to my favorite piece of anatomy, I washed my hands and then splashed water on my face, staring at myself in the mirror. Red lines mixed with the white of my eyes, the blue paler than normal. I looked fucking rough.

  Matt’s raised voice could be heard and I furrowed my brow wondering what he had his panties in a wad over and strained to listen.

  “Don’t start with me Kylee. He’s always been damaged; you and I both know that, it's part of what makes JD...him. His life has never been easy so don’t start railing him on his choices. He does what he needs to.”

  “I just don’t understand why he would want to put himself in that environment, to let someone try to hurt him. He spent years barely surviving each time his dad went at him. Christ Matt. How can you sit there and watch it? Help him with it?”

  I braced my hands on either side of the sink and leaned my head into the mirror, resting my forehead to the cool glass and listened. Just what I needed to top my fucking day off. Kylee was still upset about my fighting and giving Matt a rash of shit about it.

  “I will do whatever I have to do if it helps him. That’s what friends are for. Not to try to change someone, not to try to make them see your way. You either accept him in all his fucked up glory or you don’t Kylee and let me give you a big fucking clue about our boy in there....he’s well worth it even if he doesn’t know it.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out the pieces of conversation that Matt and Kylee were having. Matt had always thought better of me than I had myself. I was the lucky son of a bitch that got him as a friend, not the other way around.

  “I’m not trying to change him damn it. I just don’t understand it.”

  “It’s not for you to have to understand. There’s a lot about JD you don’t understand Kylee.” Matt’s anger was rising; I pulled my head off the mirror. I needed to stop them from arguing. I hated hearing them at odds, especially when it was because of me. We’d all been so fucking close growing up. They were my family, especially now, not that I had counted pops as family.

  “You act like I want to hurt him Matt. What the hell’s your problem? You know I wouldn’t do that.”

  “JD might have always been a hard ass but you, you don’t even get it. You Kylee...you can shatter him; you’ll have to excuse me if I feel a little protective of my boy. We are friends. Hell, we are family, but I won’t let you head fuck him. And while your trick kept him from getting into an all out brawl back at the bar, don’t ever play him like that. Not him, not like that.”

  Fuck me. Matt did not say that, out fucking loud? I dropped my head forward and with the alcohol causing my coordination to have taken a leave of absence, it hit harder than I intended, shattering the mirror and sending pain through my skull. The ache in my head was a nice distraction from what was going on in my chest after hearing that shit. The next hit to the mirror was on purpose as I slammed my forehead into it again, welcoming the next burst of pain that bloomed over my skull..

  Feet pounded down the hall, the door slung open as both Matt and Kylee pushed into the bathroom. Kylee’s hand leapt to cover her mouth. “Oh god JD, what did you do?”

  Kylee had played me; it’s all I could focus on. She hadn’t wanted to kiss me, had just wanted to keep me from getting in a fight. Damn that stung, bad. I focused on letting the anger burn over me to fight back the hurt I was feeling.

  “Glad I was done pissing.” I swayed and felt something warm trickle down over my nose. Leaning my head down, taking the time to make extra sure to stay clear of the mirror this time, I watched a drop of blood fall from the end of my nose to splash against the porcelain sink. It raced towards the drain. “Red. We all bleed red. Even the bad ones.” I was exhausted. I was so fucking tired and drunk and I just wanted to lie down.

  Matt’s arms came around me suddenly and supported me on both sides. He escorted me to my room so I didn't face plant, sitting me on the bed and pressed a hand towel from the bathroom against my forehead. “It’s not bad bro. Just a small cut. Seen way worse on you. Lay on back.”

  I replaced Matt’s hand with my own and moved higher on the bed to lie back, purposely ignoring Kylee’s hand when she tried to help. Matt acted like everything was kosher, that it was no big deal I’d just rammed my head into the bathroom mirror, twice or what might have driven me to do it. Emotions weren’t my thing, he knew it and he knew how to work around that shit with me.

  “JD?” I could hear the hurt, hear the question in Kylee’s voice but I c
ouldn’t look at her. Not knowing I’d so easily fucking tumbled to her method of distraction simply because I’d wanted it so badly. I knew better and sober I wouldn’t have played into that. Way the fuck out of my league…

  “I’m good. Your works done Kylee. Just go the hell home. I’m not a fucking infant that needs babysitting. I’m just drunk as hell.” I reached out and grabbed my iPod off the small nightstand next to my bed, plugged in my ear buds and rolled to my side, facing away from both Matt and Kylee.

  I’d made it through 22 years of my life, mostly on my own, the last four without Kylee; I could make it through several more, all the rest that my body would give me. Yeah I could do that…I had to do that. For her and for my fucking sanity.

  My leg was picked up, the boot removed; the other taken off in the same fashion and then a blanket was being dropped over me. I cracked open my eyes and glanced back over my shoulder. Should have known, Matt was as steadfast as they come and he knew I’d walk thru fire if he asked me too.

  “Thanks bro.” I couldn’t hear his response if he had one, and it was fitting as hell that Blurry by POM was pumping loudly into my ears as I closed my eyes and let darkness sweep me away from the shit storm that was my life, away from the fact that Kylee cared but didn’t, not the way I fucking did.

  Chapter 7

  Sunday morning I had planned on recovering from my Saturday nights foray into a drunken stupor but as soon as my eyes had popped open, I remembered the shit with Kylee, with pop and went straight back into the bottle. I spent the day buried in it until it was empty. Then I bribed Matt to get me another, not that it took much. He knew I was head sprung. He also knew where I could end up if I kept up the pace and his face was showing a helluva a lot of trepidation. He’d seen me at my worse before; I couldn’t blame him for being worried I might end up there again.

  Monday was spent like Sunday. My biggest feat of the day was moving from my room, to the living room to fall into the recliner and then at the end of the night, to stumble back to my bed again and pass out after killing another bottle.

  When I cracked my eyes open Tuesday Matt was leaning over me, ripping the covers back and cursing loudly. “You fucking stink and you got a funeral to go to even if you hate the man. Get up and if you touch a bottle I will knock you over your fucking head with it. Clear?”

  Swallowing didn’t help the thick blanket of dry mouth I was stuck with so I nodded instead, pain searing through my skull. He was right. I could smell myself. It took a few more moments but I finally was able to ease words out of the cotton field that was my mouth.“You don’t have to yell. Shit…” My head was pounding and sitting up took a monumental amount of effort. My stomach rolled and growled all at the same time.

  Matt glared at me, stepping further back, his nose drawn up in disgust. “A body generally requires food dumb ass. Are you trying to drink yourself to death? I get you got a lot of shit on your plate JD, but god damn it, you can’t do this. Never mind that you haven’t trained since last Thursday. Last Thursday! If you want to quit fighting, fine, but fucking tell me so I can go find a real job to pay my bills with. I’m not going to watch you get the shit kicked out of you because you just don’t care. I’m not watching you go down that path again JD. I won’t.” Matt’s chest was heaving; his hands clenched tightly like he was trying to keep from wrapping them around my throat and strangling me.

  I winced, my head throbbing and stood. All I’d wanted to do was be numb. I wanted to get lost in something other pop’s death, Kylee, all of it. I’d wanted a time out from it for just a little while not that it had worked. “I hear ya bro. I do. I’m not done fighting. I’ll get my head together.” Shuffling past Matt I hit the bathroom in dire need of a shower, Matt hadn’t been lying. I reeked of alcohol. I paused long enough to look in the mirror that Matt must have replaced and rubbed a hand over my face. The hair had grown over my jaw and I had the foundation of a pretty good beard going. Oh hell nah that shit had to go. A day’s growth I could deal with but I wasn’t into the grizzly adams look.

  I got down to it, showered with the water temperature hot enough to scald my skin, exited, dried off and then cleaned my face up. After getting the toothbrush in and around my teeth, I finally made it back into my bedroom to get dressed.

  At the very back of the closest I found a pair of dark dress pants and a button down shirt that would have to do for the funeral. I didn’t own a full suit and wasn’t going to buy one just for pop’s thing.

  Dressed, I made my way into the living room, Matt already there waiting for me. He pressed a cup of coffee in my hand and I greedily drank from it. My stomach let loose with another loud growl.

  “Since you’re all presentable now and you don’t smell like you just crawled out of the local dump, I’ll treat you to lunch after the service. Deal?” Matt did own a suit and was wearing it well, looking way more put together than I’d ever would. Granted he’d only just graduated a few weeks back, but I was still surprised that he hadn’t made a move yet towards a legit career, not just helping me with mine. Kid knew how to clean up and could fit the part of mister businessman.

  Matt was wicked smart and had majored in business management. There was no reason why he hadn’t already landed himself a phat opportunity. Matt was a few inches shorter than me, light blonde hair always neatly in place and from what I’d heard some of the females say down at the club, the ladies found him nice to look at. He’d played baseball and football with me in high school and was even more in shape now than he’d been back then. He often trained side by side with me. Matt had yet to find a girl that he wanted longer than a night or two, not that I could judge given my history but he had a lot to offer. Can’t lie, I’d lose a lot when he finally did find someone to settle with so I wasn’t pushing the issue at all. Never claimed not to be a selfish bastard.

  “Deal. I want a burger dude. A big nasty greasy extra cheese with bacon burger.” I drained the last few sips of my coffee, walked into the kitchen and rinsed my cup before dropping it into the dishwasher. “Let’s do this.” Getting the service out of the way was priority number one.

  We took Matt’s car to the funeral home and spotted my truck sitting in the parking lot still at OverTime when we passed by it. Thank fuck it was still sitting there, hadn’t been towed yet. I really didn’t feel like having to track it down.

  The funeral director was a decent enough guy and had taken care of the announcement in the paper along with getting the service laid out. I’d explained my dad wasn’t religious and a quick service was all that was needed. Pops would be interred next to my mom but I’d declined a grave side service. It still ached that she was gone when I barely knew her and I didn’t want to stand their staring at the head stone while my pops was lowered next to her. The one thing I could give some respect to my pops about was the fact he’d loved my mom; I’d heard his friends say that it had been hard to watch my pop’s struggle with my mom’s death; it was harder to have lived through it. I knew first fucking hand.

  “You good?” Matt bumped my elbow with his as the director finished the service. I recognized most of the faces that had shown up to honor my pops and had kept my head together as they offered their condolences. I kept the venom I wanted to spew and rail at all of them to myself for the life I’d lived with him before getting clear of him thanks to Kylee’s parents. I think my pops had been relieved that I was no longer his responsibility, wasn’t sucking his cash dry because he’d had to take care of his fucking kid.

  “Yeah.” Standing, I didn’t make a last pass by the coffin as everyone else did; didn’t care what his friends thought about me because of it, instead I found the director and headed in back to settle up with him before finding Matt.

  “Let’s go grub. I’m starving.” My stomach rumbled loudly to emphasize the point after I located Matt. I was surprised it hadn’t sounded off during the service.

  Matt landed a hand on my shoulder, a silent show of solidarity and shoved me towards the exit. Bursting f
ree from the door I dead stopped, Matt almost running into me. Kylee was standing in the middle of the sidewalk, her eyes trapping mine.

  Matt must have felt me tense because dude was pressing his keys into my hand and pushing me towards his car as he spoke to her.

  “I told you now’s not a good time Kylee. Give him some space.” I started walking towards the car needing out like a dying man in the desert needed water.

  “I just..damn it Matt. He’s my friend and even if he acts like he’s fine I know better.”

  I’d made it to the car, got it unlocked and was getting in the passenger seat when she was suddenly right there.

  “JD please listen to me. Please?” Her body blocked the door frame so I couldn’t shut the door without hurting her by slamming her in it and as much as I wanted to avoid her, I wouldn’t intentionally hurt her, physically at least.

  My fingers threaded through my hair as I manned up and looked at her, the space inside of my chest tightening while I forced a passive look at her. “I’m good Kylee. You did what you thought needed doing, it’s no big deal. Just forget it.”

  Her forehead creased, her brows furrowing and her hands balled into fists that she pressed against her eyes. Twin tears leaked over her cheeks, escaping the barricade she was trying to make and I could tell she was trying to slow her erratic breathing, her chest rising and falling beneath the sundress she was wearing. I felt like a knife was being twisted inside my chest even if I didn’t show it, I damn sure felt it. I couldn’t stand hurting her and it seemed like it didn’t matter what I did, I hurt Kylee in one way or another.

  “No. I wont just forget it JD. Damn you for this.” Kylee’s hands moved from her eyes to push her long hair back away from her face, the wind catching a few strands and blowing them around wildly. I found focus on my shirt sleeve, unbuttoning it and rolling first one side then the other up over my forearms. It was hot as hell, the humidity of summer stifling even though it was windy and because of the funeral I’d been forced into the long sleeve shirt.