Armed and Fabulous (Lexi Graves Mysteries)

by Camilla Chafer

  "I would love one." A real one. One with a shot of vodka.

  "Get me a fruit punch while you're there." Serena waddled off and plunked herself down in the middle of the gaggle, her bump narrowly missing the nail technician, who lurched to the side just in time.

  I sighed. So much for mellowed sisterly bonding. I was back to my position of being Serena's gofer. I went to get my sister a fruit punch, seeing as I couldn't give her the fist variety with my mother watching.

  ~

  "I hate to run," said Mom, as the first guests left, "but your father and I have a date at the community theater."

  "Have a nice time," I said, trying to stomp the mental image of my parents out on a date night. On the other hand, dating in their late sixties was quite sweet. So long as they only dated each other. If they got into swinging, I was leaving town. I walked my mother to her car and she got in, rolling down the window to talk to me. "Be careful if you're out walking at night," she told me firmly.

  "When do I ever go walking at night?"

  "Well, be careful if you do. Someone ran over Mayor Mathis and left him to die in the road."

  "I saw it in the newspaper."

  "So sad, that poor family. They were really struggling and now to lose him like that."

  "They weren't exactly poor." Mayor Mathis came from old money and everyone knew it. They owned a large house in Bedford Hills and their family was traced back to some of Montgomery's founders.

  "Anita Mathis is in my crochet circle. They've lost a lot of money over the years. Things haven't been good. I blame it on the economic crisis. Anyway, just be careful. I don't want to get a call saying you're roadkill. Make sure you wear clean, matching underwear anyway."

  "Thanks, Mom. Drive safe." I waved her off before joining Serena at the door to bid her guests goodbye and hand out the party favors—little truffles shaped into baby bootees with piped lacing—as we waved the last of them away.

  "Fabulous shower," said Mindy Laws, the final guest to leave, as she air kissed first me, then Serena before sweeping out to her white Range Rover. Subtle, it was not.

  "It's fun to do something different, isn't it?" Serena air kissed her back. "I hate her," she said, after the door was shut.

  "She was your best friend all the way through school!"

  "I think I hated her then too. She always did everything first."

  "She never went to Harvard," I pointed out. "And she didn't marry Ted."

  "I think she slept with him."

  My mouth dropped open. I couldn't imagine Mindy as a harlot. Wait... yes, I could. She had been head cheerleader and a mean cow through my teen years, though she and Serena graduated before I started high school. "When?"

  "In my second year at Harvard. She came to visit."

  "But you don't know for certain?"

  "No. But we were at a house party, and when we left, she had her panties in her pocket and she had just come out of Ted's room."

  "Classy."

  "But I married him," said Serena not as smugly as she normally would.

  "And now you're having a baby," I reminded her.

  "And I'm going to lose my job. And I'm fat!" Tears pooled in Serena's eyes.

  I put my arm around Serena and gave her a little squeeze. "You're pregnant, not fat. And when you have the baby, you'll be skinny again and we'll all hate you too."

  "Thanks." Serena dabbed her eyes with a cotton handkerchief, and yawned. "I need to sleep. I nap constantly."

  "Go sleep. Lily and I will let the cleaning crew in, and you’ll wake up to a pristine house."

  "Thanks, Lexi. You're the best." That did it. There was definitely something wrong with Serena, but I chose to blame it on hormones. I shooed Serena off to her bedroom and Lily and I set about putting the house to rights. The leftover food was cling-wrapped and placed in the refrigerator, along with the jugs of juice. The stacks of onesies were left to dry in the living room and all the leftover craft materials were bagged for the bin. On second thought, I taped a note, suggesting Mom might want them for one of her classes or community projects. The cleanup crew finished the rest, and someone from Alessandro's came by to retrieve the plates and glassware along with the table, tablecloth and matching napkins.

  "I hate to run out on you," said Lily, "but I have a date."

  "You didn't say!"

  "It's just a guy I met a couple of weeks ago. He's nice."

  "I thought you were holding out for my brother." I didn’t mention Scott from Green Hand. Or the barman.

  "Oh, honey. I've given up on Officer Tasty." Lily said that approximately once a month. I never believed her.

  "No! He likes you, I swear." I knew he did. Being several years older, Jord never looked Lily's way during school; but by the second year of college, that definitely changed. Not anything outlandish, although there were plenty of subtle looks when he thought no one saw him. He never lacked for a date, but never once asked Lily out even though we all gradually came to expect it. Even my father, usually oblivious to the dating lives of his children, asked Jord when he was going to pull his finger out and, “screw dating, just marry the girl.” Jord said she was too young for him, and when she was older, he didn't want to ruin our friendship; then it was because he didn't want to settle down, not that Lily was asking. He looked at her like she was an ice cream on a hot day, so I didn't understand his reticence.

  "Then he can do the chasing. I'm done," said Lily, spoiling her decisive tone when she added, "Maybe that’ll put a spark under Jord's ass."

  "I'll make sure I mention your date to him." I smiled conspiratorially. "Give me five minutes. We're almost done here anyway." Lily waited impatiently while I supervised the last of the cleanup, ushering the crew out a few minutes later and ensuring they all had their compensation.

  After distributing the vases of roses through the house, and checking everything was perfect, I went to see Serena. She was snuggled under a blanket, her shoes kicked off, fast asleep. I bent over, kissed her on the cheek, raided her kitchen for leftovers, locked up and drove us home. I frowned when a car that had been following us the last couple of blocks pulled over a few houses away from our building. It was probably just a coincidence. Paranoia was clearly getting to me.

  Lily said a quick goodbye and hurried to her apartment to change, so I went straight up to my place. I let myself in and grabbed a plate, taking it to the living room to unload my leftovers. After all my running around at the shower, making sure everyone had plenty to eat and drink, not to mention got in line for their spa treatments, I'd barely eaten anything. My lunchtime sandwich was ages ago and my stomach made ominous rumbling sounds. I changed into jeans and a sweatshirt, and switched on the TV, tuning in to watch the last half of a weepy Hallmark movie while I stuffed myself. During the end credits, I went over to the windows to close the drapes. Looking down, I noticed the car I'd seen earlier, parked a couple houses away, was still there. It stood out because it was pretty thrashed and the two occupants remained in it. I frowned again and went back to the movie.

  Ten minutes later, curiosity gnawing at me, I crawled over to the window, kneeling up to peek out. They were still there. I lowered myself to the floor and sat against the wall for a moment, thinking. There was something off about the car’s occupants. Why weren’t they inside visiting or something?

  On my hands and knees, I crawled to the hallway and rooted through the console for the binoculars my dad once randomly gave me for my birthday two years ago. I twisted off the lens caps and, feeling like an idiot, crawled back to the window, placing the binoculars on the sill. Kneeling up again, I placed my eyes to the sights and peered through, adjusting the lens and scanning until I had a clear view inside the car.

  Something was definitely off alright.

  I crept back to the hallway, closing the living room door behind me. Standing up, now blocked from view, I grabbed my keys and cell phone and tugged on my jacket, then went into the kitchen for a carving knife, which I slid into the waistband of
my jeans. I pulled my sweatshirt over the top.

  "Don't be scared, don't be scared," I chanted as I ran down the steps, wrenched the door open and strode across the road to the car. Hopping onto the sidewalk, I stooped down to look through the window. My stomach rolled over into a knot.

  From my apartment and binoculars, I wasn't sure, but close up, I recognized the occupants. They were the men who killed Martin Dean.

  Even worse, their glassy, dead eyes stared straight ahead. Each had a hole in the center of his forehead that wept congealing blood. Something was pinned to the driver's coat, but I couldn't make out the words; and there was no way in hell I was going to open the car door to get a closer look.

  With shaking hands, I dialed 911, reported two dead males and gave my address and name.

  "Lexi, honey, it's Traci," said the dispatcher when I finished.

  "Traci?" I didn't recognize her voice as I shakily gave the details. "I didn't realize."

  "Of course not, honey. You just got corpsed. You want me to call your mom and dad?"

  "No, they'll just worry." And probably demand I move in with them. I could cope with the corpses two feet away better than the emotional blackmail.

  "Sure. Sit tight, sweetie. Someone's on the way."

  I heard a siren in the distance and Traci kept me on the line until a marked car turned onto the street. I didn't recognize the officer, but he seemed to know me, and he made me stand by his car while he checked on the bodies. First he took a cursory glance, then after opening the doors, he placed two fingers to their throats.

  "Definitely dead," he said, shutting the door. "You just find them like this?"

  I nodded. "They were dead when I came out."

  "What did you come out for?"

  "They hadn't moved since I got home."

  "You see the note?"

  "No."

  "Did you touch anything?"

  "No. I just looked through the window."

  "Okay." The officer turned as another squad car drew up behind his and two more officers got out. Five minutes later, the street teemed with people and the medical examiner was called. I leaned against the squad car, shivering as my brother's SUV pulled up, double parking across my car and Lily's. Garrett got out, followed by Daniel. Jord climbed out of the back seat with a shaky looking Ted behind him.

  "Traci called," said Garrett, crossing the road and giving me a hug. "Are you okay?"

  "Yeah. Just cold."

  "Where's Lily?" asked Jord, looking around.

  "On a date. She wasn't here."

  "A date?" Jord's lips set into a thin line.

  "Yeah, with a guy who’s not afraid to go out with her."

  Daniel punched Jord on the shoulder.

  "I'm not afraid," said Jord straight away. "I don't want to date Lily."

  Garrett raised an eyebrow and Daniel laughed. Even Ted giggled, his face getting redder. "I'd do her if I wasn't married," said Ted, thrusting his hips.

  Jord's fists clenched as he turned to Ted, and I stepped between them.

  "I can't believe we're related to that asshole," said Daniel, in a low voice when I steered Jord away. "I swear, he was hitting on the waitress at O’Grady’s."

  "Eugh! I hope you left her a big tip."

  “Huge. And we had to promise the manager not to ever bring Ted again.”

  Garrett went over to talk to the first officer on the scene, and Daniel remained, his arm around me, as Maddox showed up. After what seemed like a short, tense chat, and a few glances in my direction, Garrett and Maddox walked over to us. Maddox shook hands with Daniel.

  "Does the name Finklestein mean anything to you?" asked Garrett.

  "Nothing."

  "You ever seen these two before?" he persisted.

  I looked over at Maddox, wondering what I should say. He gave a tight shake of his head.

  "Don't know," I said, which was the closest thing to not lying outright to my brother's face. Fortunately, I was saved from anymore questioning by a kerfuffle next to the dead men's car. When I looked over, I saw Ted being muscled backwards, his face going from red to white. We all jumped back as he doubled over and vomited at the curb.

  "Can you take him home and clean him up?" I pleaded with my brothers. "Serena will kill you if she thinks you didn't take Ted out for a nice, quiet drink and a game of golf."

  "We did take him out for a nice, quiet drink," protested Daniel.

  "It was when we took him to Tito's Topless Bar and Grill that things got out of hand," added Jord.

  "Jeez." “Topless” and “grill” were two words that didn’t need to be in the same sentence.

  “Blame Ted. We could have stayed at O’Grady’s,” said Jord.

  "The corpse show was a nice nightcap though," said Daniel, moving to slap Ted on the back. "Take a good look at the dead dudes, Ted?"

  "Can we do this next week?" asked Ted, straightening up, but swaying.

  "No," my brothers all said in unison.

  "Guys, go home. I'm going back to my apartment."

  "One of us should stay with you," suggested Garrett.

  "I'll stay with her," said Maddox. Kudos to him, he didn't flinch when my brothers turned to him; kudos to them for not smacking their fists into their palms. "I know Lexi," he said.

  "How, exactly, do you know my sister?" asked Garrett, and, like a wall of a muscle, the three of them stepped closer. Ted slumped against the SUV and blinked. The big wimp.

  "Mind your own," I said. "Maddox, meet Garrett—I think you know each other already—and these are Daniel and Jord, my other brothers. That's my brother-in-law, Ted. If you don't know each other already, this is Detective Adam Maddox."

  "Yeah, we know each other," said Garrett, his eyes flicking from Maddox to me. "You sure you want him to stay with you? It's not a problem if you want family instead."

  "Yes, already. Now can you please clean Ted up?" I pleaded.

  "Call me if you want to stay at my place," said Garrett. "I can come by after dropping these idiots off."

  "Appreciated, but no thanks. Good night."

  My brothers made a proprietary show of giving me a hug, and kissing my cheek, but I drew the line at Ted, not just because he reeked, but because I didn't like him. I side-stepped him and headed towards my house, Maddox at my side.

  "All your family are cops?" he asked.

  "Nineteen cops and counting. Ted’s a lawyer."

  He waited until we were inside before leaning against my desk as I sat on the couch. "You recognized them?" was his first question.

  "Yeah. The goons who shot Martin Dean. How come they were outside my house?"

  "Good question and I don't know yet. We've had a BOLO on them, but it looks like they were lying low."

  "I guess they'll be lying six feet under now. Who were they?"

  "Twinkles and Knuckles Finklestein."

  I raised my eyebrows. "Twinkles and Knuckles?"

  "If you knew them, you'd never laugh. Twinkles was really Eddie Finklestein. He was light on his feet but you’d see stars after he punched you, hence the name. His brother, Rick, or Knuckles, was a bare-knuckle fighter. They both had rap sheets a mile long. Burglary, extortion, assault, witness intimidation, domestic abuse, and maybe a few killings besides Dean's too, not that the latter ever stuck. I’ve heard of them, but didn’t put it together that night. This is the first time I actually got to match faces with names."

  Maddox was intimating I was lucky to have found them dead.

  "It's not a coincidence they were outside your apartment," he told me and didn’t look happy about it.

  I took a few moments to regulate my breathing instead of racing around the living room screaming. "They were waiting for me?" I said finally.

  "I think it's likely, yes."

  "Someone sicced them on me?"

  "Probably."

  I went for the obvious. "Then who shot them?"

  "I don't know. But I do know I feel kind of grateful to them right now. Can you sit tight a mom
ent? I have to go talk to the M.E."

  "I'm not going anywhere."

  "Lock the door behind me."

  Ten minutes later, which I used to spy through the window, along with every other resident within peering distance, as the M.E. prodded the bodies, Maddox returned. Since I watched him enter the apartment, I opened the door before he had a chance to knock.

  "Did you read the note on Knuckles?" he asked.

  "You're not the first person to ask me that. The first officer on scene did too. And, no. Why?"

  Maddox opened the notebook in his hand and read from his notes. "It said, 'Consider this a warning.' It was typed, so we can count that as an indication this was premeditated."

  "You think someone planned to kill them outside my house?"

  "I think someone planned to kill them, not necessarily outside your place. The warning could have been meant for you, or for whoever hired the Finklesteins."

  "This sucks."

  "On the bright side, they can't hurt you now."

  "Yeah. There's just a lunatic out there who can outsmart, and is more dangerous than the Finklesteins, along with the person who hired them."

  "It wouldn't take much to outsmart them. They're brawn, not brains. Besides, someone shot them in the back of the head, so it's not like they saw it coming. I'm a little worried about whoever hired them. We'll be checking their known associates."

  "This still sucks."

  "Once everything is cleaned up out there, I'm going to assign a car to your door all night. You don't have to worry."

  "In the space of a week, I've found four bodies. Four!" I was worried. It seemed like an awful lot for one person to find in such a short length of time.

  Maddox crossed over to me and pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around him gratefully and sank my head against his chest. He felt warm and comforting. Despite everything, he made me feel safe. A little bit of me wanted to ask him to stay, but I imagined the cops on the door would know, and probably tell someone. That would get to my brothers, who would either decide to befriend Maddox (read: make his life hell) or, even worse, they'd tell my parents a man slept over. I was fairly certain my parents knew I had boyfriends, but it didn’t mean I wanted a lecture about it or constant bugging about if it was “serious”.