Strike Out

by Cheryl Douglas

  She could tell he’d taken a few steps toward her. She almost felt his presence behind her. No matter how many years passed, she feared her body would always recognize their physical chemistry. He’d been her first lover—her only lover for a long time—and in the lonely year following her husband’s death, she was ashamed to admit Zach’s hands often caressed her in her dreams.

  “I don’t know.” She did, of course. She’d just wanted to be rid of him, and she thought letting him believe she was still married would serve her purpose.

  “How did Tyler take it when he died?”

  “Not well.” She wanted to put some space between them, but if she turned, she’d be right in his arms. “We’ve been in therapy. He has some anger issues. He’s been acting out in school and on the playground. The therapist says he has unresolved feelings about his father’s death.”

  “But his father isn’t dead,” he said, leaning in to whisper in her ear. “I’m right here. How do you think he’ll feel when he finds out you lied to him about who his father is? How do you think he’ll feel when he finds out you let him grieve for a man who wasn’t even his dad?”

  Rennie sucked in a sharp breath. That wasn’t fair. Nathan had loved Tyler as though he was his own son. Biology didn’t change the bond they’d shared, and she didn’t want Zach’s presence in Tyler’s life to diminish that. “Nathan was his father. He was the one who walked the floors with him at night when he was colicky. He was the one who sat by his bed when he had the flu, who taught him to throw a baseball—”

  “God damn it!” Zach shouted, startling her. “Are you trying to hurt me? Is that what this is? You’re trying to remind me that another man stepped in to be the father I couldn’t be?”

  Turning around slowly, she met his gaze, silently challenging him to look away. “Then you admit it? You admit you wouldn’t have reacted well had I told you the truth?”

  “We’ll never know now, will you?”

  “Would you have wanted me to terminate the pregnancy?”

  His face lost his ever-present summer tan. “How can you even ask me that?”

  She didn’t believe he would have suggested it, but she wondered if he would have wished they could undo what he considered a mistake. “I heard what you said that night. How can I not ask?”

  “I loved you,” he whispered fiercely. “I would have loved Tyler too if you’d given me the chance. But you didn’t. You were the judge, determining that I didn’t deserve to raise my son.”

  She knew they weren’t getting anywhere rehashing the past, so she said, “I think I should get back to the party.”

  “We should get back to the party,” he said, grabbing her arm when she tried to pass him. “Things are different now. It’s not just you and Tyler anymore. I will be a part of his life whether you like it or not.”

  Rennie forced herself to look at him, praying her eyes didn’t betray her fear. “If that’s the way you want it, I’m sure we can work something out.”

  “I don’t want to be in his life as a friend of his mom’s. He is going to know I’m his dad. The sooner, the better.”

  “He’s already been through so much this year,” Rennie said, trying to buy a little more time.

  “Fine, you can talk to your therapist about the best way to address this with him while I’m away.”

  “You’re leaving?” She tried not to sound too hopeful.

  “Yeah, we have a four-day road trip. I’ll be back for the fundraiser on Thursday. That should gave you plenty of time to decide how, where, and when we tell Tyler that he’s my son.”

  “But—”

  “No buts, Rennie,” he said, releasing her arm. “This is how it’s going to be. I’ll have my lawyer prepare the paperwork.”

  “What paperwork?” she asked, her mouth dry. He couldn’t be thinking about a joint custody arrangement so soon. Tyler needed time to get used to him, to adjust to the news.

  “What’s his last name?”

  Oh no. If there was one question she wanted to avoid, that was it. “It’s Alexander. We thought it would be easier. We didn’t want to confuse Tyler and—”

  “I want him to have my name.”

  She recognized that tone. There was no sense arguing with him. “Can we please just take this slowly?” Her son’s fragile heart was on the line. She didn’t mind begging if she had to. “He’s been through hell. I don’t want to upset him anymore than we have to.”

  “See, that’s where I think you’ve got it all wrong.” Zach looked down at the hand curled around his forearm. “I think he’s gonna be as stoked to get to know me as I am to get to know him.”

  Rennie let her hand fall to her side when she noticed Zach fixating on her narrow gold band. “Then you’re happy about this?”

  “Am I happy about the way this went down?” He stepped back. “No, I’m not. I’m mad as hell that I missed out on so much time with him. But I can’t go back any more than you can. I can only promise you that, starting today, I am going to be a part of Tyler’s life. A big part.” He walked toward the door, and Rennie thought she would have a few minutes to collect herself before going downstairs. His parting shot ensured she would need more than a few minutes. “I’m going to support him from now on, financially, and that means I get my fair share of time with him.”

  She closed her eyes, hoping he couldn’t see her clenched hands. She knew he wasn’t finished, so she took a few deeps breaths and waited.

  “My lawyer will take care of everything. Just know that I don’t expect you to throw up a bunch of roadblocks. Let’s face it—no judge is going to be sympathetic to a woman who kept a son from his father since the day he was born.”

  Damn him. He was right. The tables had turned. She was at his mercy, and she hated him for it.

  Chapter Seven

  Zach was having a great time with Tyler and his friends, talking baseball and signing autographs, but Rennie rarely left his line of sight. He could tell she was on edge, as well she should be. Life as she knew it was about to change forever.

  Zach was taking a break by the pool with a cold beer when his father approached. “Looks like you’re having a good time with the kids,” John Foster said, inclining his head toward the rowdy group of boys trying to one-up each other in the pool.

  “I am.” Zach didn’t think his mother would have told his father about Tyler’s paternity in front of all of those people, but judging by his father’s expression, the old man had something to say on the subject. “How’s business?” Zach hoped he could transition into another subject without answering any questions about Tyler. He knew his parents would be as anxious as he was to make up for lost time, but he didn’t want to overwhelm the poor kid. Given everything Tyler had been through, he wanted to be sensitive to his feelings. That didn’t mean he was willing to wait indefinitely to tell his son the truth.

  “Can’t complain.” John brought his glass to his lips and took a pensive sip. “Rennie looks good, doesn’t she?”

  Zach’s eyes wandered to his ex-fiancée. Good was an understatement. She’d traded her shorts and tank top for a turquoise one piece with matching sheer sarong that fell just above her knees. He knew she was going for demure, but curves like hers made that impossible. “Yeah, she does.”

  “Her parents tell me she got married.”

  “Oh yeah? Did they tell you her husband died in a fire last year?” Zach didn’t want to be bitter about Rennie’s parents withholding information that would have changed his life, but he couldn’t help it. They had to have suspected Tyler was his. The timing alone would have given them reason to question any story she told them about another man.

  “Yes, they did. They said she and the boy moved back here so they could be closer to family. Pretty brave of her under the circumstances, wouldn’t you say?”

  Zach was grateful for the sunglasses that hid his expression. “Mom told you?”

  “She didn’t have to. I can put two and two together.” John turned his back on th
e kids as he nodded to a few members of his country club. “When did you find out?”

  “Today.”

  “Son of a…” He drew a deep breath, obviously trying to maintain his composure. “How could Rennie do this? Wasn’t it bad enough that she embarrassed you in front of the whole goddamn town?”

  “Dad, there were extenuating circumstances.” Zach wasn’t anxious to share the whole truth, but he couldn’t let Rennie take sole responsibility.

  “Oh yeah?” John couldn’t conceal his derision if he tried. Zach had seen that look too many times. Though John had never directed his anger at Rennie before, not even when she walked out on their wedding. “Are you gonna tell me she was justified in keeping your boy from you?”

  “No, Dad.” Zach ran a hand over his mouth, wishing he could make an excuse to leave early. With a four-day road trip coming up, he wanted to spend as much time as possible with Tyler. He was having a blast hanging out with the boys too, even if Tyler just thought of him as some baseball player he idolized. “I’m not saying she was justified, but after talking to Rennie, all I can say is she did what she thought was best for our son.”

  “How the hell can you say that? There’s no excuse for what she did. I don’t know who I’m angrier with: her for keeping our grandson from us or her parents for pretending to be our friends all these years.”

  The situation would escalate into World War III if Zach didn’t figure out a way to diffuse it. The truth was his last option. “Let’s take a little walk.” He pointed toward a path to an adjoining park.

  “Why?” John asked, setting his glass on a nearby table.

  “Because you need to understand that I’m not an innocent victim in all this.” His parents may have been victimized by missing out on the opportunity to know their grandson, but Zach trusted Rennie’s motivations. As angry as he was, he knew Rennie wasn’t a vindictive woman.

  “What did you do to deserve this?”

  “Hey, you’re not leaving are you, Zach?” Tyler asked, poking his head out of the water.

  “No, I’m just gonna take a little walk. I’ll be back soon.”

  “Cool,” he said, grinning.

  “It’s obvious that boy idolizes you,” John said quietly as he fell into step beside Zach.

  Zach waited until they’d left the crowds behind before he said, “He’s a pitcher. Can you believe that? Says he wants to be just like me when he grows up.”

  John watched a little girl spraying a dog with a garden hose. She laughed with delight every time he shook himself, soaking her pink sundress in the process. “He looks just like you did at that age. As soon as I saw him, my heart damn near stopped.”

  “I know. Mine too.” Zach led the way to the baseball field. He and his father used to go there all the time when he was a kid. He’d plead with his dad to take him every night after dinner when he was too young to venture so far from home without adult supervision.

  “What excuse did she give you for pulling a stunt like this?” John asked, cracking his knuckles.

  Zach got his stature from his father. At well over six feet and on the south side of two hundred pounds, he was an intimidating man. Zach didn’t look forward to his father’s look of disgust after he told him about the conversation with Kevin. As ashamed as Zach was to admit it, he’d meant every word he said to his brother. He had felt pressured into marrying Rennie—not by her, but by their family and friends. People who had known them for years assumed marriage was their next logical step, so he’d caved instead of telling her that he needed a couple more years to get his career off the ground before he felt ready for marriage and a family. But that didn’t mean he’d felt any relief when Rennie left town. Figuring out how to live without her was the hardest thing he’d ever done.

  “I’m waiting for an answer,” John said, stopping short when he saw two boys just a little older than Tyler playing baseball. One pitched while the other swung for all he was worth.

  “Things were so simple back then.” Zach remembered when the only thing that mattered to him was playing baseball. He still loved the game, but it wasn’t enough to fill the void in his life anymore. The off-season was long, and while High Rollers occupied a lot of his time, it wasn’t enough.

  “You’re not a kid anymore,” his father said, slapping his back. “It seems like only yesterday we used to come here. Now you’ve got a kid of your own.” He smiled as the batter sent a line drive down the first base line. “You can bring him here. He’d love that.”

  “Yeah, that’d be fun.” Zach had no doubt Tyler would love that, but not as much as Zach would. His fear of having a family had died a long time ago. He was looking forward to learning what it meant to be a father. At least he had a good role model. His old man could be ornery at times, but he was as steadfast and reliable as they came.

  “You were trying to avoid telling me why Rennie called off the wedding.” He slipped his hands into the pockets of his pressed cotton shorts. “You want to try dancing around the topic a little longer, or are you ready to spit it out already?”

  Zach smirked. His father had never been one to pull punches. It was kind of reassuring to see he hadn’t lost his edge. “I pocket dialed Ren the night before the wedding.”

  John frowned as Zach led him toward the staggered wooden benches that served as stands. “You pocket dialed her?”

  “Yeah.”

  Zach settled in, wondering how it would feel to watch Tyler take the pitcher’s mound. He would probably be more nervous for his son than he was for himself. He hoped he would be able to help foster Tyler’s love of the game…

  His father snapped his fingers in front of Zach’s face. “Still waiting for an explanation.”

  “Remember Kev and I came to the club that night to have a couple of beers and talk?”

  “I remember.” His father had been there tending to some staffing issue, but he stopped by their table before he left to remind them they had to be back there early to meet the photographer. “Your conversation seemed pretty intense. What were you talking about?”

  “Life…” Zach let his laced hands hang between his knees. He was itching to get out on the mound, to engage in the one activity that always took his mind off everything else, even Rennie. “Marriage, kids.”

  “Make sense, given you were about to take the plunge.”

  “I guess.” Zach ran a hand over the back of his neck. Disappointing his father wasn’t easy, even though he should be long past the age where he sought parental approval. “I said some things I probably shouldn’t have. Or maybe I should have said them, but to Rennie.”

  “What kind of things?”

  “I told Kev I felt pressured into getting married.” He closed his eyes as he imagined how Rennie must have felt hearing his words, especially knowing she was carrying his baby. She would have been devastated. No wonder she’d wanted revenge before she left town. It all made sense. “I also told him I wasn’t gonna be ready to have a kid in the foreseeable future. I think I told him maybe when my baseball career was over.” Zach realized how ridiculous that sounded. He was a long way from packing it in, and he’d been ready to settle down for several years. He kept telling himself he hadn’t found the right woman, but one look at his ex-fiancée convinced him he’d just been looking for someone to elicit that same reaction she always had.

  “Ah, son”—John ran a beefy hand over his mouth—“you sure as hell made a mess of things, didn’t ya now?”

  Zach knew he couldn’t defend his words, so he didn’t even bother trying. “I loved her, Dad. That wasn’t the issue. I think I just needed a little more time to figure out who I was before I committed to being part of a couple for the rest of my life. Is that so terrible?”

  John chuckled. “You’re asking the wrong guy. I married your mama when I was twenty-three.”

  “No regrets?” Zach braced himself for the response. He’d always believed his parents had a perfect marriage. Even if it wasn’t true, he’d rather go on believing it.


  John looked into Zach’s eyes. Even though Zach was wearing sunglasses, he could read the intensity in his father’s stare. “You’re not human if you don’t have a doubt or two. People fight, that’s a part of life, but that doesn’t mean I ever would’ve given up on what me and your mama have. She’s my rock.”

  “Kinda like Rennie was my rock,” Zach said quietly. “I felt so lost after she left, like a part of me was missing.”

  “I know, son.” John wrapped a strong hand around his son’s neck. “I know we all encouraged you to stop looking for her, but maybe we shouldn’t have. If you’d found her, you would’ve found out about Tyler a hell of a lot sooner.”

  “True,” Zach said, sighing. “But what kind of father would I have been back then? Would I have been what Tyler needed or was he better off being raised by”—he couldn’t even say his name—“him.” Even though he owed Rennie’s late husband a debt of gratitude for loving Tyler so much, the sting would have to lessen before he felt ready to admit it.

  “You’ve always loved kids. You may not have thought you were ready to be a father back then, but I believe you would have done the right thing.”

  Zach smiled at his father’s choice of words. “That’s what Rennie said—that I would have done the right thing—but would that have been the right thing for Tyler? I mean, do you think he would have sensed that I wasn’t into being a dad?” When his father didn’t respond, he tipped his head back and watched the clouds shift in the darkening sky. “Maybe she was right to take him away from me. Maybe that’s the best thing she could have done for him.”

  “Don’t be too hard on yourself,” John said. “You were young and stupid ten years ago.” He nudged Zach with his shoulder. “Now you’re older… and not as stupid.”

  Zach shook his head when his father’s tanned face split into a wide grin. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Dad.”

  “You’ll figure this out,” John said, slapping his knee. “Just give it a little time, and remember what’s important in all this: Tyler.”