Warning Track

by Meghan Quinn

  Lucy’s heart broke in two as she listened to Connor go on about how she had made him feel. She by no means had feelings for Austin; those feelings were thrown away the minute Connor walked into her life. The other day at the party, she was just going through temporary insanity. She didn’t like Sloan, bitch-face, and the fact that she was just throwing herself at Austin bothered Lucy and not because she had feelings for Austin, but because if she thought about it, she didn’t want Sloan to be thrown into the little circus they’d already created.

  Lucy stood up and placed both her hands on Connor’s chest to still him. “Connor, I’m going to tell you right now, you are the only man for me. I’m sorry that I might have made you feel differently, but ever since Winnie threw a carrot at my head, you’ve had me hooked. There’s no one else that I want and it makes me sad to think that I have caused you to think otherwise. The other night, I’m just going to chalk up to temporary insanity and the fact that I don’t like Sloan. Please, forgive me and don’t think for a second that there is another man in my life.”

  “What about when the baby comes? What am I supposed to do? How much of a part do I play in this whole scenario? I’m not the father, Lucy. I’m just the boyfriend.”

  “Don’t,” Lucy said, while grabbing the sides of Connor’s face to look him in the eyes. “You are more than that and you know it. You’re just as much a father to this baby as Austin is and probably even more because you’re the one who will be invested in the baby’s life. You know Austin isn’t going to be around much and one of the main reasons he still comes to the doctor appointments is to try to drive a wedge between us by pushing all of your buttons. You are important to this family, Connor. You are a part of this family.”

  Connor shook his head in understanding. “Just give me a couple more days to get my head straight, alright?”

  “What?” Lucy thought she was almost blown over. Why did he need more time? Didn’t he have enough time already? “Why do you need more time?”

  “I need to make sure that I can be the best man that you need.”

  “But you are, why can’t you see that?”

  “I might be the best man to you, but I want to make sure I’m the best for myself as well. I don’t want to give you only a part of me, I want to give you all of me.”

  “Why are you doubting yourself now?”

  “Luce, I asked you to marry me, you said no, I wanted to live together, we still live separately, I want to be the only man in your life, but Austin is still around. This is not how I envisioned my life and I’m struggling with it. I just need some time to collect myself and adjust to everything. Alright?”

  “Can’t we do that while we’re together? I miss you, Connor, more than anything.”

  “I miss you too, Luce, but sometimes that isn’t enough.”

  Connor slipped from her grasp and walked toward the door. Before he opened it, he turned around and said, “I love you, Lucy. If you need anything, please call me.”

  Lucy was left standing in the middle of her living room, wondering why the man she loved just walked out her door instead of staying with her and working through everything. She sat on her couch and wondered if she and Connor were ever going to be able to get back to their normal relationship or if this was really the beginning of the end of what they had together. She cried into her throw pillow as she prayed that the beautiful, wonderful man that held her heart wouldn’t leave her, but instead find his way back to her.

  **Jane**

  When becoming a mom, all the specialists say that the pain of childbirth is quickly washed away once you get to hold your little bundle of joy for the first time. All the pain, the memory of pushing an elephant shit out of a pea-sized hole completely vanishes when your baby wraps its little hand around your finger…that is, except for Jane. Instead of getting the moment of complete bliss, all she can think about is giving birth to her dead daughter.

  It’s been a week since her daughter’s funeral. Life has been at a standstill for Jane as people filter in and out of her house, checking on her, delivering their condolences and trying to snap her out of the black haze that has now taken over her body.

  Nothing fazes her, not even Brady’s pleading for her to sleep in their bed, to try to get up from the couch, to try to eat something. She wants nothing to do with life, and especially with Brady. The man who once was her rock, the person she couldn’t live without, is almost revolting to her now. He wanted to name their daughter, name her! What good would that do? She wasn’t with them, why would they name her? He also was living life just fine, as if nothing had happened. Heaven forbid the man took a break from his training to actually mourn with Jane. The thought of Brady going to the cages every morning made her sick to her stomach. How could he even think about baseball?

  “Hey, baby.” Speak of the devil, Jane thought, as she saw Brady approach her wearing a pair of Nike shorts and no shirt, his usual bedtime gear. She couldn’t believe it was nighttime already.

  Jane didn’t acknowledge him, instead she cuddled up to the blanket that her daughter was put in when she was born and took a deep breath. It was the one thing that was her daughter’s and Jane refused to let go of it.

  “Are you going to come to bed tonight?”

  “I’m pretty sure you already know the answer to that,” Jane said, as she cleared her throat. She hadn’t spoken all day, so her throat was extra dry. Did she even eat? She didn’t think so.

  “Sweet thing, I’m getting really nervous about you.”

  “Are you? It doesn’t seem like it,” Jane snapped. “If you were so worried, you wouldn’t be off at the batting cages every day.”

  A sharp intake of air came from Brady as he took in what she said.

  “Everyone grieves in their own way,” Brady said in a controlled tone.

  “Is that what you’re calling it, grieving? Seems like you’re actually relieved that I gave birth to a dead baby.”

  The look of shock on Brady’s face should have fazed Jane, but it didn’t. It didn’t even register.

  He ran his hand through his hair and said, “I know you’re hurting, Jane. I’m hurting too, but that doesn’t mean that we need to beat each other up. We need to help each other through this, we need to be a team.”

  “I don’t want to be on your team, not with a heartless bastard who would rather play baseball then mourn their dead child, who didn’t even get a chance to take a breath in this fucked-up world.”

  Brady knelt down and got in Jane’s face. Rage screamed through his eyes as he stared her down. “If you say that I didn’t care about our baby girl one more time, I swear you’re not going to like the consequences, Jane. That girl meant more to me than anything else besides you. I loved that little girl and it’s fucking killing me that I don’t get to take care of her, spoil her, and someday walk her down the aisle. You’re not the only one suffering, so stop acting like you are. I’m fucking dying inside and instead of working through this with my wife, she’s turned into a damn zombie and refuses to get up. We need to work through this, Jane, we need to let out our feelings.”

  “You want feelings?” Jane sat up and said, “You can go fuck off, Brady. I don’t want to see you.”

  Brady fell backward a little at her statement, but she didn’t care. All she wanted was to be left alone.

  Brady stood up and said, “Jane, please don’t do this. Please don’t push me away. Let me help you. Let me hire a grief counselor. I lost one of my girls, please don’t let me lose my other girl, my heart.”

  “Just leave, Brady,” Jane said, as she turned toward the cushion of the couch, blocking Brady out.

  She felt him waver, trying to decide what to do, but finally he gave in to her demands and left her alone. A part of her wanted to scream out and tell him not to leave, to wrap his strong arms around her, but the bigger part of her wanted him gone. She wanted everything gone that reminded her of her daughter; she wanted it all gone and Brady was a big part of their daughter. He was going
to be an amazing father and seeing him was just a dagger in Jane’s already-torn-up heart. She didn’t need any more cuts because she was on the verge of giving into the dark abyss that was calling her name every damn day.

  Chapter Sixteen

  **Luke**

  Luke wiped the sweat off his brow as he waited impatiently on the couch for Molly to release herself from the bathroom she’d been occupying for the past hour. Life in their apartment had been pleasant, but awkward as hell. Luke was finding it quite difficult to fall back into a normal routine. Molly woke up early for work, since she was a teacher, so Luke woke up with her and made her breakfast, which she normally just took with her since she was already on the run. When he was still in Winnie’s room, he didn’t have to worry about running into her, but now they were trying to mold their lives back together; it was…awkward.

  Their routine was kind of like they were having sex for the very first time. They were nervous around each other, they fumbled with stuff and they were very tentative. They slept in the same bed, but very rarely touched and sex wasn’t even something they considered. They walked around on eggshells, trying not to disturb the other, but they were also helpful when needed. It was as if they were very considerate roommates, rather than the once-passionate lovers they used to be.

  That was why Luke decided to take Molly out on a date. They needed to re-kindle what they used to have. They needed to let go, have some fun, and forget the past because all Luke wanted to do was move forward. He was sick of sitting around, waiting for the next trigger to strike so he could be taken back to a frightful time in his life.

  Christmas was fast-approaching and, not only did Luke want to spend the holiday with Molly in his arms like they used to, but he also wanted to meet his daughter and spend the holiday with her. He had yet to meet Winnie because he wanted to fix his relationship with Molly first before they dragged their daughter into their mess. Luckily, Luke’s parents were head over heels in love with their granddaughter and loved taking care of her. Molly would go straight to their house after work and spend time with Winnie, which made Luke jealous, but he would get to that point. He would meet his girl.

  Luke continued to see his psychologist and talk about what happened to him when he was captured, but had yet to talk to Molly about it. He wasn’t ready for her to know everything. He was having a hard enough time talking to his psychologist about it because, frankly, parts of his story were downright humiliating and Luke didn’t want Molly looking at him differently. Dr. Drake said Luke was going to have to talk to Molly at some point if he really wanted his relationship to heal, but Luke was willing to wait a little while longer. The plan was to get mentally healthy and then bring Molly in to an appointment so Luke could have Dr. Drake in the room when he spilled the beans. It would take time, but he would get to that point, he was determined.

  “Are you ready?” Molly’s question stirred Luke from his thoughts. He turned around and was blown away. Normally when they went out on a date, Molly would get dressed to the nines, wear a lot of makeup she didn’t need and push her breasts past the point of no return, but not tonight.

  Tonight, she was a new Molly. She was wearing a tasteful boat neck black dress, a pair of heels and natural makeup that made her eyes stand out. Her hair was shorter now and was pinned back at the sides, exposing her gorgeous cheekbones.

  Luke stood up, speechless, and went over to her. “You look incredible.”

  A slight smile spread across her face as she grabbed his hands with hers. “Thank you. I’m really excited about tonight and I want you to know that if something triggers you, please let me help, don’t push me away.”

  Luke hated…absolutely hated that she had to worry about a trigger interrupting their date, but the notion was very likely given his track record and the fact that being in public was so unpredictable. The idea of Luke being triggered tonight was very likely.

  “I’m so sorry you have to worry about that, but I won’t push you away. You just have to talk to me, so I don’t drift away.”

  “I will and if you want to leave at any point, just let me know.”

  Luke nodded his head and blew out a frustrated breath.

  “I’m sorry that I’m such a broken man. You deserve someone who is strong and doesn’t weaken in the knees when a door slams.”

  Molly picked up his chin and looked him in the eye. “You are the strongest person I know. You went through two years of torture and, besides a few triggers, you’re living life. You’re not broken, Luke, you’re just…a little crooked,” Molly said with a smile.

  “Crooked, I like that.”

  “It’s true. We’re all crooked in our own little ways. No one is perfect, so stop striving for perfection. You weren’t perfect before you went on your mission.”

  Luke looped his arms around her waist and said, “I beg to differ. I can remember many nights of you comparing me to God, and if God isn’t perfect, well then damn, I don’t know who is.”

  Molly laughed and pushed Luke away. “I was faking it…just making you feel good.”

  “The hell you were.” Luke put an arm around Molly and walked her out of the apartment and to their car. “There’s no way a woman can fake some of the shit that came out of your mouth. Let’s see it went a little something like…”

  Molly clamped her hand over Luke’s mouth and said, “Don’t even try it.”

  Luke licked her palm, making her squeal and rub her palm on her dress while Luke laughed. “You used to never be that disgusted with my tongue. I believe it was once your favorite muscle of mine.”

  They continued to flirt all the way to the restaurant they were going to, while they held hands in the car. Luke started to feel a little like his old self. He had his best girl by his side, he was talking about sex, which was his favorite thing of all time, and he was living in the present, not the past. He couldn’t ask for anything else…besides having his daughter in the back seat.

  **Margo**

  “When does Parker get back?” Lexi asked, as she danced around her kitchen with a wine glass in one hand and a wooden spoon in the other. The smell of Italian spices permeated the room as Lexi made her famous spaghetti sauce for dinner. Ever since Margo had returned to San Diego without Parker, she had been feeling lonelier than ever, so Lexi, her best friend, decided to invite her over for dinner.

  “Not sure, I think a couple of days. He’s staying a little longer to be with Brady and help out when needed, plus I think he has a couple of last-minute promotional things he had to attend.”

  “Well, don’t look all depressed, you have me, remember?”

  “You don’t have Parker’s abs though…”

  Lexi lifted up her shirt and smacked her stomach. “I think I can give him a run for his money.”

  Margo leaned over the counter she was sitting at and looked at Lexi, giving her a so-so motion with her hand. “Eh, could be better,” she said with a smile.

  “Oh, yeah. Let’s see yours?” Lexi said with a cocky voice.

  Full of pride, Margo pulled up her shirt and showed off the sexy “v” she’d developed over the past couple of months.

  “Holy shit! When did you get all ripped?” Lexi asked as she came up to Margo and patted her stomach with the wooden spoon in her hand.

  “While you were lazing about with your husband,” Margo smiled.

  “I wouldn’t call having multiple orgasms every day lazing about.”

  Margo rolled her eyes as she pulled off a piece of the bread that was sitting on the counter.

  “So how are you and Parker doing?” Lexi asked, as she stirred the sauce.

  “Wow, I’m surprised it took you this long to ask. I’m impressed,” Margo teased.

  “Jake told me I had to wait at least a half an hour before I quizzed you. Such a meddling man.”

  “He’s the one who’s meddling? Alright, Lex.”

  She shrugged her shoulders and said, “Come on. I told you everything when I was dating Jake. Share with a g
irl.”

  “Fine, but just for the record, your relationship with Jake was a freaking circus.” Lexi rolled her eyes and sat on the counter, waiting for Margo to talk. She blew out a heavy breath and said, “Everything is fantastic with Parker. I have been crushing on the boy ever since college and it seems so weird now that he’s actually mine…that I get to kiss him whenever I want and hold him when I want to be held. It just seems so strange and foreign, but I’m loving every minute of it.”

  Lexi squealed and clapped her hands together. “Ooo, I’m so excited for you two. When is the wedding?”

  “Whoa, slow down,” Margo said while holding up her hands. “We haven’t even said the big “L” word yet. Don’t go scaring him away. I just got him, I don’t want to lose him because you want everyone around you married. Besides, he lives in Atlanta.”

  “So, just move there, he’ll take care of you.”

  “Coming from the girl who needed to find herself first before giving herself over to Jake.”

  Lexi grew serious as she walked over to Margo. “Taking that time, to find who I truly was, to find a job for myself, it mattered to me; I didn’t want to end up like my mom. I needed to find my way first and I don’t regret it. Yes, it was awful on Jake and all his female fans wanted to chop my tits off, but look at us now, we’re stronger than we’ve ever been because, not only do we have our life together, but we have our separate lives too.”

  “You’re not making sense. You’re contradicting yourself; you told me to just go be with Parker, but then you’re saying it’s good to have your own life? If I move out there, with no job and nothing in sight, won’t I be giving that all up for him? My life is in San Diego, my friends, my family. Should I just throw that all away on the off-chance that Parker and I might work out?” Margo asked, as reality started to set in.