Selfless (Selfish Series Book 3)

by Shantel Tessier

  “No …” She trails off.

  “Yes,” I say, taking a step toward her. “I was a dick! An ass! I get that. But I would have never ignored you if I had known how you truly felt.” She swallows and looks away from me. As if she finally understands how fucked up all this has been. And how easily it could have all been avoided. “How could you ever doubt how I feel about you?” I ask, and her eyes meet mine again. “I have tried from day one to be more than just a fuck to you. But you were the one who pushed me away at every turn. Every time. It was always these rules, and you kept me at arm’s length.” Her eyes have filled with tears, and she licks her lips. “I love you, Ashlyn,” I say, swallowing and taking another step toward her. “No matter what happens between us or how mad at me you get, know that loving you is the easiest part of my day.” I come to a stop in front of her, and a tear slides down her face. I cup her face and brush it away. “Even when I thought you didn’t want me, I still loved you.”

  Another tear falls and her lips part as she sucks in a deep breath. “I love you, Ryder,” she whispers. “I’m so sorry … for everything …”

  I take her into my arms and kiss her. Pulling away, I run my hand through her blond hair.

  “I told him no,” she says softly.

  I pull back and look at her, and a tear runs down her face. “I was so mad at myself from what happened between us, but I was mad at him too.” I wipe a tear away. “He was supposed to be my friend. He wasn’t supposed to want more.”

  Giving her a soft smile, I tell her. “As much as I hate to admit it, I don’t blame him.” I cup her face with both of my hands. “Ashlyn, I fell in love with you that weekend in Panama. I knew then that you were the one for me.”

  “Why me?” She sniffs. “I can’t give you anything that you don’t already have.” Licking her lips, she continues, “Even Bradley knew you were too good for me.”

  My teeth grind together that that bastard would even think that. He just felt that way ‘cause he wanted her too. “Is this why you pushed me away?” She nods. “Ashlyn, listen to me. You are everything!” She closes her eyes for a second, and when she opens them, another tear runs down her face. “You think I care about what I have? It would mean nothing without you.” I realized that when I didn’t have her. My apartment. My job. None of it mattered while a piece of me was missing. “You are everything to me,” I say again, in case she needs reminding. Taking a deep breath, I watch another tear fall, and I hate that she’s hurting. That she could think this after everything I’ve tried to prove otherwise. “You asked why you? Because, baby, in a world full of ordinary, you’re magic.”

  ASHLYN

  Saturday morning comes, and I can’t quit smiling like a fool. I stand in our kitchen making the man I love breakfast. He sits at the kitchen table going over emails on his phone, and I can’t help think of how we got here. Somewhere along the past four weeks, I fell head over heels in love with a man who was way out of my reach but somehow fell for me in return.

  I pile up the pancakes and place them on a plate along with bacon and some scrambled eggs. I walk over to the table and place the plate in front of him.

  He sets his phone down and looks up at me with a smile. “This looks delicious.” Then he grabs my arm and yanks me down so I fall across his lap. I laugh, and then his lips hit mine.

  One hand snakes around my back while the other slides between my legs. I let out a moan as he deepens the kiss and gently bites my lip. He rubs my pussy over my pajama pants, and I hate that I even have them on.

  “Whoa, looks like someone made up.”

  I jump off Ryder’s lap when I hear Becca’s voice. I clear my throat as I fix his overly large t-shirt when I see her and Jaycent standing by the front door. “Good morning,” I say cheerfully. Not all that embarrassed they caught us.

  She laughs. “Good, indeed.”

  Ryder clears his throat and stands from his chair. “Can I speak to you for a moment?” he says, looking at Jaycent. Who isn’t smiling like everyone else.

  He crosses his arms over his chest but gives no answer.

  Becca and I look back and forth between them. I think Ryder wanted them to go outside and talk, but it looks like that is not an option. So Ryder begins.

  “Becca filled me in on everything you did for her. And although I don’t agree with how you guys kept things from me, I do understand why.” He looks at Becca, and her eyes plead with him to accept what he can’t change. And I have to agree with her. What’s done is done. They can’t go back and fix it. “And I want to thank you.” I look at Jaycent, and he uncrosses his arms from his chest. “Thank you for being there for her when I couldn’t. Thank you for … everything.”

  Jaycent walks toward Ryder, and I stiffen. Is he going to punch him? ‘Cause I have a feeling this time Ryder will fight back. But instead, Jaycent reaches out his right hand. Ryder shakes it as they pull each other in for a one-handed hug, and they slap each other’s backs.

  “I’m sorry too, man,” Jaycent says as they pull away.

  “So is everyone okay now?” Becca asks with a big smile. “Everything is back to normal?”

  I laugh, and Ryder nods his head. “As normal as things can be, I guess.”

  Becca claps her hands and then hugs Jaycent. When his lips touch hers, Ryder turns away to look at me, and I give him a soft smile. I know seeing them together will take time, but I do think he is okay with it. “Who else wants breakfast?” I ask.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  RYDER

  Monday morning, I walk into work whistling a tune. “Hello, Kelly,” I say to my assistant who sits behind her desk.

  She eyes me skeptically. “Hello, Mr. O’Kane.”

  “What do we have going on today?” I ask her, picking up my mail out of her basket.

  “Well, right now your father is looking for you.”

  I drop the mail and walk toward his office, still whistling. I enter without even knocking. He sits behind his desk holding the phone to his ear and wearing a pissed-off look on his face. He gestures for me to sit, so I plop down.

  “You can try,” he says into the phone. “But it won’t help you.”

  I take my phone out of my jacket pocket and send Ashlyn a quick text.

  ME:How about takeout tonight and a movie in bed?

  My father all of a sudden starts laughing, and I look up at him with one eyebrow raised. He really isn’t the kind of guy who randomly starts laughing. He doesn’t even find jokes funny. He’s always been pretty uptight. No matter the situation.

  He slowly stands from his chair with his office phone still glued to his ear. “You think you’re smarter than I am?” he asks, laughing at his own question. “I guess we’ll find out.” He chuckles. Then he slams his phone down.

  He straightens his suit jacket as he fully stands, no longer laughing. He walks out from behind his desk and over to his office door and slams it shut.

  “Are you okay?” I ask, truly worried for his sanity. I see my dad every day, and for some reason, his behavior is extremely off.

  He plops down and runs a hand through his hair. His eyes look heavy and his lips thinned. He’s either really tired or pissed. Possibly both. “Your mother is fighting me on this divorce.”

  I snort. “Well, I could have guessed that was gonna happen. What is it that she wants?”

  “The company.”

  I blink twice. “Come again.”

  He places his forearms on his desk. “She wants fifty percent of the company. She says she is owed that.”

  I start shaking my head. “She can’t … Can she …?” My mother owning half of this company will be the biggest mistake ever! She doesn’t know a single thing about it except that it makes money. And not to mention she would be up my ass every fucking day! “What are you gonna do …?”

  He holds up his right hand. “I have a solution.”

  “I’d love to hear it.” I snort, sitting back in my chair.

  “Give her what she wants.”
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  “What?” I demand. “You’re gonna give her half the company?”

  He shakes his head. “Either I give her half or I walk away.”

  “Why would she want you to do that?”

  “‘Cause she wants me as miserable as she is, and she knows how much this job means to me.”

  “That’s not a solution. You can’t walk away …”

  “No, but I can demote myself. Make it look like I’ve stepped away for now. And you’re gonna take my position.”

  I sit there and stare at him more confused than I was a minute ago. “This is not a joke, Dad,” I decide to say.

  “I’m not joking.” He stands up and turns to face the windows that overlook Central Park. He places his hands in his pockets. “I’ve made up my mind, Ryder. All you have to do is tell me if you can do it or not.”

  I run a hand through my hair, not really knowing what to do or say. “Dad, this company is your life.”

  He slowly turns around and walks around his desk. He leans back against it. “I can’t argue with that. I have put a lot of time into this company, but it has also taken a lot from me.” He sighs. “I missed so much of your and Becca’s life. And I would say if I could go back in time and do things differently, I would, but that isn’t an option.” He looks away from me and swallows. “I know I give you a hard time as your boss and as your father, but you’re ready, Ryder.” He looks back at me. “You know what it takes. You’ve seen what it takes. The question is, are you willing to give it what it needs?”

  **

  The only lights in my apartment are what’s streaming into the floor-to-ceiling windows from Manhattan as I sit on my couch. I’m still dressed in my suit, and I have a glass of whiskey in my hand as I think about what my father told me earlier. And my anger for my mother rises. For her to do this to him. She won’t give him what he wants unless he walks away. She wants him to lose just as much as she would.

  “Babe?” I hear Ashlyn call out as the front door opens. “I picked up the pizza.”

  “In here,” I say, looking down at my almost empty glass not in the least bit hungry.

  She comes into the living room and looks down at me with a wide smile. The moment her eyes meet mine, it falls. “What’s wrong?”

  I sigh, and she plops down next to me. “What’s wrong, Ryder?” she asks more concerned.

  “Today, my father told me he wants me to take over his position at the company,” I say softly.

  She gasps and grips my hand tightly. “That’s great news, baby.”

  I wish I felt her excitement. She doesn’t know that it has to do with my mother, and I feel that part isn’t important right now. I let go of her hand and stand, making my way over to the window. I look out over the town that I have grown up in, the only place I call home, and I feel a pain in my chest.

  “Why do you not sound happy about this?” she asks, her excitement now gone.

  I turn around and face her. “I’m not sure I can do it.”

  She frowns. “Why would you say that?”

  I toss back what’s left of my drink. “I’ve seen what my father gave up in order to make that company what it is today. And I don’t want to disappoint him,” I tell her truthfully.

  She frowns. “Why would you …” She looks away from me and trails off. “I see.”

  I go to take another drink, but remember that it’s empty.

  She slowly stands and walks over toward me. In the midst of my dilemma, I allow my eyes to rake over her black dress. It hugs her chest, showcasing her great tits, and stops at her knees. She wears a pair of bright red heels that matches her lipstick. Just like every time I see her, she takes my breath away.

  Once she reaches me, she places her hands on my chest. “It’s gonna be okay.”

  I wish I could be as optimistic as she is. “I’m not gonna choose …”

  “You don’t have to,” she tells me. Reaching up, she runs her hand through my hair, and I close my eyes as her fingernails scrape against my scalp, making my body break out in goose bumps. Her fingers grip my hair so tightly I hiss in a breath, and my eyes spring open. She stands before me, her blue eyes staring hard up into mine. “You’re gonna do this! And I’m gonna be here for you. That’s what I love you means, Ryder.”

  “Ashlyn—”

  “Wait!” she says, interrupting me. “I’m all in. I’m standing here, telling you that I’m all in. No matter how hard it is, if we try, we can make it.”

  As I look into her eyes, I realize just how lucky I am to have a woman like her. One who supports me and my dreams, but what will they cost me? I refuse to be my father. I admire him for his work ethic and what he has accomplished. But look what he had to give up in order to do that. I want to be optimistic like Ashlyn. I want to believe I can have both. The only question is can I?

  “I love you,” I say as my hands find the black material right below her ass. I start to pull it up over her thighs.

  She laughs and pulls away from me, the black material falling back down into place, and I frown. “Give me five minutes,” she says and then takes off to my bedroom.

  I take my phone out of my suit pocket and send my father a quick text.

  Me: I’m in.

  He sends me back a response before I can put it away.

  Dad: We’ll sign the papers next Monday.

  I let out a long breath, trying to convince myself that my life isn’t about to change, but it is. I’m just not sure it will be for the best.

  ASHLYN

  I lie in Ryder’s bed with my eyes wide open as I stare up at his ceiling. He’s passed out, slightly snoring. I run a hand down my face, releasing a sigh.

  He’s going to take over his dad’s company. It’s something I keep repeating in my mind. It’s a hurdle I didn’t see coming, but I was telling him the truth when I told him I’m behind him a hundred percent. Having him back in my life reminded me just how much I do love him. And that hole in my heart when he was gone has been patched. I’m not saying it will be easy because I already know it’s going to be hard, but I’m ready. I’m going to stand beside him and support whatever decision he makes. Even if it means taking time from us.

  The next few days went by rather fast. I didn’t get to see Ryder very much, considering he had a lot going on at work now that he and his father were preparing for him to take over. And I have thought to myself that this will be the rest of my life, not getting to see him much. But I know he wants this. And I was being honest when I said I would support him on this new path.

  Thursday morning, I wake up and leave him in bed to sleep and go make him breakfast. I’m halfway through cooking his eggs when there’s a knock on the door. I walk over to it and look through the peephole to see Jaycent and Becca standing there. I open it up and smile. “Good morning, guys.”

  They walk on in without an invite, and I notice that Jaycent is pulling a suitcase behind him. “Going on a trip?”

  They both frown and exchange a look that could only be confusion. “Yes,” Jaycent answers slowly.

  Becca places her hands on her hips and narrow her eyes a bit. “Ryder didn’t tell you?”

  “No.” I spin around to see Ryder coming down the hallway interrupting her. He wears a pair of sweatpants, and that’s it. I lick my lips as I imagine pulling them off him. “I have not,” he says to her and then looks at me. A big smile spreads across his face as he comes to me. “Good morning, gorgeous.” He wraps me in a hug and kisses my forehead softly.

  “What is going on?” I ask skeptically, not returning the affection.

  “We’re going on a trip.”

  “You and Jaycent are going on a trip?” I haven’t heard anything about this, but I’m not surprised. I know they do a lot of work together.

  “No, silly. All four of us are,” he says, holding out his hands.

  I look back at Jaycent and Becca, and she is nodding her head excitedly with a big smile on her face. He still holds her Louis Vuitton suitcase.

  “I
t’s Thursday,” I say, trying to understand what is going on. “I can’t miss work ...”

  “It’s already taken care of,” Ryder says.

  “What?”

  “I spoke to Thomas, and you are all good to go.” He smiles down at me, his green eyes lit up with happiness. I hate to ruin it for him or seem ungrateful, but I’m just a little confused right now.

  “Okay. I haven’t packed,” I tell him.

  “No need; it won’t take you long to pack.” He looks down at his phone in his hand. “We have an hour before the plane leaves.”

  “An hour?” I ask wide-eyed. “This airport is huge. We should already be there if our plane leaves in an hour.”

  Jaycent laughs and so does Ryder. I feel like they know some inside joke I don’t. “We’ll be fine, babe. Go pack.”

  “Where are we going?” I ask. “I’m not sure what to bring.”

  “One sec.” He opens up his phone and types on it then speaks. “It’s eighty-nine degrees and a chance of rain today and tomorrow.”

  My brows pull together. “Are you not going to tell me where we’re going?” I ask, and he shakes his head.

  “It’s a surprise.”

  I smile up at him because I think I know where we’re going. He’s taking us back to Florida.

  **

  Exactly forty-five minutes later, we pull up to a gate. Ryder pulls up an app on his phone and types in a code and the gate opens. I look around out the side of the Escalade window from the back seat. “This isn’t the airport,” I state.

  Becca laughs. “This is where Ryder and my dad store their planes,” she says simply.

  “Store their planes?” I ask, looking around at the big steel doors lined up one after another. It reminds me of going to a storage facility. Where all the garage doors are one after another. But these doors are much, much larger.