Knuckle Down

by Chantal Fernando

  “Your labor is progressing really fast, if you take anything you might prolong the labor,” she tells me, looking to Knuckles like his opinion right now matters.

  “I want the gas,” I demand. “Please. Surely that will take the edge off.”

  “Okay, that we can do,” she murmurs, setting up the gas for me.

  A few minutes later and I’m sucking in that gas like I need it to live just before every contraction, and it does help. About an hour later, the nurse does another cervix test, and lets me know that I’m ten centimeters and can now start pushing.

  Wonderful.

  “Okay, I can do this,” I tell myself. “I can do this. I just need to push him out, and then I get to hold him, and everything will be fucking fine.”

  “You can do it,” Knuckles tells me, looking me in the eye. “You’ve got this, Celina.”

  I work with each contraction, pushing whenever the pain hits me, trying to force him out into the world.

  It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life.

  But then all of a sudden, the pain stops, and just like that, I can hear crying.

  Knuckles, who is standing at my feet even though I didn’t want him to, cuts the umbilical cord, and brings the baby straight to me, laying him on my chest, tears in his eyes.

  “He’s perfect,” he whispers, emotion choking him up. “You did so well, Kitty. I’m so proud of you.”

  “It’s a boy?” I ask, staring at his dark, full head of hair, brown eyes, long lashes, and tiny little fingers.

  “Oh my god, I have created perfection,” I whisper, and I can’t help it, I start to cry.

  Tears of utter happiness this time, my love for my son overwhelming.

  I did it.

  I nailed it.

  I’m a mother.

  With Walker in my arms, breastfeeding, surrounded by Knuckles and his two daughters, I can’t explain just how happy I am. I’ve never felt love like this, and I don’t even know how to explain how full my heart is. I called my mom and dad to let them know they’re grandparents, and they’re both going to come for a visit in a few weeks. Akeira and her husband are going to visit tomorrow, along with the rest of the MC family.

  “He’s so cute,” Willow says in a baby voice. “I can’t believe I have a baby brother.”

  “Who do you think he looks like?” Westley asks, peering down at Walker’s little face.

  “I’m not too sure yet,” I reply, smiling at her. “I think he has your dad’s eyes, that’s for sure.”

  “He’s the cutest baby I’ve ever seen. He has so much hair,” she continues, holding her hand to her chest. “When he finishes eating, can I hold him again?”

  “Sure you can,” I tell her, glancing at Knuckles to find him already watching me, a look only to be described as adoration in his eyes.

  “You look so beautiful right now,” he says, dropping his gaze to our son. “And thank you for giving me such a gift. A gift I never even knew I wanted.”

  I smile, lashes on my cheeks as I look down at Walker. Knuckles is right, no one planned for this, and no one even knew this was a possibility, but here we are, so in love with this moment, with our family.

  They say everything happens for a reason, and I never used to believe that.

  You make your own fate, I’d have said, but all the roads that have led me to this moment weren’t made by just my doing.

  “I shotgun Walker after that,” Willow says to her sister. “Don’t try and hog him, Westley.”

  “Am I going to get to hold him again at some point?” Knuckles asks, sounding amused. He wraps an arm around each of his daughters and gives them a sweet kiss on top of their heads. “I have the best children in the world.”

  “Yes, you do,” Willow replies, smirking. “But we have the best dad, so I guess we can call it even.”

  Walker finishes drinking, yawns, and falls back asleep.

  “May I?” Knuckles asks, and at my nod he takes his son and holds him for a little, just admiring him before letting his daughter hold him in turn. When Flora dropped the girls off, she didn’t come in to see the baby, nor did she show her face, but at least she brought them here.

  We all stay like this, just chatting and oohing and aahing over Walker until visiting hours are over, and the girls get hungry.

  They both give me a hug and the baby a kiss before they leave.

  Knuckles gives me a long, lingering, almost thankful kiss before he has to go. “I wish I could stay. It’s bullshit that they don’t allow me to stay the night. Maybe I should talk to someone to see if I can get an exception.”

  “You’re going to threaten a doctor?” I ask, eyebrows hitting my hairline. “I don’t think so, Mr. Just Come Back Early in the Morning. I think visiting hours start at eight.”

  “I’ll be here at seven thirty then,” he says, kissing me again, and whispering into my ear, “I love you so much. I’m in awe at how you handled everything today.”

  I blush, glancing down, the smile on my lips unmoving. “Thank you.”

  “Good night, and I’ll see you in the morning,” he says, leaving with Willow and Westley.

  He pauses at the door, and says, “Remember how we said we would just see how we do? Make our relationship be on a kind of trial basis?”

  “Yeah,” I say, lip twitching.

  “Consider yourself subscribed.”

  I laugh, shaking my head at him as he leaves, glancing down at Walker.

  I remember having that conversation with him, because I didn’t know if we could make it work, but after that it was like we were right back together, anyway.

  “It’s just me and you now, my handsome little boy,” I say to my son.

  I put him back in his little cot and try to get some sleep. I don’t think I’ve ever felt tired like this in my entire life, my whole body just needing rest.

  It’s then that I learn that moms don’t get to rest.

  Apparently sleep is a privilege for those without children only.

  32

  I wake up at 6:00 a.m., after having the worst broken sleep ever. Walker woke up every two hours wanting to feed, and I feel the exhaustion down to my bones. I’m surprised with a visit from Katie, her son, David, in her arms.

  “How are you doing?” she asks me softly, smiling down at Walker. “He’s so big and beautiful.”

  “Yeah, he’s a little on the big side, isn’t he,” I grumble, the ice pack in my panties reminding me of that fact every time I move around a little.

  She sits down on the chair next to my bed. “They said I can go home tomorrow, if I like. Did anyone manage to get in touch with Shovel?”

  “Yes,” I say, yawning and rubbing my eyes. “He called Gage last night and Gage told him the good news.”

  “Oh, good,” she whispers. Glancing down at the baby in her arms. “This is the first time he’s stopped crying all night. Do you think something is wrong with him? The doctors say he is fine, but I don’t know, I just get this feeling . . . I’ve been reading up on fetal alcohol symptoms, and with many of them, such as hyperactivity, hearing and vision problems, and a slow rate of growth, I won’t be able to tell for a while. He could have something wrong with him right now, and I won’t even know. I don’t know what to do.”

  “Trust what the doctors say,” I tell her gently. “I’m sure he’s fine, Katie. He looks healthy. I’m sure you have nothing to worry about. If you’re concerned I’m sure the doctors will ask you to stay longer so they can keep an eye on the both of you just to make sure.”

  “That might be a good idea,” she agrees, eyes going back to Walker. “It’s so crazy that we both went into labor at the same time.”

  “I know,” I say, grinning. “Guess these two get to grow up together, huh?”

  She nods quickly. “Yeah. Like brothers. I’m going to get a juice, do you want one? Or some snacks or something? They’ve got heaps of stuff in the mini kitchen thing.”

  “A juice would be perfect,” I te
ll her.

  She nods and heads off to the kitchen, returning a minute or so later with a glass of juice, some fruit, and toast on a tray. “Here you go.”

  “Thanks,” I say, taking the tray from her.

  All of a sudden, in a quick movement I don’t see coming, Katie moves to my side and stabs something into my arm. I glance down at it, then back at her. She’s starting to blur.

  “Wh-what the fuck?” I stutter, trying to stay awake.

  I call out, but I don’t know if anyone can hear me, and I don’t know if my sounds can be heard.

  And then all is black.

  I wake up knowing: something is very, very wrong.

  You know when your instincts kick in, and you just have this gut feeling that something is not right.

  That female intuition.

  I never ignore mine.

  I quickly sit up, feeling like I’ve been run over by a truck, my eyes quickly darting to Walker’s cot, where he’s still fast asleep. I exhale slowly, my body on alert for some reason, my mind fuzzy and clouded. It’s like my fight instincts have suddenly kicked in, except I don’t know what for. I don’t know what happened, and I don’t even remember falling asleep. When I check the time, it’s seven fifty, so I pull my breast out and get ready to feed the little monster.

  When I pick him up though, I realize that something is very, very wrong.

  Because it’s not Walker I’m holding in my arms.

  And then I remember.

  Katie.

  The needle.

  I scream.

  Knuckles had arrived early, just like he said he would, but they hadn’t let him into my room just yet. When he heard my scream though, he came running in like a bat out of hell.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks, eyes darting between me and the baby in the cot.

  The baby who is not my son.

  “Knuckles,” I say, running to him and grabbing onto his shirt. “Something happened. That’s not him. It’s not him. We need to find him, now.”

  “What do you mean?” he asks, dark eyes filling with confusion and panic.

  It hits me that Katie was in here earlier.

  She must have taken him.

  Is that David in the cot right now?

  “Call the men and tell them to find Katie now,” I bark at him, and without question, he rings all of his brothers. When he’s on the phone to Gage, he says to me, “Gage wants to know why.”

  “She kidnapped Walker,” I tell him. “We need to find her.”

  “What do you mean?” he asks me, ending the call and going over to the cot. When he picks the baby up, I can see the harsh realization dawn on his face. “Wh-what? Katie?”

  I glance down at my arm, near the inside of my elbow. “She injected me with something,” I cry, now realizing that this must have been her plan all along. I bend down and pick up Walker’s ID bracelet that she must have cut off. I look to David, who isn’t wearing his, so she must have somehow put David’s tag on Walker.

  She did keep saying how worried she was about David’s health, and kept comparing her pregnancy to mine, her son to mine, herself to me. She must have thought that David was unwell, or her drug abuse did something to him, I don’t know why she did it, and right now, I don’t care. That fucking bitch.

  She clearly is mentally ill and has something wrong with her, but I have no sympathy for her right now. How can I? I was nice to her from the start, and treated her like my own family, and this is what she does in return? She’s fucking crazy, and I’m not going to rest until my son is back in my arms where he belongs. And Katie? She has to get the help she needs.

  They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned . . .

  They haven’t seen the fury that comes from a mother trying to protect her children.

  There are no boundaries I won’t cross, and nothing I wouldn’t do.

  She fucked with the wrong mother.

  I’ve never seen Knuckles so angry before, and I know that this is the old Knuckles, the one who used to get off on fighting and was so good at it he made a reputation out of it. He rages quietly at first, but then starts to punch the wall. When a doctor comes in to see what all the noise is about, Knuckles grabs him by the neck and pins him to the wall. It’s me who has to make him let go.

  “A woman has come in here and took our son,” I explain to him. “Is there video footage, or something we can see to check what time she left? We need anything to go on right now.”

  Everything after that is a blurred rush.

  The police are called.

  Surveillance is checked, proving my theory. She walked right out of here with my son.

  The MC uses all their resources to try to find her, and Shovel is contacted to see if he can help in any way, maybe he knows of a place she would run to, any bit of information helps.

  Erin runs up to me, crying, and hugs me so tightly that I can’t breathe.

  I don’t want to breathe, not without my baby.

  I go into shock, and the hospital staff have to pin me down.

  I try to fight them off.

  And in all of this, I feel sorry for the little soul, the one left in the cot, the one who no one seems to want right now.

  David.

  Last I saw he was in Rogue’s arms, so at least he is being cared for.

  “Walker!” I scream out, just as they give me a needle. “Where are you?!”

  Then all I see is black, and all I know is emptiness.

  As soon as my eyes are open, I yell out his name, the pain in my voice so raw. Labor couldn’t make me scream out, but the thought of losing my son can.

  “Ssshhh, it’s okay,” Knuckles says, holding me in his arms. “It’s over. We found him; it’s okay.”

  “What?” I ask, my voice cracks from yelling so much. “You found him?”

  He nods, swallowing hard, the relief in his eyes unmistakable. “Gage found him. He’s safe.”

  “Where is he?” I ask, big teardrops falling from my eyes. “Where is he, Knuckles?”

  “Gage is bringing him here right now. Katie was at her parents’ house, packing her things and getting ready to leave town. Shovel gave us the address, and luckily Gage made it there before she could leave. The police are arresting her as we speak, and Gage is riding with Walker in the back of an ambulance to the hospital,” he explains, as I try to piece it all together in my head.

  “Is he okay? Why is he in an ambulance?”

  “He’s fine, they just wanted to run a few tests, but Gage is with him and he won’t let anything happen to him, so don’t worry, Kitty, it’s over now.”

  He rocks me back and forth while I cry in relief.

  This whole incident could have had a completely different ending, and the thought scares me so much because I probably would have ended up in prison, and that’s the truth.

  Never in a million years would I have been able to let this go, to be one of those strong parents who forgive.

  I’d never have forgiven.

  Ever.

  33

  “I’m never letting you out of my sight again,” I tell Walker, crying as I hold him once more. I’ve never been more thankful and more grateful in my life.

  “We owe you everything,” Knuckles says to his president, pulling him in for a hug. “Fuck, man. We almost lost him.”

  “You don’t owe me anything,” he says quietly, a somber air about him. “We brought her in, welcomed her, trusted her, and she fucked us over. We need to be more careful from now on. We aren’t taking in any more strays.”

  “Thank you, Gage,” I say, crying. “If you hadn’t gotten there so fast, who knows where Walker might be right now.”

  He runs his hand over my hair. “Don’t worry now, beautiful girl, he’s home where he belongs. You need to rest, you look exhausted.”

  I shake my head instantly, refusing the idea. “No, I can’t sleep.”

  I know I sound crazy, maybe even a little manic, but there’s no way I can sleep after what just hap
pened.

  I will never take my eyes off him again.

  Maybe Knuckles and I can take it in shifts or something, I don’t know, I’m sure we can work something out.

  “I want to take her home, she isn’t going to do well staying here,” I hear Knuckles tell Gage, and I don’t miss the concern in his tone.

  “What’s going to happen to David?” I ask them both.

  “I don’t know, I guess that’s up to Katie,” Gage replies, blue eyes sad. “We will handle that when we get to it. For now, let’s work on getting you home. I’m going to talk to the doctor.”

  “Thanks,” I say, watching him walk out.

  Knuckles sits down on the bed next to us and buries his face in my neck. “I’m so sorry this happened, Celina. I’m so fuckin’ angry, you have no idea. My hands are shaking, and if it were a man who did this to us instead of a woman, he’d be dead right now. I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my whole entire life.”

  We hold hands, and stay that way, just watching our boy.

  We survived this.

  I think as long as we have each other, we can survive anything.

  I decide to go back to the clubhouse instead of my home, just because there are more people there should anything else go wrong. Knuckles brings all my dogs here, too, to meet Walker and for that extra protection.

  “He looks so cute in this outfit,” I tell Knuckles, smiling at Walker’s Cursed Ravens onesie that Ace got made for him. “All he needs now is a cut.”

  Knuckles picks him up and laughs. “This boy is going to have all the ladies wanting him, aren’t you, Walker? You’re so handsome, and luckily look more like your mom than like me.”

  I lie back on the bed and watch the two of them together. The fact that Knuckles is such a good father is a turn-on for me. I love this about him, and I always have, and now that I get to watch him be this way with our son, it makes me so emotional.

  Walker Jack Chester is a lucky boy.

  And I’m a lucky woman.

  I never thought I’d be where I am right now. Being a journalist was a part of who I was, but now I’m so much more. I love that I get to do it all, juggle my freelance career, still earn my own money, and be a stay-at-home mother to my son, whom I love more than anything else. I’ve changed, but for the better. I went from distrusting men and thinking I had no use for them to being head over heels in love with the man in front of me.