By Reason of Insanity

by Rachel Sinclair

  The upshot was that she and Olga never did reconcile.

  "Can you tell the court what you mean that you thought that you were an orphan?”

  “Yes. That's what I was always told, by the ladies of the orphanage. That’s what I was told by Svetlana Kazakova. She was the main person who I dealt with when I was a young child, desperate for a home. I was only three months old when I was brought there. When I got to be a little older, and I could understand about the world a little bit more, I used to ask about why I was there, because I knew that other children had parents, and I did not. When I was very little, I did not even know the concept of parents. But I learned it. I learned it by going out the world and seeing some of the other kids."

  "What do you mean, you learned it by going out the world and seeing other kids?"

  “Well, the ladies of the orphanage would take us out. You know, we would go out to McDonald's, places like that. We would go out to different shopping places around Leningrad, field trips, things like that. When I was very young. I would see kids with a man and a woman. I'll admit, I didn't really understand who these people were around these children. So I asked Mrs. Kazakova about that, about the men and the women who were around kids, and how come I didn't have that same men and woman around me. She wouldn’t answer my question. But later on, when I went to school, I saw my classmates had that same thing. The man and woman with them. I was starting to understand that other kids had parents. It just dawned on me that I was living in a place where I didn't have that. I learned when I was six years old what had happened to my parents. I was told that they were both killed in a car accident."

  "Did you understand, at that time, that you were living in an orphanage?"

  "By then, yes I did. I understood what an orphanage was. I understood that the other kids who were with me didn't have parents either."

  She proceeded to tell the jury about what had happened to her in the orphanage. She explained to them about how when she was a small child, a baby, she came to realize that she had been touched inappropriately a man.

  “At the time, I didn’t know what was happening, but it was something has always stuck with me, all of my life. When I was not even one year old, there was a man, I don't know who it was, who put his finger up inside of me. I remember it, because I felt even then that there was something wrong."

  “Did you ever find out who that man was?” I asked her.

  “I did. I found out that his name was Sergei Dmitriev. He was somebody who worked there at the orphanage. I think he was somebody who cleaned up after us, or something like that. I also remembered that, throughout my early childhood, he would do things to me. I didn't know that it was wrong at the time.”

  She told the jury about how Sergei had touched her genitals, throughout her early childhood. She told the jury that he not only put his fingers there, but also his mouth.

  And then she told the jury about what happened next. “Beginning when I was six years old, he raped me. He raped me a lot." She looked down at the stand and then back up at me.

  Then, I saw it. She looked at me, but I could tell that she is not there anymore.

  She was dissociating, even as I looked at her.

  I tried to ask her some questions, but she would not answer. She just stared straight ahead, looking at nothing. I wondered if she was going to be okay in just a few minutes. I knew that, after talking to her therapist, and through talking to her, the dissociation sometimes would last only a few minutes and sometimes for several days. It usually happened when she was having to bring up the painful memories of her early childhood.

  "Ms. Vasiliev,” Judge Watts was saying to her. "Could you please answer the question?"

  And, just like that, she was back. "I'm so sorry. What was the question?"

  "I was just asking you when you were able to get out of the orphanage?"

  "I left the orphanage when I was seven years old. I found an adoptive family. The Williams. They adopted me, and brought me here to San Diego. And I lived the rest of my life here. They were good, kind, and loving, but I couldn't get over what happened to me back in the orphanage. I couldn’t get over the rapes, the molestations, the neglect, the abuse. I couldn’t get over the days that I didn’t eat, the days that I was chained to a bed and made to lie in my own filth. I had dirty diapers for days and days. I remembered all of it. I couldn’t get over laying in a bed in the dead of winter, no blankets, dark, nobody to hear me cry. I could never get over knowing that I was alone in the world and there was nobody there for me. I was broken, and there was just no way that anybody was going to be able to put me back together.”

  I glanced over at the jury and saw that several of them had tears in their eyes. They were watching Marina, transfixed by her story.

  “Now, is it your understanding that you have been diagnosed with a certain personality disorder?”

  “Yes."

  "What is that personality disorder?"

  "Borderline Personality Disorder."

  "So, let's get back to your relationship with your husband, Lawrence. You heard the testimony of the other witnesses. They talked about how you humiliated Lawrence, how you told him constantly how you hated him, how you told him that you wished that he was he was dead. Did you really feel that way?"

  "No. I do not feel that way."

  "How did you feel about your husband?"

  "Grateful. I knew that he was a good man, and I was grateful that he took me in. Although my adoptive parents were loving, I knew that they probably did not want me to live with them for the rest of their lives. And I didn't have any kind of skills or education, so I was happy that Lawrence gave me a good home."

  “When you say that you’re grateful for Lawrence giving you a good home, do you mean that you loved him, like a husband?"

  "No. I didn’t love him like a husband. I saw him more as somebody who was taking care of me. And he did. He took care of me, financially, and by giving me a roof over my head. He gave me everything I needed to live. So, yes, I was grateful to him.”

  “Yet the witnesses talked about how cruel you were to him. Can you explain that?"

  She nodded her head. "I can explain it. I've had so much therapy over this, you would not imagine. But, what I have come to know is that I hate myself. I've always hated myself. I loathe who I am. I look at myself sometimes, and I feel sick. And, because Lawrence was around, he was the person who I was projecting my own hatred, my own self-loathing, onto. When I told him that I wished that he was dead, I was really saying that I wished that I was dead. When I told him that I hated him, I was really saying that I hated myself. When I told him I thought he was ugly, it was because I’m ugly. When I would tell him that I wished that he was never born, it was because I felt that about myself. Everything I said to him were things that I was thinking about myself.”

  “So, you actually didn’t hate him, wished that he was never born, and wanted him dead?”

  “No. Never. I never thought bad things about him. I wish that I could've controlled what I said to him in front of other people. That's another thing that I found out about my illness. Sometimes, a certain thing takes over. I call it my demon. She takes over, and when she starts going, I can't control her. I can't control the things that come out of my mouth. But no, I never wanted him dead. I wanted myself dead. When I was talking about coming after him with a gun, I was wanting to use that gun on myself. I never wanted to kill him. He was a good man. And I would have never done it. "

  “Okay. Now. Did you recently find out something that surprised you?"

  "Yes. I did. I found out that I have an identical twin sister."

  "When did you find that out?"

  "I found that out about eight months ago.”

  “How did you find out about her?”

  “Well, I found it out because she called me. Actually she is now a he. Her name was Oksana when she was born. Now it’s Brock, because she’s now a boy. So, I’m going to try to refer to my sister as he from now on. Anyho
w, he called me. He said that he saw me on the Internet. He came across my picture. I don't know, I think that there was a picture taken of me and Lawrence, we were at some kind of a fund raising function. And Brock said that he saw that picture of me, and he saw himself. He knew what he looked like before he got into a lot of drugs, and he started taking male hormones.

  Anyway, he just had a feeling, all of his life, that there was somebody else who was supposed to be with him. Just like I’ve always felt like there was somebody out there who was my other half. And, even though his adoptive parents had never told him he had a twin, he just always felt empty. Like he was only half there. And I admit, I felt the same way, and I could never explain it either. So, when he called me, and said that he felt like I was his long-lost twin, I didn't question him. In fact, it sounded right to me, more right than anything had ever sounded.”

  “So, what happened next?”

  “Well, he gave me his phone number, and we talked. And it was odd, because I was talking to a boy, but, at the same time, I just had a strong feeling that he was my long-lost sister. We agreed to meet.”

  "What happened when you met?"

  "Well, he came ready with a photo album. I guess because he thought that I would not believe him when I saw him. And, I had to admit, when I saw him, I did not see the resemblance at all. At the same time, I felt an unbelievable connection to him. Like I was finally finding the person who was my missing puzzle piece. Not in a romantic way, course. But the missing link. I really felt a strong connection to him, so he didn't even have to show me those pictures. But he did show me the pictures anyhow. There were pictures of him when he was around 20 years old, when he was living with his parents, before he started taking the hormones, and I saw that that picture was of me. I really believed him then.”

  "But yet, you kept his existence secret from your husband, right?"

  "Yes. That's right. I mean, I wanted Lawrence to meet him. But I did not want him to know who he was. So, I asked him to open up a profile on ALT.com, the site that Lawrence and I used to find our partners, and he did. Then I contacted him over that site, and pretended that that was how he met me. I don't know, I just didn't want Lawrence to see him with me, and ask me how I got to know him. So that's what I did."

  "So, he came over to visit with you guys?"

  "Obviously, he was not going to actually be our sex partner. I mean, he was my identical twin sister, obviously I wasn’t going to be doing anything sexual with him. I just told my husband that he was coming over to meet and greet, and Lawrence was okay with that. Because we did that sometimes with people that we met over the sex line. We didn't necessarily want to play with them, but we would have a meet and greet. That's how I introduced Lawrence to Oksana. I mean Brock."

  "Now, you said that you didn't want Lawrence to know that you even had an identical twin sister. Why is that?"

  "I don't know. I just kind of wanted to have something that was private from Lawrence. I don’t know why I hid it. I just wanted to make sure that I kept it from him."

  "Now, did you recently find out something about your husband?"

  “Yes. I did."

  "What did you find out about your husband?"

  "I found out –" she began. And then she looked down at the witness stand, and I could see that she was shaking. She was near tears. "I found out that he knew that I had an identical twin. He knew that because he was in on it. Not at first, but he found out years ago.“

  "Now, you’re saying to the jury that you found that he was in on it. What do you mean by that?"

  "I mean that I found out that I was a part of an experiment that this Dr. Weber person was overseeing. When I discovered that Dr. Weber did that, I was devastated. I was left in an orphanage, I lived through hell, all because this evil man, Dr. Weber, wanted it that way.”

  “And how did your husband factor into this?” I asked.

  Another deep breath. “I found out that my husband knew about me. He specifically knew about my experiment, about what had happened to me, and that was why he married me. He wanted to give me a good life, because he felt responsible for me going through all that when I was a small child.”

  “And how did you find this out?”

  “I came across some emails that he wrote to Dr. Weber where they discussed me.”

  I was going to go into detail about the emails, and I knew that they were going to be admissible. I had prepared a pretrial motion on the admissibility of these e-mails, and the judge had agreed with me. As long as I was able to lay a foundation for the emails, I was going to be able to get them in. I was going to use Dr. Weber to authenticate the emails, because he was the sender and the recipient of these documents.

  “Before you go any further, can you tell the court how you got a hold of these emails?"

  "Yes. They were on my husband's computer. I did not alter them in any way, shape or form.”

  Jenna stood up. “I would like to object to the lack of foundation for these emails,” she said.

  I realized that I had gotten ahead of myself. I needed Dr. Weber to authenticate them. “Your honor, may I approach?” I asked.

  Judge Watts nodded and motioned Jenna and me to come to the bench. “Your honor, we discussed this in my motion in limine. We agreed that these emails would be admissible.”

  “Yes, but only if you can get them authenticated by Dr. Weber,” Judge Watts said. “I think that you need to call him to the stand and authenticate them before you can proceed.”

  I sighed. “Can we take a break and I can call him to the stand?”

  “Yes,” Judge Watts said. And then Jenna and I took our seats. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,” Judge Watts announced, “I would like to a 20 minute break so that counselors can authenticate some evidence. Don’t stray very far, and please be back at 2:15.”

  I took a deep breath as the jury filed out. I didn’t want Dr. Weber to have a heads-up on the email situation before I called him, but I knew that there wasn’t anything that could be done at this point. If the only way I was going to get these emails in was to get Dr. Weber on the stand to state that he was a part of the email chain, then I was just going to have to do it that way.

  Dr. Weber came in the door, after the bailiff found him. He looked confused as he approached the stand. “I don’t know what is going on, am I testifying now?” he asked, looking at the empty jury box.

  “No, Dr. Weber, we just need for you to authenticate some documents before they’re entered into evidence,” Judge Watts said.

  My heart was pounding. Dr. Weber took the stand and was sworn in. He stated his name for the record, and then I approached him.

  “Dr. Weber, I would like for you to examine some emails that I have subpoenaed from Pegasus, Inc.,” I said.

  I handed him all the emails that I printed out, and he took out some reading glasses and read them. I saw his face go pale as he realized what was going on, and I silently kicked myself. He was going to know how I was going to attack him now. He was going to be prepared.

  He handed them back to me, after reading them carefully for a good twenty minutes. I saw that the jury was back, in that they were outside the courtroom, looking in. They were just going to have to wait a few minutes more.

  “Yes, I was the recipient of these emails,” he said.

  “And the words that have been printed on these emails are yours and Lawrence Murphy’s, is that right?”

  “Right.”

  “And these emails have not been altered in any way?”

  “Right.” I could see that his wheels were turning in his head.

  “I would like to enter these emails into evidence, your honor,” I said.

  Judge Watts nodded her head. “Ms. Powell, do you have any objections to these emails being admitted into evidence?”

  She examined her copies of the emails, as if she had never seen them before. She had seen these emails before, of course, because I had given them to her months ago.

  “No objecti
on.”

  “These emails are entered into evidence,” Judge Watts said. “Thank you very much, Dr. Weber,” she said to him. “You are excused for now, although you will be re-called by the defense.”

  He looked furious by everything. He knew after seeing the emails that he was royally screwed. I just hoped that I could still take him by surprise when I called him.

  Dr. Weber left, the jury came back in, and Marina was re-called to the stand. She was reminded that she was still under oath, and I approached her.

  “Now, Ms. Vasiliev, before we took that recess, you were testifying about how you found out that your husband knew about your situation at the orphanage, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “And how did you find this out?”

  “I saw some emails between Lawrence and Dr. Weber.”

  “And what did these emails say?”

  “They talked about how Dr. Weber deliberately left me in an orphanage for my first seven years of life. I was a part of an experiment where Dr. Weber separated me from my twin, and made sure that Oksana had one kind of life and I had another very different life. I was deliberately left in a horrible situation and Oksana was placed in a good situation.”

  “So, you found out that your husband knew about this?”

  “Yes, he did. He found that out six years ago, which was when we got married.”

  “And how did you meet him?” I asked.

  “He came into the coffee shop where I was working. I was working at Starbucks, and he came in and started talking to me. I thought he was a handsome guy. Charming. Intelligent. But I didn't think anything of it. Because obviously, I didn't think that somebody like him would be interested in someone like me."

  "Why did you not think that he wouldn’t be interested in you?"

  "Well I found out that he was extremely wealthy and I was a 24-year-old barista. And he was, you know, 50ish. But he pursued me. He asked me for my phone number and, about two months after we met, he asked me to marry him."