Squiggle

by Chandler Ardnas

  “Today?” I jumped up and down in the squawking chair. I was too excited to think of any ramifications of Julius seeing his slut of a wife in action, I was just happy his marriage was finally over.

  Mr. Carmichael stood and spoke directly to the other man. “Thank you, Layton. I need to speak with Ms. Wilson for a moment.”

  The other man stood to leave, and I thought it was odd his name was Layton. What could his nickname possibly be? My father would never let me go out with a boy called, Lay. How would you talk about things you did? Can you imagine telling people, “Yeah, Lay, me, and…” No, his parents should have named him John.

  “Ms. Wilson?” I heard and looked over to see William giving me a perplexed stare.

  Dang it all to heck, I must learn to pay attention. “I’m sorry, did you say something?” I asked the future grandpa of my babies.

  “I want to talk to you about Julius. I’m afraid he is sometimes a bit… idealistic.”

  “Julius is ammazing,” I said, and used two m’s.

  “He tends to… jump… into things without thinking.” Hum… I thought we were talking about Julius, not me. “My son needs some time to rebound from this difficult business with Jennifer and grow up a bit,” he continued.

  “I’m not sure you ever totally get over Jennifer. She leaves a dark spot on your soul. Like watching the Blair Witch Project; you just don’t go camping after seeing that, you know what I mean? Hey, let’s call her, The Jen Bitch Project.” I pulled my hands to my mouth and began shaking as I whispered, “I’m so scared.” I looked at him to smile, but my attention was drawn to the curved wall and I exhaled deeply again. I finally turned back to Mr. Carmichael and he was staring at me with his mouth open. Crap, did I miss something again?

  “You may go, Ms. Wilson,” he said, and shook his head.

  I scrambled down the stairs in happiness knowing Julius was free and I was going to have him to myself this weekend. I planned on exploring every inch of his body and asking him every random question that came into my mind. Nothing could dampen my mood and when I was handed the inevitable clipboard asking me to bring either cookies or fruit, I signed them both. I walked over and dropped it from the wall onto Kurt’s desk without looking where it landed. Then, I skipped over to Claire’s desk and found it empty.

  “She’s in the bathroom,” the girl across from her told me. I went to check on her and I found her crying on the lounge area floor. I sat next to her and rubbed her back until she calmed enough to talk. I was sure her emotions had something to do with Amos, so I had to pity her a bit.

  “You don’t have to have the baby?” I told her just in case she was looking for options.

  She sniffed a couple of times and shook her head. “I want the baby, I really do. I’m just so scared.”

  “Scared about having two babies?” I asked, assuming she was crying about being stuck with a newborn and Amos.

  “Everything is going to change, Tobi. Amos will be a great dad.” Not likely. “But I’m not ready to be a mom.”

  “What makes you think so?” I asked in surprise.

  “I’m so vain, what if my baby is ugly?” she broke into tears again and put her face into her hands.

  “Honey, you’ll just name him Amos junior if he’s ugly,” I said to make her laugh. Yeah, that’s why I said it.

  “Maternity clothes are hideous,” she pointed out.

  “Right that,” I mumbled, but quickly snapped back into the supportive friend role. “Juno didn’t wear maternity clothes; just wear your same clothes.”

  “I’m not wearing Marc Jacobs with a gut,” she said emphatically.

  It was time to get real and make her focus on what was important. “Claire, you’ll get huge, you’ll have a painful, bloody birth… most likely from an eleven-pound baby. You’ll be cursed for the rest of your life with hemorrhoids, but the second you hold that baby something in your heart is going to shift. Colors are going to be prettier, music will be clearer, and you’ll know a love so deep it will be impossible to ever live without it again.”

  She leaned her head on my shoulder as I continued. “I’ll come see your baby, and as much as I despise Amos… which is a lot, I’ll be so jealous of you. I’ll run into people and they’ll say, ‘How’s Claire?’ and I’ll tell them about your beautiful baby and how lucky you are because your heart is full.” She brought her hand to her heart and smiled as tears fell from her face. “And when you call me one day and tell me I was right about Amos, I will rent a truck and move you from his home as I circle the house in poisoned Vienna sausages he’s sure to eat.”

  “What would I do without you, Toto,” she said as she wiped her face.

  “I’ll always love you, Claire… and your ugly baby,” I promised, and kissed her head.

  I decided to really push my mom to get Amos hired. Claire would eventually be happy raising her baby in Cartwright and Amos would be relatively safe. She wiped her face dry of tears and headed back to work. I was a bit envious of her, not that she was going to share her life with Doofus, but because she was moving forward in life and I was standing still.

  I was anxious to hear from Julius and hoped he would be happy I had taken things into my own hands. Not that my hands would ever touch Jen, but I instigated Jack’s hands. When the day ended I shut off my computer and got my purse. Kurt stood at the opening of his cube and stared at me. I didn’t want to leave first, allowing him to check out my butt, so I stopped.

  “Go,” I finally said with irritation.

  “I’m waiting for you to go,” he explained.

  “I’m not going,” I said, and crossed my arms stubbornly.

  He gave me a really creepy look and then smiled as he headed down the hallway. I was now too afraid to walk to my car alone, so I looked around for someone to join. I saw Susan, so I rushed up to her side and took hold of her elbow. “Can I walk with you?” I asked.

  Her eyes grew wide and she looked around like she needed protection from me, not Kurt. I pulled her forward and she allowed her feet to move along with mine. “Are you coming to the party?” I asked, just to make small talk.

  “Yes,” she said softly. “My husband is coming, too.”

  “That’s right, you’re married?” I gasped, suddenly liking Sues much more.

  She lit up and nodded enthusiastically. “I met Darryl in college. He looks like Warren Beatty.”

  Wow, it was shocking news. Not that her husband looked like Warren Beatty, but that she went to college and we have the same job. I knew for me it would be fruitless to attempt higher education. It was hard to listen in high school, so college would be next to impossible. I learned early on when squares talked about a place of experimentation it only meant growing from a small square into a large square. I didn’t need to find a guy in college like Sues. I was happy I finally found a perfect man, a lemniscates, who could exist with the squares but appreciate a squiggle.

  I drove home and made plans for Julius to come over. I changed my sheets, punished my clothes, placed candles by the bed, and found a pair of seductive panties I had been hoping to wear someday. I didn’t shave, because I didn’t want to appear too anxious. But, I was willing to suffer a few nicks in a rushed dry run if needed. I was now waiting restlessly for his call. It didn’t come until close to midnight. I jumped when the song, Do That to Me One More Time, played on my phone.

  “Julius?” I yelled, trying desperately to wake up.

  “I miss you,” he said before hello, and it melted my heart.

  “You can come over here now, can’t you?” I asked, praying the panties weren’t going to waste.

  “I’m at my parents’ house. We have an early morning meeting.”

  I didn’t bother asking what it was about, because I didn’t care. I wanted him in my arms and every second he didn’t appear seemed too long. He took a loud breath and I realized something was upsetting him. He wasn’t overjoyed like I was, and it made me confused. “Is something wrong?” I asked.

&nbs
p; “No, it’s just been a long day.” He was quiet, and I felt my heart beating frantically. I was waiting for the words I hoped would never come. I felt like he was going to end it with me and for the first time in my life I would be devastated over a guy.

  “You’re scaring me,” I finally said in just a whisper.

  His voice was tortured, and I thought he was crying when he said, “Tobi, you’re different, right?”

  I learned from my parents that the word different was not always a good thing. I wasn’t ordinary, or typical, but did he want me to be different? “I don’t try to be anything,” I answered honestly. “I’m a squiggle in a world full of squares. I’m… me.”

  “And this thing between us, our relationship? Is it something real or just passing time?”

  I was totally confused. I wanted us to be permanently joined together, like surgically. “Julius, what’s wrong?” I asked, certain there was something he wasn’t telling me.

  His demeanor quickly changed, and he laughed heartily. The sound of his laughter put me right at ease and he promised to come by as soon as he got home the next night. The panties would have to be saved for another time.

  The following morning, I drove to work early, hoping to take off early and prepare for my romantic night with my unattached boyfriend. I saw William Carmichael get out of his Mercedes in his personal parking space. I felt it was time to bond a little with my future in-law, so I rushed up to walk in with him. “Hi,” I said cheerfully. “Great day, isn’t it?”

  He gave me an irritated glance and said, “Uh huh.”

  When he opened the door, I assumed he was opening it for me, but when I moved to walk through we both hit the edges of the doorframe. It was quite rude of him if you ask me. I grabbed my right breast and cried out in pain.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, suddenly showing concern.

  I pulled my blouse out and looked down at my chest. I had to admit a little swelling wouldn’t hurt me any. “My nipple is going to be bruised,” I said with agony. His face turned red and he quickly looked around to see if anyone had seen our collision, most likely for insurance purposes. “I won’t tell Julius it was you,” I said to ease his mind.

  My comment managed to get his full attention and he leaned over to either speak directly to me or to intimidate me. “You will not be telling Julius anything. I’ve asked you to stay away from him.”

  My mouth opened wide and I shook my head in disbelief. “I saved your company from Jennifer ‘STD’s’ Staple.” I wasn’t exactly sure how much money we were talking about, but the least he could do is share his son with me. “And I helped you beat Microsoft,” I added. I wasn’t exactly sure how I did that either, but it was another bonus to having me in his life.

  “My son needs to grow up and he doesn’t need you filling his head with nonsense.”

  Oh, now he did it. My head was full of colors, and music, and unusually creative thoughts. It was not full of nonsense. I always thought of Mr. Stovall as my boss, so the owner of the company didn’t give me a moment of uncertainty. I was going to defend myself no matter who this square jerk was. I couldn’t decide where to start and I thought he was ready to move on at any second. I finally said the one thing I knew would fill his day with doubt. “That tie is hideous,” I announced, and flipped it up into his face.

  I watched in fascination as he turned different shades of white, red, and then almost blue. He suddenly spun around and headed toward the elevators as he mumbled, “Crazy girl.”

  It wasn’t the first time I had heard that in my life. “I’m not crazy,” I yelled after him. “I’m a squiggle!”

  Chapter 6

  My perfect day was ruined right from the start. When I got to my cube Kurt walked up and stood to block the doorway. I could easily climb over the half walls, but I felt trapped anyway. His skin was always greasy, and he had open sores that made him look like a meth addict. He could be cute if he cleaned up a bit. I tried to ignore him, but I was fully aware nobody else was in the office yet.

  “Are you afraid of me?” he asked.

  I gave him a disgusted tisk and rolled my eyes for added effect. “Why would I be afraid of you? There are cameras all over this place,” I pointed out, hoping it would be enough to cause him to back off. I wasn’t afraid he would hurt me; he was just creepy and uncomfortable to be around. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but something wasn’t right with him.

  “Why do you hate me?” he asked with a big smile.

  “I don’t hate you, I resent you,” I clarified. “You took my boyfriend’s space.”

  “I could be your boyfriend,” he offered, as if the cubicle was the attraction, not gorgeous Julius.

  I didn’t want to laugh at him, although the thought of it was quite funny, so I pretended to think about it for a moment. “Naw, I’m good,” I said nonchalantly. Right at that moment Sues walked in. I was never so happy to see her in my life. I almost felt guilty for shooting her in the head… almost. I pushed Kurt out of my way and rushed over to Susan’s cube. She held her hands out as if to hold me back or something. “Good Morning, Sues. Do you want to go get some coffee?” I asked in a really quick sentence.

  “Why?” she questioned with a reluctant look.

  I laughed and wrapped my arm in hers to pull her toward the stairs. She looked around for help, like I was creepy Kurt. I ignored her fear until we got to the cafeteria. I bought her coffee and waited for her to add crème and sugar. She was trying to hurry so I told her to calm down, I wasn’t going anywhere.

  She finally turned to look at me and asked, “Are you really dating Julius?”

  Man, I was trying so hard to be nice to her. Why did she have to bring up my perfect present in such a jealous tone? I narrowed my eyes and said, “What about your Warner Beady guy?”

  “Warren Beatty,” she corrected me, and I just waved my hand to dismiss her. I didn’t care if he was Harry Styles; she was married and shouldn’t be panting over my guy. “I love my husband very much. I just think Julius is so handsome. I like looking at him,” she admitted with a slight blush.

  I grabbed the coffee cup from her hand and got right in her face to say, “I have a pit-bull and I’m not afraid to use it.”

  I stomped off and tried to figure out how to get a tattoo of my name across Julius’ chest to keep all the other women away. He had been free for only one day and there was already a line forming.

  I got right to work when I returned to my cube. I was completely transfixed on my task…. of downloading music that reminded me of Julius. I felt hands move over my eyes and I naturally assumed it was Kurt, and why wouldn’t I? Only real pervs try to cover your eyes when you’re obviously busy with unethical work duties. I pushed back as hard as possible in my chair and pinned him to the half-wall. I was holding onto his wrists, so it was easy to pull his fingers right into my mouth, biting down with as much force as I could muster. He was screaming like a little girl when my eyes finally noticed Kurt watching me from his cube.

  I released my clamped jaw and spun around to see Julius bent over cradling his hand. “I’ll never play the guitar again,” he moaned in pain.

  “I’m so sor… you play the guitar?” I asked; because he would look so hot playing a guitar. I wondered if he sang, too. Those deliciously long fingers were obviously used for more things than driving me crazy. He wasn’t exactly Slash… but I could picture him rocking the guitar.

  “Not anymore,” he cried.

  “I’m sorry, I thought you were Kurt, because he was creeping me out this morning and then someone grabbed me. You should be happy I won’t let rapists manhandle me.”

  I could tell Julius was having a hard time following the conversation. He looked at me, then over at the cube where Kurt sat, then back at me. “What?” he finally asked, as he tried to battle through the pain.

  I didn’t want to waste time talking about Kurt, so I shook my head and asked, “What are you doing here?”

  A smile formed on his face and I
sighed at the sight. He had the best smile in the world. His face would form little crinkles next to his mouth and I had an overwhelming desire to trace them with markers. When his smile fell, I realized he was waiting for a response. What if he asked me to leave work and join him at a fancy hotel? I would miss my opportunity because I was fascinated by his smile. “Sure,” I said, hoping I was agreeing to a hotel rendezvous.

  “I’ll pick you up at six,” he said, and then leaned over for a quick kiss.

  Great, now I had no idea what we were doing or what my clothes needed to say. I felt I would be good going with something that said it should be removed as quickly as possible, a bathrobe perhaps. I reached down and felt my legs, they still needed a good shave. Then I stuck my hand down my shirt to feel my armpits… yep, wooly mammoth. It was going to take me longer to get ready than time would allow, so I pulled a fast one. I placed my head on the hot part of my computer and waited for it to soak into my skin.

  As soon as Mr. Stovall began his aisle marching, I jumped up and said, “I don’t feel well. I think I have a fever.”

  He placed the back of his hand on my forehead and nodded with concern. I used my pitiful face, the one I used when my father caught me cleaning my shoes with his toothbrush. It was foolproof, and Mr. Stovall let me leave immediately. I didn’t want Julius to see me leaving, I mean, he was going to be the owner someday and I would hate to be fired by the father of my children. I scrunched down and did a version of a duck waddle between the cars until I made it to mine.

  I drove straight to a lingerie store to pick up the perfect panties, the perfect bra, and the perfect perfume. It costs so much money to be perfect. Then I dropped into a salon and got my hair conditioned, my brows waxed, and my nails done. It is a good thing I am not a high maintenance girl.

  When I got home I shaved all my hairy places, almost. Then I spent two hours finding the perfect thing to wear. By six I was ready. I didn’t look any different on the outside, but I was confident on the inside. My new bra even made me appear to have cleavage. When they say ‘wonder bra’ they mean it.