Squiggle

by Chandler Ardnas

  “Are you okay?” I asked.

  “Peachy,” he answered. He didn’t sound like he was peachy; in fact, most people are never peachy when they use the word peachy. They should just say they are feeling crappy, instead of ruining a perfectly happy word like peachy.

  “Are you mad at me?” I asked, and my heart was beating wildly. I had so much hope for today and his behavior was dashing it quickly, along with the mafia guy in the bumper boats.

  “No,” he said, but it was said with a breath instead of his voice. I walked over and sat on the desk next to his head and put my hand on his shoulder. I couldn’t tell if it was my hand shaking or his shoulder, but something was shaking.

  I saw he had earphones on, so I took one and placed it into my own ear to listen to the music. “I like the music, who is it?” I asked.

  “Don’t,” he said with a tight jaw, finally raising his head.

  “Is that the singer’s name or the group’s name?”

  His mouth twitched and finally formed a smile before he looked directly at me with red eyes. “I meant, don’t ask,” he said.

  “Oh,” I chuckled. I removed the earphone and changed the subject. “Does your mom or dad have a dog?” I wanted to know if they were naturally prejudiced against cats or if it was just a party thing.

  Julius sat all the way back in his chair and said with disgust, “Are you kidding, nothing shits unless William Carmichael says it can.”

  Oh, I get it now; he was having a fight with his father. I always felt there was something weird about that man having a curved wall. He must have disapproved of Julius’s dream and decided to rip it away from him. How can people hurt their own children with expectations? William dear had a wonderful son, but he didn’t appreciate him.

  “I do,” I said, and Julius gave me a funny look.

  “You do what?”

  “I shit without William Carmichael saying I can.”

  He laughed loudly and brought his arms around me, so I had a clear shot at his mouth. I pulled even closer and asked, “Do you like my shirt?”

  “It is very bright,” he said, and looked at it with a smile.

  “Don’t you think it would look great lying on the floor?”

  “I think it would look incredible lying on the floor,” he said, and pulled my chin so our mouths joined together.

  We both moaned, missing this so much, and I moved from the desk onto his lap. He ran his hands down my back and then under my very bright shirt. I felt like he was crying through the movements of his body. A sadness was felt in his touch and it made me worried.

  “Julius, I love you. I thought I loved Jack, but that was just high school stuff. The other guys were just hookups so they….”

  He placed his hand over my mouth and said with a smile, “You can stop after ‘Julius, I love you.’ The rest can stay in your head.”

  He was really getting my squiggleness in a way not even Kevin did. I watched his face soften into a look of contentment and it filled me with love. If I could give him even a moment of peace it meant the world to me.

  “Come join the party, it’s fun,” I begged. He nodded and helped me to stand and put on my hoodie.

  I was telling him all about the jerk in the bumper boat as we walked hand in hand to the parking lot. The crowd was gathered around the stage, dancing and munching down on all the food. Julius grabbed a hard lemonade, and it was just so darn cute. We stood in the middle of a group of people bouncing to the music and I raised my hand and closed my eyes as we all moved together. It was basically a group grope as our bodies bumped each other’s constantly. I opened my eyes to take a drink of my beer and noticed Sues bouncing her way in our direction. I turned to protect the vital parts on my man by rubbing them myself when I noticed Kevin practically molesting him from behind.

  “Julius,” I said softly, and he opened his eyes to look at me. “I think you’re having sex with Kevin right now.”

  He spun around, which pleased Kev greatly, since he could now put his hand on Julius’s neck and pull him closer. I moved myself against his back, locking his body between me and Kevin as I wrapped my hands around his waist and protectively covered his little Jules.

  I realized at that moment my guy was easily confused, which was probably how Jen got her claws into him. He could see Kevin was holding a drink in one hand, holding his neck with another hand, and cradling his Jules with two more hands. Even with the relaxing comfort of a hard lemonade he realized it was too many hands. So which ones were fake, the ones he could see, or the ones he could feel?

  “Kevin,” he said with a shaky voice, “You’re a great guy, but I’m not gay.”

  “You’re not?” Kev asked, with a hint of disbelief as he looked at the lemonade… hard.

  “No, and I’m really uncomfortable with where your hands are.”

  Kevin raised both hands in defeat, and my poor, confused, lemonade-drinking man looked down at his little guy to see who was holding him lovingly. He turned to look back at me to make sure it wasn’t some other company dude he accepted a pen from. “Man, I feel drunk,” he said, as he looked into my eyes.

  “I have one more thing to point out,” I said with a smile. “See the woman with the grey roots and the shorts up to her boobs?” He looked over my head and I saw his eyes quickly move away, since Sues was most likely staring at him. “She wants you.” He chuckled uncomfortably, and I leaned into his ear to speak, “Her shirt would look awful on the floor.”

  “Her shirt would cover the entire floor,” he laughed, and I smacked his chest.

  Even though we were in a crowd of people we had an intimate moment going on. I was totally focused on him and willing to open up about everything. “I should tell you Kevin kissed me to the seventeenth floor because you were gone.” I figured I could be honest since I had been holding his dangler for the better part of five minutes.

  He shrugged, and I was a bit disappointed it didn’t make him jealous. “I’m sure he was imagining it was me.”

  I laughed and looked over at Kev’s sad face. “Go give him a kiss; he just lost hope of having you.”

  “Won’t kissing him bring back the hope?” he asked.

  “I don’t know, but it would get me hot to watch it,” I laughed. Watching Jack and Jennifer did nothing for me, but Kevin and Julius would be a bit interesting, I’m just saying.

  “I think we should end our relationship,” Julius teased.

  I didn’t find it funny at all; just because I asked him to kiss a gay guy didn’t mean he should threaten me. I mean, what if a meteor was hurling toward the earth and if Julius would tongue kiss Kevin, the world would be saved.

  “You would break up with me and refuse to save the earth?” I asked in anger.

  “You’re talking in your head again, Tobi,”

  I jumped into his arms and wrapped my legs around his waist as I kissed him passionately. It was all going well, a pounding beat, a hot guy who wanted to kiss only me, and a crowd bumping us as we grinded into each other. But, all good things must come to an end, and this end was in the shape of a grumpy company owner.

  “Son,” William dear called out, and I groaned as I let my legs drop to the ground. We were no longer surrounded by coworkers, since they had the good sense to part like the Red Sea when William, boner killer, Carmichael came within ten feet. “I would appreciate a little decorum while entertaining at my company’s party.”

  I never tried that kind of rum, but I would go with Julius to buy some if that was what William dear wanted. I felt it would be more appropriate to send someone else to get it, but maybe this was all part of his ‘short leash.’ Julius’s jaw tightened, and he mumbled, “Ass,” when his father walked away.

  “Is it yucky?” I asked in confusion.

  “What?”

  “The rum, is it yucky or just really expensive?”

  “What rum?”

  Now, I was listening, I know I was. William dear wanted some rum to drink while he entertained at his company
’s party and Julius thought he was being an ass for it. Something made Julius suddenly double over in laughter. I looked around to see what was so funny, but I didn’t see anything remotely humorous.

  He pulled me into his arms and said, “I love you so much, don’t ever change a single thing, promise me.”

  “I can’t promise that,” I said with my own laughter. “Can you imagine if I never changed my panties?” I shivered at the disgusting thoughts running through my head.

  He took a drink of his lemonade and I watched how his lips curved around the rim of the bottle. I wanted to be that bottle and have his lips curving around me. But, we had an all-day party that demanded our attention.

  The band announced a break and said Mr. Carmichael would address the crowd. I looked over to see William dear through the building entrance, talking on his cell phone. So, I jumped onto the stage and asked the guy playing the guitar if I could borrow it. I went to the microphone and said, “Julius, son of the late William Carmichael will sing us a song while we wait.”

  “Mr. Carmichael isn’t dead,” Kurt yelled out rudely.

  “I didn’t say he was, idiot, I said he was late, so his son will sing.” Creepy Kurt was quickly surpassing Amos in the epic idiocy department.

  Julius looked terrified as I held out the guitar for him. I’m certain it was the look on his face as Jennifer, the orgasm faking whore, walked down the aisle toward him at their wedding. He finally came up to the stage. The crowd went crazy as they encouraged him to entertain them. He took the guitar from my hand, and you know how Disney movies add a little sparkle to the characters eyes, most likely in response to Pixar, but anyway, Julius had that little sparkle.

  He smiled and played the guitar for a minute before leaning into the microphone and began singing the song, I Wanna Do Bad Things with You. He winked at me and I think one of my eggs jumped from my ovary and crashed head on into my uterus looking for one of his best swimmers. His low bass voice sent vibrations through my body and I had to grab the railing to steady myself.

  Kevin was subconsciously nodding as if offering permission for Julius to do bad things with him. Susan was tugging on her panties, so she could throw them onto the stage, and I was so going to strangle her with them. I saw Travis, southern gentleman, confederate coveting, table tapping Travis, dip Sara back and kiss her right in front of the entire department. Gratefully, the picnic tables were covered in dishes, so he couldn’t strip her down and serve her up.

  When the song ended it was silent, since we were all in a post-coital coma. I began clapping and the place erupted into thunderous applause. Even the band clapped with appreciation for the guy who just got off an entire company.

  Julius dropped his head sheepishly and handed the guitar back to the band as William dear walked out to hear the crowd clapping. “It’s not for you, it’s for Julius,” I told him, in case he was confused as to who was the rock star in the family.

  Mr. Carmichael began telling us how much our efforts paid off and how we now have a standard of excellence to live up to, blah, blah, blah. Nobody was listening since we were all panting over his son.

  I pulled Julius away from the crowd and looked at him like he was the last piece of candy in a piñata. “You have to do something with your music, Julius. You should see your face when you sing, I mean, I would totally sit on your face while you sing, and I know that sounds completely disgusting, but I was only trying to make a point about your singing.”

  He laughed and took my hand as he led me to the place I had been attacked with the water cannon. The rides weren’t running since everyone was supposed to be listening to William dear. We were totally alone as we sat on the very edge of the bumper boats platform and let our feet soak in the cold water. He was quiet and thoughtful, so I waited for him to pick and choose the words he wanted to use, something I really needed to learn how to do.

  “Tobi, I met Jennifer…”

  “At a church, I know, during your devil worship phase, right?” I giggled.

  He didn’t smile, and I could swear he was holding his breath. He dug deeply and found the courage to speak. “She was my second marriage,” he said softly.

  It was more than the cold water making my body turn numb. I looked back at the stage to make sure I wasn’t lying there passed out and having a dream. I thought he told me he was twenty-six, what twenty-six-year-olds were already divorced… twice? He finally took a deep breath, so I looked back at his face to see what crazy thing he would say next.

  “My first wife, Ashley, died. She was diagnosed with cervical cancer and died three months later.”

  No, this was bad; divorce would be much, much, better. It would mean they chose to be apart. I felt tears sting my eyes and I looked down at the dark water where our feet rested unknowingly to the possibilities lurking underneath them. I wanted him to stop talking but he began explaining.

  “I found out she was cheating on me right before she became sick,” he said with a lot of pain in his voice. He sniffed, and I glanced over to see he was crying. “For some reason I can’t seem to make my wives happy.”

  “Julius,” I gasped, and threw my arms around his neck so I could pull myself over to straddle his lap.

  We tipped forward and he reached for something to grab onto, so he could steady us, but the platform was empty. I had a whole speech ready, and it would have been perfect; all about how he was too good for the women he married, and it was his goodness that attracted whores to him. Although, I’m not a whore and I love him completely, I am attracted to his goodness, but I would never cheat because, come on, he can get me off with just a song. But, I never got the chance.

  We crashed into the cold water in one giant splash. I swear the theme to Jaws began to play as we flailed and twisted to untangle ourselves from each other and the floating boats. He surfaced first and yelled a really bad word, which he usually reserved for the bed or reclining chairs. It interrupted the company rah, rah, speech his father was giving, and the entire crowd turned to the sound of splashing water and filthy words.

  Julius was able to climb back to the platform and had to help me, since I was shivering and turning blue. “I..I..I..mmmmm…so…rrr…yyy,” I said, as I hugged my own body tightly.

  Charlotte came running toward us with a blanket in her hand and I staggered my legs in case she came to wrap her son and push me. I was not going back in without a fight. She wrapped us both and I realized my legs were turning numb. I really hoped I hadn’t peed on the dock unknowingly, but a part of me wanted the warm urine running down my legs right now.

  I had to hold onto Julius as we walked and could feel his body shivering, too. I swear the building climbed off the foundation and backed up a good mile. It was the longest walk of my life… and the staring coworkers didn’t help.

  “I’m sorry for the rude interruption,” Mr. Carmichael said into the microphone, and I didn’t care what kind of rum he drank, he was an ass to say it that way. We didn’t mean to interrupt, rudely or otherwise. It was an accident cause by a shocking announcement of cheating whores. If anyone was to blame it was Jen, the lying bride, and Trashley, his first wife.

  “Get her in a hot shower,” Charlotte said to her son. I suddenly loved her for suggesting we get hot in a shower. His mother was much more liberal than his concrete, square father. I should have brought two bottles of Ketchup. “Son, she can use the one in your father’s office and you can use the one in the health center,” his horribly mean mother clarified.

  “I want my Ketchup back,” I said as I glared at her.

  I stood in the shower, alone, and thought about Julius’s talent. It wasn’t something he needed to do to make a living, but he absolutely needed to be singing to be the lemniscates he was within. I wasn’t an agent, except when finding men for Jennifer, but I knew talent when I heard it.

  I got out of the shower and dressed in a pair of my guy’s gym shorts and one of his mother’s t-shirts she left for me. I didn’t want to wear it, because it felt all
squareish, but it was either her shirt or showing my low mileage breasts to the entire company.

  I found Julius waiting for me in the hallway. I was so relieved it wasn’t one of his parents’ or their partners. I ran up to kiss him and whispered, “I’m commando in your shorts.”

  He smiled and pulled me down the stairs. “Come sit on my lap,” he teased.

  We re-joined the party, and someone handed me a blanket rolled up with a handle stitched with, Carmichael Corporation. It was our appreciation gift. I bet Pixar got way better gifts. The sun was beginning to set, and the music got slower and more romantic, or maybe the fact I was sitting on my guys lap made the music feel more romantic.

  I was snuggling his neck and said emphatically, “I would NEVER cheat on you.”

  He didn’t say anything, and I knew it wasn’t something he could hear, it was something he had to feel. It would take a lot of love to make up for the two women who hurt him. I heard him sniff and I looked up to see him blinking to keep his tears away. “Are you sad?” I asked him.

  He shook his head and smiled at me. “Not at all,” he said.

  I pulled the blanket over our heads, so I could kiss him properly. I didn’t care if his father thought he was being antisocial, he gave us the stupid blanket to begin with.

  When the fireworks started we snuck away to his car. He was going to spend the night at my house and keep his phone turned off… and me turned on. The house was dark when we arrived, and he headed right to my room before turning on a light.

  “No clothing punishment?” he asked, when he saw my room was actually clean, a byproduct of not seeing him all week.

  I opened my drawer and pulled out something with excitement. “Want to meet my new dog?” I asked and held out a picture of a pit-bull dressed in a tutu. “Her name is Sammy II, isn’t she cute?”

  He took the picture from my hand and walked over to sit on my bed. I waited for him to smile or comment, but he sat there shaking his head. Something about him changed and I had no idea what it was. He seemed disappointed, or possibly angry. “You don’t like her?” I asked and knelt next to him, so I could see his face. He looked at me and I smiled, but he didn’t smile back, he simply stared. “What’s wrong? I pressed.