Everyone helped clean up the mess and the women decided to go for a walk before dessert. I put on one of Julius’s sweatshirt and a cap on my head. We walked behind the house through the woods. The trees got thicker, and the forest got darker as we chatted and walked without paying attention.
Finally, Sara looked around. “We better head back,” she said with a bit of fear in her voice.
We tried to simply turn around, but trees blocked our path at various places and soon we were going in the wrong direction. We tried yelling for our husbands, but the more we screamed the more terrified we became. We finally stumbled onto an old shack in the middle of nowhere. It was deserted and dusty and only contained a single bed and a chair, not even a rocking chair.
“Do you think the guys will start looking for us?” Claire asked, and I had faith in Julius, but nothing would interrupt Amos’ football watching.
“If not, who do we eat first?” I asked and both women looked at me like I was serious. I mean, come on, Sara would only make one decent appetizer. I focused on Claire and said, “We may have to drink your breast milk.”
“You’re not touching my tits,” she said with a chuckle.
“The stress may put you into labor,” Sara said to me and I began begging Budge not to Budge.
We sat quietly, trying to decide who to cannibalize when we heard voices. We all jumped up and ran outside and began calling for help. Two people walked into our view and I wanted to be left for dead. Jack and Laura, a girl from high school, looked at us like we were interrupting their holiday humping. I looked at Jack and then back at the shack and groaned loudly. It was all just so gross.
Laura looked at me hatefully and said, “You’re pregnant?”
“No, I ate a watermelon,” I said cynically, because when I was little an old man told me that and I believed for years every pregnant woman I saw was hogging all the watermelon.
Laura laughed and looked at Jack when she said, “I would have loved to have seen her mother’s face when she found out.”
“She’s married,” Jack said, “To Jennifer Staple’s ex-husband.” Damn, he could have left out that last little nugget.
Laura fell over in laughter and I really hated that it was Thanksgiving and we had to be peaceful. But, if she thought her laughter would make me think any less of my wall pounding King, she was mistaken.
I smiled and let out my own little nugget of information. “Jennifer lied to Julius and pretended to be innocent. She didn’t have to pretend with Jack when he made a sex tape with her.” I leaned closer and whispered, “And she was still married when he did it.”
“I was helping you steal her husband,” Jack said angrily.
“I wasn’t stealing her husband; I already stole him when you made the tape. It was just to keep his money out of her whorish hands.” I leaned in again and whisper, “She faked it with Jack.”
“What did you do, watch it repeatedly?” Jack asked to spare his pride.
“Yeah, and she faked it every time,” I grinned.
“I need to get home to my daughter; can you tell us how to get back to the main road?” Claire asked, growing tired of the pissing contest between me and the pissess.
Jack turned and pointed, but I wasn’t born yesterday. Even ugly Amy was bright enough to know Jack would lie to me and laugh when buzzards picked at our bones. They were not getting any alone time until Jack brought one of our husbands to get us.
We were all at an impasse. I refused to leave, Laura refused to stay, Claire and Sara wanted to go home, and Jack was stuck with four women bitching at him. He paced back and forth like a wild dog and finally decided.
“Okay, I’ll take Tobi with me. Laura, you wait here while I get their husbands. I’ll have them drive me back and get rid of these two,” he said, and everyone finally agreed.
He walked over to Laura and gave her a kiss as he fondled her butt, just to make sure she didn’t lose the mood while he was gone. I rolled my eyes and remembered when he used to pull that move with me. We set out in the woods and I tried to keep up with him, but he had a girl cooling down, so he was trying to set a time record.
I stumbled a couple of times and finally ran to catch up with him, but I smacked my forehead right into a limb. It scraped across my flesh and warm blood began running down my face. “Would you wait for me,” I screamed, and Jack looked back in horror.
“Oh God, what did you do?” he asked and ran back to help me.
“I was trying to keep up with you, why are you practically running?” I asked, but I already knew the answer.
He surprised me by saying, “I feel weird being alone with you.”
“I make everyone feel weird, so you don’t have to run,” I said, and he pulled his shirt off to hold against my cut.
I looked at his body, because he was right up in my grill, but also because he had a dang nice body. I didn’t feel like I was betraying Julius, if I had my shirt off, I know Jack would have looked. “You’re not a skinny kid anymore,” I told him honestly.
“Look who’s talking,” he teased, and placed his hand on Budge.
I swear I could be standing in the middle of the Sahara Desert and a Bedouin dragging a camel would come by just as something looked suggestive. Our guys had begun looking for us and guess what; they found us, just as Jack stood shirtless with his hand on my stomach.
Julius looked like someone reached in his chest cavity and ripped out his heart. He stopped walking in my direction and turned to run. I couldn’t run after him because Jack was blocking my path and my head would begin bleeding again. I screamed for him, but he didn’t stop. I looked at Travis and wanted him to blow his bugle, so the infantry would come to my aid.
Travis came with me, while Amos followed Jack back to the shack for the other women. I looked at Travis in despair and begged for the truth. “Do you think Julius will give me a chance to explain?”
“I don’t know, Tobi, he is pretty fragile… emotionally. He doesn’t believe someone like you can really love him.”
“Like me?” I asked and wasn’t sure if he was complimenting me or insulting me.
“Yeah, God, Tobi he worships you. He feels you are way too good for him and you’ll wake up someday and wonder why you are with him.”
I stopped walking and gasped loudly. It was insane for Julius to think I was too good for him. He was so amazing and made my life worth living. We began walking again and I couldn’t even keep up with the conversation. I thought Julius understood me. I thought he knew how much I loved him, but he was only trying to understand my squiggle. If it was anyone else in the world I would tell them to piss off, but it was Julius, and if I had to change to keep him, I would.
When the houses came into view I headed to my own house and saw Julius’s car was gone. I was crying by the time I got through the back door and stood in the middle of my open floor plan and tried to see things as the rest of the world did. My staircase curved and the pictures lining the wall were all silly, unusual pictures of me and Julius and our dogs. We were sticking out our tongues or crossing our eyes as we laughed in each one.
I walked into our bedroom and looked at the rain lamp with the naked woman standing among the leaves. My eyes caught the wild colored towels with the crazy patterns hanging from our towel rack in the bathroom. My entire house was so full of me, but where was Julius.
I walked down to his office, which I had insisted be an octagon and sat at his desk. I saw a small notebook and opened it to find a list of possible Christmas gifts he was considering for me. The next page was a list of baby names; Budge, was not on there anywhere.
His office was full of clean lines and classic pieces. He was so much like his mother and the man I thought I knew didn’t even exist. He was pretending to be something he wasn’t so this wife wouldn’t cheat on him.
I picked up the phone and dialed his cell. He didn’t answer so I left a message. “You didn’t see what you thought you saw, Julius. I cut my head and Jack used his shirt to stop
the bleeding. He wasn’t touching me lovingly; he was teasing me about being fat. Please come home, because I can’t live without you. I’ll change, Julius. I promise I’ll be the kind of wife you want.”
I wanted to say so much more, but my voice broke and I couldn’t continue. If I lost my husband everything in my life would cease to have meaning. Hoser began following me through the house as I struggled to decide how to fix everything. He could tell something was wrong and missing Julius, too.
I finally took a shower, got some ice for my forehead, and got my pillow and blanket and made a place to sleep on the floor by the door. I soon realized it wasn’t something a normal pregnant woman would do, so I got up and slept on the couch.
Julius never came home and by morning I was a mess. I put on some clothes, a real maternity shirt, and went looking for Julius. I felt some relief when I saw his car at the club. I used my key and found him passed out in his office with a bottle still in his hand.
I knelt by his head and looked at his beautiful face. I was so lucky to have him, why would he think I would cheat on him, especially with somebody so juvenile and disgusting as Jack. I ran my fingers through his hair and he mumbled something incoherently.
“Julius,” I called to him.
“No,” he said, “Ahsidkengie”
I tried to let the squiggle interpreter kick in, but even it couldn’t decipher what he said.
“Honey, can I take you home?” I asked him.
“I don haf a home,” he slurred, and I felt tears sting my eyes.
I let a couple of sobs break free and tried again. “Don’t you love me anymore?” I asked him.
He opened only one eye and it was so glassy I could tell he was very, very drunk. “Tobi,” he said and pointed a swaying finger at me, “Yur jus like Jen.”
Say what? He just jumped the shark. I was going to try, and I mean really, really try to be more normal. He could have called me stupid, weird, or psycho, but I was not going to put up with him calling me Jennifer, suck anything, Staple, Oh hell no!
I got a trash can full of water and dumped it right over his face. He jumped up as he sputtered and yelled like a little girl.
“Budge, cover your ears,” I said and put my hands on my hips and looked right at Julius. “Don’t ever accuse me of cheating on you again. I told you, I DON’T CHEAT. You married Jennifer because you were so freaking stupid; don’t push your stupidity off on me. If you see a man touching your woman demand to know what is going on. Yell at me, or punch him, but if you ever run off without telling me where you’re going and stay away all night, you’ll come home to find the locks changed. I’m going home, when you’re sober try to dick up and come home.”
I stomped out of the club and felt my soul breathe a sigh of relief. Things were going to change, there was a new sheriff in town, hopefully to take Amos’ job, but I digress. Julius was going to learn to trust in love, and I was going to…. wait, I wasn’t doing anything wrong, so I didn’t have to do crap. And, this maternity shirt was so dang ugly it was going right into the fireplace.
Later that day, I was giving a recipe a try, not just glancing at it, but following the directions when Julius came home. “Look what the cat dragged in,” I said and wondered if cats really did drag astonishing things into people’s homes.
Julius kept his eyes closed and felt his way to the kitchen chair and sat down. I got some aspirin and a cup of coffee and put them in front of him. “I have a sledge hammer in my head,” he said in just a whisper and took the medication.
I purposefully dropped a pan from the cupboard and he grabbed his head in pain. “Sorry,” I said loudly.
“I know you ripped me a new one, but I don’t know why,” he said as he kept his head in his hands.
“You called me Jennifer,” I reminded him, and his head snapped up with his eyes opened wide.
“I don’t know what it is going to take for you to trust in my love. I’m having your child, not so I’ll be connected to you, but because I want to raise a child with you. I want you to be the grumpy dad who complains about the lights being left on, and yells at Budge to mow the lawn. I want to be exhausted because I was up all night thinking I heard my child cry and helping with homework and school projects. I want a life with you, not just wall-pounding sex. It’s your heart that means the most to me, not your dangler.”
He opened his mouth, but I interrupted him. “And you better start getting used to the name Budge, because that list in your office is never going to happen.”
“I’ll get some help,” he said, and I wasn’t sure what help he was talking about, so I kept quiet, hoping he would add more. “When I saw him touching you, I just….”
I quickly interrupted him. “Can you imagine how I could feel knowing you were married to Jennifer? It doesn’t bother me because I am the one wearing your ring and having your baby. If I wanted Jack I would tell you. I don’t want him.”
He nodded and began confessing things. “I came home from school early one day because I was feeling sick. I felt so happy when I saw Ashley was home, because I needed someone to take care of me. I thought I would be babied and given soup and popsicles. I know it sounds stupid, but I was twenty-one and had the pressures of school and a wife. I walked in to find her in bed with our landlord’s son. She actually convinced me it was my fault for studying so much.”
I looked at his slumped shoulders and empty eyes and I ached for him.
“When Jennifer said it was her life’s dream to be a wife and take care of her husband, I wanted it so badly I was blinded to everything else. One day, I was looking for something to write down a phone number and pulled open her makeup drawer. It was full of pictures of her with other men in our bed. I hear the words you tell me, Tobi, I really do, but my heart doesn’t know how to believe them.”
“I’m making stew,” I said and smiled softly at him. “I’m following a recipe because I’m trying to make stew for you. Aside from the side effects of pregnancy, I wash your clothes and clean the house. I reach out for you in our bed and sleep in your arms. I take care of you every day, because I love you.”
He got up and walked over to kneel next to me. His arms wrapped around me and he put his mouth against my stomach to kiss our child as he kissed my flesh. “I’m sorry,” he said.
“Hoser is upset; you’ll need to spend some extra time with him.”
“Do you forgive me?” he asked with emotion and I pulled his chin up to look at me.
“I’ll always forgive you.”
“Did you put medicine on that cut?” he asked as his eyes focused on my forehead.
“No, Jack licked it with his tongue and then spread semen on it,” I said to torment him just a little.
He leaned his mouth against my stomach and spoke clearly. “We’ll find a new mommy for you, Budge.”
I gasped and couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face, “You called him Budge.”
“Yes, God help me, I did.”
Chapter 24
Christmas day, we refused to leave the house. If anyone wanted to see us or get a gift, they had to come by our place. We woke up early and I raced Julius to the tree. Either he let me win, or he really sucks at running.
He handed me a gift and asked me to open it first. I ripped off the paper to find a gorgeous bracelet and the links were lemniscates. “I love it,” I told him, and held out my arm for him to put it on.
He handed me another gift and I opened it just as quickly. It was a small charm of a pearl heart. “You stole my heart the moment I met you,” Julius said and attached it to the bracelet before handing me another package.
I was feeling greedy and opened it a bit slower to find a diamond charm. “Julius, this is too much,” I said as tears filled my eyes.
“This symbolizes our marriage,” he said and placed it on the bracelet. I was staring at it when he handed me another package.
I took a deep breath and opened the box to find colored chalk. “Yes,” I yelled and wanted to r
un outside to draw hearts this very moment.
I grabbed his gift from under the tree and held it out to him, but he set it down and picked up another small box. “No, Julius, I’m not hanging gold bullion from my bracelet.”
He smiled and leaned over to kiss me before setting the box in my hand. I opened it to find a tiny piece of driftwood, a gorgeous undefined shape. Oh, I get it, he’s giving me our history to wear on my arm. Man, I really hope I don’t have to wear a miniature dangler.
The final box had two charms, a boat and a house. I loved my historic bracelet and kept jiggling it on my wrist. “I have one more charm, but you don’t get it until I can hold my child in my arms,” he said, and I could see his eyes grow wet with anticipation.
“Open your present,” I pushed, and bounced up and down as he slowly removed the wrapping.
He looked at the book I had made for him and opened it to see nothing but pictures of us together. Page after page held pictures of us smiling and touching one another. If he ever doubted in my love, all he had to do was look at the book. On the last page I wrote him a letter. He sat quietly as he read, and I tried to judge his reaction. He finally raised his head and said, “I love you, more than I can articulate.”
I was sitting on the luv sack and wanted to rush into his arms. I tried to rise, I even raised my leg to get some momentum, but I didn’t have any strength left in my abdomen to propel me forward. I was stuck. I held out my hand and Julius smiled and took a step back.
“You’re not going to help me up?” I asked in shock.
“I want to see how you work this out,” he said with a smirk and I was so going to wipe that smirk off his face, if I get up, I mean, when I get up.
“Hoser,” I called out, but Julius just grinned more and informed me they were locked on the mud porch. I finally did the only thing I could, I rolled to my side and got on all fours with my butt proudly on display and heard my jeans rip.
Squiggle Page 29