“I will.” Liam reaches into his pocket and then clicks a few buttons before passing me his phone.
The view before me takes a minute to process. Though there is no denying any of it. The email from Jackson to Liam is there, sent on the day we arrived in Muskoka, with the selfie that Jackson took of us before I pushed him into the water. I note the heat in my eyes, remembering how intense it had been having Jackson that close. I scan over our smiles but then my heart sinks and all I see are the words that Jackson wrote to Liam.
You took what was mine. Now I’m taking what’s yours.
Jackson
Seconds feel like minutes while Mallory stares down at the phone in her hand, the light in her eyes slowly fading. I know what she’s looking at—my fucking email. I’m not a man who typically regrets anything. Sending that email is something that I do regret. Not because Liam doesn’t deserve to be taunted, he does, but because of how the email hurts Mallory. In fact, I’d forgotten all about the message until I saw Liam’s fist coming toward my face. And now I don’t even know why I sent it in the first place. I don’t feel like that same vindictive guy anymore. In fact, I don’t give a fuck about Liam, I find myself only caring about impressing the woman before me.
When Mallory finally lifts her head, her eyes meet mine, soft and questioning. “You sent this?”
I nod. “I did.” Sure, I could say that I sent it before everything happened between us. I could give reasons and excuses but the damage is done. The betrayal in her eyes in there. Just as I’ve come to learn that Mallory has a good head on her shoulders, I know she’s too smart to put up with stupid shit. There is no coming back from this.
She glances back down at the phone again, and my entire world narrows on her. The way she’s barely breathing. The slight hunch to her shoulders. The way her thumb is stroking over the screen.
Something inside me cracks then shatters.
The entire room fades away as she becomes all I see. It’s just Mallory and the hurt crossing her expression. She bleeds emotion, I’ve come to discover. In all that she does, she expresses things fully and completely, and she expresses pain in the same way. Her heartbreak is there in the way her brows are drawn, in the depths of her pretty eyes. She keeps looking at the photo as if to make sense out of it, trying to understand the stupid fucking game I played. Maybe even trying to figure out if I’ve been lying to her. If I am the man Liam claims me to be.
And she deserves none of it.
“Mallory,” I say gently, my fingers twitching to reach out to her. “Please let me explain.”
She finally draws in a big deep breath, raises her head, and smiles at me. It’s forced, I can tell. And that guts me. For all the things I’ve done wrong in my life, this amounts to the most shameful. I loathe to hurt women, and yet I’ve done what I swore I’d never do. I hurt the sweetest woman of all.
I hate myself for the way she shuts down the emotion on her expression, turning that smile onto Aria and Liam, too. “While this is not surprising considering the way you two behave,” she says, handing Liam his phone, “this also changes nothing.”
From his spot near the entryway table, Liam stares at her, incredulous. “How in the hell does this change nothing? Did you not read what the fucker wrote?”
Aria sighs. “Is that really necessary, Liam?”
“Yes,” he growls at her.
Mallory ignores them all, almost like she’s on auto-play, trying to get through this. “Yes, I did read what Jackson said. And yes, it still changes nothing. Like I told you earlier, anything that happened between us, I instigated.” She glances from Liam to me, then places her hands on her hips and adds, “I refuse to be dragged into this ongoing feud between you two. You are grown men. Act like it.” She’s exuding strength but I see past it, only able to stare at the pain I caused in her eyes, when she says to Liam, “Because guess what? I’m really happy that you and Aria are finally together.” When she turns to face me, she adds, “I’m also really happy that I got to spend these past few days with you. I had a totally unexpected most fabulous time.” She glances between us again. “There is nothing to discuss more than that. Everyone is happy, see? We can all go on our merry ways and move on with our lives. It’s done. Over.”
I’m not happy.
In fact, I’m the exact fucking opposite of happy.
Now I know what my idiotic move has cost me. It’s made her look at me differently. I see it in the cold way she stares through me. It’s not with the sweetness she had before at the cabin. Or the warmth when I buried myself deep inside her. It’s all gone, and we’re back to that place where I don’t know her and she doesn’t know me.
I did that.
I can’t take it back.
“So,” she adds after a long-suffering sigh, “how about we decide here and now to stop this shit, all right? It’s really old, and to be honest, I’m more than done with the whole thing. Especially when you two bring me into your game. And I can only guess that Aria wants no part of it.”
“I don’t,” she states loudly.
“See.” Mallory gives a measured look, lifting her hands in obvious frustration. “You both have your sides of the story about what happened with Sophia. But come on, it was like, what? Ten years ago that this happened. It’s time to move on.”
Liam growls, “This isn’t about Sophia anymore.”
“Then what is it about?” Mallory asks, hands back on her hips, eyebrows raised.
Liam narrows his eyes on me, burning me where I stand. “He doesn’t deserve any of the kindness that either of you bestow on him.”
“That’s what you think,” she counters softly. “You’re entitled to feel that way but it’s my right to also disagree with you. And I do. When we were at that cabin, he was nothing but kind to me.”
Liam snorts. “Again, the email.”
“Was to dig at you,” Mallory interjects, pointing at him. “That’s it. All of this has nothing to do with me at all. Do I think the email he sent was stupid? Yes.” She directs the latter at me. “Is it hurtful? A little.” She turns back to Liam again, and her words crush me. “But it’s also expected from Jackson.”
Suddenly, it’s like I’m falling with no place to land. She thinks the very worst of me. Maybe she always had. Apparently, if I’m reading this right, it seems I surprised her on our trip away. Maybe she’d hoped I’d act different when we came home, be the guy she’d met in Muskoka. And that’s when I find out the real damage that email caused.
She can no longer trust me.
When she turns to me again, she stares at me hard. “Here is your shot to make all this right. Is there anything else you want to say to Liam?”
She obviously wants me to tell him the truth. Maybe she thinks that if Liam understands we can somehow find peace. He’s the fucking last person I want to make peace with. He was blind back then to what was in front of him. He’s still blind. “I have nothing to say,” I grumble.
“That’s a shame,” she says, her shoulders sagging. “I guess this will never end.” She moves to the door, holding it open. She’s not looking at Liam. She’s looking at me.
I am the outsider.
I’m striding forward but my steps feel weightless. I can’t think. I can’t figure out how to make this better or what I need to do to erase the pain I caused her.
Once I’m out in the hallway, Mallory shuts the door a little, standing in the crack, keeping our conversation private. This is not how I wanted to say goodbye. In fact, my chest tightens at the thought of not seeing her again. “Let me explain, Mallory.”
“You don’t have to,” she says. “I had an amazing time with you. Honestly, when you picked me up on Tuesday, I never would have guessed how much fun we would have.”
“Mallory,” I say sternly. “Stop shutting me out.”
“I’m not,” she retorts. “It’s fine. You don’t owe me an explanation.”
“It’s not fine,” I tell her. Nothing is fine. Everything is fucking wron
g. “That email hurt you.”
“You’re right, it did hurt me.” She unleashes the emotion that she’d been hiding from everyone else in her expression, and I’m impacted, taking a step back, when she adds, “And that’s exactly why, as much as I really loved our time together, I don’t ever want to see you again, Jackson.”
“Mallory.” I take that step forward again. “Wai—” I say to a closed door.
Chapter 8
Jackson
Twelve days ago, I left Los Angeles with Mallory. Ten days ago, we’d returned from Muskoka, and that was the last time I saw her. Nine days ago, I made things right with Aria. And yet I still don’t feel any better the following Friday than I did when I saw the look of betrayal cross Mallory’s face last Thursday afternoon.
She’s got her hooks into me.
Even after Mallory saw the message I had sent Liam, she’d stuck by me. That’s the only reason Aria forgave me. I lean back in my chair in Keller LLC’s meeting room on the thirtieth floor of the high-rise kitty-corner to Liam’s skyscraper in the central business district of Los Angeles. Sitting around the large rectangular table, I tap the fingers on my right hand against the leather chair’s armrest.
My regular Friday morning meeting ended ten minutes ago but I can’t stop staring at that damn building, thinking about Mallory inside. What’s on her mind? Me? Not me?
I don’t know how to fix this with her.
And I always know how to fix things.
“This has to end, Jackson.”
I turn in my chair slightly, finding Aria standing there in the doorway. From her lax position, leaning against the doorframe, I can tell she’s been there awhile. “What has to end?” I ask.
“This punishing yourself.” She steps into the meeting room, shutting the door behind her. “So, we’re going to do that thing you really hate to do.”
I arch an eyebrow. “Which is?”
“Talk.”
I sigh, turning to fully face her. “I take it that I have no choice here?”
“I think at this point, it’s better that I say no.” Dressed in a pantsuit, she takes the seat to my right, crossing her legs and arms. “You’re miserable. You can’t keep on like this.”
No, I couldn’t. Even I know that. Something has to give.
Each day my mood grew darker. I’m convinced it’s confusion. Aria had called me that night after Mallory found out about the email. She yelled at me for a good twenty minutes, without letting me get in a single word. After that, she hung up on me. Apparently, after the call Mallory and Aria talked. Whatever was said between them caused Aria to call me back, and she told me she forgave me and wanted to move on. Without a single explanation from me, so I know that meant Mallory said all good things about me. That is what makes what I say next so utterly confusing.
“She won’t return any of my calls,” I tell Aria. I had tried to fix things with Mallory. Every day. Text, email, phone, but not a single time did she respond to me.
“Of course, she won’t talk to you,” Aria says gently. “You and Liam brought her into this game you’ve got going on. And she doesn’t deserve that.”
I sigh. “Yes, I know.” Sending the email was a low blow. Though at the time, I also thought Liam buying Aria was equally as low. That was, until Aria was finally honest with me and told me that she was in love with Liam. Her happiness matters. Of course, I’ll support her relationship, regardless that I have no interest in spending time with Liam.
Aria regards me for a moment then adds, “You have to understand that no matter that you were this amazing guy at the cabin, you proved Liam right about the type of guy you are the second you got back.”
I ran a hand through my hair. “I know that, too. But how can I apologize for it if she won’t talk to me?”
“Because knowing Mallory she doesn’t want an apology.”
I will never understand women. Ever. “If she won’t let me apologize then how exactly do I make this better with her?”
Aria cocks her head, curiosity filling her eyes. “Answer me this: why do you want to make it better with her?”
“That’s a loaded question,” I state.
She nods. “It is.”
It’d be easy to shoot off my mouth but I’m not ready to admit things to Aria I can’t even admit to myself. “I’m not thrilled about the fact that I’ve hurt her,” is what I can admit.
“But is that all it is?” Aria presses. “Is it only that you’ve hurt her, or is it bothering you so much because you like her? Because those will get two very different answers.” Her eyes narrow thoughtfully, while she continues, “If it’s the former, I’d say do nothing and move on with your life. I think Mallory thought you were someone different, and then reality hit her when you guys got back and it threw her off. But she’s strong. She’ll be fine.”
I arch an eyebrow. “And if it’s the latter?”
Aria leans forward, leveling me with a hard look. “Total transparency?”
“Always.” I nod.
“You are a dick, Jackson.”
I snort. “Thank you for that, Aria.”
She gives a slight shrug, holding my gaze intently. “I’m not going to sugarcoat anything for you. This game between you and Liam is awful. Both of you have hurt not only me, making things awkward because I’m in love with Liam and I care about you—”
“I want you to be happy,” I interject.
Her brows rise. “Do you?”
“You know that I do, I’ve already said that.” I pause then swallow my pride. For her. “If Liam makes you happy, then I am happy for you.” For myself, I add, “Do I want to go for beers with him? No.”
She stares at me. Hard. “He told me what you did with Sophia, you know.”
“I suspected he would.”
“Do you want to tell me your side of that story?”
I hesitate, reading between the lines. “Did Mallory not tell you what I told her about my and Liam’s past?”
Aria shakes her head. “That’s not Mallory. She’s a vault. What goes in never comes out.”
That loyalty shocks me to my core. To not tell her best friend something, even though I had hurt her. Fuck, I am a dick. “No,” I eventually say to Aria. “I don’t want to explain my side. It was a very long time ago.”
At whatever crosses my face, everything about Aria softens. She reaches out and presses her hand against my arm resting on the table. “I want you to know that this thing is between you and Liam. Not between you and me. Knowing what I know changes nothing.”
I stay silent, not feeling like I need to say anything on the matter. I will never apologize for what I did to Liam. Ever. Because as far as I’m concerned, I did nothing wrong. I saved him from losing half of his money when that bitch divorced his ass to move on to her next conquest.
In my silence, Aria gently adds, “Regardless that neither of you want to fix this, what I’m saying is that you both have dragged us through this bad blood between you. I didn’t deserve it. Most of all, Mallory didn’t deserve it. She was a total innocent party here.”
“I’m well aware.”
Aria leans back in her chair, inhaling deeply before addressing me again. “So, then, this is where things get confusing. Because you’ve always been this guy that she sees in a certain way. Maybe that’s because of what Liam tells her, or the way she perceives you.”
I arch an eyebrow again. “And your point is?”
“My point is that when you two went away, she saw you as someone else. I think she really likes that someone else. But then you guys came back and bam, the old you smacked her in the face.”
“Which means?”
“Which means,” Aria explains after another long inhale, “that she’d expect the old Jackson to call her, apologize over email and text, because that’s what the old you would do. It’s cold, not personal. But she did happen to tell me the way you were with her at the cabin.”
I frown.
Aria’s mouth twitches. “We
’re best friends. We talk. Get over it.”
“Moving on,” I grumble, not wanting to hear anything more on this particular subject.
“I know Mallory as well as I know myself,” she continues. “This hasn’t been easy for her.”
I drop my head into my hand and rub my eyes, a thousand-pound weight pressing on my chest. “Is she hurting, Aria?”
When I lift my head again, Aria watches me closely. “It’s Mallory, she’s a tough cookie. So, on the outside, no.”
“What about on the inside?”
Aria’s eyes turn sad. “That’s another story, I’m afraid. She likes you. I could tell that the second she saw the email you sent to Liam. She can hide her feelings well, but not from me.” Aria pauses. Then, “And the way you’ve been moping around, all lost in your thoughts, makes me think that you like her, too.”
“Fuck, I didn’t mean to do anything like this.” I rise and move to the window, staring out at the high-rise Mallory is in, hands stuffed in my pockets. “I never meant to touch her. I meant to piss off Liam. I thought we’d have a nice time away. She’d come home relaxed. It wasn’t supposed to end up like this.”
“But it did end up like this.” I sense Aria behind me now. “So, then, do something about it.”
I glance over my shoulder. “What exactly am I supposed to do about it when she won’t talk to me?”
“This is all very simple, Jackson.” She raises her brows. “Do what you did in Muskoka.”
“Which is?”
Aria smiles. “Surprise her.”
Mallory
After a solid session of retail therapy at the Santa Monica Pier, our numerous shopping bags in the trunk, I follow Aria out of her car and slam the door, trailing after her to Liam’s beach house. For all the days that have passed since I closed the door on Jackson, I thought I had been doing a pretty good job of hiding how much the whole thing bothered me. When Aria and Liam invited me away this weekend, I realized I was failing miserably.
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