Count Bunker

by J. Storer Clouston

  CHAPTER IV

  The three heads bent forward towards a common centre--the Baron agogwith suppressed excitement, Tulliwuddle revived with curiosity and agleam of hope, Essington impressive and cool.

  "I take it," he began, "that if Mr. Darius P. Maddison and his coveteddaughter could see a little of Lord Tulliwuddle--meet him at lunch, talkto him afterwards, for instance--and carry away a favorable impressionof the nobleman, there would not be much difficulty in subsequentlyarranging a marriage?"

  "Oh, none," said Tulliwuddle. "They'd be only too keen, IF they approvedof me; but that's the rub, you know."

  "So far so good. Now it appears to me that our modest friend heresomewhat underrates his own powers of fascination."

  "Ach, Tollyvoddle, you do indeed," interjected the Baron.

  "But since this idea is so firmly established in his mind that it mayactually prevent him from displaying himself to the greatest advantage,and since he has been good enough to declare that he would regard withcomplete confidence my own chances of success were I in his place, Iwould propose--with all becoming diffidence--that _I_ should interviewthe lady and her parent instead of him."

  "A vary vise idea, Bonker," observed the Baron.

  "What!" said Tulliwuddle. "Do you mean that you would go and crack meup, and that sort of thing?"

  "No; I mean that I should enjoy a temporary loan of your name and ofyour residence, and assure them by a personal inspection that I have asufficient assortment of virtues for their requirements."

  "Splendid!" shouted the Baron. "Tollyvoddle, accept zis generous offerbefore it is too late!"

  "But," gasped the diffident nobleman, "they would find out the next timethey saw me."

  "If the business is properly arranged, that would only be when you cameout of church with her. Look here--what fault have you to find with thisscheme? I produce the desired impression, and either propose at once andam accepted----"

  "H'm," muttered Tulliwuddle doubtfully.

  "Or I leave things in such good train that you can propose and getaccepted afterwards by letter."

  "That's better," said Tulliwuddle.

  "Then, by a little exercise of our wits, you find an excuse for hurryingon the marriage--have it a private affair for family reasons, and soon. You will be prevented by one excuse or another from meeting the ladytill the wedding-day. We shall choose a darkish church, you will have aplaster on your face--and the deed is done!"

  "Not a fault can I find," commented the Baron sagely. "Essington, Icongratulate you."

  Between his complete confidence in Essington and the Baron's unqualifiedcommendation, Lord Tulliwuddle was carried away by the project.

  "I say, Essington, what a good fellow you are!" he cried. "You reallythink it will work?"

  "What do you say, Baron?"

  "It cannot fail, I do solemnly assure you. Be thankful you have soch afriend, Tollyvoddle!"

  "You don't think anybody will suspect that you aren't really me?"

  "Does any one up at Hechnahoul know you?"

  "No."

  "And no one there knows me. They will never suspect for an instant."

  His lordship assumed a look that would have been serious, almostimpressive, had he first removed his eye-glass. Evidently some weightyconsideration had occurred to him.

  "You are an awfully clever chap, Essington," he said, "anddeuced superior to most fellows, and--er--all that kind of thing.But--well--you don't mind my saying it?"

  "My morals? My appearance? Say anything you like, my dear fellow."

  "It's only this, that noblesse oblige, and that kind of thing, youknow."

  "I am afraid I don't quite follow."

  "Well, I mean that you aren't a nobleman, and do you think you couldcarry things off like a--ah--like a Tulliwuddle?"

  Essington remained entirely serious.

  "I shall have at my elbow an adviser whose knowledge of the highestsociety in Europe is, without exaggeration, unequalled. Your perfectlynatural doubts will be laid at rest when I tell you that I hope to beaccompanied by the Baron Rudolph von Blitzenberg."

  The Baron could no longer contain himself.

  "Himmel! Hurray! My dear friend, I vill go mit you to hell!"

  "That's very good of you," said Essington, "but you mistake my presentdestination. I merely wish your company as far as the Castle ofHechnahoul."

  "I gom mit so moch pleasure zat I cannot eggspress! Tollyvoddle, be nolonger afraid. I have helped to write a book on ze noble familiesof Germany--zat is to say, I have contributed my portrait and someanecdote. Our dear friend shall make no mistakes!"

  By this guarantee Lord Tulliwuddle's last doubts were completely setat rest. His spirits rose as he perceived how happily this easy avenuewould lead him out of all his troubles. He insisted on calling forwine and pledging success to the adventure with the most resolute andconfident air, and nothing but a few details remained now to be settled.These were chiefly with regard to the precise limits up to which theduplicate Lord Tulliwuddle might advance his conquering arms.

  "You won't formally propose, will you?" said the first edition of thatpeer.

  "Certainly not, if you prefer to negotiate the surrender yourself," thelater impression assured him.

  "And you mustn't--well--er----"

  "I shall touch nothing."

  "A girl might get carried away by you," said the original peer a trifledoubtfully.

  "The Baron is the most scrupulous of men. He will be by my sidealmost continually. Baron, you will act as my judge, my censor, and mychaperon?"

  "Tollyvoddle, I swear to you zat I shall use an eye like ze eagle. Heshall be so careful--ach, I shall see to it! Myself, I am a Bayard mitze ladies, and Bonker he shall not be less so!"

  "Thanks, Baron, thanks awfully," said his lordship. "Now my mind isquite at rest!"

  In the vestibule of the restaurant they bade good-night to the confidingnobleman, and then turned to one another with an adventurer's smile.

  "You are sure you can leave your diplomatic duties?" asked Essington.

  "Zey vill be my diplomatic duties zat I go to do! Oh, I shall prepare aleetle story--do not fear me."

  The Baron chuckled, and then burst forth

  "Never was zere a man like you. Oh, cunning Mistair Bonker! And you villgive me zomezing to do in ze adventure, eh?"

  "I promise you that, Baron."

  As he gave this reassuring pledge, a peculiar smile stole over Mr.Bunker's face--a smile that seemed to suggest even happier possibilitiesthan either of his distinguished friends contemplated.