All's Fair in Love and Blood: A Romantic Comedy Novel

by Jennifer Peel

  “There are no details.” Tears stung my eyes while I tried to keep any emotion out of my voice. I wanted to be brave, like the woman Naomi and Kane saw in me. I was seeing glimpses of her, but this was all so new and unexpected.

  “So, he doesn’t come into your office to make out or back you up against trees in the middle of the day in the courtyard?” She sounded disappointed.

  Not as disappointed as me. “That’s what people are saying? They have it all wrong. I mean, yes, he does come into my office, but all we do is talk.” The tree thing was Ophelia blowing things way out of proportion, though there was no need to mention that.

  “Right,” she oozed sarcasm. “Kane doesn’t look like the kind of man who uses a lot of words.”

  Well, he did. He used a lot of beautiful words. I could listen to him talk for days, but that was beside the point. “I’m serious; we haven’t even kissed,” I whispered, like I was trying to keep a secret. “And for the record, he’s not my stepbrother,” I said rather snippily. I didn’t mean to, but I was having flashbacks of Tyler and Danielle—teasing me because no one had asked me to the prom. To make it worse, they’d found the dress I’d bought with Naomi, just in case by some miracle I was asked. They’d laughed so hard at me that Tyler shot milk out of his nose. I was sure they were laughing at me now.

  “I’ve upset you. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not you. I have a hard enough time believing it’s true, and I don’t want people making fun of me.”

  “No one’s making fun of you, in fact they’re . . .”

  “Shocked,” I finished what she was too afraid to say.

  “Maybe.” She elongated each syllable.

  “You’re not fooling me. Believe me, I’m more shocked than anyone.”

  “Well, it’s not shocking that he’s attracted to you, but he is a lot older than you, and you are kind of related. Does your dad know?”

  I shifted to sit more upright against the wall. “Oh, he knows.”

  “Let me guess; he’s not too happy about it.”

  “Not at all. But seriously, Kane isn’t trying to seduce me or anything like that. We’ve only held hands and hugged.” In fact, Kane was all about the hugs. We hugged hello, we hugged goodbye. Long breathing-in-and-out-together hugs where I listened to the pounding of his heart, trying to memorize every beat while inhaling his yummy, spicy ginger scent. Just thinking about it was making me hungry for gingerbread cookies and him.

  “If it wasn’t you, I wouldn’t believe it.”

  “I know. Actually, I wonder if he even wants to kiss me.”

  “Why wouldn’t he?”

  “Well, you know, I’m not exactly experienced.” Mindy was the only person who knew I’d been kissed only once. And like I said, I was pretty sure Brady Jones did it on a dare and was paid by his friends afterward. I tried not to think about it. Not only because it was embarrassing but because it had been gross. It was wet and sloppy, and he’d just eaten onion rings. I swear I could still taste them. The thought made me queasy.

  “Well, I’m sure Kane has plenty of expertise. Who better to show you the ropes?”

  I tipped my head to the side and groaned. I worried about all his expertise. He was probably a professional kisser, along with having his PhD in unzipping dresses. And there was no telling how many women had benefited from his skills. I had no intention of asking. Though I’ll admit to stalking his Facebook page, and wow, his ex-girlfriends were gorgeous and skinny. Not to mention they probably had PhDs in all things romance. “What if I do it wrong?” Assuming he ever tried. Like I said, he hadn’t even intimated he wanted to kiss me. I had a feeling he was avoiding it. My guess is it was the reason for all the hugs.

  She laughed. “It’s kind of hard to screw it up.”

  “Believe me, if there is a way, I’ll be sure to do it.”

  “Scarlett, you’re too hard on yourself. Live a little. I mean, you’re dating one of the sexiest men alive. I’m happy for you—though jealous—so lay a big one on him for me.”

  “A big what on him?”

  “Kiss, silly,” she giggled. “Maybe you should watch some YouTube videos or something. There have to be some kissing tutorials out there.”

  Could that be true? Why had I never thought to look? Probably because I’d never had the need to before now. That made me feel pathetic. No wonder Kane didn’t want to kiss me. I bet he had a sixth sense about these things. He must know I’ve had zero experience. Or worse, maybe he wasn’t attracted to me that way.

  “Well, I better get back to work; I have some research to do,” I hastily said.

  “Okay. Call me later. I want to hear everything about how this all happened.”

  If only I knew. “Goodbye.” I hung up and immediately opened the YouTube app on my phone. I couldn’t take any chances that my work laptop was being monitored. I felt lame searching for kissing tutorials, but on the off chance Kane wanted to kiss me, I should be prepared. I only hoped this didn’t turn out like the unused prom dress. I would clear my searches just in case.

  Several tutorials popped up. So maybe I wasn’t the only inexperienced person on the planet. I wasn’t exaggerating when I’d told Auggie that most fourteen-year-olds had more experience than me. In fact, some of these tutorials looked like they were being done by kids around that age.

  I scrolled through several until one title caught my eye: How to Kiss Like a Goddess. Yes! That was the ticket.

  I clicked on the video, and some cute nerdy guy appeared. He was more my style. Not to say I wasn’t completely smitten with Kane, but I was beginning to think some major shift had happened in the space-time continuum and our coming together was due to a massive rise in solar flare radiation or something that NASA should probably look into.

  I grabbed my pad of paper and pen to take notes. I would burn them later leaving no evidence of how lame I am. At first, the video wasn’t as promising as I’d hoped; he started rambling on and on about masculine and feminine energies coming together. I needed technique and a step-by-step guide. Then his girlfriend came on and started talking about how you’ll know when you’re on the same wavelength as him. I was pretty sure I wouldn’t know that. She also stated I would know when the kiss was coming. I was going to have to disagree with that one, too. I almost chose a different video, but then the guy pulled out a whiteboard with a list. This was exactly what I needed.

  Number one was to never ask him to kiss you. That wasn’t going to be an issue—I would rather stab myself in the eye than do that. Instead, he said, you should invite him nonverbally to kiss you. Look at his mouth, then his eyes, and lick your lips. Okay. I could do that.

  The next step was to let there be an awkward pause in the conversation. Perfect. I was totally awkward. This was my kind of list. Well, it was at the start. The following bullet points were intimidating, to say the least.

  Meet his lips gently.

  Don’t tilt the wrong way.

  How would I know I was tilting the wrong way? What if Kane went the same way as me?

  Close your eyes. Keep it creative. Use your tongue and body.

  Creative? How do you kiss creatively? Was my tongue supposed to do something special? What should I do with my body? My body and I usually had differing opinions. Like I didn’t want to trip and fall, but I did more often than was probably normal or healthy. What I really needed was specifics, please, and a demonstration. Not that my body and tongue would cooperate, but I was hoping for a fighting chance here. I was sure Kane had kissed his fair share of goddesses already.

  Wrap your arms around his neck and use your nails to graze his skin.

  I looked down at my short nails. Um . . . that was a no go.

  Kiss all his hot spots. I paid close attention to this piece of advice. I had no idea about hot spots, unless you counted using my phone’s Bluetooth for cellular reception. That was about as hot as I got. Hence me watching YouTube tutorials about kissing.

  Ears. Men love for their ears to be kissed.
Huh. I wouldn’t have guessed that. Would I like someone to kiss my ear? It seemed silly.

  Don’t forget the inner ear; use your tongue. I giggled to myself. Wasn’t that like a wet willy? Uh, I wasn’t so sure about this.

  Kiss his neck, and don’t forget his collarbone.

  All right, I might be able to manage that, except what if his shirt was covering his collarbone? Thoughts of me unbuttoning Kane’s shirt popped into my head. Whoa, what a vision. I swallowed hard.

  Don’t forget about his nipples.

  “What!” I yelled out into my office. His nipples? Nope. No way. I clicked out of the tutorial.

  I set my phone down, practically hyperventilating. I needed a paper bag. I had no idea kissing was so involved. Did Kane really love to have his nipples kissed like that man said? Or a tongue in his ear? Was that something he expected from the women he dated? Definitely needed that paper bag. Maybe this was why Kane hadn’t kissed me yet—he knew I wasn’t up for the challenge.

  A knock on my door startled me. I let out a huge breath of air like I had run some laps before saying, “Come in.”

  Kane, in his all his beautiful glory, appeared. All I could think about was his nipples, so I closed my eyes while my face burned like the sun.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yep,” I squeaked.

  “Are you sure?”

  I nodded, so not sure.

  “Does my new tie offend you?”

  “No.” I laughed while opening my eyes and zeroing in on his pink tie, except that meant I was staring at his chest and now I was back to thinking about his nipples. My eyes immediately flew up to meet his, which were questioning my odd behavior. I was going way past quirky now—we were talking insane asylum level.

  He tilted his head. “Are we still on for tonight?”

  He was taking me along while he test-drove his beloved Porsches. “Uh-huh.” Apparently, I could only speak using one or two syllables.

  “Great.” He flashed me his dazzling smile. “It’s going to be a night you’ll never forget.”

  Oh, of that I had no doubt. The only question was how I would eventually embarrass myself, and would it involve nipples?

  Testing the Limits

  Kane’s eyes went wide, and I swore I heard a sigh of contentment when we pulled into the parking lot of the dealership. The slick silver building with large red letters spelling out Porsche screamed that only those with money should enter. The sophistication of it all fit well with Kane’s persona. Me, not so much. I literally had notes in my bag on how to kiss like a goddess. News flash, I knew it was one test I would fail. Assuming I ever got to take the exam.

  Once again, when Kane had picked me up at the house, he’d given me a long hug. Definitely not complaining; his hugs were amazing. But I kept wondering why he never tried to kiss me. He didn’t strike me as old fashioned. I mean, we hadn’t even known each other when he’d unzipped my dress. However, when he’d hugged me tonight, he had whispered something like, “Being with you is different. It’s nice.”

  I remember Mindy once telling me that if a guy said you were nice, it was the kiss of death. I wanted the molecular, being-on-the-same-wavelength kind of kiss. Sadly, I was pretty sure I was going to wind up at a dead end. I wasn’t surprised; I knew I was different and this whole thing was too fairy-tale-like. Sure, it was all Disney now, but the Grimm version was my destiny. The poison apple was coming.

  So, I would do the whole test-drive thing with him, and then after tonight, I would walk away. I would forget that I had written out a list of all the places in Atlanta I wanted to visit this summer with him. He was supposed to be working on his list, too, and then we would make one together; but he hadn’t mentioned it since Saturday, so I figured he’d come to his senses about wanting to spend an entire summer with me. He probably had several kissing goddesses waiting for his call who he’d rather spend his summer with.

  Kane pulled into a parking space and had hardly put the car in park before he jumped out of it. He was like a kid on Christmas morning running down to see what Santa had brought him. Before I could open my door, he jogged around and did it for me. He reached out his hand to help me out and didn’t let go once I was out of the car. He was confusing me. Or maybe I was making too much out of it. I didn’t know the intricacies of dating. That said, I’d read my fair share of romance books and watched all the rom-coms. And with the amount of time Kane and I had spent together, kissing should have happened by now. Or at least a hint of one. Mindy kissed on the first date all the time. It was her test to know if she wanted a second date. She said kissing was an essential part of any relationship. She also didn’t eat carbs, so maybe I shouldn’t trust her.

  Kane swung our clasped hands between us and smiled at me. “You’ve been quiet tonight. What are you thinking about?”

  Kissing and your nipples. Thankfully, the truth didn’t come flying out of my mouth. “Nothing important.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. I mean, how important was kissing, and did I really need to know about the whole nipple thing?

  He tugged on my hand, bringing me to a stop. Taking off my glasses, he peered into my eyes. “You’re keeping more secrets.”

  “No more than u . . . usual,” I stuttered out. The way he could see into my soul frightened and excited me to the point where I couldn’t catch my breath.

  He leaned in closer. “You did promise me you would tell me more of your secrets.”

  I swallowed hard. “Aren’t you anxious to take a test-drive?” I desperately tried to change the subject before I blurted out something about all the kissing videos I’d watched earlier in the day. It was like every part of me wanted him to know all of me. My heart needed to get the memo that spilling my guts was dangerous and if he knew how ridiculous I was, he would run screaming.

  He brushed back some of my unruly hair, giving me shivers in the warm evening air. “I’m more anxious to know what’s going on inside that beautiful head of yours. By the way, I love when you wear your hair down.”

  When he said things like that, it gave me hope I might have a chance to be a Disney princess after all and get to kiss Prince Charming. It also loosened my lips. “I researched some silly stuff this afternoon that I can’t stop thinking about.”

  His brow popped. “For work?”

  “No.” I bit my lip.

  His eyes danced with amusement. “Do tell, darlin’.”

  I shook my head no.

  He handed back my glasses. “We’re going to come back to this after I show you man’s greatest creation.”

  I put my glasses back on, hoping my mouth wouldn’t betray me later and tell him exactly what I had been researching. “And here I thought it was penicillin.”

  “Penicillin may be lifesaving, but the Porsche 911 Carrera is life changing.”

  “If you say so.” I smiled.

  He pulled me closer to him. He was most certainly a game changer. “Get ready for a religious experience.”

  Oh, I was looking for one, just not in a car. Well, he could kiss me in a car. I had a feeling if he ever did, I would shout a hallelujah.

  When we walked into the showroom, I swore a tractor beam grabbed Kane and zipped him straight over to the silver car sitting in the middle of the floor. I got to go along for the ride, as it seemed our hands were welded together.

  With reverence, Kane held out his free hand but didn’t touch the vehicle, as if it were too sacred. “This. This is heaven right here.”

  I wondered how much heaven cost and took a peek at the spec sheet displayed in its own special case. Whoa. A hundred and fifty grand. No wonder Kane was waiting to purchase his dream car until he was making a C-level income.

  Kane left my side and stalked the vehicle. I watched him, smiling to myself. I wasn’t sure anything had ever made me as happy as Kane was in this moment. It didn’t take long before a salesperson approached us.

  “Kane,” the redheaded man wearing a goofy grin and tight boy band pants called out.

  K
ane took his eyes off the prize for a moment. “Duffy. How’s it going, man?”

  I didn’t realize Kane knew anyone here.

  Duffy shook Kane’s hand. “I see you’re back to torture yourself. Maybe this time I’ll convince you to sign on the dotted line.”

  Kane eyed the car like a proud father would. He exhaled loudly. “It’s tempting.” Kane’s eyes roved my way.

  Duffy followed his line of sight. He tilted his head, like he didn’t know what to make of me.

  I flushed under his scrutiny. He was probably thinking what I already knew—Kane and I were in different leagues.

  Kane narrowed his eyes at Duffy, like he knew what the guy was thinking. “Duffy, I would like to introduce Scarlett Armstrong.”

  Both men walked my way.

  Duffy held his hand out. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. Maybe you can convince Kane to take the plunge.”

  I shook his hand. “I don’t know about that.”

  “I was hoping to take her for a test-drive.” Kane wrapped an arm around me, his warm hand landing on my bare shoulder. I was suddenly glad I had been getting bolder and had worn my new baby-blue spaghetti strap dress.

  Duffy chuckled. “I’m not surprised. I’ll get the paperwork and a key. Give me a second.” He walked off.

  Kane watched him go with hawk eyes. “I didn’t particularly care for the way he was staring at you.”

  “You noticed.” I grimaced.

  “Of course. I was about ready to tell him to keep his eyes to himself. You already have a date tonight.”

  I leaned away from Kane, surprised. “What? You think he was attracted to me?” I almost laughed.

  “Scarlett,” Kane whispered, “if you could see how beautiful you are, you would be a dangerous woman.”

  I lowered my head. “Whiskey in a teacup, Rae would say.”