Doctor's Wife
Page 22
She hesitated, wanting to go back, afraid to touch again that world she had left. But there was the letter, the last word not yet said. Suddenly she quickened her step.
•
Dr. Deane had arrived early. He did not realize how nervous he was about this meeting until the taxi put him down at the park gate across from the zoo. He waited half an hour, smoked two cigarettes, and ran out. Tomorrow he must stop smoking.
At first he watched the street, expecting to see her come along Prince Albert Road. But as it grew closer to six, he glanced back into the park and, to his surprise, saw her walking down Primrose Hill. She was a good distance away and was wearing a blue suit which looked heavy for this heat. As she came along the path, some dogs, playing in the grass, bounded out in front of her, causing her to halt. He waved to her. She waved back.
He began to walk toward her. As she came closer, he saw her face more clearly. Something had changed. He could not say, exactly, but she looked older.
“Hello, Sheila,” he said, going up to her, his kiss tentative, uncertain as to his welcome. But she hugged him, just as in the old days when they had been the Family.
“I’m delighted to see you’re all right,” he told her. “I was worried about you, you know.”
“There’s a bench over there,” she said. “Let’s go and sit on it.”
He took her arm as they walked along the path. Hard to see if she was depressed or not. Somehow he thought not. At least, not like Ned.
“How was the flight?”
“Bumpy,” he said.
“Are you still afraid of flying?”
“Always. I have your money, by the way. I also sent off that money to America this morning.”
He felt her stiffen.
“That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it?”
“Yes. What did you say? Did you put in a note?”
“I wired it. I just said in the wire it was from you.”
She sat on the bench. She seemed distracted. “I wonder, will he know what it’s for?”
“Oh, I imagine so,” Dr. Deane said. He sat beside her and opened his attaché case. “Here’s the rest of your share. Fourteen hundred and twenty-two pounds, made out on a draft on Barclays Bank, Leicester Square branch. It’s not as much as I’d hoped, I’m afraid.”
She took the envelope, did not look at it, and stuffed it into her purse. “Thanks. Did you bring my letter?”
“Yes.” He took it from the attaché case, the airmail envelope with its American stamps looking a bit dog-eared by now. She took the letter, looked at the address, then put it carefully in her purse. She bent forward, her head down as though she were faint. He touched her arm. “Are you all right?”
“Yes,” she said. She raised her head and stared off across the park. “How is Danny, have you heard?”
“Agnes phoned your house a few days ago. He’s upset, of course. It’s to be expected. By the way, Sheila, there’s something I want to say to you. Would you like to come back and stay with us for a while? We have plenty of room.”
“No thanks.”
“Or I could find you a flat. I think if you were living in Belfast, Kevin wouldn’t stop you seeing Danny from time to time. He might even let him stay with you, off and on.”
“I have a job here.”
“What sort of job?”
“In a shop.”
Now he was angry with her. “I see. Working in a shop. Living alone in London. Is that what you’re going to do with your life?”
She did not answer him. She opened her purse again and looked at the American’s letter. “Go on,” he said angrily. “Go ahead and read it, if that’s what you want to do.”
A young man, bearded, wearing blue jeans, went past them, pushing a high English pram in which there were twin children. A listless Irish setter trailed the pram, turning to stick its nose up Mrs. Redden’s skirt. She moved the dog’s head away, then stood up. “I’d better go,” she said. “Thanks very much for coming, and for bringing the money.”
His anger left him. Instead, absurdly, he felt he was going to cry. “Stay a minute, won’t you? I want to say I’m sorry about writing that letter for Kevin. I didn’t think he’d use it that way.”
She looked away up the hill. “Did he take it to the embassy?”
“I’m afraid so.”
“So, if I wanted to go to America now, I’d be stopped?”
“Probably. But you don’t want to go to America, do you? I think you made the right decision. You were too old for that boy, Sheila.”
“I think I’d better say goodbye now.”
“So soon?”
“Yes. Thanks for all you’ve done.”
Clumsily, they approached each other. Clumsily, she kissed him.
“Will you write to me?” he asked. “Let me know how you’re getting on.”
“Maybe. Goodbye, Owen.” She let go of him and, turning, went quickly back along the path, catching up with and passing the young man with the pram. Dr. Deane watched her go, his sister, come here to meet him like a spy, going back now to enemy country, to that unknown world across the park. His sister, that tall woman in a blue suit, walking away up the broad sweep of hill as though hurrying to some urgent assignation, becoming smaller and smaller in the hazy evening sunlight until she reached a stand of trees where the path wound around, hiding her from view. He had been waiting for her to turn, to wave, to give one last look back. But she left him as she had left all the rest, Danny, Kevin, home. No look back. He stood for a moment, men went out of the park gate.
•
She walked on. She walked over Primrose Hill and down through the trees, along the path which led to the gate at Elsworthy Terrace. Families were eating picnic suppers on the grass, children playing communally between the picnicking groups. She did not open the letter until she turned into the quiet tree-lined walk which ran along the edge of the park.
PINE LODGE
RUTLAND, VERMONT 05701
Tuesday
Darling,
I came here after waiting all of Friday night at Kennedy. My plane arrived on time and I went to TWA to wait for yours, which also came in on time. I thought at first you might have been delayed in immigration because of that letter your brother wrote, but then they told me you hadn’t boarded the plane. I just couldn’t believe it. I pointed out your bag to them, sitting there unclaimed in the baggage area. Then I decided that you must have panicked and changed your mind at the last minute. Did you? And why? Are you afraid your husband will try to have you deported? Or was it that nonsense about your age, or your son, or what? Now, I’m beginning to wonder. Did you plan this all along? Did you let them take the ticket and check your bag, just so I wouldn’t suspect anything? I’m beginning to think that’s pretty close to the truth. I remember you never did anything about coming here, until I pushed you into it.
Well, that was my mistake. I told you before, people do what they have to do. I didn’t want to force you to come. If you’ve decided to go back to your husband, then good luck, I can’t stop you. I don’t even know your home address. I suppose I could phone your husband, but I think I’ve made a big enough fool of myself already.
At any rate I’m here, working in the hotel. I’m sending this to you in care of Peg in the hope that she’ll forward it. If you change your mind, phone me collect and I’ll fix another ticket and help you with the visa and be there to meet you when you land. If not, if all the things you said were lies and it was just an affair for you and now it’s over, well, so be it. But I want you to know this. I meant it, and I mean it.
I love you,
Tom
There was a wooden bench at the end of the tree walk. She sat on it and read the letter again. She sat for a long time. The picnicking families began to pack their baskets and fold their blankets. After a while, she was the only person in that part of the park. The sun began to go down behind a summer’s haze of golden cloud, and the park keeper came up over the hill, his gate keys in his h
and. She read the letter a third time and then, as she went toward the gate, tore letter and envelope into small rectangles, dropping them into a wire rubbish basket. The park keeper was waiting to lock up. She went through the gates and walked off down the street like an ordinary woman on her way to the corner to buy cigarettes.