by Abigail Agar
Emma sat down across from Amelia and leaned in. She looked at her friend with an anger and determination that she had never held before.
Although she wished to remain kind and respectful, she was not going to back down. She was going to share exactly what was on her mind.
She had never done this before with Amelia. In the past, Emma had always been soft and gentle with her best friend. She had shared her opinions lightly.
But no more.
From now on, Emma was going to be brave. it was no longer about her. Now, the earl was being deeply affected. And not only him, but also her own family.
She would not sit by and allow this to happen.
What Amelia and her mother had done was wrong. She needed them to know this. Angry and frustrated and having been dragged into their vendetta, Emma was finished.
“Amelia, I would like to tell you exactly what is on my mind. Now, you know that I have not always been good at doing this. You know that I am often shy and reserved, that I keep my emotions in check and do not wish to over-exaggerate things. You know that I am even-tempered and level-headed,” Emma began.
Amelia opened her mouth to speak, but Emma held up a hand.
“Please, let me speak. It is my turn and I do not wish to be interrupted.
Amelia closed her mouth immediately, apparently willing to listen to Emma’s wishes in this matter.
“Now, what I have to say to you is likely going to be difficult for you to hear. You and I are very different. You do not listen well to these things that I want to say, but I cannot care about that. I know that I need to get these things out and if you have any care at all for me and for our friendship, you will listen,” Emma continued.
Amelia nodded, but she remained quiet, for which Emma was extremely grateful. She had never known Amelia to be silent, but it appeared that this was important enough to her that she was willing to stay quiet in that moment for the sake of their friendship.
“All right. Now, I have addressed with you the matter of my name being treated so poorly in the scandal sheets. I have told you how upset I am about this and the fact that it is utterly wrong that you should allow that to have happened to me,” Emma said.
Amelia appeared ashamed and the redness in her cheeks betrayed her.
“I have told you the fact that I blame all of this on your mother’s ridiculous vendetta, one you have supported and been a party to. You should know by now that I hold you accountable and responsible for all of it, just as I believe that she is,” Emma said, not willing to give any mercy until after she had said all that needed to be said.
“Well, here we are, Amelia. At the very end of all of this. I say that it is the end because, for me, it is. Either you and your mother end the attack against your brother and against me, or I shall end the friendship that we have had for all this time,” Emma said.
The look on Amelia’s face was one of horror. As though she has not expected this from Emma, it appeared that she wished to undo it all.
In the midst of that, Emma was proud of herself. She had finally told Amelia exactly what she thought. She had not been shy or quiet about it. She had said what she believed and that was what mattered the most.
But she could also tell that Amelia understood and would not refute her point. There was a relief in that. She was glad to be able to see that her feelings and opinions would not be disregarded.
If nothing else, at least Amelia would show her that respect.
“I see that you understand what I have said and I appreciate that you have not interrupted me, but I fear that I have not finished. You see, I am extremely angry with you and your mother. I think that I have never been this angry,” Emma said.
“I am not going to remain quiet and gentle about my feelings as I have often been in the past. I have always allowed you to be the louder of us. You have had the freedom to share what was on your mind and I have remained quiet even in the midst of a disagreement,” Emma pointed out.
Amelia nodded, a sadness in her eyes.
“But that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I am going to have a voice now. I intend to use it. You need to listen to me when I tell you that what you and your mother are doing is wrong. This quest that you have to destroy a dead man is hurting the living now. It is vile, wicked even. You are a part of this. You have dragged me into it when I had no part,” Emma said.
She took in a deep breath.
“You ought to be ashamed of yourselves,” she finally said.
But now that she had got all of that out, she was ready for the turning point.
Emma knew that she would forgive Amelia for nearly anything. She could not hold this against her. at least, she could not continue to. Now that she had shared her thoughts and Amelia had expressed her regret, there was nothing for it but forgiveness.
“Now, you have heard what it is that I needed to say. I am glad that you listened. You may say something, if you wish,” Emma said, taking control of the situation and giving approval as she saw fit.
“Oh, Emma! I am so sorry,” Amelia said. “I know that this has all gone too far and that you have now been terribly affected by it all. I know that you have every right to be angry. We didn’t mean anything by it. We didn’t mean for you to get caught up in it.”
“But I did. I have been caught up and the only reason that the consequences have not been worse is that it has not yet spread so far as it will. Tell me, what do you think people will say about me when this continues to be spoken and written about?” Emma asked.
“We will do what we can to minimise the impact. I promise. I will help you. I regret how far this has gone,” Amelia said.
It was enough to melt some of Emma’s ice. Although she was still angry, she knew that forgiveness was near at hand. The fact that Amelia had expressed her sadness and regret certainly helped.
Still, she didn’t know exactly how to respond. Amelia was always ready to cause trouble and Emma wondered if she would learn any real lesson from this or if she would be back to her old self in no time.
She wanted Amelia to learn. She wanted her to use this opportunity to grow and mature. She was a good woman, she had just been raised to perceived herself as the victim of circumstances she could not control.
But Emma recognised that this was a deeply unhealthy way of thinking and that Amelia was always going to be upset if she could not accept her own responsibility and the fact that things could go better for her if she was willing to reach out and grasp what was good.
“Yes, I hope that you will do that. I hope that you will make an effort to make things right. But not only for me. For your brother as well,” Emma said.
Amelia bit her lip and looked at Emma with discomfort.
“What is it?” Emma asked.
“My mother may not approve. She may continue in her efforts to make things difficult for him. Please, understand that she thinks that she is doing what is best for me. We have suffered a great deal, Emma,” Amelia said.
“And your suffering has led only to the misery of others. Your suffering may not have initially been of your own doing, but the two of you have chosen to remain in your state of being put down by the past. Now, you are the oppressors, you are the ones causing misery for the rest of us. But I will not remain down as you have,” Emma committed.
Amelia leaned back, still appearing surprised by Emma’s boldness.
“Do you have anything to say to that?” Emma asked, her voice a challenge.
“No. Nothing. You are right. I have never thought of it that way. But I believe that you are right. We have allowed ourselves to remain stuck when you are bold enough to move forward,” Amelia said.
“It is not a matter of boldness, but rather integrity. You cannot stay put down and claim that it is because of something that happened twenty years ago. If you have not moved on by now, it is because you do not wish to move on,” Emma said, easing into the freedom of saying what she really thought.
There was something addictive
about it. She had never been so vocal before, but here she was, sharing the reality that she perceived and unwilling to pretend that it was anything different.
Amelia would have to hear her thoughts because she was not going to keep them quiet. She had finished with that. This was what she thought and believed and that was all that mattered.
Whatever else Amelia wanted to think, she could do. But she could no longer expect Emma to be silent. She would have to put up with whatever Emma decided to tell her, even when it conveyed this level of displeasure.
Emma went back to her work. She continued sewing and trying to ignore all of the drama that surrounded her.
She wanted to be the best at her job. That was all that mattered. It was a way of distracting herself and ensuring that she did not ruin her reputation any further. She hoped that this way her mother and father would not be embarrassed.
Although things had become difficult, she would not allow them to get any worse. Emma was determined to improve matters and show her worth.
But there was more to it than that. She felt stronger than she ever had in her life. Having been so bold and being willing to tell Amelia exactly what she thought, Emma started to wonder if she could be bold and strong in other ways as well.
It was difficult not to think about the earl. He was such a kind man and he had done so much for her already. Now that she had shared her thoughts with Amelia regarding how he had been treated, was it really such a stretch to admit how she felt about him?
In many ways, Emma thought that it only made sense.
She might as well begin dreaming. Even if it never happened, even if he never cared about her, at least she could confess that she cared about him.
Or was it more than that? Perhaps her care had stretched far beyond simple interest. Perhaps it hadn’t even reached into love.
The thought of that was terrifying. Terrifying, but true. Emma love the Earl of Thornbury. She loved him and there was no denying that.
With that in mind, with all of her daydreams and hopes and desires for the future, she was ready. She would no longer put aside the things that she wanted for herself.
She would be strong and brave and bold. She had told Amelia what she thought. Maybe now she could tell the earl.
And if everything went as she hoped, maybe he would feel the same.
Chapter 23
Eric was seated across from Reginald in the coach that was taking them just outside of town. They were going to see one of their friends who lived on the outskirts of Finchley.
As the coach shook from the unevenness of the ground beneath them, Eric looked outside for a moment at the beautiful country they were passing through.
The blue sky was clear, and the grass was green. But there was a storm within his heart.
“I know that we have spoken about my sister at length, but right now, I must speak to you about her friend, Miss Sproul,” Eric finally said to Reginald.
His friend looked at him with curiosity.
“I imagined that you would want to talk about her eventually. What is it? What is it about her that has you so deeply infatuated?” Reginald asked.
Eric thought about it for a moment. He really had no answer. Was it her kindness? Her beauty? Her loyalty? No, not one of these individually, but maybe how they made up the person that she was.
“I have never met a woman like her,” Eric finally said.
“Yes, well, that is something. That is always a way that a man might find himself taken in by a good woman. If she is unique and unlike any other, I am not surprised that you like her,” Reginald said.
Eric smiled and nodded. It was true. She really was different and that was a large part of what made her so special in his eyes.
“So, what do you think? What are you going to do about the feelings that you have for her?” Reginald asked.
Eric sighed.
“I wish that I had an answer to that question. Part of me fears that I am never going to be able to have an answer. I worry that it is all too late and it doesn’t matter anyway. You know, she is the friend of my sister and, although they are not at peace just now, I imagine that she will remain loyal to Amelia,” Eric said.
“Is that so bad? Amelia will thaw eventually, will she not?” Reginald asked.
But that had been the other thing on Eric’s mind.
“I don’t know anymore. I had hoped. I really had. But now? Now I am beginning to lose hope. Now I find myself worried that there will never be any peace between us. Honestly, Amelia has not shown any real sense of understanding. It is as though she will never forgive my father and that, in her hatred of him, she will never forgive me for being his son,” Eric said.
It was the most honest thing he could think of to say that expressed his worries.
“That must be awful,” Reginald said.
“Yes, it is. I have been considering one option, however,” Eric said.
“What is that?” Reginald asked.
“I thought that, perhaps, I might offer a restitution for them. A way of apologising for the life that they missed out on because of my father’s mistakes. You know, they ought to have been provided for but he never did. Maybe I can make that right now,” Eric said.
His friend’s face screwed up tightly as though he did not approve of that idea in the least.
“All right, you disagree?” Eric asked.
“I am afraid that I must express my dislike of that idea. You cannot buy them back. You cannot try to convince them through wealth that they ought to trust you,” Reginald said.
Eric nodded, understanding that, but he still didn’t know what to do.
“They will not see your good character that way, you know. You need to show them who you really are. Bribing them for forgiveness is not going to do anyone any good,” Reginald said.
Reginald was right. He could not buy them off. He had to prove his character. It was going to be difficult, but everything had been thus far.
The worst part about it all was the fact that it had prevented him from seeing Miss Sproul. Being taken from her had been the most difficult thing he could have imagined.
Eric felt terrible. He had come to the city for the sake of finding his sister. And instead of making matters better with her, he had simply fallen in love with her best friend.
By falling in love with her, he had created even more problems. He had caused more drama, more struggle, more trials. None of it was working as he had planned.
Still, he could not deny that he wanted to be with her. Whatever society might say, whatever class difference may lie between the two of them, he wanted to court her. His reputation was already destroyed, what did it matter now?
“So what exactly am I to do? How can I convince these two women who hate me that I really am a good man?” Eric asked.
“Show them. Don’t ask how. Just be yourself. You know that you are a decent man. You know that you can be exactly who you are and they will eventually come to see that you are not your father,” Reginald said.
“So far that has not worked. Amelia still thinks I am perfectly dreadful and her mother won’t even see me. I think she is convinced that I am actually my father, just in a younger man’s body. Of course, I am only a bit older than my father was when the two of them had their affair,” he said.
“So you probably remind her a great deal of your father. You know that you look quite a lot like him,” Reginald said.