by Abigail Agar
“Yes, but that does not mean that I have any of his behaviours,” Eric said.
“But they will take time in learning that. Be patient with them. They have spent all of these years choosing to be sad for themselves instead of taking control of the lives that they have the opportunity to live,” Reginald said.
“Why would they do that? Why would they rather be sad?” Eric asked.
“Because it is easier,” Reginald said with a shrug of the shoulders. “If things do not go as they wish, they can blame it on someone else. The moment that they take responsibility for their lives, they have to accept that they had a choice. If things go well, they may take credit for their hard work. But if not, they have to accept that the failure was their own.”
Eric looked at Reginald with wonder.
“How is it that someone with your wisdom is not married?” he asked.
“I often wonder the very same thing,” Reginald said, laughing as he did.
It brightened up the mood somewhat and Eric was beginning to feel a little bit better. He was thankful that he had such a good friend who was always around to bring him back into reality.
As the coach drew nearer to their destination, Eric looked out of the window again. Now both the sky beyond and the fresh grass appeared beautiful and the storm within his heart had begun to settle.
Perhaps everything really would be fine.
***
Eric decided that he had to write to Miss Sproul the moment they returned from their day out. He reached his rooms at the inn and went straight to the desk.
Putting the pen to paper, he began the letter.
My Dear Miss Sproul,
I am writing to you with the knowledge that this could be a grave mistake. I am writing to you with an awareness that you may feel entirely different than I do. I am writing to you with the knowledge that this could get both of us in trouble with my dear sister.
Nevertheless, I must tell you that one of the most difficult aspects of this conflict within my family is the fact that it prevents me from seeing you.
I understand that my words may be a shock. Perhaps they are even improper. But it must be clear to you by now that I am rather fond of the time that we have spent with one another.
Knowing that we have been stopped from seeing one another hurts my soul.
I think so highly of you and I do not wish to be separated from you.
Please forgive the passion of my words. Maybe I am a fool. But it no longer bothers me.
I will be a fool for the things worth being foolish over. You, Miss Sproul, are worth making a fool of myself.
There is something truly wonderful about you. I know that it is not right for me to be so frank with you, but I must.
Please know that I am not my father. I am not writing you these words under any pretence. I know that there is nothing that may come to pass between us at this time.
But it was important to me that you know how sad I am that we may not see one another.
Now that I have spoken these impassioned words, please do not think less of me. Should you feel anything in return, please reply. If you do not, at least I will know. At least I will understand, and I will be able to give up these silly hopes that I have.
Yours Fondly,
Eric Price, the Sixth Earl of Thornbury
Eric sent the letter with no anticipation of an immediate reply. It stood to reason that he might not hear from Miss Sproul for at least a few days and he would not be bothered by that. Not considering their current predicament. With that in mind, he was utterly astounded when a letter came within the hour.
He opened it slowly and cautiously. It was almost as though it could be some sort of weapon crafted for no other purpose than destroying his heart. And yet, when he began to read the words up on the page, he was moved entirely in another direction.
Dear Lord Thornbury,
I thank you for your letter, which I received with such grace. I understand the passion with what you wrote. In fact, I must echo the same sentiment.
It is true that it is deeply disheartening that we may not see one another. Like you, I should like to be with one another, and in one another’s company.
But you are right in that it is not wise at the moment. Not only are we both at risk for a reputation, but we are at risk for losing the care and affection if your dear sister.
Please remember that Amelia is my dearest friend. I cannot risk that.
Although she and I are currently at odds, I will not lose her entirely.
I do not however intend to lose the possibility of getting to know you better.
I have already told Amelia that I do not support the decisions made by her and her mother. I should like to get to know you better and I will not pretend otherwise.
However, I believe it is important that we take our time in that. I would not like to create such a woman for her that may not be healed.
In the meantime, let us focus on rebuilding our reputations.
I apologise if this letter is not all that you wished that it would be. It is not as though I did not wish to write more passionately. But this is as it must be.
Yours Fondly,
Emma Sproul
Eric folded the letter closed. It had not been everything that he might have hoped for, but it had been enough.
Perhaps one day they could say more.
But for now, this was perfectly enough to bring him joy. She had expressed the fact that she wanted to see him as well and that was nearly enough to get a cheer from his throat.
Eric placed the letter on his desk where he would not forget about it.
Of course, he realised, nothing could make him forget about it. It was a letter from Miss Sproul. And she had become something more important to him than any other.
Chapter 24
Emma began to realise that she had a very important role to play. If Amelia would not be able to convince her mother to bring an end to all of the drama, she would make sure that it happened regardless.
Surely it was not her place. But Emma was going to make it happen anyway. She knew that her dear friend was deserving of family. And if there was any way that she could help to make that family draw closer, she would do it.
Emma sat with Amelia and decided that it was time to bring up the issue once more. They had been discussing it a lot, but at least now she had answers.
There was too much at stake. There had been too much already in the way.
Emma had been far more frustrated than she had ever thought possible. Going through all of this, going through the pain and agony of being spoken against, going through the separation from someone that she cared about. All of it was too much.
She wished that she could express it to Amelia. For a moment she even considered confessing the feelings that she had for the earl.
But that would have been a mistake.
It was one thing to defend him, it was another thing entirely to love him. Any sort of affection was too risky.
Amelia would never have forgiven her. Emma was convinced that if she were to express a romantic affection, Amelia would have held it against her for the longest time. After all, this was her brother and he was a man she wanted to deny the existence of.
That was only further evidence of the fact that Amelia would never forgive Emma for caring for him in the least. In fact, it had been difficult enough just to defend him.
In some ways, Emma had wished that she had not even noticed the man. Having noticed him, she has put herself in so many difficult situations.
If he had been simply another man in the world, she might not have found herself in the crosshairs of such a traumatic situation.
“Amelia, I think you know by now that I have strong opinions regarding how you have treated your brother. So, while we have disagreed a great deal about these matters, I find that it is time for me to tell you what I really believe needs to be said,” Emma began.
Amelia eyed her with discomfort, but she nodded for E
mma to continue.
“You need to speak with the Earl of Thornbury. I know that you and your mother do not trust him, but I am asking only that you speak with him. He deserves that much. You owe it to him, to be perfectly honest. You need to give him this, after everything that you and your mother have put him through,” Emma said.
“You think we owe him anything?” Amelia asked.
“I do,” Emma replied.
Amelia fiddled with her hands for a moment, growing ever more vulnerable.
“Perhaps you are right. I must confess that I have been considering it. My mother is going to be so angry if she finds out and that has been the main thing that has stopped me from moving forward,” Amelia said.
“Well, now is the time for you to make your own decision. Do you want to know your brother or not?” Emma asked.
Amelia took in a deep breath.
“I do. But she will never allow it, don’t you see?” she asked.
“I see that she will have an issue with it, but I also see that he is your brother and you want to know him. It is cruel of her to try and keep the two of you apart when there is nothing at all wrong with getting to know one another. He is a good man,” Emma said, feeling as though her words were being repeated time and time again.
How often did she have to convince Amelia to give the earl a chance? How often did she have to talk about how good he was?
“I know what you are saying. But it is difficult for me as well. Yes, there is a part of me that wants to know him. Of course there is. But I am also angry still. His father hurt us so badly. It is not only my mother who cannot let it go. It is difficult for me as well,” Amelia said.
“But?” Emma asked, hearing the doubt in her voice.
“But, I know that I ought to consider it once more. No, not consider. I ought to truly give it some thought,” Amelia said.
It relieved Emma to hear that Amelia had been considering these things. No matter how her mother would take an issue with it, at least Amelia was willing to think about the fact that she could have this peace.
It was a sign of maturity, or at least that she was beginning to mature, that Amelia was willing to observe and discuss the issue at hand.
For so long, Emma had thought that Amelia would never change. She was starting to think that she would grow into her mother’s shoes and refuse to take them off. She thought that the bitterness was just too tempting.
Still, Emma hoped that Amelia would not turn back. She hoped that her friend would not be swayed once more by her mother and the rage and anger that had been driving them forward.
Although Emma always understood the need for justice, this was a time that she wished they would simply let it go. This was a situation in which it was no longer worth it.
If Amelia was unwilling to relent, and if she was determined to return to the fury that had driven her, Emma decided that she would no longer have anything to do with her friend. In fact, she might even take it so far that she would seek new employment.
It was difficult enough to have worked with Amelia through all of this. If their friendship ended permanently, Emma did not think that she would be able to handle coming into work each day and being alongside her.
“You know,” Amelia began, a little anger in her cheeks.
“What?” Emma asked, prodding her along.
“He left us with nothing. That foolish old man. The late earl. He left us with nothing and my mother has had no economic benefits from the affair that took place,” Amelia said.
And there it was. A mention of economic benefits.
Emma wondered if it could really be something so trivial. She did not for a moment think that Amelia was really upset over something so unimportant. Nevertheless, the fact of it could easily be used as an excuse for tossing aside the joy of family. She could not allow Amelia to lose something so important over something so small.
Was it really only a matter of money? Was it possible that Miss Lockhart had actually gone through all of this for no other reason than wanting wealth that she felt she had been entitled to all that time ago?
If so, Emma was more furious than ever. Although she did not think that Amelia would have done all of this for money, it angered her to think that her reputation had been put on the line for the sake of finances.
Whatever the late earl had done, he had been young and foolish. His mistakes had been made without thought or consideration. It was not for Emma to be punished.
But Emma did wonder if all of this would come to an end if the earl would put forth a financial gain to the mother and daughter. Would everything be all right then? She could not believe that it would.
The fact that they had gone for this long without any mention of money made Emma believe that it was nothing at all to do with the financial benefits involved.
If that had been a priority, it would have been spoken of sooner. Miss Lockhart would have mentioned it and made her requests early on.
But the fact of the matter was that she had said nothing. True, she had complained. But she had made no request. She had said nothing in regard to expecting that there would be a financial restitution.
“It is foolish that you would be so angry about money,” Emma finally said, deciding that she might as well be honest about her thoughts.
“Excuse me?” Amelia asked, offended.
“You have had so many excuses as to why you are angry and why the Earl of Thornbury deserves to be punished for his father’s mistakes. Now you have moved on to this one. I don’t have any desire to hear it. I do not need to hear your excuses, whether from you or from your mother. The fact of the matter is that the two of you were hurt by him and now you wish to hurt those who are still alive,” Emma said, as honestly as she could.
“But, should I not have had some benefit? He was a wealthy earl and he was my father. How is it wrong of me to have expected some sort of benefit?” Amelia asked.
“Because that means nothing,” Emma said.
As she spoke, Emma saw the look in Amelia’s eyes. There was a deep sadness. There was something far greater than the worry of economic loss.
Amelia was feeling something greater.
Seeing that it was up to her to coax it out of her friend, Emma rested a gentle hand upon Amelia’s arm.
Yes, it was not simply the finances that were hurting her friend. It was the sadness of not having a father. She was utterly convinced of that.
Emma wished that she could be the sort of comfort that Amelia might need. But until Amelia was willing to open up to her, there was only so much that she could do.
She waited, hoping that her friend would finally say whatever it was that was on her mind and in her heart.
If she was unwilling to share, maybe Emma would have to prompt her further.
“Fine. You are right. It is nothing to do with the economics of it. I am angry and bitter and hurt because my father did not consider me important. He ignored me. He left us. He abandoned us. Of course I am angry,” Amelia said.
“Yes. Of course you are angry. And these are good reasons to be angry. Justified. But you must consider whether or not they are worth devoting your life and happiness to. Are you willing to forego joy? Because you have been for just about as long as I have known you. And since the earl came into town and announced himself as your brother, everything has been far worse,” Emma said.