Interestingly, the basis for their decision making was a “credo” written in the mid-1940s by Robert Wood Johnson, the company’s leader for 50 years. Their values were clear, and they were clearly “mutual benefit.” As one observer reported:
Johnson outlined his company’s responsibilities to “consumers and medical professionals using its products, employees, the communities where its people work and live, and its stockholders.” Johnson believed that if his company stayed true to these responsibilities, his business would flourish in the long run. He felt that his credo was not only moral, but profitable, as well.
And so it turned out to be. By focusing on mutual benefit and accepting responsibility for results and even bad results and even when they were not Johnson & Johnson’s fault—the company was able to restore credibility and trust.
It’s amazing how the impact of taking responsibility for results plays out in personal and family life—where instead of blaming and accusing, a spouse will say, “I’m sorry for my part in this. What can I do to make it better?” Or a parent will say, “Maybe I didn’t communicate clearly on this issue. Let me try to explain a little better.” Or an estranged brother or sister will accept responsibility for the breach and take the initiative to mend it. When you say, “I accept responsibility for my part in this, whatever it may be . . .” and also “I accept responsibility to help find a solution,” you build credibility and trust . . . and get better results all around.
It’s no use saying, “We are doing our best.” You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.
—WINSTON CHURCHILL
2. Expect to Win
According to Greek mythology, Pygmalion, the king of Cyprus, carved an ivory statue of the ideal woman. He named her Galatea. She was so beautiful that Pygmalion fell in love with her, and because of his deep desire and will for her to be real, with the help of the goddess Venus, he was actually able to bring her to life, and they lived happily ever after.
This ancient myth has come to serve as a metaphor that illustrates the power of expectation. While this phenomenon is commonly referred to as “the Pygmalion effect,” it’s also been called the Galatea effect, the Rosenthal effect, self-fulfilling prophecy, positive self-expectancy, confidence, optimism, or just plain faith. In modern times, it’s been made popular through the musical My Fair Lady, a modern Pygmalion story in which a speech professor’s expectations become the catalyst that inspires the transformation of a Cockney flower girl into a lady.
The principle is simply this: We tend to get what we expect—both from ourselves and from others. When we expect more, we tend to get more; when we expect less, we tend to get less.
This phenomenon was clearly manifest in a 1968 study by Dr. Robert Rosenthal in which teachers were told that, based on IQ testing, students in a control group were high achievers—though in fact they had been randomly assigned. When the students were tested several months later, the control group students performed measurably better than their peers. Higher teacher expectations of students had been translated into increased student learning.
In our own lives, having a mind-set of expecting to win increases our odds of winning. It helps us get better results. And better results help us increase our credibility and self-confidence, which leads to more positive self-expectancy, and then more winning—and the upward cycle continues. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
As Harvard Business School professor and writer Rosabeth Moss Kanter has observed, “Confidence consists of positive expectations for favorable outcomes . . . winning begets winning, because it produces confidence at four levels.” The first of those levels, she says, is “self-confidence: an emotional climate of high expectations.” The second level is “confidence in one another.”
So if you want to increase your results, expect to win—not only for yourself, but also for your team. Not at all costs, but honorably. Not at the expense of others, but in conjunction with others. Expecting to win—and expecting others to win—is a fundamental approach of helping to bring it about.
3. Finish Strong
One year my son Stephen, who was an outstanding football player and captain of his high school team, decided that he wanted to go out for basketball. He made the team, but to his disappointment, he was only average and spent most of the year on the bench. A month before the season ended, he hurt his shoulder, and the doctor said he would not be able to play anymore that year. His initial response was to quit the team. He was injured and he wasn’t going to play, so in his mind, there was no reason to stay.
But Jeri and I had another view. To us, there was a principle involved. Stephen was on a team, and the team was still playing. Whether he played or not was irrelevant; the team needed his support.
At first, Stephen grumbled. He said it would be a waste of time. He even went for the ultimate parental “button”: “But, Dad, I could be studying!” But in the end, he hung in there and stayed on the team until the season was over. He helped out at practices. He supported the team. And both his coaches and his teammates commended him for it.
After he graduated from high school, he gave a speech in which he thanked his coaches and said that as a result of sports, he had learned two great lessons in life: The first was to work hard; the second was to finish strong. And we’ve seen the positive results of those lessons play out in everything he’s taken on since.
Results are all about finishing. You’re probably aware of the old adage, Beginners are many; finishers are few. Increasingly, it seems, we live in a society of victims and quitters. The sheer number of people quitting their jobs, fathers abandoning children (both physically and financially), couples divorcing, and teenagers who don’t even graduate from high school indicates, that at least in some situations, when the going gets tough people simply quit. Of course, there are circumstances in which making some of these decisions may be the best thing to do. But in many situations and for no good reason, people just don’t have the motivation and stamina to finish strong.
Clearly, finishing strong is a powerful antidote to a culture of quitting. But have you ever thought of it in terms of its even greater impact on credibility and trust?
My motto is: Whenever possible, finish, and finish strong. A colleague of mine who was training for a marathon shared some excellent advice he received from a world-class runner. “When you ‘hit the wall,’ ” the runner said, “and you feel like you can’t go on, instead of focusing on your exhaustion and going into the ‘survival shuffle,’ lift up your head and pick up your pace.” At first glance, that advice may sound counterintuitive. But on reflection, it makes great sense. By picking up the pace, you’re really saying to yourself that you’re not just going to finish; you’re going to finish strong.
A SUMMARY OF THE FOUR CORES
In this section, we’ve explored the First Wave of Self Trust. We’ve looked at the Four Cores that create credibility—the character and competence necessary for us to trust ourselves and to be deserving of the trust of others. We’ve talked about ways to build character by increasing integrity and improving intent. We’ve talked about ways to build competence by increasing capabilities and improving results. In doing these things, we build credibility and inspire trust.
As I mentioned earlier, in our Speed of Trust workshops, one of the exercises we do with the participants is send out a 360-degree trust feedback tool to get input from their manager, peers, reports, and others whose names they provide. The feedback is then compiled and given to the workshop participant as a confidential report. The following day, we allow time for those who would like to discuss the feedback with their coaches and to share with the group.
For many, it is very surprising to see how others rate them on these 4 Cores.
At one recent workshop, one CEO said:
I graded myself very hard, but my perception was that I was terrific at getting results. But they said, “You don’t deliver,” and that was eye-opening. My company’s doing great, but I started to
think, If I listen to them more and I step aside and stop micromanaging—if I just move over and get out of the way—think of how big the company could be!
A leader in a nonprofit entity said:
One of the things that really shocked me was one of the comments that I was selfish. I thought, Selfish? How can someone say that I’m selfish? But as I met with my coach and started talking through some of the issues, I had to stop and say, “Well, maybe I am selfish because my whole thing is ‘cover your tail at all costs.’ Maybe I need to change that so they realize, ‘Hey, this is a win for all of us.’ ”
What’s fascinating to note, and indicative of the tremendous insight that participants can gain from this process, is that most participants, on average, rated their own credibility at a cumulative score of 86.6%, while the people who were asked to give feedback rated those same participants at an average cumulative score of 56.2%. That’s a difference of thirty points!
We have also accumulated data from tens of thousands of participants over several years, not only on how people perceive their own credibility but also on how they view the credibility of everyone else on their team. The cumulative results data below demonstrate the tendency most of us have to judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behavior, and to think that the problem is “out there” (i.e., it’s not my problem; it’s his problem . . . or her problem . . . or everyone else’s problem).
Whether you’re aware of it or not, people notice the 4 Cores. They affect your credibility. Understanding them will give you conscious competence. It’s like putting on your trust glasses. It will enable you to see beneath the surface, to see specifically why you—or others—are trusted or not. It will also enable you to pinpoint what you can do in your own life to increase trust, and also how you can work with others to help them increase trust in your organization or at home.
THE SECOND WAVE—RELATIONSHIP TRUST
The Principle of Behavior
The Second Wave—Relationship Trust—is all about behavior . . . consistent behavior.
It’s about learning how to interact with others in ways that increase trust and avoid interacting in ways that destroy it.
More specifically, it’s about the 13 Behaviors that are common to high-trust leaders and people throughout the world. These behaviors are powerful because:
They are based on principles that govern trusting relationships. (They are not based on fads or techniques or even practices, but rather on enduring principles that have proven successful in all thriving civilizations throughout time.)
They grow out of the 4 Cores. (They are based on personal credibility—on both character and competence. They flow out of what you are, not what you might pretend to be.)
They are actionable. (They can be implemented immediately.)
They are universal. (They can be applied in any relationship—with your boss, peers, associates, customers, spouse, children, extended family, or friends. They can also be applied in any organization—business, government, education, medicine, or nonprofit—and in any culture, although specific cultural applications may vary.)
I can promise you that these 13 Behaviors will significantly enhance your ability to establish trust in all relationships—both personal and professional.
THE 13 BEHAVIORS
You can’t talk yourself out of a problem you’ve behaved yourself into.
—STEPHEN R. COVEY
No, but you can behave yourself out of a problem you’ve behaved yourself into . . . and often faster than you think!
—STEPHEN M. R. COVEY
A few years after we married, Jeri and I moved to Boston, where I attended business school. Our son Stephen was one year old at the time. One weekend, my parents flew out to visit us. They took us out for a buffet dinner, and I was so excited to be with them that I’m afraid I reverted back to my childhood. I quickly loaded my plate with food, sat down, and began laughing and reminiscing with my parents, who had gone ahead to get a table. In doing so, I virtually ignored Jeri, who was still in line struggling with our one-year-old and his diaper bag and trying to serve his plate and hers. Finally she joined us, but throughout the evening, she remained focused on the baby and didn’t say much.
When we got home, I sighed with satisfaction and said, “It’s so great to have my parents here, isn’t it?” Then I turned to her and said, “I sure do love you!”
She said, “No, you don’t.”
Surprised, I replied, “Of course I do!”
She said, “No you don’t—Freddy!”
“Freddy!” I exclaimed. “Who’s Freddy?”
“He’s the guy in My Fair Lady,” she replied with some disdain, “You know . . . the one who talks about love but doesn’t do anything about it?”
“What?” I said incredulously. “What are you talking about?”
She looked me straight in the eye. “When we were in that restaurant tonight, you were completely clueless! Here I was trying to take care of little Stephen, to get his plate and feed him and keep him happy and quiet, and all you could think of was having fun with your parents. You were no help at all—Freddy!”
With that, she reminded me of the words that Eliza—the main character in My Fair Lady—sang (somewhat disparagingly) to Freddy: “Don’t talk of stars burning above; If you’re in love, show me!” Eliza didn’t want words; she wanted demonstrative behavior. And so did Jeri.
As I thought about the evening’s events from her perspective, I felt terrible. She was right—I had been clueless. I should have been sensitive and aware. My actions—even more than my words—should have clearly demonstrated my love for her.
People don’t listen to you speak; they watch your feet.
—ANONYMOUS
BEHAVIOR MATTERS
The truth is that in every relationship—personal and professional—what you do has far greater impact than anything you say. You can say you love someone—but unless you demonstrate that love through your actions, your words become meaningless. You can say you want to engage in win-win negotiation—but unless your behavior shows that you really mean it, you will come across as insincere. You can say your company puts the customer first. You can say that you recognize people as your most important asset. You can say that you will comply with the rules, that you won’t engage in unethical practices, that you will respect a confidence, keep a commitment, or deliver results. You can say all of these things, but unless you actually do them, your words will not build trust; in fact, they will destroy it.
Good words have their place. They signal behavior. They declare intent. They can create enormous hope. And when those words are followed by validating behavior, they increase trust, sometimes dramatically. But when the behavior doesn’t follow or doesn’t match the verbal message, words turn into withdrawals.
People may listen to what you say but they will believe what you do. Values are a matter of trust. They must be reflected in each one of your actions.
—AZIM PREMJI, CHAIRMAN, WIPRO
This section is about the 13 Behaviors of high-trust people and leaders worldwide. These behaviors are powerful because they are based on the principles that govern trusting relationships. They grow out of the 4 Cores. They are actionable and universal. And as you will see, they are validated by research and experience.
Undoubtedly you’re already living some of these behaviors and getting the high-trust dividends that grow out of them. There are others you’re probably not living as well, and as a result, you’re paying a tax. As you go through the following short chapters that describe these behaviors, you can choose the ones you feel will make the greatest difference to you.
However, before we get into these chapters, I want to briefly share a few important ideas that will help you understand and apply these behaviors in your unique situation.
YOU CAN CHANGE BEHAVIOR
Some people say you can’t change behavior. But there is clear evidence to indicate that people can and do change behavior—sometimes dramati
cally—and that doing so often produces extraordinary results.
Look at Anwar Sadat, who changed his anti-Israel behavior so dramatically that he brought Egypt and Israel, two long-standing enemies, together to the negotiation table to work for peace. Look at Nelson Mandela, once the head of the ANC’s armed wing, who ended up leading his nation through a dramatic transition with an almost unparalleled spirit of nonviolence, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Look at the government of Colombia and FARC (the Revolutionary armed Forces of Columbia), who—after more than 50 years of fighting—are now seeking to wage peace. Look at the many parents who become “transition” people, refusing to pass their own parents’ poor behavior on to their children, transforming a heritage of abuse into a legacy of love. Look at those who successfully go through alcohol and drug rehabilitation programs. Think about your own life. Haven’t there been times when you have consciously chosen to change your own behavior—and have been successful?
For the most part, the difference between those who change behavior and those who don’t is a compelling sense of purpose. When your purpose is to accomplish results in a way that builds trust, suddenly the behaviors that build trust are no longer just nice “to do’s”; they become powerful tools that enable you to enjoy rich, satisfying relationships, greater collaboration and shared accomplishment, and more just plain fun.
In recent years, much emphasis has been placed on the importance of “paradigm shifts”—changes in the way you see or think about things that create significant changes in behavior. I hope this book will help you create valuable paradigm shifts in your life regarding trust.
But I also hope it will help you create significant “behavior shifts”—shifts in doing that actually change the way you see and think. I love the story credited to minister George Crane about a woman who came into his office one day so angry at her husband that she wanted not only to divorce him, but to cause him pain. Dr. Crane said to her, “Go home and act as if you really loved your husband. Tell him how much he means to you. Praise him for every decent trait. Go out of your way to be as kind, considerate, and generous as possible. Spare no efforts to please him, to enjoy him. Make him believe you love him. After you’ve convinced him of your undying love and that you cannot live without him, then drop the bomb. Tell him that you’re getting a divorce. That will really hurt him.” The woman thought that was a brilliant idea, so she set out to totally convince her husband that she deeply, sincerely, completely loved him. Every day, she did everything she could think of to make him believe it. But by the time several months had passed, she was astonished to suddenly realize that she really did love him. She had actually behaved her way back into love.
The SPEED of Trust: The One Thing that Changes Everything Page 17