BEHAVIOR #9: CLARIFY EXPECTATIONS
Almost all conflict is a result of violated expectations.
—BLAINE LEE, AUTHOR OF THE POWER PRINCIPLE
OOne night a few years ago, my wife, Jeri, told our then 16-year-old daughter, “You can’t go out with your friends tonight until you clean your room and the bathroom.” Later, Jeri came to me and exclaimed, “McKinlee is grounded! She broke a commitment! I told her she could not go out until she cleaned her room and the bathroom, and she didn’t do it but she left anyway.”
“I’ll call her,” I said. She was at a dance, and when I got her on her cell phone, I said, “McKinlee, you have to come home right now. You promised Mom you would clean your room and the bathroom before you left, and you didn’t do it.”
“But I did do it, Dad!” she exclaimed.
“Evidently, you didn’t.”
“Yes, I did!”
“Then you didn’t do a very good job of it.”
“But, Dad, I did it like I always do.”
My daughter thought she had been honorable. She thought she had done what her mother had asked her to do. For my wife, however, this was an issue of trust. In her view, McKinlee had made a commitment, and she had left to have fun with her friends without following through.
As Jeri and I processed the situation, we realized that the problem was that McKinlee’s standard of “clean” and Jeri’s standard of “clean” were not the same. And there had been no clearly defining discussion around what “clean your room and bathroom” meant. In the end, we allowed McKinlee to stay at the dance with the promise of a discussion when she got home.
EXPECTATIONS AND TRUST
Behavior #9—Clarify Expectations—is to create shared vision and agreement about what is to be done up front. This is one of those behaviors that people rarely pay enough attention to. I call it the behavior of prevention because if you focus on this one up front, you will avoid heartaches and headaches later on. In contrast, if you don’t pay the price with this behavior up front, you will have trust issues later, and they will affect speed and cost.
Just think about your own experience, both at work and at home. How much time and effort are wasted because people are not clear on expectations? “You were supposed to do this . . .” “I thought you said to do that . . .” “You wanted it when?” “What do you mean this is over budget? You never told me . . .” “Well, you never said I couldn’t . . .” How often do people get off track on a project because leaders have not been sufficiently clear in describing the right path? How much “poor performance” is really due to a lack of clarity around what is expected? And what is the effect of all of this on trust?
Clarify Expectations is based on the principles of clarity, responsibility, and accountability. The opposite of Clarify Expectations is to leave expectations undefined—to assume they’re already known, or to fail to disclose them so there is no shared vision of the desired outcomes. This causes people to guess, wonder, or assume what expectations might be. Then, when results are delivered but not valued, everyone is disappointed and trust, speed, and cost all take a hit.
The counterfeit of Clarify Expectations is to create “smoke and mirrors”—to give lip service to clarifying expectations, but fail to pin down the specifics (results, deadlines, or dollars and cents) that facilitate meaningful accountability. Or it’s going with the ebb and flow of situational expectations that shift based on people’s memories or interpretations, or what is expedient or convenient at the time.
Clarifying expectations can be challenging. In our Speed of Trust programs, we sometimes do a small group exercise where we have the people at each table list the top ten words that come to mind as they answer the question, What is trust? Surprisingly, even though “trust” is a word we use all the time, typically the six or seven people at each table will not come up with more than one or two words in common. I believe this speaks to the difficulty of clarifying expectations. We each bring our own meaning to language and experience. Meaning is not in things; it’s not even necessarily in words. Meaning is in people. So even if you and I agree on something, we need to make sure we understand the words we’re using in the same way.
One of the reasons why the impact of Clarify Expectations is so pervasive is that in every interaction—explicitly or implicitly, understood or not understood—there are expectations. And the degree to which these expectations are met or violated affects trust. In fact, unclarified expectations are one of the primary reasons for broken trust because—as happened in the situation with Jeri and McKinlee—violated expectations almost always get translated into trust issues: “You didn’t come through.” “You didn’t do what you said you’d do.”
CLARIFYING EXPECTATIONS IN BUSINESS
Someone once asked me why we put business agreements in writing if we trust the other party. My response is that agreements identify and clarify expectations, which actually help preserve and even enhance trust over time. I’ve known of several “handshake” deals that went bad because there never was clarification of expectations beyond the initial deal, or because when the players changed, so did the understanding of the deal. I’m not against handshake agreements, but I prefer that they also become written agreements so that expectations regarding both parties are clear.
However, even written agreements have their limitations and are not able to replicate trust. In fact, where I have problems with legal agreements is when they are written in one-sided, adversarial, nontrusting language, or where they are intended, de facto, to serve as a replacement for a relationship of trust. The Chief Legal Officer of one Fortune 50 company told me “You can’t draw up an agreement thick enough for people you don’t trust.”
In contrast, trust can bring life, meaning, and understanding into written agreements, and can improve performance overall. For example, in a study sponsored by the Warwick Business School in the U.K. where the researchers analyzed 1,200 outsourcing contracts over a 10-year period of time, they found that those outsourcing relationships which relied on trust as the primary driver (versus relying on the stringent service-level agreements written into the contract) outperformed the value of their contracts by up to 40 percent.
Talk about a high-trust dividend!
Marshall Thurber, a protégé of both W. Edwards Deming and Buckminster Fuller, made the very astute observation that “clarity is power.” An example of this kind of power is seen in the illustration Jim Collins gives of “Cork” Walgreen III, CEO of Walgreens during the time of its transformation from good to great. The company had earlier decided that what they could be best in the world at was running drugstores, not restaurants, even though they had been in the food service business for generations. In Collins’s book Good to Great, Dan Jorndt, the CEO who succeeded Cork, explained:
Cork said at one of our planning committee meetings, “Okay, now I am going to draw the line in the sand. We are going to be out of the restaurant business completely in five years.” At the time, we had over five hundred restaurants. You could have heard a pin drop. He said, “I want to let everybody know the clock is ticking . . . .” Six months later, we were at our next planning committee meeting and someone mentioned just in passing that we only had five years to be out of the restaurant business. Cork was not a real vociferous fellow. He sort of tapped on the table and said, “Listen, you have four and a half years. I said you had five years six months ago. Now you’ve got four and a half years.” Well, that next day, things really clicked into gear to winding down our restaurant business.
In my own experience, I remember being in one meeting where an executive wanted to make sure that everyone recognized the sensitive nature of what we would be talking about. There had been some violations of confidentiality in this very group because people had been too casual, and it had created a low-trust environment. In an effort to make the expectation crystal clear, this executive went around the table and spoke directly to each person in the room individually—eye to eye—and he asked, �
��Do you understand that this is confidential, and will you agree to keep the confidence?” It was a dramatic—and effective—way of clarifying the expectation.
The enemy of ambiguity is clarity. Be clear whenever you can.
—PETER ACETO, FORMER CEO, TANGERINE
CLARIFYING EXPECTATIONS AT HOME
As I’ve said, Clarify Expectations makes a huge difference at home, as well as at work. If you’re married, for example, consider how much disappointment and contention come as a result of unclear or differing expectations regarding roles and responsibilities. Maybe your spouse expects you to handle the finances, discipline the children, or take out the garbage because that’s the way it was done in the home where he/she grew up—but you expect your spouse to do those things because that’s the way it was in your home. You’ve never really gotten the issue out on the table and come to a resolution, so it’s always a sore spot in the relationship.
If you’re a parent, consider how much time and energy are wasted when you don’t take time to clarify expectations concerning responsibilities or other issues at home. Following our experience with McKinlee, I talked with a friend of mine who said that when her children were young, she clarified expectations in her home by posting a list on the back of each closet door or bathroom cabinet door that defined specifically what she meant when she told a child to “clean” the room. Then she trained her children and held them accountable to the criteria on the list, so there was no question about what was expected. She said it didn’t eliminate all the problems, but it went a long way toward decreasing wasted time and energy, increasing the quality of the work, and building an environment of confidence and trust.
IT’S A TWO-WAY STREET
According to a study by the AMA/HRI, the number one reason for unethical corporate behavior is unrealistic expectations. People are handed expectations, given deadlines, and told things have to be done by a certain time and for a certain cost. The pressure of delivering the result by the deadline becomes intense, so they start cutting corners. They start doing unethical things in order to meet the expectation.
Keep in mind that clarifying expectations effectively is always a two-way street. People have to have the opportunity to push back, to help come to an expectation that is realistic and will work from both points of view.
One time at the Covey Leadership Center, representatives from a company approached me with a proposal to form a strategic alliance around a particular idea. We seriously explored the possibilities, but ended up concluding that it didn’t make sense for either party.
One of the people from this organization came back to me and said, with some energy, “I’m really disappointed in you. You don’t even practice what your father teaches.”
That took me aback. In an effort to not be reactive, I replied, “I’m sorry. Tell me more.”
He said, “Your father teaches win-win. We came here to do a win-win deal with you, but you won’t even do it!”
Somewhat relieved, I said, “Look, I completely agree with win-win. The problem is that what you’re proposing is not a win-win; it’s a win-lose. It would not be a win for us to do this deal, and to make it a win for us would make it a lose for you. That’s not what my father teaches. He teaches ‘win-win or no deal’—if it can’t be a win for both of us, we don’t do the deal. And that’s where we are on this.”
This person had conveniently left out the “no deal” part. But you can’t leave out “no deal”; otherwise you’re held hostage by negotiations that can only end up in lose-lose. Once this person understood what I was saying—once expectations were clarified (win-win or no deal)—he changed his view.
MAKING IT HAPPEN
Over the years I have learned several important things about clarifying expectations.
First, I have learned to quantify everything: What result? By whom? By when? At what cost? How will we measure it? How will we know when we have accomplished it? And when and to whom is the accountability—both in terms of benchmarks and end results? As I said in the 4 Cores chapter on Results, it’s generally more effective to focus on results rather than activities, although with children you sometimes have to be a little more activity specific. However, even when I was seven, my dad told me I could get the yard “green and clean” any way I liked. He said I could use hoses or buckets or that I could even spit on it if I wanted. So he encouraged my creativity and gave me the freedom to achieve the results any way I liked. But he also told me about the sprinklers and showed me how to use them.
Second, I have learned that in most circumstances, it’s wise to look at three variables—quality, speed, and cost—and realize that you can usually pick any two, but not all three. For example, if you want high quality and you want it fast, it’s usually going to cost you more. If you want it fast at low cost, you’re probably going to give up quality. If you want a quality product and a low cost, it’s likely to take longer. It’s almost always a choice: to get two, you have to give up one. This understanding has been helpful to me in clarifying expectations and understanding the trade-offs involved. However, there is one transforming variable that can alter this trade-off equation, and that is high trust. When the environment of trust is strong enough, the achievement of high quality (value), high speed, and low cost becomes a realistic possibility.
Finally, I’ve learned that even though it’s hard sometimes to clarify expectations—for example, to give someone a realistic delivery date instead of giving them the false promise of what they want to hear—it’s much better to do it up front than to disappoint them later.
TRUST TIPS
Reaching the “sweet spot” in Clarify Expectations takes Integrity (being honest and courageous about setting expectations and communicating with others). It takes Intent to create expectations that represent a “win” for all involved. It takes Capabilities, including the ability to organize the elements of the agreement, to set up accountability, and to execute with excellence. And it takes the ability to identify the desired Results in a way that everyone involved understands.
If you’re on the left side of the curve, to some degree, you’re not being sufficiently clear. On the right, you may be too detailed, too activity oriented, too closed to interim adjustment if needed, or too distrusting. For many people, for example, a prenuptial agreement would be on the far right. While it does clarify expectations, it’s likely to undermine trust in the process.
Look at the 4 Cores and consider where you might need to improve. In addition, you might want to try one of the following:
• When you communicate with others, recognize that clarity is power. One way of checking to see if your communication has been clear is to “check for clarity” by asking a few simple questions:
° What have you understood from this conversation?
° As a result of our interaction, what do you see as your next steps? What do you see as mine?
° Do you feel that others are clear regarding expectations?
° What can we do to make things more clear?
• The next time you have a project at work, create a clear project agreement in advance. If you’re in charge, call everyone together and encourage them to express any ideas and concerns. Work to come up with a clear agreement that is realistic and represents a win for all stakeholders. If you’re not in charge, either suggest the idea to your team leader or write up an agreement on your own. Tell your team leader, “This is my understanding of what you expect and what I can do. Do you see it differently?” That will give you a chance to clarify expectations and to pin them down so that you don’t run into problems later on.
• Clarify expectations at home. Plan some “marriage investment” time with your spouse. Without collaborating, both of you independently write down the three biggest frustrations in your marriage. Then look at each frustration and ask this question: What expectation do I have here that’s not being met? Share any insights concerning your frustrations and expectations with each other, and work together to a
chieve clarity.
SUMMARY: BEHAVIOR #9—CLARIFY EXPECTATIONS
Disclose and reveal expectations. Discuss them. Validate them. Renegotiate them if needed and possible. Don’t violate expectations. Don’t assume that expectations are clear or shared.
BEHAVIOR #10: PRACTICE ACCOUNTABILITY
All power is a trust; and we are accountable for its exercise.
—BENJAMIN DISRAELI
Behavior #10 is Practice Accountability. The reason why Clarify Expectations precedes this behavior is that you can practice accountability far better when you’ve clarified expectations first. It’s hard to hold someone accountable if they’re not clear on what the expectations are.
Clearly this behavior has a significant impact on trust. In a Golin/Harris survey, “assuming personal responsibility and accountability” was ranked as the highest factor for CEOs to focus on in order to keep earning trust in their companies. PwC lists “a culture of accountability” as one of three keys in building public trust.
There are two key dimensions to this Practice Accountability. The first is to hold yourself accountable; the second is to hold others accountable. Leaders who generate trust do both—and in that sequence.
HOLD YOURSELF ACCOUNTABLE
At one of our Speed of Trust programs, one of the participants shared a story about another participant, “Matt,” who was a buyer from a large beef supplier in the United States. One of Matt’s people had been in an accident while driving a company vehicle. The accident wasn’t serious, but the company policy is that anytime there is an accident involving a company vehicle—even if it’s in a parking lot or hitting a tree—the person has to file a police report at the time. Matt wasn’t aware of the policy. So when his boss came to him and said, “Your guy didn’t fill out a police report, so you need to write him up,” Matt said, “Well, he didn’t know about the policy because I didn’t know about the policy.” Matt wrote up a report on his employee—and then he wrote up a report on himself. He turned both reports in. When his boss said, “I’m not going to accept this,” Matt said, “It’s my responsibility to make sure my employee knows the policy.”
The SPEED of Trust: The One Thing that Changes Everything Page 25