by Isha Inamdar
‘Done!’ NJ grinned at her. Kaavya was cute and fun – like Harsh. And she was certain they would get along very well. It was probably only Rudra who was the grumpiest in the family.
The Bonfire
1 November, 2010
That night, the younger members of the Ranawat family decided to do some catching up in their customary bonfire sessions. As Harsh walked over to the bonfire in his pyjamas, he realized his mistake. NJ had asked him if she would be expected to be at the bonfire and he had said no. This was a ritual where none other than the three Ranawat siblings were allowed. However, today, he saw Dhruv sitting next to Kaavya while Rudra tended to the fire. He quickly fished out his mobile phone and messaged NJ. ‘Dhruv is here so I guess you should be too. Come down ASAP?’
NJ looked at the text a minute after her phone beeped. She’d been standing at the window and looking at the three silhouettes by the fire – Kaavya, Harsh and Rudra. She’d been disappointed when Harsh had told her that the bonfire was a siblings only ritual and that she need not stay up. She wasn’t certain why she’d felt disappointed. She was usually happy and content to be left alone with her laptop. But she realized that she had wanted to spend some more time with Rudra, to figure him out a little.
Then she had seen Harsh walk towards the trio and she realized she’d been looking at Rudra, Kaavya and Dhruv all this while. Instantly she felt hurt at being left out. Wondering why Harsh had chosen to leave her out, she’d reminded herself that she wasn’t really Harsh’s girlfriend. She’d turned away from the window in time to see her phone light up with the text notification.
She chose to ignore her phone and the world. She was upset and she was confused. Why was she attracted to Rudra? Why was it so difficult for her to understand herself? She walked around her room, trying to make sense of her feelings and finally sat on the bed frustrated with herself and everything around.
The red light on her phone kept blinking incessantly and finally, annoyed, she picked it up. She was surprised to see a text message from Harsh. Why was he texting her? Her annoyance disappeared as soon as she read the text.
Jumping up from the bed, she hopped to the door and then turned back to steal a look in the mirror. Quickly straightening her messy hair, she cleaned the smudged kajal from below her eyes and walked out at a faster pace than usual.
NJ knew she was being stupid. Completely stupid. And that she needed to sit and analyze her feelings and then stuff them somewhere! Rudra was Harsh’s elder brother and hence off limits forever. But he was the only man who had evoked such strong feelings within her. She had been in love before, in college, but Gaurav had cheated on her for most of their time together. When she had found out about the other women and confronted Gaurav, he’d just ended the relationship. What had hurt more than the existence of the other women was to find out that she’d meant nothing to the guy who’d meant the world to her. Giving up on love and relationships had seemed like the best idea – until now.
As she walked through the corridor towards the magnetic man she couldn’t resist, she told herself to enjoy all the time that she had. Tomorrow would take care of tomorrow – today was hers.
As she stepped on the grass and felt the cool breeze in her hair, she felt wonderfully alive. The colossal house looked palatial in the moonlight and the lit, winding road from the porch to the gate added to the grand look. She had never known what it was to live with so much space. She’d grown up in the cramped railway quarters of Nashik and now lived in a flat in Mumbai.
‘There you are!’ said Harsh as she reached the giggling gang.
NJ smiled at Harsh and sat next to him. After the hot and dry day, she welcomed the cool breeze. However, she was also glad for the crackling fire because she knew it would be only minutes before she’d get cold. And she’d been so excited at Harsh’s text that she’d forgotten to carry a cover-all. She heard Kaavya and Harsh talking about the impending wedding, but she hardly registered the conversation. On the pretence of looking around, she stole a couple glances at Rudra who sat opposite her.
Rudra had been disappointed when he’d seen Harsh walk to the bonfire alone. He’d wanted to spend time with Anjana. How else he would be able to catch on to her deceit and save his brother’s life?
Rudra had been a part of the animated conversation between Kaavya and Harsh until he’d seen Anjana walking towards them. She wore faded track pants and a vest and managed to look sensual. He was certain this is how she played her cards – look sexy as hell and manipulate the men around her. He hated her some more for it!
‘Ahem, ahem. Now that NJ has finally graced us with her presence, may I continue?’ asked Kaavya.
‘Kaavya, the drama queen, is about to make some announcement that is supposedly going to change our lives!’ Harsh said to NJ while rolling his eyes at his sister.
Kaavya sat up straighter and looked at her brothers and NJ. She looked around at Dhruv who gave her a nod. She had waited hours to tell her brothers this news and the wait was literally killing her now. Excitement was overflowing from her face as she finally squealed, ‘Dhruv got an offer from Old Fox, an advertising agency in Mumbai!’ Looking straight at Harsh, she continued, ‘We will be shifting to Mumbai after the shaadi!’
Instantaneously, there was an uproar. Harsh jumped to his feet and rushed to hug Kaavya and congratulate Dhruv. Rudra stood up, beaming at Dhruv’s achievement and went to congratulate them when Dhruv said, ‘Guys! Guys! It’s not pakka yet … it might or might not happen.’
Kaavya looked at Dhruv irritatedly and said, ‘Shut up ya, Dhruv!’
Rudra asked Dhruv what he meant and Dhruv said, ‘It is still in the discussion stages. They haven’t made me an offer on paper yet.’
‘But he did tell you that you were one of the top considerations for the job,’ wailed Kaavya.
It was evident that Kaavya was extremely psyched about moving to Mumbai, the city of dreams!
‘Yes, my darling wife-to-be!’said Dhruv. He looked fondly at the simple creature sitting in front of him and continued with a little resentment, ‘But that doesn’t mean the job is mine. Also, I don’t have anyone to pull strings for me unlike the Delhi guy.’
To Rudra’s raised eyebrows he answered, ‘I have heard that the strategic director from the Delhi office is pulling a few strings to get a transfer to the Mumbai office. If he gets it, they might offer me the Delhi posting. For me, even Delhi is a big step, but Mumbai would be better. Mumbai is where all the action is!’
As ‘congratulations’ turned into ‘good luck’, Rudra thought it would be great if Dhruv got a job in Delhi instead of Mumbai. Delhi was a stone’s throw away – Mumbai wasn’t.
Harsh was initially extremely happy for Dhruv and Kaavya. How great would it be to have his sister in Mumbai! Then, he realized its repercussions. Kaavya could find out about Sam and about the sham relationship with NJ, which would lead to big problems. Having Kaavya in the same city could mean trouble. He selfishly prayed for Dhruv to get the job in Delhi instead of Mumbai.
NJ’s mind was whirling with similar chaos. On one hand, she could understand Kaavya’s excitement about moving to Mumbai but on the other, if Kaavya did indeed move, it would mean complications in the lives of Harsh, Sam and her. She hoped Dhruv got the Delhi job and let them all live peacefully.
‘May I?’ Rudra asked Anjana and managed to startle himself as much as he’d startled her.
‘Sure,’ she answered, as she moved to give him space between her and Harsh.
Rudra sat next to her silently and wondered how to strike up a conversation. Usually, he would only need to charm a woman and she’d be laughing at every joke, ready to fall into his arms. But he’d seen Anjana’s steely control and he knew he’d need a little more tact to deal with this conundrum.
‘Harsh adores you,’ he heard Anjana say and he turned to look at her. She was looking at Harsh admiringly.
‘Yeah, but he doesn’t come home to meet us much,’ Rudra replied. Harsh was a safe topi
c to talk about, he decided. ‘It was quite difficult to get him here a week before the wedding.’
‘I know,’ said NJ. ‘He’d told me he needed to come home only a day before. When he’d told me that, I had assumed he was coming back to a small village with no amenities and a snobbish family. But this is a surprise.’ Without thinking, she continued, ‘I can’t believe Harsh is this rich – I wouldn’t mind if he wanted us to move here instead of going back.’
Rudra was astonished at how easily Anjana had just admitted to enjoying the comforts of their rich lives. He had expected her to be more subtle and cunning.
‘Hmm … I am sure you will enjoy your stay here. After all, what is it that you will miss?’ Rudra said.
‘Are you kidding?’ NJ exclaimed. ‘This is like heaven for me! I grew up in really cramped railway quarters and even though the place we share in Mumbai is lovely, it’s nothing as compared to this!’
‘So you guys share a place in Mumbai?’ Rudra asked, trying his best to sound uninterested in the answer.
‘Yeah, we do,’ said NJ sheepishly. ‘And Harsh has done up the entire place beautifully.’
Rudra smiled at her and wondered if she shared only the apartment or the bills as well. Knowing his little brother and the uncertain financial situation that NJ had spoken about in the car earlier that day, he was more than certain that it was only the apartment.
In the silence, NJ wondered why she’d been worried about talking to Rudra. It came to her as easily as breathing. He was polite and easy enough to talk to. Rudra got up to tend the fire and as NJ kneeled beside him to pass him the firewood, she breathed in his heady scent. She was certain he wasn’t using a deodorant or perfume – he smelled far too good on his own.
Rudra saw Anjana’s smitten look and knew he could now weave his magic over her. He quickly looked away so that she wouldn’t know he’d seen her, and decided to seduce her into a confession. Certain that his plan would now work, he looked at her and smiled.
NJ smiled back at Rudra and felt gratified. All she needed to do now was control her thoughts and desire – something that seemed increasingly difficult as she continued to look at him.
One thing she was certain of was that she had landed herself in a soup. Wondering how to deal with Rudra now sounded like an easier problem than controlling her stupid self. She looked over Rudra’s shoulder at Harsh and decided that joining the siblings at the bonfire had been an extremely bad idea after all. She would have been safer in bed – away from Rudra’s charming appeal.
‘I’m tired … I think I’ll call it a day,’ she said to Rudra as she got up to wish the others a good night.
‘Harsh, can you please walk me to my room?’ she asked since the lights had been put out and the dark corridors looked a little scary to her.
Harsh looked from NJ to Rudra and instead of getting up, fell back on the ground and said, ‘I am sleeping under the stars next to a blazing fire – don’t expect me to get up!’
Rudra felt a jolt of annoyance at his brother. It was dark and Anjana’s request was completely valid. He turned to her and said, ‘I’ll walk you back, don’t worry.’
Rudra began walking and looked back at Anjana who was still standing by the fire. ‘I thought you were tired and wanted to go to bed?’
‘Umm … yes,’ she mumbled as she meekly began the walk that she knew would now feel unendingly long.
They walked in silence and NJ thought a million times if she should speak … about anything at all. But her mind seemed to have frozen on Rudra’s dimpled smile, twinkling eyes, lean shoulders and woody scent.
Rudra knew the silence was killing Anjana. He could literally see her squirming uncomfortably and continued to discomfit her with his stoic silence.
They finally reached NJ’s room and she opened the door. She was mentally kicking herself for wasting an opportunity when she caught him staring at her.
Rudra looked at Anjana and felt a little off balance. It was almost as if simply being around this woman could disturb him from within, and soothe him at the same time. It sounded weirdly idiotic even in his head and he tried to dismiss the thought.
NJ continued to look up at him trustingly. Her innocence would have touched his heart had he known the reality of her circumstances.
Rudra smiled at her and turned with a stronger resolve to unveil this woman’s calculating ways with Harsh. He bid her goodnight with a hug and peck on her cheek.
NJ hugged him back awkwardly and wondered if it was normal for him to hug women or if he was treating her differently. Maybe she wasn’t the only one who felt something. The moment she completed the thought in her head, she felt annoyed at herself for reading more into a simple, platonic hug.
Instead of walking back to the bonfire, Rudra directly walked to his room, closed the door and fell on the bed. Something about Anjana triggered buried feelings in him. It angered him that he could feel a soft spot for the woman who was trying to ruin his brother’s future. He slept fitfully and continued to toss and turn throughout the night. He had confused dreams that he couldn’t remember at all the next day.
Things Fall Apart
2 November, 2010
Because of the sweet end to the previous day, NJ had hoped the camaraderie she’d shared with Rudra might have carried over to the next day. She was, however, in for disappointment.
Until last evening, she’d agreed to accompany Kaavya and Dhruv on the shopping spree to get away from Rudra. However, when Kaavya told her that Rudra was coming along as well, NJ was actually glad at the turn of events.
The five of them had gone shopping in the morning and they’d bought beautiful handmade jootis and miniature paintings – Phalodi’s famous souvenirs. All morning, NJ tried to find a chance to talk to Rudra. However, Rudra was deliberately silent and she wondered if he was now tactfully avoiding her.
Rudra, however, had woken up in an extremely bad mood, with no desire to deal with Anjana today. She brought forth emotions within him that he’d rather not deal with.
Rudra and Harsh were exhausted by afternoon and along with NJ, they chose to go to a restaurant for a cold beer. Kaavya and Dhruv promised to join them soon and disappeared into the market for some more shopping.
It was nearly two hours and three beers later that Harsh asked, ‘Where are these two?’ He got up from the table and walked out to find them.
An uncomfortable silence engulfed the table. NJ tried hard to think of a safe topic to talk about, but it was extremely difficult with his critical gaze on her. She was glad that Rudra hadn’t been privy to her thoughts last night and wondered if she needed a cover-up after all. When she finally couldn’t resist, she asked Rudra, ‘What have I done to earn the silent treatment from you today? You were perfectly nice and polite last night.’
Her directness left Rudra off-balance. He was used to women beating around the bush and for a moment, he considered deflecting her question. However, he decided on an honest reply. ‘I don’t think you love Harsh,’ said Rudra. Looking at NJ’s expression, he clarified, ‘You do care for him deeply, but I don’t think you truly love him.’ As an afterthought, he added, ‘And I seem to have gotten out the wrong side of bed today.’
NJ wondered aloud, ‘So you get out of the wrong side of bed and suddenly I am not right for Harsh?’
Anjana’s words irritated Rudra further. He hadn’t thought it would come to this, but now that it had, he didn’t think he had much choice except to continue. ‘I think the reasons you are with Harsh are his money and your greed,’ Rudra retorted.
NJ was shocked. She and Harsh were indeed deceiving the Ranawats and if Rudra was smart enough to see through the sham, so be it. But how could he call her a gold-digger? What shocked and annoyed her intensely, though, was that she’d felt hurt at his words and not caught out.
She knew she wasn’t a gold-digger and she knew Rudra’s opinion of her shouldn’t matter – but it did. What Rudra thought of her mattered very much. His opinion, his judgment, his
thoughts – it all mattered. And what alarmed her the most was the defiant part of her brain which wanted to tell Rudra the truth.
She shouldn’t tell Rudra about Harsh’s secret. She couldn’t. But she knew she wanted to. The realization that she wanted this man so bad shocked her even more. Hell!
‘It doesn’t matter what you think, Rudra,’ NJ said coldly. ‘What matters is what Harsh and I think, feel and believe. And as for me being a gold-digger, it just shows how blindly prejudiced you can be. You don’t even know me, you haven’t even tried to know me, and you have passed judgment already.’
Rudra was confused. He had seen her melting at his touch last night, and he had hoped a complete surrender from her. He had even prepared himself for the defensive stance that she might take. But she wasn’t being either – she was firm and confident and that only cemented his notion about her – she was too cunning to be predictable.
His feelings towards her confused him. One look at her made him feel different. Wonderful … unique … vivacious. Was it only a primal need he felt for her, or was he falling for her? Could he be falling for her? He had known a string of women – yet no one had intrigued him the way Anjana did. She wasn’t only beautiful and sexy, she was spirited. He had never known a woman who could challenge him. Anjana had a smart mouth and she used it well. He had seen her affected by his charm at times, but she controlled it well. She was never weak-kneed because of him, and that upset him. He wanted her to … he wanted to kiss those luscious lips and possess that smart mouth. He wanted to feel her melting in his arms.
Stop it! he told himself.
He felt himself grow within his pants, and that annoyed him further. How could thinking about kissing Anjana lead to a hard-on? Damn this woman, he thought. He crossed his legs to ensure the effect was well hidden from Anjana. Another scalding look later, he decided to excuse himself on a silly pretence when her phone rang.