by Isha Inamdar
NJ still remembered her first drink that Harsh had given her at her recent birthday. ‘It’s tradition,’ he’d told her.
The insane part of her had agreed to being given one shot by each person present at her birthday party before the sane part in her had a chance to protest. She had loved the taste of jägerbombs and declared that she would drink non-stop for twenty-four hours. She’d hooted loudly for the deejay, danced on the counters and ended up getting complimentary shots for being the life of the club that evening.
Those sixty minutes was all she had enjoyed her birthday for. Bile had first risen in her throat at exactly the time when the deejay had been announcing the second round of free shots for her. Smiling at the cheering crowd, she had jumped off the counter and rushed to the washroom. She had puked and she had puked some more until there was nothing left inside her. The Jägermeister and the food had soon been flushed down the drain but that didn’t make her feel any better.
What had then followed had been lots of advice from friends and random strangers. At Sam’s insistence, they returned home midway through the party. NJ had woken up the next afternoon with a splitting headache. Her disastrous mood accounted for the cancelling of all their fun plans, and a quiet dinner at home was all she had been able to live through.
NJ shook her head, feeling nostalgic. She had experienced a lot in the past one year and though alcohol had been taboo for her before that, she had now accepted it as a choice. Harsh had later introduced her to a variety of alcohol and though it was a common practice to have either a beer or a glass of wine in the evening at home, she had never had a drink unless Harsh or Sam were there. Tonight would be her first drink without them … and she wasn’t sure if she could drink hard liquor and handle it.
‘Wine?’ asked an amused Kaavya.
‘Yeah, why?’ replied a confused NJ.
‘You don’t usually drink or are you just being polite because you’re with Harsh’s family and friends?’ inquired Kaavya.
NJ liked Kaavya’s directness. ‘Harsh and Sam have successfully instilled the drinking habit in me. But I still don’t handle spirits well and prefer to have Harsh around when I do. So, no Harsh means no hard liquor.’
‘All right then, wine it is,’ said Kaavya as she raised her glass to NJ’s.
NJ clinked her glass with Kaavya’s as she said, ‘Cheers!’
Kaavya introduced NJ to her school friends Shaila, Anu, Neelam, Jyoti and Sharda and to her college friends Pradnya and Prachi. In no time, her worry of not knowing anyone at the party had disappeared. Unsure whether it was because they were warm & welcoming or whether her alcohol-addled brain didn’t care, she let herself be. Enjoying herself seemed easier with every sip of wine she had.
The music was excellent and the booze flowed till the last woman standing had given up – all except Divya. She could drink all the booze in the world and still be the one taking care of the lot. She kept refilling everyone’s drinks and taking good care of all the guests which made NJ realize that Divya was to Kaavya what Harsh was to her. She wondered if Divya would go to any length for Kaavya and if Divya wouldn’t care if Kaavya had been gay. She wondered if the friend in Divya would understand what NJ was doing there.
Thankfully, she managed to keep her emotions in check and as the sun rose, NJ drove them back as Kaavya dozed in the backseat. After parking the car, she turned around and nudged Kaavya only to have her grunt and turn in her sleep. NJ realized Kaavya was too drunk to get up and wondered if she should just let her sleep in the car. Deciding against the idea, she wondered how she would get Kaavya up to her room all alone. Just as she resigned herself to sitting in the car since she couldn’t pick Kaavya up or leave her by herself, Rudra tapped on the window.
He was drenched in sweat and looked particularly appealing to NJ in his just-out-of-bed-been-running look. It took another tap from Rudra to bring NJ to her senses and open the door.
‘Looks like my baby sister enjoyed the party!’ Rudra exclaimed, looking at Kaavya sleeping in the back seat.
NJ nodded in agreement, tongue-tied at the sudden proximity to Rudra. His woody fragrance was too strong to miss. She couldn’t tell if Rudra was simply being moody or whether there were undercurrents that she should stay clear off, she moved to the other side of the car to give Rudra a hand with Kaavya.
Together, they managed to get Kaavya out of the car while Kaavya babbled on about her love for Dhruv. Rudra stared at his sister and wondered if he would ever get lucky enough to find a girl who would love him equally madly. Rudra gently put Kaavya on her bed and lovingly tucked her in.
NJ once again got to see the soft side of Rudra which probably only manifested itself because of Kaavya. She felt a pang of jealousy towards Kaavya for having everything that she wanted so badly and then immediately sorry for her thoughts. She blamed the alcohol for making her emotional and steeled herself as she walked out of Kaavya’s room with Rudra.
‘She’s going to get married and then go away in a couple of days!’ Rudra said angrily to Anjana and was as surprised at his own outburst as she was.
NJ knew it must be hard for a brother to let his sister go. However, all she managed to blurt out was, ‘You both are close?’
‘Kaavya is the only one I have ever been close to. She understands me better than I do myself,’ Rudra replied. ‘I guess I am difficult to handle for everyone but Kaavya,’ he added.
‘What about Harsh?’ NJ asked.
Rudra was surprised by Anjana’s question. She had gotten a little more outspoken in the past two days and the laconic Anjana that he had picked up from the airport was long gone.
‘We are close, but only as much as he chooses to share his life and ask for my advice. I don’t really talk about my problems,’ Rudra explained.
‘You could find a friend to confide in,’ NJ suggested.
Rudra shook his head in denial without even considering the probability of Anjana’s words. He knew he would never open up entirely to anyone – not even his own family.
NJ wondered how Rudra could be so similar to her. ‘What? You seem to be doing just fine right now,’ she said teasingly.
Anjana’s words hit him in his gut. He hadn’t realized that he’d actually been having a full-fledged heartfelt conversation with her. Something within him ticked and he wanted to retreat back to his shell. Suddenly, Rudra pulled her into his arms, hugged her and said, ‘Sleep.’
As NJ hugged him back, she felt her spirits soar. She had never felt such elation before. This was where she wanted to be – in Rudra’s arms. She had wanted to feel Rudra’s arms around her since she’d first laid eyes on him, and to finally be able to have that come true was ecstasy. Feeling Rudra’s grip tighten on her thrilled her and she felt like she’d been waiting for just this moment all day, all week, all month, all year. The lonely passageway which had seemed eerie just yesterday now suddenly seemed passionate and necessary.
She heard Rudra sigh and she felt a quiver run down her spine. His hot breath in her hair was enough to touch something deep within her. Rudra curved his body around hers and placed his lips against her neck. His arms crushed her to him with a fierceness that exhilarated her. His scent was clean and rich. Breathing him in intoxicated her further. It was only when he straightened that she came back to her senses.
Rudra’s eyes were hot and intense, and he raised a hand to her cheek, tracing the curve of her jaw, her ear. ‘Sleep well, Anjana,’ he rasped and turned away.
NJ felt frustrated at herself and what had just happened. Rudra had been about to kiss her. She had felt it. But what was worse was knowing that she wouldn’t have stopped him if he had. She knew she’d been attracted to Rudra from the beginning but she hadn’t expected herself to lose control. She stared at Rudra as he walked away from her and he seemed as agitated and on fire as she felt. Wondering what would happen next, she fell on to her bed and dozed off.
As Rudra walked away from Anjana’s door, he couldn’t believe himself. He had wanted
to kiss his brother’s girlfriend. He was fairly certain that she had been just as attracted to him. But what worried him was how strong his reaction was to her. He could lie to Harsh and the world that he’d only been trying to lead her on as a test of her character. But he couldn’t lie to himself – he’d nearly lost it back there. He’d been completely taken over by passion in those few moments and had felt more alive than ever. This small woman had walked into his life and screwed it up!
This was crazy. He had been unable to detach himself from her embrace. And he’d wanted nothing more than to kiss those succulent lips and lose himself in them. How was he to explain her loose character to Harsh when he could barely resist her himself?
Instead of going for a shower, Rudra hit the jogging track in the garden again to blow off the steam. As he jogged past Anjana’s window, he invariably looked up, hoping to see her standing there, waiting for him. He remembered yesterday when he’d looked up to find her beautiful frame there, staring at him, as if nothing mattered in the world apart from him. He shut the small voice in his head by telling it that Anjana was only hungry for either his body or the family money.
Breathless with all the running, Rudra sat down on a bench and stared up at the open sky. Running was usually an answer to being agitated but today, his boundless tension hadn’t been cured even slightly. Wondering what the hell was wrong with him, he began to walk towards Kaavya’s room – the one person he could say nothing to and still feel like he’d had a meaningful conversation.
Rudra walked into Kaavya’s room to find her sleeping peacefully in exactly the same position that he had left her hours ago. Or was it just a little while ago, he wondered.
He sat by Kaavya and closed his eyes, letting his mind drift into the peaceful state that it usually did in Kaavya’s presence. He waited for the peace to come. It didn’t. He opened his eyes and looked at Kaavya, wondering if he could just wake her up … for a little bit. Instead, he contented himself by holding her hand.
Rudra sighed and closed his eyes. He saw Anjana staring at him intently, boring into his soul to an unknown depth. Just as he thought he should open his eyes, he saw Anjana’s lips curve into an impish smile. He tried hard to tear himself away from the image, however he unvaryingly continued to stare at her hungrily. And then he felt it. The peace. The feeling of ease and relief washed over him at the same time as the jump in the adrenaline in his body. And then, he smiled.
Rudra opened his eyes and let his conscious mind take control. He wasn’t sure if he had liked whatever his sub-conscious mind had shown him. He looked at Kaavya and wondered what she would have to say about his thoughts. For once, he was glad that Kaavya was fast asleep and couldn’t hear his thoughts.
‘I think I am falling in love, Kaavya’ he mumbled, got up and walked away.
Peace Personified
4 November, 2010
To make lives easier for both the families, they had decided that they would have a common Ganapati sthapana in the Ranawat house. Dhruv’s family had been invited over for the last pre-wedding lunch before the havan began and the idol of Lord Ganapati was installed, marking the beginning of the auspicious events.
All morning, Harsh and Rudra had been running around the house getting preparations done. Their father’s instructions had been pretty clear – everything was to be finished before the groom’s family arrived. Knowing how their father was about the family’s pride and reputation, the brothers had managed the unmanageable – not even the smallest tasks remained as Dhruv’s family walked through the gates. It was now time to sit down to a well-earned lunch.
Rudra steeled himself as he sat at the table. It was weird to suddenly hold his breath and wait for the woman who he had detested just hours ago. Harsh’s words rang in his ears, ‘You won’t, Bhaiyya, you won’t!’
Rudra wondered how Harsh had been so certain about Rudra not being able to hate Anjana … he wondered if Anjana could make any man fall for her. Well, she certainly had managed to touch both the Ranawat brothers!
Within minutes, both the families were seated at the table. It irritated him that neither was Anjana present, and nor did anyone explain her odd absence. He had expected her to come down for lunch with Kaavya, and when Kaavya turned up alone, he felt lost. Suddenly, he felt a nudge in his ribs and looked at a quizzical Kaavya.
‘What?’ he asked, feigning innocence.
‘What’s with all the restlessness?’ prodded Kaavya.
Rudra looked around, thinking of a viable excuse and said, ‘Am just hungry, that’s all.’
Kaavya looked at her brother curiously and turned her attention back to the food.
The lunch was a grander affair than usual. Various dishes had been prepared in honour of Dhruv’s family and the table was engulfed in a happy mood – except Rudra. For Rudra, it seemed like one of the longest lunches ever. Every time a servant would walk through the door, he would look up hopefully. After a few times, waiting for Anjana’s arrival began to frustrate him. He decided to ask Harsh where she was and immediately decided against it. He wanted to slip away and ate his meal hastily.
He declined dessert and excused himself from the table. He turned back to look at Kaavya, but fortunately for him, she was engaged in an animated conversation with Dhruv and had not noticed him leave. He wandered through the house and found himself outside Anjana’s room within minutes. His impatience knew no bounds. He knocked on the door and entered when there was no answer. He looked around the empty room and felt emptier.
Just as he turned around to leave, he heard Anjana call out from the terrace. ‘Needed something?’ she asked.
‘You weren’t there at lunch so I thought I would check on you,’ Rudra replied before he could stop himself.
‘Well, I didn’t want to intrude on a family affair so I asked for lunch to be sent up here,’ she replied.
Rudra wondered if it was truly that simple an explanation. He could sense that Anjana wasn’t at ease and he was at a loss for words.
He was wondering if he could be equally blunt and direct with Anjana when she said, ‘Would you like to join me on the terrace? I am trying to finish the ghevar.’
Rudra felt completely powerless against Anjana’s invitation and followed her to find her halfway through a ghevar, the Rajasthani sweet made from flour, sugar syrup and mawa. Knowing that it would be nearly impossible for her to finish a ghevar on her own, especially since she had had lunch, he smiled at her enthusiasm. He sat next to her, finding the sight of this pint-sized Bakasura too cute.
He knew he shouldn’t want to spend time with her – she would drown him. But somehow, staying afloat didn’t matter any more.
Curious about her, he asked, ‘So … what’s your family like?’
Anjana kept playing with her ghevar as if mulling over her answer. Finally she said, ‘Dad and Mum.’
‘And where are they?’ he probed.
‘Nashik,’ she supplied.
From her terse replies, it was evident she didn’t want to talk about it. But somehow, that intrigued him. It made him want to find out about her family, about her relationship with them, about her. He wondered if he should go on and then decided to stop with a simple request, ‘Tell me more about them.’
Instead of answering the question, NJ looked at Rudra directly and asked, ‘Could we talk about something else, please? Anything else?’
Rudra couldn’t help but notice the sadness in her eyes. She was wounded, and he could see it. He began to wonder if maybe he had been wrong about judging her. Maybe she was indeed a simple person and he had over-imagined everything. Maybe he ought to give her a chance. Maybe he really needed to get to know her.
They sat in silence for a long time, enjoying each other’s company. When Harsh walked in on to the terrace, they were both contently staring out the sky in silence. ‘Ah! What have I done?’ Harsh exclaimed, looking at them.
When neither of them asked for an explanation, Harsh continued, ‘I have supplied my boring brother wi
th a boring partner to look out at the sky with and not get bored.’
Rudra and NJ both broke into a smile realizing that they’d indeed not needed words while they sat staring at the sky, lost in their individual abysses.
A Box Full of Surprises
4 November, 2010
By the time Rudra had bought the entire list that his mother had given him, it was nightfall. Carrying the last set of bags, he walked to the car parked opposite the bus stand and bumped into the Samvats, one of the significant families in Phalodi.
Everybody wanted to know about the wedding at hand. Ever since the tikka, the engagement ceremony, the wedding of the only daughter of the Ranawat family had been the talk of the town.
While exchanging pleasantries with the Samvats, Rudra’s attention was suddenly grappled by Anjana who had just stepped off a bus on the opposite side of the road with a bag which looked heavier than her. Deliberating whether he should wait and allow the scene to unfold or go ask her what she was up to, he excused himself and stepped towards the car.
Anjana had placed the heavy bag onto the ground and was waiting for someone to get off the bus. Tensing with suspicion, Rudra stayed put. He could see Anjana smiling happily at whoever was in the bus and waited.
Anjana finally stepped forward to help an old woman get off the bus with winter-white thinning hair, a time-worn face and an unsteady gait. She was so old that Rudra was certain he would have heard her ancient bones creak if he had been nearby. However, there was something poetic about her appearance, especially the way she smiled at Anjana with sparkling eyes. He was certain that the woman was a local, but couldn’t think of how Anjana was connected to her.
Anjana helped the old woman into an autorickshaw and Rudra quickly got into his car and asked his driver to follow the duo. As the car reversed, he saw the old woman’s hand stretch out of the auto and pat Anjana on her head, blessing her. Anjana folded her hands in namaste and waved a goodbye.