by Isha Inamdar
‘Anjana,’ he hissed, as she unknowingly stopped breathing. Feeling the need to touch her, he held her hands. ‘I need to apologize to you for every wrong and unfair thing that I have ever said to you, done to you and thought about you.’
Realizing that it was easy to go on, he continued, ‘I am sorry, Anjana. I do not know why I judged you without really knowing you. I had made up my mind … I thought you were a deceptive witch and I didn’t want you to hurt Harsh. I was wrong. You are an amazing, strong woman and I am glad I met you and got to know you. Will you forgive me? Can you…?’
All NJ could hear was her thumping heart and her blood pumping. She knew she ought to pay attention to what Rudra was saying, but she found it extremely difficult. Instead, she found it easier to stare at his face, noticing his strong jawline, the way his lips moved when he spoke and the way his brows crinkled with concern.
Concern! She could hear concern in his voice. He was concerned about her, for her. And she smiled.
Rudra saw Anjana smile and felt as if a weight had been lifted off him. Hadn’t he known Anjana would forgive him? He smiled back and knew he had found a friend for life. He was truly happy for Harsh and he turned around and began walking away. Realizing that he should probably take her downstairs as well, he turned around and saw a tear roll down her cheek. Not knowing if his words had managed to get her to tear up, his world tumbled. He hurried to her and stood in front of her small frame, feeling smaller and smaller as the clock ticked away.
NJ looked up at him with her nose tingling and gave him a weak smile. She took a tentative unrushed step towards him and stood there staring straight in his eyes. Rudra pulled her into a hug and enjoyed the solace it brought him. He knew he would miss her and he knew no woman would ever be able to take Anjana’s place.
For NJ, this was heaven. Knowing that she would probably never see Rudra again, she was breaking from within. She had decided to let tomorrow take care of tomorrow, but being in Rudra’s arms reminded her that this was what she wanted today, tomorrow, and forever.
She turned her gaze up to him and beseeched him silently, I love you, Rudra. Please love me back. Please.
Rudra saw Anjana’s eyes imploring him and wondered if he had hurt her. As he continued to look at her, he saw her head tilt and her lips part. She was breathing heavily and he could feel the hot air that she emanated. He backed up a little, though half-heartedly, only because a little voice in his head told him he was supposed to. She advanced towards him, this time her step more confident and definite.
Her lips had gone dry, and she moistened them with the tip of her tongue. In her head, every ounce of reason was asking her to stand down. She knew she shouldn’t pursue this, but neither did she have a recourse nor did the repercussions of her actions seem to have a significance. Emboldened by her burning desire for him, she moved forward until her lips were a few centimetres away from his. And then, she waited. She waited and she prayed. Kiss me, she begged him wordlessly.
She felt him grow against her and she knew he was as turned on as she was. Unable to hold herself back any more, she moved towards him while his back hit the wall. She moved against him, rhythmically, pleasing him and teasing him at the same time. She didn’t know what she was doing, but looking at his reaction she knew whatever she was doing was right.
Rudra exhaled audibly as he tried to maintain a semblance of sense. Anjana was moving against him and he wanted nothing more than to stop her, throw her onto the bed, and take her. He wanted to be inside her, to ravish her, like a thunderstorm.
Her movements against him gave him an erection he had never experienced – he was harder than ever before. He could feel the electrical impulses his body was experiencing when she was gyrating against him. He wasn’t someone who was rough in bed, but Anjana made him want to be rough. There was not a single gentle or tender thought in his head. He wanted her, he wanted to take her, and he wanted to take her brutally. The animal within him had raised its ugly head.
He wove his left hand through her hair and pulled her closer. She tried to squirm, but he only tightened his grip, making her completely powerless against him. His right hand wandered over her body while his left hand kept her in place. He stroked her and he pulled her away to look at her magnificent body. Her hair was out of place and she looked ready to be taken, and he lost complete control over himself. He couldn’t tell who held the power between them.
He kissed her mouth, possessing it as much as she owned his. He kissed her senseless as she kissed him back, her hands wandering over his back, his hair. The moment she touched his erection, he let himself go. He was now at her mercy.
Anjana stroked him with her right hand as she placed his free hand on her breast with her left hand and guided him. Her nipples had gone taut. She was already wet with anticipation. She helped him touch her and he sizzled out, ‘Anjana!’
She loved the way her name rolled off his tongue. She loved it when he called her Anjana instead of NJ like the rest of the world. She moaned in response.
Rudra shuddered at her moan. A moaning Anjana against him was a dream come true. This was exactly what he had wanted ever since he had first laid eyes on her at the airport, standing with Harsh.
Harsh.
Rudra opened his bloodshot eyes in time to see her raise her right hand to touch his cheek. His wide eyes pierced through her. He was filled with contempt and loathing, for her as well as for himself. He pushed her away and tried to control himself and his emotions. Just when he had begun respecting Anjana, she had shown her true colours. He couldn’t believe she had actually managed to seduce him. The whore had finally come out of the closet. Rudra despised the woman standing in front of him. The fucking whore. That’s what she was. That’s what she had always been.
He had been right about her from the start. All she wanted was money from his brother and sex from him. Or maybe she was okay with getting money and sex from anyone as long as she got it.
NJ saw Rudra’s eyes open and it startled her for a moment. But then she knew what Rudra must be going through. She could understand his predicament … having to think that he was making out with his brother’s girlfriend couldn’t be easy. But now that she knew Rudra wanted her as much as she wanted him, she would have to talk to Harsh about it. Maybe Harsh could help them work things out. Maybe Harsh’s secret need not be told to the entire family as long as Rudra knew the truth.
She wanted to shout the truth out to Rudra. She wanted to ask him not to stop touching her. She wanted him and she wanted to be his – wholly and completely. She had never been touched by a man so passionately. Her ex-boyfriend from college, Gaurav, had once made out with her and called her a frigid prude. Every time her friends would ‘oooh’ and ‘aaah’ looking at some handsome guy or talk about their sexual escapades, she would remember Gaurav’s words and wonder if is she really was to live a sexless life.
And Rudra’s touch! Rudra had evoked those feelings that she’d read about in all those trashy romance novels! She’d wanted Rudra to take her … take her and how!
When she saw Rudra backing off, she wanted to comfort him. She wanted to tell him a million things. But deciding against saying anything that could ruin Harsh’s relationship with him, she held her tongue.
Yes, she thought to herself, it is best if Harsh decides how he wants to handle the situation. She took a step towards Rudra and raised her hand to his cheek to comfort him and said, ‘Hey! It’s all right … we only need to talk to Harsh … he’ll understand. Once you talk to him, everything will fall in place.’
Rudra couldn’t believe it. Anjana was actually still trying to make it work and she expected him to talk to Harsh later and sort everything out! He shoved her hand away with one hand and with the other he held her forcibly by the jaw. He held her face in such a tight grip that she wasn’t able to speak a word. He could see she was in pain but she deserved it. The fucking bitch deserved it.
Hearing Anjana talk about Harsh had infuriated Rudra. Even
looking at her made his blood boil. What the hell did she mean that Harsh would understand once Rudra spoke to him? Was she out of her fucking mind? Did she think that she could simply detach herself from Harsh and latch herself on to him? Did she not care about Harsh’s feelings at all? He knew he was in the wrong as well. He would right his wrong, but that would happen later. Right now, he needed to tell Harsh the truth about Anjana. He let go off and pushed her back violently.
Unable to balance herself, NJ hit the side of the bed and fell on the floor. In an attempt to steady herself, she grabbed the bedspread and ended up pulling it down with her. Dumbstruck with horror, she was incapable of reacting to the monstrous behaviour she was being subjected to.
But she told herself to calm down. Everything would be fine once Harsh and Rudra spoke to each other. She knew Harsh wouldn’t let her down. Once Harsh knew that she and Rudra had fallen in love with each other, he would help work it out. And then everything would be fine. All along, she hadn’t realized just how much she loved this man because she perfectly understood his point of view. And somehow, she was glad that he loved Harsh so fiercely.
‘You are a fucking whore,’ yelled Rudra in the quiet of the room. ‘I knew it from the beginning, and you just proved me right. A. Fucking. Whore.’
And then Rudra stopped and smiled. Very calmly, he walked over to Anjana and squatted in front of her. There was a fire in Rudra’s eyes that spoke volumes. NJ could see the hatred in his eyes, and if looks could kill, she would have died instantly. His calm demeanour was worse than his outburst. And seeing him, NJ’s usual calm deserted her. Bracing herself, she waited for the final blow.
‘Actually, you know what,’ he continued, ‘even a whore is better than you. At least she takes money upfront. You are the sick variety who is ready to sleep your way to riches!’
Rudra got up and began walking towards the door. Tears were forming in his eyes and he fought them back. He halted at the door and turned around to look at Anjana though he didn’t really want to. What he saw made his heart skip a few beats.
Anjana’s room looked like a war-torn scene. He had no idea how he had wrecked the whole room. Her accessories and make-up products, which had been on the dressing table were now strewn across the floor. The coffee table had fallen down and the coffee mug was smashed to smithereens. Anjana had fallen next to the bed and had held on to the bed linen because of which the bed looked vandalized.
But what affected Rudra was not the havoc he had created in the room, but the sight of Anjana. She sat next to the bed, looking like a beautiful ruin. Her hair had come undone and her kajal was smudged. Her sari had come off and he could see a little blood on her left hand. The usual glitter from her eyes and the glow from her face were gone. She looked broken.
But she wasn’t shattered. She had a contemptuous look on her face. There were neither tears nor helplessness in her eyes. All there was instead was disdain and derision. She looked straight into his eyes and her empty look created conflict within him.
Rudra turned around scornfully and stormed off. He couldn’t believe himself. His heart was still going out to the bitch. For a moment, Rudra wondered if he was missing something. Why had Anjana given him that look? Why hadn’t she cried and created a scene like he had expected her to? How was it that, after all this, she still seemed to command his respect? Reminding himself that he should head to Kaavya’s wedding instead of her, he increased his pace and walked away.
D-Day: Useless@Baraat
7 November, 2010
Rudra walked into the mandap absent-mindedly, thinking about what had happened. He was confused and was tortured by the idea of what to do next. He would obviously have to keep his mouth shut till Kaavya’s bidaai tonight – or maybe even till tomorrow. But what after that? How was he going to break the news to Harsh? How was he going to tell his brother that his relationship was truly fucked up?
He hated Anjana a little more right then. She had made his life difficult, really difficult. Somewhere deep within him, he knew she wasn’t completely responsible for his actions. He was too. But it was easier to blame her for the entire episode, and for once, Rudra chose the easy way.
He remembered the last time he’d had the ‘Anjana talk’ with Harsh. All Rudra had then was a doubt, and Harsh had made it super difficult for him. Harsh had refused to accept even a word against his girl, and though such actions would usually be considered commendable, with reference to Anjana, it was downright foolish. And now that he knew what he suspected to be true, now that he’d lived his worst fear, now that the nightmare had come true, he wondered how he was going to explain everything to Harsh.
The groom’s party was about to reach the gates and the usual chaos of a wedding had taken over. Rudra saw his mother running around, calling for the aarti thaal while his father walked towards the gate with the other men of the family to welcome the baraat.
The wedding party arrived with a stunning procession of elaborately caparisoned regalia of elephants, camels, men mounted on horses, a band of musicians and men holding oil torches. The spectacle of pomp and colour reverberated across the evening.
Dragging his feet to the gate, Rudra reached just in time to welcome the guests traditionally with a shower of petals and rose water. He could see people laughing and smiling and enjoying themselves, but all he felt was a gloom within him. Though he was physically present at the celebration, he felt completely disconnected. As Rudra saw Dhruv walk towards them, carrying the customary sword and looking extremely happy, he wondered if he’d ever be as happy.
Rudra forced himself to look cheerful and walked ahead to welcome his brother-in-law. Harsh could see something was bothering Rudra. Certain that Rudra was feeling low because of the impending wedding, he tried to talk to him. After all, the only person Rudra had always been close to was Kaavya and especially more so since Harsh had shifted to Mumbai. Kaavya’s marriage must have been affecting Rudra more than he had thought.
‘Hey, are you okay?’ he asked Rudra, out of concern.
Nodding his head vigorously in the hope that Harsh wouldn’t see through him, Rudra replied, ‘Yeah, why?’
Before Harsh could answer, Rudra was pulled aside by his father saying, ‘Beta, go check with your mother if she is ready with the aarti thaal for Dhruv.’
Glad to have found a viable excuse to walk away from the conversation, Rudra walked back in. Wondering if Harsh had seen through him, and swearing to put on a better performance henceforth, he once again thought about the inevitable talk that he would need to have with Harsh. How could a woman render him so useless? How could she affect him so much?
D-Day: Lost in Transit
7 November, 2010
‘Bhaiyya, Kaavya is nearly ready,’ said Harsh, bringing Rudra out of his reverie. Thrusting a sword in his hands, Harsh asked Rudra to quickly tie it around his waist. Rudra’s sword was one of the most beautiful hand-me-down swords in the Ranawat family. The sword, dating back centuries, had an intricate design etched on the enamelled hilt and the scabbard.
Though old, Rudra would occasionally strop it to maintain its sharpness and polish. He could do it for hours, it was therapeutic. He wished he could sit with the whetstone right now and have a go at it. He suddenly felt a push from behind and turned to see it was Harsh asking him to move since he was still standing in the same place.
Rudra and Harsh walked to Kaavya’s room to take her to the mandap. Though there was no such tradition, Kaavya had demanded the previous night that she should be fetched by both of them from her room. Rudra knocked on the door and once again waited for a door to open with bated breath.
Divya opened the door to let them in. ‘Isn’t she looking beautiful?’ crooned Divya as they entered Kaavya’s room.
Divya had done a fabulous job with Kaavya. Every single piece of clothing and jewellery that Kaavya was wearing had been handpicked by Divya and as a result, Kaavya looked the perfect bride. There was a sense of both elaborateness and coquetry in her resplendent
avatar.
Harsh looked appreciatively at Kaavya and said to Divya, ‘Honestly, I didn’t think the pink ghaghra went well with the parrot-green blouse when you showed it to me.’ He hugged Divya lovingly and said, ‘Gotta give it to you, girl!’
Rudra looked at Harsh’s closeness to Divya and wondered why it felt weird to him. Wasn’t he being overfriendly? He did have a girlfriend now, didn’t he? But perhaps he was overreacting. After all, Divya did seem comfortable with him.
Rudra saw Harsh, Divya and Kaavya laughing and celebrating the moment. And as much as he wanted to be a part of it, the darkness within him wouldn’t allow it. He was engulfed in sorrow ‘…Rudra, right now!’ was all he heard Divya say and looked at her with a smile that resembled a well-played farce.
Realizing that he was being asked to be a part of Kaavya’s pre-wedding selfie, he put on a smile and entered the frame. After a few selfies in different poses, Rudra excused himself while they continued taking photos. Standing here in Kaavya’s room and looking at her in the poshaak of the bride felt strange. She’d grown so fast, and she looked so beautiful and elegant.
He was suddenly reminded of Anjana and how beautiful she had looked when she’d opened the door today. Dammit, he thought. He had no business thinking about the slut. It angered him that his mind still wanted to focus on how beautiful she had looked in the sari and how beautiful everything became when she smiled. Banishing his thoughts, he tried to focus on Kaavya.
It was Kaavya’s wedding – his only sister’s wedding. It was her big day, and a big day for all of them. Vowing that he wouldn’t let Anjana affect him or the wedding in any way, he decided to put a conscious effort to enjoy the wedding instead of merely passing through it.
He looked at himself in the mirror and felt ashamed. It was sister’s big day and all he could think of was a woman whom he had met merely six days ago. Looking at Kaavya, he smiled. She looked so happy. How could he be so immersed in his stupidity and selfish sorrow when what he should actually be focusing on was Kaavya’s happiness?