by Isha Inamdar
Rudra let out a sigh. He smiled weakly at Sam and shrugged resignedly.
Harsh couldn’t believe his eyes. Bhaiyya seemed okay with Sam! It looked like his stupidity would be forgiven after all. Harsh could see the huge change in Rudra. The way he talked, smiled, behaved, opened up – it had all changed. Bhaiyya must really love NJ. How else could you explain the change in him? NJ has to be the reason!
Harsh finally realized what a blunder he had been saved from. What if Kaavya had never found out about their lie? He was certain Bhaiyya would have never told him about his love for NJ, his ‘girlfriend’.
‘I have left messages on Facebook for NJ’s friends from Nashik,’ stated Sam.
‘You think she would go back to Nashik?’ asked Rudra. Even though he didn’t know her well, he knew that she’d been upset by her past. She was someone who had cut her ties with her family, and her going back to her hometown didn’t make sense.
‘We don’t really think so, but we are just covering all bases,’ explained Harsh. Somewhere deep down, he knew NJ wouldn’t go back to Nashik, ever. However, there just hadn’t been anything he could do since they’d reached home, and he needed to do something, anything.
Denials and Acceptances
18 November, 2010
‘Sir, we need to file a missing person’s complaint,’ Sam said to Inspector Manjrekar, the officer on duty at the Bandra police station.
The inspector looked up at Sam’s face uninterestedly and asked, ‘Have you got a photo of the missing person?’
‘Uh … yes, sir,’ Sam replied as Harsh fished out NJ’s photo and submitted it to the cop.
‘So who are all of you?’ asked Inspector Manjrekar looking at them.
‘Sir, we are Anjana’s roommates,’ Sam supplied, pointing at Harsh and him. ‘And these are his siblings from Rajasthan,’ he continued, pointing at Rudra and Kaavya.
Harsh hadn’t wanted to go to the police station to file a complaint. ‘She isn’t missing. She has just gone somewhere,’ he’d said. Ever since he’d stepped into the Bandra Police Station, he’d been crying silent tears.
Rudra maintained his stoic silence, not allowing anyone to see his feelings. Kaavya led Harsh to a bench by the far end and sat holding his hand. Kaavya was trying hard to be a pillar for her brothers. She could see what a wreck both of them were. She believed that NJ was all right, that she wasn’t in harm’s way. But as time passed, the worst kind of thoughts began to play peek-a-boo in her mind, and her belief wavered. Hearing raised voices, she turned her attention towards Rudra, Sam and the inspector.
‘You are saying the last time any of you saw her was November 7? And you have realized she is missing after ten days?’ asked a livid Inspector Manjrekar.
‘Yes sir, we were out of town,’ explained Sam in a patient voice. ‘We came back the day before and we spent all of yesterday trying to find her.’
‘Sir, please help us,’ pleaded Rudra.
Even to Inspector Manjrekar who had never met Rudra before, this felt strange. It was evident to him that this man had stature, power and was used to being in control. He softened looking at Rudra’s helpless state and asked, ‘Can I be honest with you?’ Rudra nodded and he continued, ‘We will pass the photo around to other police stations and go ahead with the preliminary searches. However, we are too short staffed and it is a long shot. Time is of essence here.’
‘Sir, tell us,’ Sam cut in. ‘Is there anything that we can do?’
Nodding, he looked at the FIR he had written and said, ‘Have you checked with all her friends and relatives?’
‘Yes, sir.’
‘And her phone has been switched off since…?’
‘We really cannot be sure. We hadn’t tried her number until four days ago. Then when it hadn’t gone through, I blamed it on the network since I wasn’t in India.’
‘That would be the thirteenth?’
‘The fourteenth.’
‘Had anything happened? A lover’s quarrel? Got fired from her job? Lost money? Anything?’
‘Kind of a lover’s quarrel, sir.’
‘Have you checked the hospitals and morgues?’
Rudra’s world dropped to his toes. Hospital? Morgue? What? He wanted to negate the inspector by saying something, but just couldn’t. Anjana couldn’t be in a hospital. Or a morgue. She was alive. She was fine. She had to be. They just needed to find her, that was all.
‘Look,’ Inspector Manjrekar continued. ‘I understand what you are going through. But I have seen too many cases of women ending their lives under stressful circumstances.’
‘No, sir, NJ wouldn’t…’ trailed Sam’s voice.
‘You never know for sure what someone can do when they break down,’ said Inspector Manjrekar wisely. ‘That’s a place you will have to look at, either today or tomorrow,’ he continued matter-of-factly.
Rudra was in denial. What the inspector was saying was rubbish. Anjana would not hurt herself. The woman he had gotten to know was smart, strong and independent. She wouldn’t give up so easily – she was a fighter. She was someone who would take the world head on. A small voice in his head asked him, But, did you hurt her enough to make her want to hurt herself?
In a daze, he followed Sam outside and found Kaavya hugging him. He patted her back and detached himself from her. He walked to the car and someone sat next to him, but he didn’t know who. The car began moving, but he didn’t care. He kept staring out of the speeding car, seeing nothing. He was experiencing a void, a profound emptiness. He didn’t see anything. He didn’t hear anyone. He couldn’t comprehend anything. Anjana was all that mattered.
Anjana had owned him and had let her be owned by him in the one kiss they had shared. He had pushed her away and disrespected her. Just how much pain had he caused – enough to have hurt herself? Someone asked him if he was all right, and he nodded. Tears were clouding his vision. He was having difficulty breathing. Someone offered him water, and he drank it. No, he refused to believe that Anjana would have hurt herself. He knew she wouldn’t. He. Just. Knew. It.
‘None of us want to believe that NJ would hurt herself, Rudra,’ said Sam.
Absentmindedly, Rudra nodded.
Sam looked at Kaavya for help. He was having difficulty reaching out to Rudra. Ever since they had left from the police station, Rudra had withdrawn into a shell.
‘Bhaiyya, it will be all right,’ said Kaavya as she sat next to Rudra. She gestured to Sam to leave them alone so that she could get Rudra to talk.
‘Bhaiyya?’ she called out to him once again to draw his attention to her. ‘How are you feeling?’
‘Nah … I am fine,’ replied Rudra in a heavy voice that he couldn’t recognize as his own.
‘What are you thinking?’
Rudra looked at his sister and weighed his options. He didn’t want to burden her with his worries, but it was a fact that she had always understood him best – until Anjana had come along. He never had had to explain his thoughts to Anjana. Most times, she would be on the same page. Once or twice, she had even surprised him by being ahead of him!
Ah! Anjana…!
‘I am losing you again!’ Kaavya’s voice broke into his thoughts.
‘I feel responsible for Anjana,’ he explained.
Kaavya looked completely confused. ‘You? How?’
‘Well, I said a few things that I shouldn’t have – I spoke more than a few disrespectful words. Thinking of her as Harsh’s girlfriend, I mistreated her after we’d kissed. Now, I can’t stop wondering how she kept her mouth shut through my tirade and stayed put through your wedding. I can’t stop feeling guilty for having hurt her – emotionally as well as…’
‘Did you raise your hand at her?’ Kaavya asked, staggered at the thought that her Bhaiyya could do something like that.
‘No, no, I didn’t. However, if she has hurt herself, I am the reason, right?’
Kaavya knew what Rudra was saying was true. She couldn’t deny that NJ’s disappearance was cert
ainly linked to them kissing.
Silently coming into the room, ‘Maybe she needed to run away because you kissed her badly,’ said Harsh.
Kaavya giggled. Harsh smiled. Rudra sighed.
‘We will check all the hospitals on this list and you check those,’ Sam said to Harsh and Kaavya.
They had decided to split up into two groups to go on rounds to hospitals as suggested by the inspector. Once again, it was decided that Rudra would go with Sam and Kaavya would tag along with Harsh.
Harsh had made a list of all the hospitals with Google’s assistance. The suburbs were to be covered by Harsh and Kaavya so that Harsh could drop Kaavya home on his way back. As expected, Kaavya had thrown a tantrum at being sent home to her husband. She didn’t want to leave Rudra and Harsh alone in such trying times.
However, Rudra had put his foot down. ‘You have just gotten married and moved to a new city, Kaavya. You are going home tonight,’ he’d said, and that had been the end of the discussion.
Sam had also instructed Harsh and Kaavya to check the morgues at Vile Parle and at Borivali when they’d been out of Rudra’s earshot. The trio had agreed amongst themselves to look at the morgues without letting Rudra find out.
Found and Lost
18 November, 2010
‘We are reaching the hospital in ten,’ yelled Harsh into the phone. He was tired of being checked upon. He knew it probably was Rudra making Sam call him every fifteen minutes but nonetheless, he found these calls annoying.
Kaavya sat silently in the car. Her fatigue was visible now. Harsh couldn’t remember having seen her this stressed ever. She was the princess of the Ranawat family and had been brought up with extra tenderness.
‘You look exhausted, sis,’ he said.
‘I feel dead,’ she said, and then bit her tongue at the unintended pun.
They were on their way to the last hospital on their list. Every time they’d enter a hospital, she would begin praying to Lord Rama. They had to go around the hospital bylanes twice to find a parking spot in the busy streets of Borivali. Just as they entered the hospital, Harsh’s phone rang again. Dammit, exactly fifteen minutes! he thought as he declined the call and gave his phone to Kaavya.
‘Tell them we just reached if he calls back,’ he told her and headed to the enquiry counter.
She nodded her head, not wanting to cut through her prayer and answer him.
Unfortunately for her, Sam called back right away. She answered the call and relayed the message. Sitting in the waiting area, she explained to Sam the difficulty they had faced in finding a parking spot.
Sitting in the waiting room was frustrating in its own way. All around her, there were people who sat with worried expressions on their faces.
She was startled by the ringing of the phone. Had it already been long enough for Sam to call back for an update? Or maybe he was calling to tell them that they had found NJ! Hurriedly, she answered the call only to hear Sam asking her the same question again.
‘I’ll call you right back, Sam,’ she replied as she saw Harsh standing in front of her, tears flowing down his cheeks. Her heart sank.
‘Harsh?’ she tentatively asked him, not wanting to hear his answer. Harsh hugged her and cried – and he hugged her harder and cried some more.
‘They want us to look at a body,’ he finally managed to finally say.
Even though Kaavya had been steeling herself for the worst, she froze. How could they look at a dead body? What if it really was NJ? Could she bear to look at her cold lifeless body?
‘I can’t,’ she stuttered. ‘I won’t be able to.’
‘Neither can I,’ said Harsh as he slumped into the chair next to her.
‘Did you show them a photo of NJ?’ she asked, hoping against hope that Harsh had made some mistake.
Harsh nodded.
‘And they are certain that it is NJ?’ she asked.
‘They are not. They can’t be. But he thinks it’s her,’ he cried. ‘The body is a casualty from a train accident. And the face is distorted.’
They sat in muted silence for a few minutes. Around them, the hospital buzzed with activity. Every so often, a nurse or a ward boy would be heard shooing people around as they wove their way ahead. But for Harsh and Kaavya, their world had come to a standstill. Life as they knew it had ceased to exist.
‘Shall we call those two?’ Kaavya asked.
‘I don’t think so,’ said Harsh. He knew Sam and Rudra were in south Mumbai, a drive of a good hour and a half. He could only imagine what panic Rudra would go into if they called them to Borivali to look at a dead body. No, there had to be another way.
‘Then?’
‘Let’s go home. I’ll ask Sam to come here … to … take a look.’
‘I can’t go home now, Harsh,’ Kaavya stated matter-of-factly.
‘Kaavya, I won’t be telling Bhaiyya about any of this yet. Not until Sam looks at the … err … not until Sam confirms. And we can’t let Bhaiyya think otherwise,’ he argued.
Kaavya knew Harsh was making sense even though she didn’t like the idea.
Gloom
18 November, 2010
‘You what?’ asked an incredulous Sam.
‘We couldn’t go in and look at a dead body, Sam,’ Harsh tried to explain to Sam. He wasn’t sure why Sam was flipping out this way.
‘Why didn’t you just text me then?’ asked Sam, his temper rising rapidly.
‘Uh … we didn’t think of it,’ said Harsh apologetically.
When he and Kaavya had decided to go back home and ask Sam to sneakily visit the morgue, it had seemed like the best plan. Now, when Sam asked why they hadn’t sent him a text instead wasting the entire evening, it seemed like an obvious flaw in their plan.
‘Will you be able to sleep tonight? Not knowing whether that is NJ?’ asked Sam hotly.
‘We were hoping you would go there right away and…’ Harsh let his suggestion trail away.
‘At this hour?’ Sam asked.
‘Why not?’ Harsh asked. Then realizing that Sam probably thought it was too late to go to the hospital, he explained, ‘I checked with them. The hospital is open 24/7.’
Biting down his rage to avoid raising voice, Sam said, ‘The hospital is open, you dumbass. Not the morgue.’
That night, Harsh cried himself to sleep while Sam maintained a stoic silence. He didn’t reprimand Harsh, nor did he console him.
Early the next morning, Sam was gone before Harsh woke up. Wondering what he should tell Rudra about Sam’s disappearing act, he came out of the bedroom to find the house empty. Rudra wasn’t propped up on the couch either.
‘Where are you?’ barked Harsh into the phone to Sam.
‘Just reached Seven Hills Hospital.’
‘In Andheri? Why?’
‘We got a call from Inspector Manjrekar.’ Sam explained. Though he had left Harsh at home in his bout of anger over last night, he knew this news could crumble him. Carefully, he continued, ‘There was a car accident a few days ago in Andheri. Someone bumped into a girl crossing the road. The guy took her to the hospital and has been getting her treated. She is coping, but she hasn’t regained consciousness. Inspector thinks it might be NJ.’
‘I am leaving in five minutes. See you there.’
‘We took almost an hour to reach here, Harsh.’
‘I’ll take the train and then the metro. I’ll see you there.’
Even with everything that was happening around him, Sam smiled. Harsh who hadn’t ever set foot in the Mumbai local train had volunteered to use it so that he could reach the hospital faster. Harsh was finally showing signs of growing up and his offer to deprioritize his comfort was a sign of his maturity. Now all they needed to end this crisis was to find NJ, and everything would be perfect. A happy end to all of their love stories.
As they walked into the hospital, for an entirely unknown reason, Sam felt elated. He was about to find NJ, he told himself. He could feel it.
Harsh walked i
nto the hospital just as he saw Rudra and Sam stepping out of the elevator. They didn’t look like people who had received good news. Does that mean the girl isn’t NJ? Maybe it is NJ and she isn’t in good shape. Well, he would take NJ in bad shape over the dead body lying in the hospital any day.
His eyes met with Sam’s across the hall and Sam shook his head. Oh, it wasn’t NJ. While he really wanted to find NJ, he had never thought a day would dawn when he would be disappointed to find that the girl lying unconscious in the hospital was not NJ. God, please don’t let that girl be NJ either. Please!
The trio drove in silence towards the hospital. Before taking the right on the highway for Borivali instead of taking the left for Bandra, Sam wondered if Rudra would figure that they were headed in the completely opposite direction. But either Rudra was really bad with roads, or he wasn’t paying any attention. Either way, questions about the body in the morgue were avoided – for now.
Harsh was losing control over his emotions. Once they had entered Borivali, he started to shed tears. He tried his best to hide them from the other two, but failed. Sam placed his hand on top of Harsh’s and squeezed really tight.
The End
19 November, 2010
‘You knew about this too?’ Rudra bellowed at Harsh.
On reaching the hospital, Sam had explained to Rudra the reason for their visit. Rudra had directly turned on to Harsh and questioned him.
How could Harsh and Kaavya have known about this since last evening and not told me? How could they have kept it from me? What if it was Anjana? Oh God, what if it really is Anjana…
Could he see her mangled body? A distorted face … a broken form? From what Sam had told him about doctors being unable to identify her from the photo, it was clear that the face had been damaged severely. Would he be able to live after seeing her lying lifeless in a morgue drawer?
Had she committed suicide? Or was this a freak accident with the worst timing? He couldn’t imagine Anjana as someone who would give up and kill herself. And wasn’t it a little too much of a coincidence for it to be a freak accident? What was this? Would he ever know…?